Boundaries

Boundaries

Boundaries

By Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

Scriptures: Psalm 34:18, Jeremiah 29:11, and John 3:16

According to Psychology Today, “Personal boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we will accept and what we consider unacceptable behavior towards us. To know our boundaries comes from a healthy view of ourselves.”

From the book, Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You, our view is distorted due to emotional trauma we experienced as children. The two types of traumas described in this book are Trauma A & Trauma B. The Trauma A we experience as children is when we do not get the love, attention, and care we need from our family. Trauma B is extreme abuse: sexual, emotional, and/or physical. All these experiences as children cause us to have a distorted view of ourselves, God, and others, and it prevents us from maturing into healthy stable adults.

This distorted view of ourselves, especially those of us who have had abortions, opens up the door to all kinds of unhealthy and destructive behavior. God created women to love and nurture their children, and when we do the opposite, I believe our very souls are shattered into a million pieces. Our hopes and dreams as young girls are dashed, and we are now open to all kinds of ungodly behavior to somehow numb our pain. We are tormented and feel desperately alone, depressed, and even suicidal.

For you precious ones who experienced abuse of all kinds when you were young also struggle to put up boundaries. There is always the fear that people will leave us if we do. But boundaries are to protect us from people who are unhealthy and who will continue to abuse us.

So how can we stop this destructive cycle of accepting and enabling unhealthy behavior from others? First, we must realize we have a Savior and a friend who is the lover of our soul, and His name is Jesus. He is the only one that can heal our broken hearts, our broken bodies, and our broken spirits.

Psalm 34:18 ESV
“The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves the crushed in spirit.”

He is the only one who can take the disaster we have made of our lives and restore order and peace. And He alone can give us new hope, new dreams, a new purpose, and a new life.

Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

As a child, I did not learn what healthy boundaries looked like. I became a people pleaser at a very young age, and as a result, I allowed people to take advantage of me and treat me very poorly, and I never said a word. I wondered why I never truly felt loved by others; what was it? I didn’t think I was a person of value because of the way others treated me. Especially after my abortion, my self-loathing and depression really kicked in, and I was really struggling with feeling deeply connected and loved.

If I do not love myself, how can I expect others to love me and treat me properly. They wouldn’t. I was enabling unhealthy behavior because of the way I felt about myself. But when Jesus started healing me and His love came into my heart and I realized who I was in Him, I no longer felt like I deserved to be abused. I was loved by God. That’s what I needed to give me the extra courage to stand up to the bullies in my life.

For many of us, we had to learn what healthy boundaries were because we did not learn them in our home of origin. I recommend the book, Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. My son bought me this book back in the late 2000’s. It was so helpful to understand why I didn’t have boundaries and how to start putting them up and insist they be respected.

It takes courage and perseverance because those around you are not going to like your boundaries, and they will challenge them. But stick to your resolve, and eventually, they will respect them and you.

God has clear boundaries. When we sin, there is a separation between us and God. We need to confess those sins so that we are now right with God and that relationship is restored. God’s Ten Commandments are an example of boundaries.

Like you, I had wounds and issues from my past, which caused me to be self-consumed and blinded, and I could not see how I was hurting others closest to me. Only God can give us awareness and the courage to stop enabling unhealthy behavior and establish healthy boundaries. I was a little nervous the first time I used my voice to establish my boundaries. I explained my boundaries and insisted they be respected. There was some pushback, but I was not going to waiver.

At first, putting up boundaries is hard to do. But as God heals us, we get stronger, bolder, and more courageous. And we no longer want to just exist; we want to experience the abundant life Jesus came to give us. The first step in recovery is recognizing my life is unmanageable and I need God to help me.

Dear One, I want you to know that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for you

John 3:16
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Have you received this gift of love and forgiveness from God? If not, you can do that today?

If you do know the Lord, then ask Him to help you to love yourself and to have courage to put up boundaries and no longer accept unhealthy behavior. He will help you if you ask Him. He did it for me, and I know He will do it for you too.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Did you grow up in a home with healthy boundaries? Yes or No
  2. When did you first realize you did not have healthy boundaries?
  3. How did you start putting up boundaries? Was it received well? If not, what challenges did you experience?
  4. How can we pray for you in this area?

