Why Are Boundaries Important?

Why Are Boundaries Important?

Why Are Boundaries Important?

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Exodus 20: 1-17 and Ephesians 4:32

While growing up, I never learned how to have healthy boundaries. In my home of origin, we were all intermeshed with one another, without a clear separation between me and another person. At a young age, I learned how to cope in a chaotic, unpredictable home.

Never knowing when the proverbial next shoe would drop or someone would overreact and yell or throw a shoe or smack you. I always felt like I had to be guarded, and because of this, I hid in the shadows. I wanted to be loved so desperately I was willing to do anything. As a result, I became a people pleaser. All I wanted was to make others happy with my behavior, my performance, and accomplishments. I would be whatever the other person needed me to be, just to feel loved and accepted. By doing this, I allowed others to treat me badly, to manipulate and control me. I had no boundaries. I allowed others to do these things, and I just accepted it. I just thought I must not be a person of any value, because if I were, why did others treat me this way?

Because I did not have any boundaries, I struggled with receiving love and giving love. All my relationships were unhealthy, and I truly didn’t know how to have healthy relationships. I would struggle with this for most of my life. I felt very alone and disconnected from others. I was lonely because I never truly felt loved and accepted by anyone.

Lack of clear boundaries is a very common character defect with post-abortion women and women who have been abused. We have a distorted view of God, ourselves, and others. We do not trust that God will not abuse us also.

There has to be some level of trust in a relationship to have the courage to set up boundaries. Boundaries help us form healthy relationships that are based on love and respect for each other.

Boundaries are important because they help us to set up parameters to protect us from others and to help our relationships grow in a healthy and loving environment. Just like the 10 commandments were set up by God as guard rails to protect us from sin, so are boundaries important to protect us also.

Setting Up Healthy Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, pages 106-107. AACC The Bible for Hope: Caring for People God’s Way.

1. What are some areas where you have boundary issues?

2. Have an accountability partner and meet regularly to discuss this; be truthful. Saying NO is hard for a person with no boundaries.

3. Recognize your part in this. Why are you fearful to set boundaries.

4. It is important to give and receive love and forgiveness.

5. Set up limits and consequences for not respecting your boundaries, and be consistent. Ex. Walking away from someone when they start yelling at you. A consequence can be, “When you yell at me, I will walk away.”

Questions to take to heart:

1. Did you grow up learning how to have healthy boundaries?

2. What areas do you struggle with enforcing boundaries and insisting they are respected?

3. How did you learn how to put up healthy boundaries?

4. How can we pray for you?

A great resource on this subject is the book, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I pray this topic has been helpful to you. Please reach out if you need to talk: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

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Hidden Grief

Hidden Grief

Hidden Grief

By Toni Weisz / Recovery Tools

Scriptures: Psalm 34:18 and Psalm 51:17

Grief has a way of showing up quietly. Not always in ways others can see—but deeply, intensely, within.

In Scripture, we see this kind of grief in the life of David.

David wasn’t a stranger to sorrow. He experienced loss, regret, and deep emotional pain. In one of the most difficult seasons of his life, after his own failure and its consequences, David found himself overwhelmed with grief.

And he didn’t hide it from God.

In Psalm 34:18, he later writes:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

That wasn’t just a comforting idea—it was something David lived.

David understood what it meant to feel brokenhearted, to carry sorrow that others may not fully understand, and to wrestle with both grief and the weight of his own choices.

And yet—he brought all of it to God.

In another moment of honesty, David writes:

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)

David didn’t try to hide his grief.
He didn’t pretend he was fine.
He didn’t push his emotions away.

He brought his brokenness fully into the presence of God.

And that’s where healing began.

Grief after abortion can feel complicated—just like David’s grief was.

There may be sorrow mixed with regret.
Questions mixed with silence.
Feelings that don’t seem to fit into neat categories.

But David’s story shows us something important:

God is not repelled by your grief—He draws near to it.

You don’t have to have the “right words.”
You don’t have to sort out every emotion first.

Like David, you can come as you are—honest, broken, unsure—and still be met with compassion.

Grief is not something to rush past.

It’s something to bring into the light—gently, honestly, and at your own pace.

And sometimes, healing deepens when you’re walking through that grief with women who have walked that road and now experience the healing that is available to you.

Being in a space where others understand—where you don’t have to explain or hide—can make a meaningful difference. Post-abortion support groups, like those at My Ashes to Beauty, are created to offer that kind of safe, compassionate environment. We invite you to join us on a conference call, a safe place where you can speak honestly about your abortion, in an understanding and loving environment.

David didn’t heal by ignoring his pain.

He healed by bringing it to God—and allowing himself to be seen in it.

You can do the same.

Your thoughts:
If you’re dealing with grief right now and would like to be as honest as David was about his grief, what would you say to God about your grief right now?

