Bread from Heaven-toni-weisz-abortion-recovery-and-abuse-support-group

Bread from Heaven-toni-weisz-abortion-recovery-and-abuse-support-group

I would rather go back to what is familiar even if it is bondage…

Exodus 16: 3-4a
And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into the wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold I will rain bread from heaven for you….”

When the children of Israel’s trials were too hard for them to bear, they wanted to go back to what was familiar: slavery in Egypt.

How many of us can relate to wanting to go back to the dysfunctional relationships or sins of our past because there is comfort in knowing what to expect?

Change is hard because it’s unfamiliar; there is no safety or comfort in it. But God doesn’t want us to stay in our dysfunction. He wants us healed. He wants us to trust Him completely with every area of our lives.

God provided the children of Israel with bread that literally dropped out of the sky, He called it, “Bread from Heaven.” If God did that for them, don’t you think He can help you too? I think the answer is Yes!!!

Let me ask you, what are you still trying to control and refuse to release into God’s Hands?

God wants you to trust Him to lead, guide, and provide for you. He has a beautiful plan for your life. Honestly, at this point, what do you have to lose? If anything, you have much to gain.

Step out dear one, and let God take control; you will not regret this decision.

If you need prayer or encouragement, reach out and we will be happy to pray with you.

God Bless you!

Toni and the Team at myashestobeauty.com

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.
Awareness, Acceptance, and Action

Awareness, Acceptance, and Action

Awareness, Acceptance, and Action:
The 3 A’s to true Healing and Hope.

There can be no change without AWARENESS.

 

AWARENESS is understanding and reflecting on a situation, person, or feeling with openness and curiosity (as defined by peopleleaders.com.au).

For me that day was when I started a new journal and called it, “Why are my relationships to those closest to me toxic?”

Kind of an interesting name for a journal, but I had awareness that something was terribly wrong with my relationship with several people closest to me.

I was the common denominator, what was I doing to encourage or enable this unhealthy behavior?

I believe God gives us awareness as we pray and ask Him to remove blindness and to show us our sins, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and our character defects.

The Holy Spirit, is referred to as the Spirit of Truth, who gives us wisdom and reveals truth. (John 16:13)

ACCEPTANCE is recognizing this is where I am right now in my life.

I recognized that my relationships with those closest to me were fear-driven; my fear of rejection and abandonment caused me to become a people pleaser.

My need for love and acceptance had plunged me deep into drinking and drugs in my early teen years, in order to find some kind of relief from the emptiness I felt.

I also was not able to communicate how I was feeling, which would cause me to enable all kinds of unhealthy and emotionally abusive treatment from others.

I had no voice and no boundaries and as a result of my destructive lifestyle, I hated myself more and more as the years went by.

The nail in the proverbial coffin for me was when I found myself with an unplanned pregnancy at 21. There was no way I could tell my parents; they would be so hurt and disappointed in me.

I was fearful. I panicked like so many of us do; I needed to take care of this quickly.

How many of you can relate to that statement? I want you to know you are in the right place. There is no judgment here just love, encouragement and the forgiveness that God offers everyone through faith in Jesus Christ.

Action; I realized I needed to get my life right with God.

I confessed my sins to God, I recognized and professed that Jesus is the Son of God, and He died on the cross for my sins and was buried and on the third day, rose from the dead, and is in Heaven seated at the Father’s right hand.
(Romans 10:9-10,13, 1 st Corinthians 15:3-4, Hebrews 10:12)

Once I had this relationship with Jesus, I was given the gift of the Holy Spirit, which is given to all of who believe.

My relationship with Jesus began on 2/6/1994, and I have never been the same. He has given a new purpose, a new hope, and a new song.

I have been made alive as one that was plucked out of the depths of despair and darkness and being tormented by the evil one, who wanted me to end my life, but God had a better more beautiful plan for my life that I never imagined I could have.

He has turned my ashes, my darkest moments, and has made something beautiful out of them for my good and His glory. (Isaiah 61:3)

It was my relationship with Jesus that gave me the courage to get the help I needed so that this dysfunction would stop with me and not be perpetuated to the next generation. I pray God gives you courage too.

 

In His love and service,

—Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.

You Are Not Alone

My name is Jackie and I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Today I was moved powerfully and urgently to start this blog. There is someone out there who is meant to read this now. I don’t know who you are or anything about you. The only thing I do know is that God is looking out for you and wants you to be healed and comforted. I am honored and grateful to be able to speak to you today. I know you are feeling lost and need help now, so I will not delay getting right into what is on my heart to say to you.