I hope this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out if you need prayer or someone to talk to. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.
The Importance of Community

The Importance of Community

The Importance of Community

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:4-6, 11-13 and 15-16, Romans 12:15, Ephesians 4:14, and Ephesians 3:17,19.

Ephesians 4:4-6 (ESV)
There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

Ephesians 4:11-13, and 15-16 (NKJV)
And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; but speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

I have noticed over the years that the women who stay connected and accountable in a safe community continue to grow spiritually, and they feel safe, deeply connected and loved. These women have huge victories in their lives because they are dedicated to following the Lord and living in community. Each of us has been given a role in the body of Christ by God. We see in the Scriptures above that Christ is the Head, and each one of us is a part of the body. We are called to do a specific job in the body to keep the body functioning properly.

Why is community so important? You have all heard the saying, “There is safety in numbers.” That is true for your spiritual life also, not just your physical safety. When we stay connected in community, we are protected from the enemy’s fiery darts. His primary goal is to get Christian women isolated so he can lie and torment us. How many of you know what I am talking about? We have all experienced the loneliness and despair that overcomes us when we are isolated, especially women with abortions and abuse in their past; we are an easy target for the enemy. But after we join a safe group and stay accountable, we are now protected.

It’s not just being a part of a group that protects you. It’s being an active member of the group, serving and participating consistently, not just being an observer. We must invest in the group by sharing our hearts, our tears, our triumphs, and our prayer requests. By sharing with the group, you don’t know how your share may help encourage another woman.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)

This is how the church is supposed to operate. We should be more like a hospital than a social gathering.

My hope and prayer for each of us is that:

  • Our faith will grow stronger.
  • Our relationships with one another will grow deeper.
  • We will be mature, strong, confident believers in Jesus.
  • We will not be tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine.
  • We will have a strong Biblical worldview.
  • Christ dwells in our hearts through faith.
  • We will be rooted and grounded in love.
  • We will know the love of Christ which passes knowledge.
  • We will be filled with all the fullness of God.
  • Everything that we do is pleasing to God.
  • Our words will always speak life and encouragement to others.


    (Ref. Ephesians 4:14; 3:17,19)

God has so much more for us to accomplish in the upcoming year, but we as a group must be ready and equipped for this season in the ministry. I see God doing a new thing. On April 20, 2024, several of us from the ministry went to an event. Afterwards, we had lunch together, and out of the seven of us who attended, five came from Spanish-speaking backgrounds. I believe this is the next area of growth for us. God is raising up strong, healed, equipped women to minister to Spanish-speaking women. Soon my gospel tract will be on our website in Spanish with these precious women in mind. We want them to hear the gospel and be saved.

Look at these joyful faces. Would you believe that five out of the seven have been abused and all have had at least one abortion?

Toni Weisz and friends lunch at Nauti Dawg April 20, 2024 Lighthouse Point, FL

Toni Weisz and friends lunch at Nauti Dawg April 20, 2024 Lighthouse Point, FL

 

I pray you are encouraged to step up your game and make Jesus and sharing His love your priority in everything you do. I pray if you have not been regularly connecting in a deep and meaningful way that God will give you the courage to be open and vulnerable to share. God has so much for you as an individual and for us as a group to accomplish. Will you pray and ask God what your role in the kingdom of God is and in this ministry?

I am honored to be serving with you in this ministry. It truly is a beautiful thing to watch God work in and through us.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. What are some areas in your life that you are working on?
  2. What is God leading (calling) you to do?
  3. How can we be praying for you?

Please reach out if you need prayer or encouragement. Just email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.
You Are the Light of the World

You Are the Light of the World

You Are the Light of the World

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Matthew 5:3-16

Matthew 5:3-16
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you, when they revile you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, for My sake.
Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets which were before you. You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Today, we are going to take a break from our usual format because so many of us have been suffering from some very hard trials, and I want to use this time to repent of any sin in our lives and to pray for guidance and wisdom in our personal lives and this ministry. Lord, so many in our midst have been suffering for a long time with no relief. We ask, Lord, for You to move mightily on our behalf. We are seeking You with our whole hearts. Please attend to the voice of our prayers. Your word says that You collect our tears in a bottle. So precious in Your sight are Your saints.

