Why Are Boundaries Important?

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Exodus 20: 1-17 and Ephesians 4:32

While growing up, I never learned how to have healthy boundaries. In my home of origin, we were all intermeshed with one another, without a clear separation between me and another person. At a young age, I learned how to cope in a chaotic, unpredictable home.

Never knowing when the proverbial next shoe would drop or someone would overreact and yell or throw a shoe or smack you. I always felt like I had to be guarded, and because of this, I hid in the shadows. I wanted to be loved so desperately I was willing to do anything. As a result, I became a people pleaser. All I wanted was to make others happy with my behavior, my performance, and accomplishments. I would be whatever the other person needed me to be, just to feel loved and accepted. By doing this, I allowed others to treat me badly, to manipulate and control me. I had no boundaries. I allowed others to do these things, and I just accepted it. I just thought I must not be a person of any value, because if I were, why did others treat me this way?

Because I did not have any boundaries, I struggled with receiving love and giving love. All my relationships were unhealthy, and I truly didn’t know how to have healthy relationships. I would struggle with this for most of my life. I felt very alone and disconnected from others. I was lonely because I never truly felt loved and accepted by anyone.

Lack of clear boundaries is a very common character defect with post-abortion women and women who have been abused. We have a distorted view of God, ourselves, and others. We do not trust that God will not abuse us also.

There has to be some level of trust in a relationship to have the courage to set up boundaries. Boundaries help us form healthy relationships that are based on love and respect for each other.

Boundaries are important because they help us to set up parameters to protect us from others and to help our relationships grow in a healthy and loving environment. Just like the 10 commandments were set up by God as guard rails to protect us from sin, so are boundaries important to protect us also.

Setting Up Healthy Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, pages 106-107. AACC The Bible for Hope: Caring for People God’s Way.

1. What are some areas where you have boundary issues?

2. Have an accountability partner and meet regularly to discuss this; be truthful. Saying NO is hard for a person with no boundaries.

3. Recognize your part in this. Why are you fearful to set boundaries.

4. It is important to give and receive love and forgiveness.

5. Set up limits and consequences for not respecting your boundaries, and be consistent. Ex. Walking away from someone when they start yelling at you. A consequence can be, “When you yell at me, I will walk away.”

Questions to take to heart:

1. Did you grow up learning how to have healthy boundaries?

2. What areas do you struggle with enforcing boundaries and insisting they are respected?

3. How did you learn how to put up healthy boundaries?

4. How can we pray for you?

A great resource on this subject is the book, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I pray this topic has been helpful to you. Please reach out if you need to talk: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

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You’re Not Alone: The Silent Struggle After Abortion

By Toni Weisz / Recovery Tools

Scripture: Psalm 147:3

There are experiences many women carry quietly—tucked deep into the hidden places of their hearts. Abortion is often one of them.

On the outside, life may appear normal. Smiles, responsibilities, routines. But underneath, there can be a swirl of emotions that feel confusing, heavy, and isolating. Thoughts that go unspoken. Questions that feel too complicated—or too painful—to share.

If this is part of your story, you need to hear this: You are not alone.

Many women walk this road, even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside. The silence surrounding abortion can make it feel like you’re the only one struggling—but that silence is often shared by countless others who simply don’t know how to begin the conversation.

Silence can be heavy.
It can convince you that your feelings don’t matter.
It can whisper that no one would understand.

But the truth is, your experience matters. Your emotions matter. You matter.

Healing often begins with one simple, brave step: acknowledging what’s real.

That doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone your story. It doesn’t mean rushing into conversations before you’re ready. But it might look like being honest—with yourself. Naming what you feel. Allowing space for your story to exist without pushing it away.

Post-abortion creates several emotions and stages. Some women feel relief. Others feel grief. Many feel both at the same time. But emotions may shift over time, appearing months or even years later.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s valid. And you don’t have to carry it alone forever. You deserve support that meets you with compassion, not judgment. This may be a chapter of your story—but it is not the whole story.

God has a wonderful plan for your life, and He has people who can help you move forward. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

There is more ahead. There is healing ahead. And there are others who understand more than you think.

There are safe places. Safe people. Gentle paths toward healing.

For some, that looks like opening up to a trusted friend or counselor. For others, it may mean connecting with women who truly understand this specific journey.

If you’ve been longing for that kind of space, there are communities created just for this purpose—like the post-abortion support group at My Ashes to Beauty, where women can begin to heal in a safe, compassionate environment.

You don’t have to take a big step today.
Just a small one toward connection here.

Your thoughts:
What is one feeling you’ve been carrying silently that you can begin to acknowledge today?

Please reach out if you would like to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

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Idolatry and Codependency (Part 2)

By Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

Scriptures: Philippians 4: 6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Idolatry is the act of putting something or someone before God in our hearts or minds. Idols are obsessions that consume us. An idol can be a job, money, a sport or hobby, a relationship, or a physical problem; anything that we put before God.

I find myself at least once per year picking up the book by Suellen McDolly, “Codependency No More.” It’s a quick read chock full of great insight, tips, and reminders to help me stay on my side of the street. Lately, I find myself jumping in and trying to control outcomes and situations in order to keep my home life more stable and comfortable. I don’t like hearing harsh and judgmental comments from an individual, so I try to control what is said to that person so that I don’t have to hear those harsh comments.

What? When I stopped to think about it, I again realized I cannot control another person’s conversation. What was I doing? Huge red flags were waving before my eyes. I felt so convicted that I was getting too intertwined in an unhealthy way. The Lord brought this to my mind. And the next day as I was journaling, He let me know what I was doing was a sin, it’s unhealthy and destructive, and it will rob me of my peace and joy.