In my life, I have had and continue to have struggles with my mental health. More specifically, I am a sufferer with OCD. In 2013, I experienced the toughest, most grueling and sickening time of my life. I felt unsafe in my own skin and my brain felt like it was infected. My brain was on hyper drive, attacking me with despicable thoughts that debilitated me. How could I possibly be thinking the things I was thinking and not actually be what those thoughts were? The confusion, the circular thinking, the back-and-forth drove me nearly to suicide. I felt like a monster who had no reason to continue to live for fear of being like those thoughts. I had to go. But thank God I stayed.

With the help and wisdom of the Lord, I was able to find the right help. Surrounded by my family and dear friends, I gained enough courage to start accepting the fact that something was wrong with my brain, and that it was OK to start looking to take care of this major, major issue. Maybe you don’t have the support around you that you think you need, but know that I am here, thinking of you, encouraging you, wanting you to read this blog to know without a single doubt that you are not alone. What is happening to you, you could not have helped or stopped. You are not your thoughts. They will trick you into thinking that you are, but you are not. They will feel like they are you, but they are not. This is the fight of your life, and God has inspired me to share all that I know with you on how to tame that OCD beast in your brain. I will be honest and as a frank as possible on this journey. But I will not take any credit for the victory in my story or yours. That belongs solely to God. I won’t shove the Bible down your throat, but I will talk to you about Jesus Christ because He is my Savior and He is the one who brought me to and through the greatest challenge of my life: the challenge of physical survival when every ounce of me was exploding with anxiety and inner chaos.

I will not tell you that my life is totally free from my OCD struggle. It is not. But it has gotten better, much better. Somedays I can’t function well enough to live a normal life (i.e. go to work, wake up and get stuff done), but more often, I can and I do. To the reader without a mental health issue like OCD, that may not seem like such a big deal, but for the person in the midst of this heinous suffering, all you want is to be normal. I understand.

A final note: This blog will not heal you; it does not have that power. But God does, and I believe that if you are here reading this, you were led here for a reason. Know that you are welcome here, and you are not judged by your thoughts. You were fearfully and wonderfully made by the LORD. He knows your struggle and every thought. So, if you are up for it, I’ll tell you about my story with OCD and God’s hand in and through it all. Check back at least weekly for new entries. Though you are a stranger, I am praying for you. Keep fighting.

Testimonies

Surrendering the Secret Bible Study

Teleconference Call

Testimonies

God Connects Hearts and Threads Lives

I had a wonderful opportunity to co-lead a Surrendering the Secret Bible study via conference call with Toni and Jane.

I have done these studies for years but not in this format. It was such an amazing experience, and we saw God quickly connect our hearts with the women in the group even though we didn’t meet face to face.

Each woman’s story helped another, and trust was built. The women were so transparent, and we saw God’s hand throughout as He threaded our lives together.

Personally, I was so encouraged by seeing God’s immense love for each of us and how He desires for us to be healed from the pain and shame of our past abortions.

He walked with each of us so tenderly through this healing journey bringing His truth and light. Somehow new life was born within as God gave each of us unique purpose where there was once deep pain, shame and guilt.

I am so thankful to be a part of this ministry where I see God’s grace, forgiveness and freedom experienced!

My hope and prayer are for many women to take a courageous step and begin this transforming healing journey.

Julie Cruz

The Conference Call was a God Send

Over this summer I was able to participate in “Surrendering the Secret” (STS) phone conference Bible study.

In the past, I had been on Toni’s Sunday’s conference calls, so this wasn’t new to me. The Sunday conference calls are topical in nature and were a great support for me and my walk with the Lord. I learned so much on these conference call sessions and was excited to join in on the STS study.

Our STS study was on Thursday evenings and lasted 1½ hours. We had some amazing girls in our group, and over the course of the weeks I grew to love them and pray for them. I was in awe of what the Lord was doing in their lives.

It’s amazing to see the healing in others and connect with women that were wounded the same way I was, from a past abortion.

The phone conference Bible study was so convenient because it allowed me to be at home and not have to travel. Many of the women were about 1 hour away.

This study reminded me of how the Lord can bring healing to hurting women that desperately need freedom from the chains of shame and brokenness. I had taken the class several times and this was the first time I did it via a conference call on the phone.

