Our Dashed Dreams
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines
Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Isaiah 61:7 (ESV)
Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.
I never imagined I would abort my first child. I grew up in a large Italian family (my mom was one of ten children). At our family get- togethers there were always children running around. I was the oldest granddaughter so it was my job to look after the younger ones so the adults could talk without interruptions. I loved children and I even thought about getting a teaching degree. What happened to my childhood dreams? How did I go so far off the path I thought would be my life?
Sin destroyed my dreams. I decided that being the “good quiet one” wasn’t working for me anymore. I wasn’t getting the love and attention I needed so I decided to take matters into my own hands – a true recipe for disaster. At 12 years old, I started experimenting with alcohol and began sneaking shots of scotch whiskey while my parents were at my brother’s football practices. My sister and I were left at home to do the dishes for a short while but that’s all the devil needed – a little bit of time to get me alone and wanting. My child-brain started thinking of ways to get my needs met, but in unhealthy ways. This destructive path the enemy led me down was one of drugs, alcohol, numerous sexual partners, and then my abortion at 21. It was a dark and destructive journey. I hid in my secrets and was tormented by the devil. How did I get here? One bad choice after another after another…it happens that fast.
I would continue in this self-destructive pattern for 22 years. Thankfully, God finally rescued me at the age of 34, when I heard the gospel for the first time. Jesus died on the cross for MY SINS. I had never heard that before. I desperately needed and wanted someone to take all my sins, shame, and guilt. I needed a Savior – someone to love me just for me. I found all those things in a relationship with Jesus. I am so grateful for the love, forgiveness, and peace I found in Him.
God has turned my mourning into joy. He has given me a new name, a new life, and a new calling. No matter what you have done in your past, God is able to forgive and redeem what the devil has stolen. You can still have a wonderful, fulfilling, God-glorifying life-it just may look a little different from your original plan. But rest assured, God is a good Father and has a good plan for your life. Will you allow Him to help you dream new dreams?
Questions & Final Thoughts:
- What were some of your childhood dreams?
- Did the devil steal your dreams of having children and a family?
- How have you been able to move on and dream new dreams?
I pray that the Lord will minister to your broken heart and give you new dreams.
I hope you know how much you are loved,