Every Child Deserves to Be Loved

Every Child Deserves to Be Loved

Romans 12:9b and Psalm 147:3

What happens to us as we get older and we mature and change our minds regarding abortion? Growing up I never imagined I would have an abortion. At a young age, I always loved children and took care of them because I was the oldest granddaughter on my mom’s side of the family. She is one of 10 siblings. My relatives would say, “Toni, go take the kids and play.” I even dreamed of becoming a teacher someday. That’s how much I loved children. So, I ask myself the question, why did I terminate the life of my first baby? Why did I allow the enemy to lie to me? Why didn’t I have the courage to admit to my parents that I had made a mistake and ask them for help? Why? These questions continue to plague me. The only response I can give right now is that I am trying to put all the pieces together to figure out the answers. I must revisit my childhood to identify the key moments in my life that led me astray. When did I start making decisions for myself—very bad ones—that would have long-lasting repercussions to endure for a lifetime?

My granddaughter, who is 8 years old, asked her mother about a huge billboard sign she saw on her way to school. The billboard read “Vote Pro-Life 2020” and showed a picture of a baby. My daughter briefly explained the issue of abortion and how the procedure leads to the death of the baby. My granddaughter was horrified. She could not believe a mother would kill her child. She wanted to know how the baby dies, but my daughter responded, “You don’t need to know that right now.” My granddaughter could not understand why a mother would take the life of her own child? They hugged one another and wept bitterly. After crying for a while, my granddaughter became angry and said, “How can our country allow this to happen?” She’s only 8. Yet, she knows that this is wrong. It breaks my heart. My granddaughter and I are extremely close. So, it saddens me to know that one day I will have to tell her that I had an abortion.

We have murdered over 60 million children in this country through abortion procedures. Do we need to mourn the loss of those children? Shouldn’t we all cry like my granddaughter cried when we hear such tragedy? How did each of us become so cold and disconnected from our very own child?

Where did the lie begin? When did abortion become an acceptable option? How did we transform from life-affirming children into post-abortion women? What a long and broken road we’ve walked. Let us unpack the truth and expose the reasons why we chose abortion?

I truly believe that if we had an encounter with the One True God, the Creator of the universe, engaged in a personal relationship with Him as children, teens and young adults, we would have chosen to give life to our babies in most instances. I would like to go one step further by highlighting the reality that many Christians have abortions as well. If we could only believe the truth that God loves and cherishes us and that He has a beautiful plan for our lives, we would make better decisions in this life. We were all raised in homes with some degree of dysfunction. Some were abused in their homes while others were neglected, or both. Every child deserves a safe home in which to experience love and be nurtured. Anything less is an injustice, which breaks my heart and God’s as well.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said, “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” I believe our need for love has made us vulnerable to many kinds of evil and forms of abuse, especially you precious ones who were abused as children. When I see such evil being committed by those who have rejected Christ and remain unrepentant, the one thing that gives me peace is to know that God will bring them to justice. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12: 19b)

Fear of rejection stems from another lie we have believed about God. The Lord, in His Word, reminds us numerous times, “I will not leave you.” Perhaps He knew this would be one of our greatest areas of pain and loneliness. He knew the enemy would use this lie against us as he has already done in the lives of so many others. The fear of man, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment and the fear of being judged harshly cause us to doubt God’s promises and His goodness. By fearing God more than fearing man, perhaps we would have had the courage to choose life.

It’s important to return to the memories of our past so that we can move forward. That doesn’t mean we camp out there and remain stuck in our pain. We just need to visit long enough to get understanding. In order to be healed, we must come to Jesus in our present condition and humble ourselves before Him. We can then trust Him to walk with us in the hidden places of our minds and hearts. It is only then that we can be healed and truly set free.

So, tell me your story. When did you think abortion was your only option?

What were the lies you believed that caused you to choose abortion in the first place?

Did someone force you to abort your baby?

God is with you dear one. He is close to the brokenhearted, and He heals your wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

Will you trust Him today to exchange your ashes, your abuse, your abortion, your sins for His love, forgiveness, peace and true joy?

 

Blessings,

Toni

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Less Control & More Trust

Less Control & More Trust

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

Who or what are you trusting in: yourself, another person, an institution, or God?

I learned at a very young age to take control of every area of my life, that unfortunately was not a good thing. A 12-year-old is not mature enough to take on such a responsibility. I controlled my voice, I did not use it, I controlled how I performed in school, sports, and in anything I set my mind to do by practicing until I could do something perfectly. When I was older, I controlled my weight by taking speed and diet pills and exercising excessively. I controlled what others perceived about me by wearing a mask to hide my true feeling and identity.

