How to Overcome Trauma

How to Overcome Trauma

How to Overcome Trauma
By Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Scripture References: Psalm 147:3, Psalm 27:10, Psalm 100:5

“Trauma can be more than a dark pit of despair or a spiral of depression. It has the potential to be our deepest source of empathy, strongest point of connection, and most forceful impetus (stimulus) for growth if we bravely choose to let others into both the brokenness and the mending. My Brokenness becomes beautiful when I see trauma as an opportunity to grow.” (Excerpt taken from the devotional, Suffer Strong: A Plan for Redefining Everything, by Katherine and Jay Wolf.)

 

Psalm 147:3
He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 27:10
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

Psalm 100:5
For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations.

 

It takes courage to face the trauma from our past. This is not an easy process. In fact, it is quite painful at times, and it is not for the faint of heart. That’s why many people don’t do it. They would rather live in their dysfunction because they know what to expect—it’s familiar.

Change can be hard, scary, and unpredictable. But it can also be beautiful, especially when we are able to come out on the other side of our pain and see the miraculous work God has done.

When I first started this ministry, the Lord encouraged me to be real.

When I am open and transparent with all of you, it gives you permission to share from your broken places too.

I have experienced tremendous healing as a result of doing the conference calls the past 10 years. The work of the Holy Spirit, self-examination, and a safe community in which to share are the most important elements for true healing and the ability to break dysfunctional unhealthy behavior.

You’re only as sick as your secrets.

Sharing your secrets in a safe and loving environment helps you to begin the healing process. It brings that secret thing into the light, and the devil no longer has power over you in that area. I am praying that each of you experience true healing in all of your broken areas. You are safe on our conference calls, dearly beloved of the Lord.

I also needed to practice what I preached.

If I was telling you to stand up to the bully and use your voice, then I needed to do the same thing.

There is a recovery statement: Say what you mean but don’t say it mean.

God has shown me how to stay calm, to allow the other person to speak, and try to stay on topic. Then when it’s my turn, I share my perspective but in a way that honors God.

I apologize when I need to, but I don’t allow others to just dump on me or yell at me. I walk away or hang up because that’s not an acceptable way to communicate. I don’t allow others to be verbally abusive to me. By sharing with you, it also helped me to practice those same principles in my life.

God showed me He wanted to be first in my life.

Once I put God first in my life, then what others thought of me didn’t matter so much anymore. I was trying to please them so they would love me, but that never worked anyway. It only left me feeling empty, unloved and depleted of my energy. I realized I could never make someone happy or sad; I didn’t have that kind of power. Only God can love me completely. So, I go to God when I need something because most people are not able to give me what I need anyway. They cannot give what they don’t have.

Questions:

  1. What areas from your past trauma from abortion/abuse are you struggling with right now?
  2. Are you able to share about them right now? Please limit your shares to 10 minutes due to the number of women on the call.
  3. How can we be praying for you?

Remember: When your father and your mother forsake you, Then the LORD will take you up. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations. He binds up the brokenhearted and heals all of your wounds.

Please reach out if you need prayer or just want to talk. Email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

 

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Spiritual Warfare

Spiritual Warfare

The Enemy Is Prowling
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Warfare

Scripture References: 1 Peter 5:8, Romans 8:1 and Philippians 4:13

 

Be sober, be vigilant; for your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8

I have been under a barrage of attacks by the evil one since I shared the gospel in a letter to two of my family members. I want them to hear the gospel one more time so they can have confidence that when they pass from this life to the next, they can know they are saved and will be in heaven when they die. Not only that, but at the time of this writing, we have three, and possibly four, Recovery Bible Studies starting within the next few weeks. That’s a lot of women hearing the gospel, being healed and set free from the trauma of abortion and abuse.

The first week, the enemy used family. My kids were not in a good place, some hard conversations happened, and people were offended. Finally, they were able to communicate and work things out, without my help. The enemy was trying to get me to fret and worry and jump in and to take matters into my own hands (my old character defect of codependency and fear) instead of trusting God.

Then on a Saturday, the enemy used people in spiritual leadership. We were in a group setting, but I felt ignored and not included in the discussions. God showed me from this example what not to do as a spiritual leader. I am to be aware of everyone in the group. We all need encouragement and to feel included.