We pray for our leaders in our government. Lord God, we pray your Holy Spirit will break those whose ways and policies oppose You. We pray that You will bend the arrows they are firing at Your children so their own hearts will be pierced instead. Lord, confound those who are swift to shed innocent blood, who cause division, who lie, cheat, steal, and run to mischief. We pray that You will convict them of their sins so they can confess and turn from them. Lord, we are praying for their salvation, in Jesus’ Name.

We pray for our leaders in the church and in ministry. Lord, we bind any spirit of pride in the Name of Jesus. Help us to be humble and teachable. Help us to be quick to hear and slow to speak. I pray our words will not be harsh but will be life–affirming and encouraging. Help us to continually extend grace to others. Help us to be patient, kind, and compassionate. Let the glorious light of the gospel shine through our actions and words. We pray others will be drawn to You through our testimonies.

We pray for those who have heard the gospel and have rejected it. It’s the goodness of God that leads to repentance. Father, help us to reflect Your beauty in this world. Help us to love others the way you do, without partiality. For they are Your image–bearers and Your most magnificent creation. Lord, we are praying You will have mercy upon them. Open their spiritual eyes to see who You are. Open their hearts and make them soft and pliable like clay in the Master’s hand. Lord, we are praying for a mighty harvest of souls saved.

Father, we are praying for a mighty revival in our land; let it start with me, Lord.

Many times, we feel alone. I want to encourage you with this song from Hillsong United, “Another in the Fire”:
https://youtu.be/WUSsEo52-a0. Let’s listen together.

Now let’s go to the Lord and share our hearts and our burdens. Let us confess sin and receive the forgiveness and healing we all need. Let’s join our hearts in one accord to worship and thank God for His goodness and faithfulness.

Please reach out if you need to talk or need prayer. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are dearly loved,
Toni

 

Read more of Toni’s blogs HERE.

Una Pecadora Salva Por La Gracia De Dios

Una Pecadora Salva Por La Gracia De Dios

Una Pecadora Salva Por La Gracia De Dios

por Toni Weisz

 

Cuando era una niña pequeña, me esforzaba por ser perfecta, pensando que sería amada si lo fuera. Eso no funcionó, así que recurrí al alcohol, a los 12 años, las drogas a los 13, el sexo a los 16, y luego tuve mi aborto a los 21 años. Me escondía en mis secretos y me ponía la máscara de perfección, pero por dentro estaba sufriendo de profunda depresión y soledad.

Buscaba el amor y la aceptación en los lugares equivocados. Este profundo vacío me hizo vulnerable al enemigo. Tenía tanta rabia y odio hacia mí misma que traté de lastimarme dando puñetazos y patadas en las paredes y puertas. Estaba fuera de control. Mi depresión empeoró, especialmente después del aborto. Sólo quería terminar con esa vida atormentada.

Pero Dios tenía un plan diferente para mí, un buen plan con un buen futuro. El 6 de febrero 1994, Dios me salvó radicalmente y nací de nuevo a los 34 años. Estoy muy agradecida con Dios por su misericordia cuando estaba perdida en mis pecados, atormentada, quebrantada, deprimida y sola. Pensé que la vida no valía la pena vivirla hasta que Dios me dio una vida abundante en Cristo.

No quiero olvidar nunca de dónde vengo porque me ayuda a amar a Jesús aún más por lo que Él ha hecho por mí. Soy una pecadora salva por la gracia de Dios, y tú también puedes serlo. Si nunca le has pedido a Jesús que perdone tus pecados y sea tu Señor y Salvador, entonces hoy es el día de salvación para ti.

La Biblia dice:

23 por cuanto todos pecaron, y están destituidos de la gloria de Dios, (Romanos 3:23)

23 Porque la paga del pecado es muerte, más la dádiva de Dios es vida eterna en Cristo Jesús Señor nuestro. (Romanos 6:23)

9 que si confesares con tu boca que Jesús es el Señor, y creyeres en tu corazón que Dios le levantó de los muertos, serás salvo. 10 Porque con el corazón se cree para justicia, pero con la boca se confiesa para salvación. 11 Pues la Escritura dice: Todo aquel que en él creyere, no será avergonzado. (Romanos 10:9-11)

13 porque todo aquel que invocare el nombre del Señor, será salvo. (Romanos 10:13)

 

8 Porque por gracia sois salvos por medio de la fe; y esto no de vosotros, pues es don de Dios; 9 no por obras, para que nadie se gloríe. (Efesios 2:8-9)

La salvación es un regalo de Dios.