God was in our midst and He was able to walk us through those areas that needed light and truth. I’m so thankful for Toni’s heart and desire to bring this study over the phone so anyone can join and distance is not a factor.

Praise God for He is Good and Mighty to Heal.

God Bless, Sharon

God Is Preparing Us to Be a Voice

I have been a part of the My Ashes to Beauty abortion recovery for a few years now. Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in the Surrendering the Secret Bible Study. When I embarked on this journey, I felt confident that I was in a good place with my abortion recovery and was looking forward to a little more healing.

This study was via conference call, once a week at a specific time, which made it very convenient and accessible for me to participate due to my busy schedule.

As I began this study, I realized I was just beginning my healing journey. I was taken to the deepest part of my soul which for 19 years I had locked my secret away so tightly. I walked through my ever-erupting emotions in a safe place for the first time ever in my life and was able to honestly share my story, shame, guilt, fear, disgust and pure hatred of myself because of what I had done to my child. As we all shared our stories and our heartbreak, I could see the healing taking place.

When we speak of unspeakable things, we are released from the bondage and hold it has on us, and we can begin to heal.

My healing journey was beginning, I was grieving, crying, having trouble sleeping and anxious, but as I continued the study I was smiling, laughing and had peace in my heart for the first time.

I was able to come to terms with what I had actually done, found forgiveness and have peace that my child is with my Lord in heaven, and one day I will be reunited with him.

We all have different reasons and circumstances as to why we made the choice to abort our child or children, but there is healing available to each and every one of us.

I believe that as each of us is healed, God is preparing us to be a voice for our children and all the children that have been aborted.

I am excited for the opportunity to be used by God to help other women in post abortive, prevention and anywhere He leads me.

Rhonda Bouchlas

I Received Significant Healing

Back in April, I was desperately searching for some help with my abortion healing and recovery.

I had fallen into a deep depression that I couldn’t get myself out of. I had covered up my abortion for 2 years and told no one about it.

Luckily, I found Toni, who graciously welcomed me into her Sunday conference call, as well as the Surrendering the Secret Bible study during the week.

The Surrendering the Secret study was more intimate with only a few women. The study was about 2 months long, and all of us held each other accountable to be on the call every week.

The Bible study conference calls were something I looked forward to every week. I knew that every week I was able to talk with people who cared and understood what I was going through.

We went through the readings and questions, diving deep into the core of our trauma. This wasn’t an easy process; it was emotional to get through.

Every week I gained more clarity. I can honestly say that by the end of the study, I received significant healing.

This bible study was a blessing that God gave to me, and I will never forget it.

Erika

Passionate About Changing Lives with Teleconference Venues

My abortion experiences occurred when I was a teenager and young woman, around the time that Roe v. Wade was passed and Planned Parenthood grew into the abortion business it has become. I hadn’t thought about these tragic events much anymore. I had been a victim of rape at the age of thirteen and continued with a rebellious, unchallenged lifestyle without God in my life or much supervision, throughout my teen and young womanhood years. This led to my secretive, deadly choices, without counseling or telling my parents or friends.

During the spring of 2019, I began a “Surrendering the Secret” (Pat Layton, 2008) Bible study group, as part of an abortion recovery requirement for consideration to become a counselor at a local First Care Women’s Clinic crisis center.

At first, I attended weekly sessions with a group of women at a church about an hour away from my home. When I started a new job, the work hours conflicted with this group. I contacted the director of the study group, and she connected me to Toni Weisz and her weekly teleconference group.

This was the best possible scenario. I am so grateful God made this possible. It was convenient to drive home and join the call and participate in comfort and privacy. I could even have my dinner as we began our class, since our phones were on mute as we proceeded.

Toni and the co-facilitator, Sharon, were comforting, gave wonderful guidance and made the whole experience easy and fulfilling. There were two other women in my group, who were wonderful to spend time with as well. We each listened to each other, timing was perfect and we followed along in our books and the format Toni designed with Scripture and discussion.

As we reached the end of the eight week series, we gathered for a memorial service during the seventh week, prepared by Toni and Sharon at a private home. This was touching and comforting. We enjoyed a light lunch meal and fellowship. It was joyful to meet everyone in person for the first time and chattered (as females do) about experiences, ideas and future plans for our personal healing and ministry to help others.

I highly recommend the teleconference format and look forward to participating again and leading groups myself. It is not only a great option for women (and men) who don’t live near each other and have hectic lives filled with family and work. It is private option for people who are uncomfortable meeting in public places for this personal subject.