Then on a Sunday, a leader at church made a weird comment. Again, God showed me how important my words are. They can uplift people or put people down. The enemy was trying to use spiritual leaders to pick my rejection wound, desiring to awaken my people-pleasing character defect (my old character defect of people pleasing, putting others before God, which is idolatry).

Then a few days later, the enemy used a woman who was very involved in serving in this ministry for many years, to react in a peculiar way and say some hurtful things. This one hurt pretty deeply. Again, I did not react. I actually did not send a text I had written because honestly, I did not know what to say. Instead, I prayed for her because obviously she is not in a good place. My old character defect of condemnation, listening to the lies of the enemy accusing me, was trying to make a comeback.

I was thinking to myself, “What in the world is going on?” Any one of these scenarios in the past would have pushed me over the edge, and I would have reacted badly or taken on rejection. Or my people pleasing would have kicked in and I would have scrambled around trying to make things right.

But because of the work God has been doing in my life over these 17 years, I am able to see with my spiritual eyes what is going on.

I am so grateful God healed my rejection wound and that I no longer yearn for the approval of man. I want my life to please God. I am grateful there is no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus (ref. Romans 8:1).

The accuser has no dominion over me. The Word of God has set me free, and the Holy Spirit protects me from the fiery darts of the enemy.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

I am so thankful to God for equipping the called. If God calls you to something, be confident that He will give you everything you need to succeed.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. What kind of spiritual warfare have you been experiencing lately?
  2. Have you noticed a pattern? When are you most vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks?
  3. How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out if you need to talk or need prayer. Email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

What Are Your Triggers?

What Are Your Triggers?

What Are Your Triggers?
by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

Scripture References: Psalm 91:2–4, Psalm 17:8, Psalm 37:40, Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 147:3, Romans 8:37 and Zephaniah 3:17

 

What are triggers?

A trigger is an impulse that prompts a negative reaction caused by another’s words, actions or a specific situation, especially for those who have experienced trauma from abuse, addiction, and/or abortion.

 

I suffered from depression since I was a teenager and started going to secular counselors when I was 17 years old. It took me a long time to figure out where this depression came from.

What triggered it?

I noticed a pattern. When there was a special occasion, like my birthday, Christmas, college graduation, or moving back to NJ after being away for 10 years, I had certain expectations that I would be celebrated in a certain way with gifts and parties. When those expectations were not met, then I felt unloved and insignificant.

When things did not go as I had hoped, I would fall into a very deep depression that would last weeks at a time. This happened to me until I was 34 years old.

I was codependent, and I was triggered by the actions and words of others so much that they determined my outlook on life and how I felt about myself. It was a vicious cycle that lasted many decades.

In my home of origin, we never discussed or worked through hard things. People just yelled or gave you the silent treatment. There was never any resolution. No forgiveness, no grace, no healthy communication. It has taken me many years of hard work to learn how to communicate properly and how to put up healthy boundaries.

I am so grateful for my relationship with Jesus, my Savior. He is my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer, my High Tower, my Friend. He is my only hope. He will bind up all my wounds and heal my broken heart. I know what He thinks of me. I am the apple of His eye. He rejoices over me with gladness. He quiets me with His love, and He rejoices over me with singing. He is very pleased with me.

I am forgiven, redeemed, loved and cherished by God. I am adopted into His family. I am victorious in Christ; nothing can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord. These are the truths I am focusing on to heal my broken heart.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. What are some of your triggers?
  2. Have you been able to discern where they come from?
  3. What have you learned over the years to help protect yourself from these intrusive thoughts?
  4. What are some of your favorite Scriptures to help you when you are triggered?
  5. How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. If you need to talk, please reach out with an email at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

You are loved,
Toni

 

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Our Dashed Dreams

Our Dashed Dreams

Our Dashed Dreams
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

 

Scripture References

Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Isaiah 61:7 (ESV)
Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore, in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.

I never imagined I would abort my first child. I grew up in a large Italian family. (My mom was one of ten children.) At our family get-togethers, there were always children running around. I was the oldest granddaughter, so it was my job to look after the younger ones so the adults could talk without interruptions.

