Self-Pity

Self-Pity

Self-Pity

Philippians 2:2-4, Galatians 5:22-23

God wants me to spend less time thinking of myself, and more time thinking of Him and others.

Self-pity is being consumed with thoughts about oneself, usually regarding some unfair situation or treatment by others. Self-pity is feeling sorry for yourself and asking yourself questions like, “Why Me? Why is God not doing something about this situation that I am in?”

I feel self-pity when I perceive an injustice, when I am feeling rejected or left out, when I compare myself to other women, or when I am hurt and disappointed by another’s actions. Self-pity is a dark, slippery, deep hole. In this pit I feel alone, abandoned by others, and tormented.

When I focus on self and not God, I have a distorted view of truth. I feel hopelessness because I am doing things in my own strength. I cannot see how my circumstances can change because I am powerless to change them. When I focus on self and not God, the enemy sees that I am vulnerable and attacks me with his fiery darts. My head and eyes are cast down, I am heavy with no energy, and I feel all alone. When I am looking down, I cannot see God and be thankful for all the things He does for me on a daily basis. This is the enemy’s plan. He wants me to isolate myself from God and others. He wants me to focus on that one thing I don’t have, and he continues to lie to me until I start believing him. Then, he has me exactly where he wants me. His purpose in this world is to steal, kill, and destroy me, my testimony, my joy, and my trust in God.

I also know I am in self-pity mode when I compare myself to other women, being critical and judgmental towards them. This happens when I am feeling insecure about myself and I am not walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). When I catch myself thinking like this and speaking harsh things, I immediately recognize I am in sin, confess this to God, and ask for forgiveness. Instead of judging others, I need to look for the similarities between us and seek out the good in them. Who am I to judge another person? Only Jesus is Judge. I am commanded by God to love others.

How can we get out of the pit of despair and negative thoughts?

  • The Word of God replaces those negative thoughts and lies with His truth. It is His truth that makes us free. (John 8:32)

     

  • By focusing on others. We read in Philippians 2:2-4: “Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let His mind be in you (The mind that was in Christ).”

In His love & service,

Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.
There Will Be Bad Days…

There Will Be Bad Days…

This past week was a battle. From disturbing images to extremely unsettling thoughts, OCD was going right for the jugular. Up until that point, it had been a good period of time since I had to be on high alert against mentally obtrusive thoughts. Thanks to the miracle of Fluvoxamine (my medication of choice), these kinds of thoughts have been less frequent and easier to find my way out of. Not this time, though. It all came to a head on Monday night when I found myself in the emergency room with sharp chest and arm pains. It has yet to be determined if the pains were completely anxiety related. However, I will tell you that all my exams in the hospital came back normal. (I will continue with this part of the story in an upcoming post regarding other health issues I will be testing for, including all tick-borne diseases. Side note: For those of you who don’t live in the northeastern part of the United States, consider yourselves truly blessed when it comes to the issue of ticks. One day I hope to be able to spend at least part of my summers away from this region of the country for the sole purpose of avoiding those tiny life-ruiners). In any event, after my visit to the ER, I had an impromptu session with my psychiatrist. After our conversation and careful consideration, we decided it would be best to add a small dosage of an anti-depressant to my daily regimen. Four days later, I am feeling worlds better. Praise God for the wisdom He has given my doctor.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I have been taught and believe that there is a whole other world I cannot see. This plane, or spiritual realm, is filled with powers and spirits I am blind to, or really, protected from. With that said, there is a spiritual element to my OCD and depression struggles. I want to be clear that this belief does not downplay or take away credence from the fact that anxiety disorders like OCD are also biological and physical. I am against the idea that mental health issues are completely spiritually driven. Have you ever seen a brain scan of someone with OCD versus someone with a “healthy” brain? Search for that on the internet and then try to convince yourself that OCD is not also a physical issue. The point I’m trying to make is that my OCD has a personality. It distorts everything and everyone I love, and even how I view myself. It feels evil, sounds evil, and is based on lies. In the dark moments, when I can’t get myself out of a mind-ditch, there is only one thing to do: pray. While the terrifying thoughts may not be instantly removed while praying, there is instant safety and freedom in the presence of God. In the arms of Jesus, there is safety knowing that I cannot be harmed by my thoughts and neither can the ones I love. In the arms of Jesus, there is freedom in sharing my thoughts no matter how dark or disturbing. The arms of Jesus are a place where I am known for who I am and not who my thoughts say I am. There is no place like this on earth, nor medicine that can truly recreate the stability and deep underlying peace of this place.