These study groups are not readily available at churches and other venues, which is something we all feel passionate about changing so that more lives can be touched by this healing ministry and the loving forgiveness of Jesus. I am grateful to Toni, Sharon, First Care Women’s Clinics, Surrendering the Secret author Pat Layton and the other women I spent time in study with.

Nanette Gordon, Boca Raton, Florida August 24, 2019

Abortion Recovery

Sunday Teleconference Call

Testimonies

I Now Have a Healthier Perspective on Who I Am in Christ

In 2017, Toni asked me to join in the conference calls to encourage the women who were struggling with the life choices they had made and were sometimes continuing to make.

These include abortion, substance abuse, unhealthy relationships and many other life choices that keep us from growing in our walk with Jesus.

Each week the facilitator discusses a topic which includes godly principles along with scripture to get us thinking on how we can relate to that particular life choice or past hurt that we need to heal from and how God can bring this healing into our lives.

We then have opportunity to share as she opens the call to all participants who feel comfortable and would like to share what is on their hearts and minds.

My experience from participating on this call has been so incredible! I have not only been used of God to encourage and build other women up, but I have grown in my walk with the Lord as we pursue the discussions.

God is using this ministry to bring healing I didn’t realize I needed and a deeper understanding to my life experiences.

It is giving me a healthier perspective on who I am in Christ.

Luci

Freedom from Shame

Freedom from Shame

Freedom from Shame

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Psalm 44:15-16, 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:13 and Zephaniah 3:17

Psalm 44:15-16
My dishonor is continually before me, and the shame of my face has covered me, Because of the voice of him who reproaches and reviles, because of the enemy and the avenger.

I took on shame immediately as a child when I was harshly corrected by a perceived authority figure, like a parent, nun, or teacher. I would feel my cheeks get red, and I was filled with embracement and shame, especially if I was reprimanded in front of others. I suffered with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility; perfectionism and people-pleasing had made me vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks in this area.

Shame tells me from my home of origin, “It’s all your fault. You should have known better.” Another voice said, “I can’t believe you cannot follow simple instructions.” This was the remark by a substitute teacher in front of my entire third-grade class. I wanted to run and hide. I was so embarrassed.

When I got older, the shame would wash over me after a night of partying, when I would slowly start remembering things I did the night before. When I found myself unwed and pregnant, the enemy whispered, “Your parent’s will be so ashamed to call you, their daughter. They will disown and abandon you if they find out all the evil you are doing—the drugs, alcohol, sex, and now a baby out of wedlock. You will disgrace the family name. Take care of it now before someone finds out.”

The word picture I use to describe my shame is, I feel the weight of it pushing my head down, and I am covered by a heavy wet dark wool cloak. My head and body are bent over, my eyes are cast down, and my spirit is broken. I have feelings of despair, regret, and weakness. I feel all alone and isolated in this dark place. I feel hopeless and powerless to change my situation. All the while the enemy is tormenting me in this dark place. I don’t see any way out.

For those of you who suffered abuse by the hands of those who were supposed to protect you and then you were shamed into silence, the Lord’s heart broke for you that day and every day after that when the enemy abused you and then made you feel it was all your fault. That is a lie from the pit of hell. No one ever deserves to be mistreated or abused, ever. I pray the Lord heals all of your wounded areas and shows you how precious you are to Him.

I now recognize I don’t have to listen to those old tapes in my head anymore. God has given me a new identity, a new purpose, and a new life. Discovering who I am in Christ changed everything.

God showed me that shame is a choice. I can conquer it, and I can decide not to take it on. I have control over what I allow to enter into my thoughts.

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”

Our spiritual battles are won and lost in our minds. That’s why the Bible says to renew our minds daily with the Word of God. (Ref. Romans 12:2)

The enemy may try to get me to take on shame, but I have the final say. Christ in me helps me to make better choices. I am not a victim of my circumstances anymore. I am victorious in Christ.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

I am loved by God.
I am adopted. I am not abandoned.
I am accepted. I am not rejected.
I belong to God, and I am His child.

Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Do you still take on shame?
  2. What does your shame feel like?
  3. Has God helped you to see yourself through His loving eyes?
  4. Who does God say you are?
  5. How can we pray for you?

Dear One, you are loved by God. We are here for you to help you conquer the lie shame tells you. Please reach out and email us at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved dearly,
Toni

 

 

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.