The bottom line is when I don’t trust God to take care of things, and I jump into control things, I am telling God I can do better and I don’t need Your help. He knows I am feeling anxious and fearful. Look at Abraham and Sarah; she jumped in ahead of God’s plan and made a mess of her life and even the world because of her sin of not trusting God. I don’t want to make that same mistake.

I used to try to save, rescue, fix, and help other people too much, and it was extremely unhealthy. It was something I learned from my home of origin; it helped me cope with things I had no control over. Now I see that I have to be very careful that I don’t fall into those unhealthy behavioral patterns.

Lord, I recognize that I was trying to control things for my benefit so I could have peace in my home. That is wrong. I need to trust You and relinquish control to You completely. I surrender all to You. I pray You increase my faith and trust in You and leave the outcomes to You. I pray for this family member to have a soft heart and a desire to be in Your word daily. I believe a lot of this would change if he would do that, but I cannot control that either. All I can do is be an example of someone who is running hard after You, Lord. Help me, Lord, to keep my focus on You and You alone.

Questions to take to heart:

Are you fearful and anxious and trying to control things?
What is God leading you to do?
How can we pray for you?

Please reach out if you need to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

To read Part 1 of Idolatry and Codependency:
https://myashestobeauty.com/idolatry-and-codependency-tonis-blog-abortion-recovery-and-abuse-support-group/

You are loved,
Toni

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Prayer That Moves Mountains

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Mark 11:22b-24, Psalm 37:8c, 4-5, 1 Thessalonians 5:17, and Philippians 4:4-5a

We are starting a new year. I am challenging all of us to pray and ask God to give us a word or some Scriptures for this year. What is your word for this new year? Mine is, “Enter Into Your Rest.” The Scriptures are found in Mark 11. As many of you know, my son has been suffering with an unknown illness for many years. My daughter-in-law has also had some extremely troubling illnesses, and my daughter is a single mom basically raising my granddaughter on her own. I have been running hard after God all of 2025, and God has moved mightily and has answered many of my petitions, but there is still more to be done.

In my journalling time with the Lord on January 1, 2026, here is what the Holy Spirit told me:

“Little Bird, you are entering a new season. You are crossing over the Jordan onto dry land to finally enter into the promised land. The land flowing with milk and honey and abundant blessings. You have been wandering in the desert for many years. I have worked in all your lives and hearts and now, ‘Enter Into Your Rest.’ No more striving, no more fear, and no more anxiety. Do not fret; it only causes harm (Psalm 37:8c). Make Me your first thought in the morning. Make Me your priority. I am your great reward. Seek Me with your whole heart, mind, body, and soul. You have been laboring for so long; you need rest—rest for your weary soul.”

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will bring it to pass. (Psalm 37:4-5)

“Have faith in God. For assuredly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. Therefore, I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them and you will have them.” (Mark 11:22b-24)

I am watching God’s promises unfold, and I am so much looking forward to a year of miracles. I want to have faith to move that mountain. I will be praying for this with my whole being and believing God will go before us and will fight our battles. He will provide, and He will lead us with His righteous right hand.

I pray you are also inspired to ask God for the impossible. God spoke in Genesis Chapter 1 and all of creation came into existence. If He can impregnate a virgin with the Son of God and raise Him from the dead after 3 days, God can answer your prayers, too. We just need faith to believe.

Questions to take to heart:

What is your word and verse for this year?
What things are you asking God for?
How can we pray for you?

I believe in my heart that this year 2026 is going to be our best year ever. God will move mountains, save the lost, heal the broken hearted and bind up their wounds. He will set the captives free, and He will turn our ashes onto something beautiful for our good and His glory!!!

Please reach out if you need to talk: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

P.S. I want to challenge us all to pray without ceasing and to rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice.

https://youtu.be/GVITQPGlI30?si=rkpm1rchU0k_oBU5

Crowder “Somebody Prayed” (Official Music Video)

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The Cover Up

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: 2 Samuel 11 and Numbers 32:23c

Have you ever covered up sin with more sin like David did in 2 Samuel when he had Uriah the Hittite killed?

When I found myself pregnant at 21, I panicked and thought, “I have to keep this a secret. How can I get rid of this problem quickly?” I made the plan, but I finally did not have my abortion until December 10, 1980, after I botched my first abortion appointment by not following protocol. This caused me to have to go home for Thanksgiving from college pregnant. God gave me several ways to escape my abortion, but I did not take them. I was convinced by the evil one that this was my only option.

Devising evil plans to cover up sin never has a good outcome. Look what happened to David’s baby with Bathsheba, and Uriah and the men who died with him, as a result of David’s sin. What about all the servants that knew about David’s adulterous affair? He caused many to stumble spiritually and to participate in his plans, and even Joab the commander of his army helped to secure Uriah’s death in battle.

Sin is all consuming, and if we allow it, it will destroy us and many other people.

“And be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23c)

God sees everything. So, when we think we are getting away with something, we are not; it is a lie from the devil, because God knows.

The best thing we can do is go running to God immediately and confess and repent. Perhaps even before we fall into sin and temptation, stop for a moment and pray. Consider the outcome of our decision.
Is it a good one? Does it glorify God or the evil one? Ask for help.

Questions to take to heart:

When have you sinned and tried to cover it up with another sin?
What was the outcome?
How did God restore you afterwards?
How can we pray for you?

Please reach out if you need prayer or help overcoming the sins from your past and the destruction it has left behind in your life and in the lives of others. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

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