Relinquishing control was not a comfortable thing for me, because I didn’t trust others not to hurt me. I became very self-sufficient and proficient in all I did. I had a huge wall around my heart that no one was going to penetrate, not even God. I grew up with a distorted view of God; He was angry and He would punish me if I was out of line, this is what I heard and saw as a child. Church was dark, they spoke in another language, it was not warm and welcoming. So, I attributed these attributes to God. I felt He was dark and harsh and unloving; nothing could be further from the truth.

I had everything under control so I thought, until my life and health started spiraling out of control, I couldn’t stuff anymore and my health was failing, my marriage was on the brink of divorce, and I didn’t know what to do. I was plagued with suicidal thoughts because I just couldn’t deal with my depression and self-loathing anymore. This was not a life it was a prison; I was just surviving I needed someone to take my pain away, someone I could trust to love and accept me for who I was. Did such a person exist?

Dear One I want you to know that there is such a person, His name is Jesus, He is the only one who will love you right where you are, He will never hurt you or force you to do something against your will. He is kind, loving, dependable, faithful, merciful, forgiving, and He is your Savior and friend. Why not relinquish control of your life to God, honestly what do you have to lose at this point?

Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

Blessings,

Toni

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Has Your Life Been Resurrected?

Has Your Life Been Resurrected?

John 1:1,14, Titus 3:5, Luke 1:28, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Matthew 27:3-4, 1 Corinthians 15:3-4, and Colossians 3:1

For those of us who have suffered the trauma of abortion, can agree that every part of our being, physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional, has been broken and shattered into a million pieces. We found ourselves barely able to function and as a result we chose unhealthy mechanisms to cope with our state of despair; such as alcohol, sex, drugs, shopping, unhealthy relationships or anything that could fill the black hole in our heart. There is only one person who can pick up the shattered pieces of our broken lives and fill the hole in our heart and that is Jesus the only begotten Son of God. Have you truly met the Savior, the lover of your soul? Have you been led out of the darkness and chains, into His glorious healing light?

Where were you when you found Jesus? I was 34 years old and literally on my back laying on my couch for weeks at a time, and thinking this is not living, I am barely surviving, and wanting to end this torment of a life. My depression was so severe that I was incapable of getting on with my life and daily responsibilities. I was a broken, depressed, addicted, suicidal mess. On the outside, I pretended to have a perfect life, but inside I was dying and it became exceedingly more difficult to put on my mask every day. The only thing that kept me from formulating a plan to end my life were my 2 children who were very young, at the time around 7 and 8. I could not abandon them and leave them without a mother.

My husband had been on a quest to find the truth about Jesus and he was attending several churches in our area. In my desperation, I told him I wanted to attend church with him on one such Sunday. All four of us attended a small Baptist church in Browns Mills, NJ on January 2, 1994. For the next four weeks we would attend church as a family for Sunday School, Sunday Service, and on Sunday and Wednesday night meetings. My heart and mind were being saturated with the Bible, the Living Word of God (John 1:1,14). My Spirit was slowly being regenerated or reborn (Titus 3:5). My eyes and ears were opened and I heard things I had never heard before, and I had attended church my whole life. I heard that Jesus was born of a virgin teenager, a woman blessed and chosen by God, (Luke 1:28) but no different from you or I. He lived a sinless life, (2 Corinthians 5:21) was betrayed by Judas Iscariot for 30 pieces of silver, (Matthew 27:3-4) was tortured and crucified on a cross, died, was buried and rose again on the third day. (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) He is alive and sitting at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. (Colossians 3:1) When I realized that Jesus loved me so much that He died for me and He took upon himself my sins and He willingly died for me. I was finally broken of my self-sufficiency and pride and I humbled myself before God and I asked Him to forgive my sins and I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.

The most memorable life transforming day of my life was on February 6, 1994 when I became a born-again believer in Jesus. I will never forget that evening after Church when I was of all things, smoking a cigarette in my garage; that addiction took longer to stop than my drinking which stopped immediately. It was a clear crisp beautiful February evening and looking up I saw the moon and stars and I had this overwhelming feeling inside that something happened, I felt my spirit quicken in me and I said, “I feel you in me, I am changed, thank you Jesus.” Tears streamed down my cheeks and I was filled with gratitude, love, and hope for the first time in my life, I felt completely loved.

Have you encountered Jesus?

Once you do you will never be the same.

Tell me your story, where were you when Jesus found you?

Blessings,

Toni

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