Please reach out if you would like to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

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You’re Not Alone: The Silent Struggle After Abortion

You’re Not Alone: The Silent Struggle After Abortion

You’re Not Alone: The Silent Struggle After Abortion

By Toni Weisz / Recovery Tools

Scripture: Psalm 147:3

There are experiences many women carry quietly—tucked deep into the hidden places of their hearts. Abortion is often one of them.

On the outside, life may appear normal. Smiles, responsibilities, routines. But underneath, there can be a swirl of emotions that feel confusing, heavy, and isolating. Thoughts that go unspoken. Questions that feel too complicated—or too painful—to share.

If this is part of your story, you need to hear this: You are not alone.

Many women walk this road, even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside. The silence surrounding abortion can make it feel like you’re the only one struggling—but that silence is often shared by countless others who simply don’t know how to begin the conversation.

Silence can be heavy.
It can convince you that your feelings don’t matter.
It can whisper that no one would understand.

But the truth is, your experience matters. Your emotions matter. You matter.

Healing often begins with one simple, brave step: acknowledging what’s real.

That doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone your story. It doesn’t mean rushing into conversations before you’re ready. But it might look like being honest—with yourself. Naming what you feel. Allowing space for your story to exist without pushing it away.

Post-abortion creates several emotions and stages. Some women feel relief. Others feel grief. Many feel both at the same time. But emotions may shift over time, appearing months or even years later.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s valid. And you don’t have to carry it alone forever. You deserve support that meets you with compassion, not judgment. This may be a chapter of your story—but it is not the whole story.

God has a wonderful plan for your life, and He has people who can help you move forward. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

There is more ahead. There is healing ahead. And there are others who understand more than you think.

There are safe places. Safe people. Gentle paths toward healing.

For some, that looks like opening up to a trusted friend or counselor. For others, it may mean connecting with women who truly understand this specific journey.

If you’ve been longing for that kind of space, there are communities created just for this purpose—like the post-abortion support group at My Ashes to Beauty, where women can begin to heal in a safe, compassionate environment.

You don’t have to take a big step today.
Just a small one toward connection here.

Your thoughts:
What is one feeling you’ve been carrying silently that you can begin to acknowledge today?

Please reach out if you would like to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

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Idolatry and Codependency (Part 2)

Idolatry and Codependency (Part 2)

Idolatry and Codependency (Part 2)

By Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

 

Scriptures: Philippians 4: 6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

 

Idolatry is the act of putting something or someone before God in our hearts or minds. Idols are obsessions that consume us. An idol can be a job, money, a sport or hobby, a relationship, or a physical problem; anything that we put before God.

I find myself at least once per year picking up the book by Suellen McDolly, “Codependency No More.” It’s a quick read chock full of great insight, tips, and reminders to help me stay on my side of the street. Lately, I find myself jumping in and trying to control outcomes and situations in order to keep my home life more stable and comfortable. I don’t like hearing harsh and judgmental comments from an individual, so I try to control what is said to that person so that I don’t have to hear those harsh comments.

What? When I stopped to think about it, I again realized I cannot control another person’s conversation. What was I doing? Huge red flags were waving before my eyes. I felt so convicted that I was getting too intertwined in an unhealthy way. The Lord brought this to my mind. And the next day as I was journaling, He let me know what I was doing was a sin, it’s unhealthy and destructive, and it will rob me of my peace and joy.

The bottom line is when I don’t trust God to take care of things, and I jump into control things, I am telling God I can do better and I don’t need Your help. He knows I am feeling anxious and fearful. Look at Abraham and Sarah; she jumped in ahead of God’s plan and made a mess of her life and even the world because of her sin of not trusting God. I don’t want to make that same mistake.

I used to try to save, rescue, fix, and help other people too much, and it was extremely unhealthy. It was something I learned from my home of origin; it helped me cope with things I had no control over. Now I see that I have to be very careful that I don’t fall into those unhealthy behavioral patterns.

Lord, I recognize that I was trying to control things for my benefit so I could have peace in my home. That is wrong. I need to trust You and relinquish control to You completely. I surrender all to You. I pray You increase my faith and trust in You and leave the outcomes to You. I pray for this family member to have a soft heart and a desire to be in Your word daily. I believe a lot of this would change if he would do that, but I cannot control that either. All I can do is be an example of someone who is running hard after You, Lord. Help me, Lord, to keep my focus on You and You alone.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Are you fearful and anxious and trying to control things?
  2. What is God leading you to do?
  3. How can we pray for you?

Please reach out if you need to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

To read Part 1 of Idolatry and Codependency:
https://myashestobeauty.com/idolatry-and-codependency-tonis-blog-abortion-recovery-and-abuse-support-group/

You are loved,
Toni

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