¿Recibirás ese regalo hoy?

Póngase en contacto con nosotros si desea saber más sobre Jesús y lo que significa “nacer de nuevo”.

Puede enviarme un correo electrónico a toni@myashestobeauty.com o puede ir a nuestra página web, www.MyAshesToBeauty.com.

Gracias y que Dios los bendiga.

—Toni Weisz

 

UN PECADOR SALVADO POR LA GRACIA

UN PECADOR SALVADO POR LA GRACIA

Covering Up My Sins

Covering Up My Sins

Covering Up My Sins

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Genesis 3:6-9 and 21, Numbers 32:23, 1 John 2:2, 2 Corinthians 5:10, and Revelation 20:15

 

Genesis 3:6-9
So, when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; and they sewed fig lives together and made themselves coverings. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”

Genesis 3:21
Unto Adam also and to his wife the Lord God make coats of skins and clothed them.

Numbers 32:23
But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out.

1 John 2:2
And He is the propitiation for our sins: and not ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

My marriage did not start out on a solid foundation. I married my husband, first, because I felt a bond with him because we aborted our first child, Joseph, 43 years ago, and second, because we were living in sin and I was about to graduate from college and that meant my parents would be visiting me in Ohio for the first time on my graduation. I was frantically trying to figure out, “How am I going to hide this from them?”

Seven weeks before my sister was to be married, she broke off her engagement. It turns out her fiancé was a heavy drinker and had physically assaulted her. I had no idea that was going on, but I didn’t even console my sister, when I think back at that. I was very self-absorbed. I was living in sin and doing the devil’s bidding, and that made me a very selfish individual. I was obsessed with keeping that perfect mask on and making sure my sin would not be found out.

So, I devised a plan, “What if I took her place? That might work. The wedding is in August, and I graduate in December, so the timing will be perfect.”

I saw red flags. He was too controlling and manipulative, but he took care of my physical needs, so I decided to go forward with my plan.

A few days before the wedding, I was at my parent’s house, and I was vacuuming my brother’s room. The only window in his room was a small hexagonal window on top of the west wall. I was thinking to myself and saying a prayer of sorts; I didn’t know the Lord then, so I only cried out to Him in times of desperation. “Am I doing the right thing marrying John?” All of a sudden, the sun shone in through that little window on me, and I could feel the sun’s rays on my face. And I felt a calming in my spirit, and I said to myself, “OK, I guess that means yes.” So, I went through with it.

I was like Adam and Eve in the garden. I too was hiding from God, and I tried to cover up my numerous sins by rushing in and getting married and then thinking to myself, “That takes care of that; I am all good.”

No. it doesn’t work like that. I was covering up my sin with more sin. Just like when Adam and Eve sewed fig leaves together to cover their nakedness (their sins), it didn’t work either. Only God through the blood of Jesus can cover our sins. Anything else is a counterfeit.

Are there sins in your life that you are trying to cover up too with more sin? Or are you medicating to numb yourself so you don’t feel anything? Or are you pretending your sins do not exist?

One day, your sins will find you out. They will all be exposed. Just when we think we can get away with something, God shines His light into our darkened souls, and he exposes our faulty misguided ways to deal with our sin.

The only way our sins can truly be covered is by trusting in Jesus and receiving the gift of salvation that God freely offers all of us. God killed animals to cover Adam and Eve’s sin. When we put our faith and trust in Jesus, His blood covers our sins.

If you have never asked Jesus to forgive your sins and be your Lord and Savior, then there is still time. Please, if God is convicting you right now, don’t delay. Please reach out to me, toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

P.S. For those of you who know Jesus, what are you doing to share the gospel in your part of the world with your sphere of influence? Time is short. Please reach out if you need help with that.