It is important to note that after my trip to the ER, I felt an enormous amount of discouragement. How could I be back at this place with my mental health? I’ve put in so much effort to be “OK” over the last six years. From counselors, to psychiatrists, to medications, to books, to research, to behavioral exercises…am I really back here? The answer was both yes and no. Yes, I was in a bad state of mental health, but no, I was not back to where I was in the beginning of this journey. I am older, wiser, and stronger because of all that I have been through with this disorder. If I can get through what I have been through in the past, I can most certainly step forward now with the abilities God has given me and enables me to use everyday thanks to the hellish roads He and I have walked down together. As C.S. Lewis once said, “Experience is the most brutal of teachers, but you learn, my God, do you learn.” Praise God for His wisdom and amazing love. Keep fighting, friend.

Love,

Jackie

God’s Grace

God’s Grace

God’s Grace can be defined as the unmerited or undeserving favor of God to those who are under condemnation. (Enni, Paul. Moody Handbook of Theology)

Verses Romans 3:19-28, Ephesians 1:7, 2:4-9

Grace was not something I witnessed growing up and I didn’t see it displayed at the church or school I attended as a young child. Instead, I saw students hit with rulers when they disobeyed. I began to believe that my faith was based on my good works: if I was good, I would be loved and accepted. But that was a lie.

The Bible says, “For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) According to this and other verses, I could never be, “good enough” to be accepted into God’s family. Instead, by having faith in Jesus Christ and believing his death on the cross was the payment for my sins, I would be welcomed into God’s family. I didn’t have to strive to be perfect; all I needed to do was believe.

Faith in Jesus and being a Christian is not about following rules. It’s about having a relationship with God, acknowledging that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He died on the cross for our sins. He paid our sin debt. We are saved by grace through faith. It is a gift of God, not of works.

  • Grace is a gift from God; it cannot be earned.
  • Grace is overlooking someone else’s faults and loving them where they are.
  • Grace compels me to love others, to extend mercy, and to be kind to all people.
  • Grace humbles me when I think about what Jesus did for me on the cross: a gift I can never repay.

Have you truly received this gift of grace in your heart?

Do you extend grace to others?

 

In His love and service,

—Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.

Freedom from Shame

Freedom from Shame

Freedom from Shame

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Psalm 44:15-16, 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:13 and Zephaniah 3:17

Psalm 44:15-16
My dishonor is continually before me, and the shame of my face has covered me, Because of the voice of him who reproaches and reviles, because of the enemy and the avenger.

I took on shame immediately as a child when I was harshly corrected by a perceived authority figure, like a parent, nun, or teacher. I would feel my cheeks get red, and I was filled with embracement and shame, especially if I was reprimanded in front of others. I suffered with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility; perfectionism and people-pleasing had made me vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks in this area.

Shame tells me from my home of origin, “It’s all your fault. You should have known better.” Another voice said, “I can’t believe you cannot follow simple instructions.” This was the remark by a substitute teacher in front of my entire third-grade class. I wanted to run and hide. I was so embarrassed.

When I got older, the shame would wash over me after a night of partying, when I would slowly start remembering things I did the night before. When I found myself unwed and pregnant, the enemy whispered, “Your parent’s will be so ashamed to call you, their daughter. They will disown and abandon you if they find out all the evil you are doing—the drugs, alcohol, sex, and now a baby out of wedlock. You will disgrace the family name. Take care of it now before someone finds out.”

The word picture I use to describe my shame is, I feel the weight of it pushing my head down, and I am covered by a heavy wet dark wool cloak. My head and body are bent over, my eyes are cast down, and my spirit is broken. I have feelings of despair, regret, and weakness. I feel all alone and isolated in this dark place. I feel hopeless and powerless to change my situation. All the while the enemy is tormenting me in this dark place. I don’t see any way out.

For those of you who suffered abuse by the hands of those who were supposed to protect you and then you were shamed into silence, the Lord’s heart broke for you that day and every day after that when the enemy abused you and then made you feel it was all your fault. That is a lie from the pit of hell. No one ever deserves to be mistreated or abused, ever. I pray the Lord heals all of your wounded areas and shows you how precious you are to Him.

I now recognize I don’t have to listen to those old tapes in my head anymore. God has given me a new identity, a new purpose, and a new life. Discovering who I am in Christ changed everything.

God showed me that shame is a choice. I can conquer it, and I can decide not to take it on. I have control over what I allow to enter into my thoughts.

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”

Our spiritual battles are won and lost in our minds. That’s why the Bible says to renew our minds daily with the Word of God. (Ref. Romans 12:2)

The enemy may try to get me to take on shame, but I have the final say. Christ in me helps me to make better choices. I am not a victim of my circumstances anymore. I am victorious in Christ.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

I am loved by God.
I am adopted. I am not abandoned.
I am accepted. I am not rejected.
I belong to God, and I am His child.

Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Do you still take on shame?
  2. What does your shame feel like?
  3. Has God helped you to see yourself through His loving eyes?
  4. Who does God say you are?
  5. How can we pray for you?

Dear One, you are loved by God. We are here for you to help you conquer the lie shame tells you. Please reach out and email us at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved dearly,
Toni

 

 

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.