I loved children, and I even thought about getting a teaching degree. What happened to my childhood dreams? How did I go so far off the path I thought would be my life?

Sin destroyed my dreams. I decided that being the “good, quiet one” wasn’t working for me anymore. I wasn’t getting the love and attention I needed, so I decided to take matters into my own hands—a true recipe for disaster.

At 12 years old, I started experimenting with alcohol and began sneaking shots of Scotch whiskey while my parents were at my brother’s football practices. My sister and I were left at home to do the dishes for a short while, but that’s all the devil needed—a little bit of time to get me alone and wanting.

My child-brain started thinking of ways to get my needs met but in unhealthy ways. This destructive path the enemy led me down was one of drugs, alcohol, numerous sexual partners, and then my abortion at 21. It was a dark and destructive journey. I hid in my secrets and was tormented by the devil.

How did I get here? One bad choice after another after another; it happens that fast.

I would continue in this self-destructive pattern for 22 years. Thankfully, God finally rescued me at the age of 34 when I heard the gospel for the first time. Jesus died on the cross for MY SINS. I had never heard that before. I desperately needed and wanted someone to take all my sins, shame, and guilt.

I needed a Savior—someone to love me just for me. I found all those things in a relationship with Jesus. I am so grateful for the love, forgiveness, and peace I found in Him.

God has turned my mourning into joy. He has given me a new name, a new life, and a new calling.

No matter what you have done in your past, God is able to forgive and redeem what the devil has stolen. You can still have a wonderful, fulfilling, God-glorifying life. It just may look a little different from your original plan. But rest assured, God is a good Father and has a good plan for your life.

Will you allow Him to help you dream new dreams?

 

Questions & Final Thoughts:

  1. What were some of your childhood dreams?
  2. Did the devil steal your dreams of having children and a family?
  3. How have you been able to move on and dream new dreams?
  4. How can we pray for you?

I pray that the Lord will minister to your broken heart and give you new dreams. Please reach out if you need a listening ear or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

 

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 1–3)

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 1–3)

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 1): Fear

by Toni Weisz/ Recovery Tools

 

Scripture References

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given me the Spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

 

Question: What is preventing me from recognizing I have a problem?

 

Fear is a tool the enemy uses to keep me in my dysfunction: the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, and fear that if I do change, I will lose a relationship.

What are your fears? Make a list of them all.

What is preventing you from truly looking at your life and asking God to help you change?

When I truly ask and seek the truth, God shows me my wounds and the lies I believe about Him, myself, and others. Once He shows me those areas, I accept them and seek His wisdom to change the things I can.

My areas of woundedness were once fear of rejection and abandonment, and believing the lie that if I was perfect, I would be loved. These fears caused me to become a people-pleaser and made me think I had to earn love from others and God.

I believed God would not forgive my sin of abortion, that my sin was too great. Now I know that was a lie from the enemy to keep me in bondage. I also believed I deserved to be emotionally abused because of my sins.

All this unhealthy thinking kept me in emotionally abusive relationships, isolation, depression, and hopelessness. But God in His mercy and grace filled my heart with His unfailing love, giving me the courage to step out of the darkness into His beautiful transforming light.

He helped me recognize the root causes of these lies and how to shred those lies to pieces using the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God.

 

How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has helped you to discover and conquer the fears and the root causes in your own life. Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 2): Busyness

by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

 

Scripture References:

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

Ephesians 2:8–9
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast.

Romans 8:15–16a
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

Romans 8:38–39
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

I was always busy with so many things that I didn’t have time to think about the toxic relationships I had with some close family members. I was so involved in my children’s school and after school activities, teaching and serving at church, and raising my family that I did not have time to look at myself and recognize that I was enabling unhealthy behavior.

It was fall of 2001, and I was pushing myself hard physically so I could compete against 24-year-olds in tennis at the age of 42. I would be exhausted, but I forced myself to work out anyway.

We attended a church where obeying the rules was the most important thing. It was all a show, and in the meantime, my spirit was so grieved I could barely feel the Spirit of God in me.

Then came September 11, and my husband was flying that day from Philly to CA. For many hours, I did not know where he was or how he was. When I watched planes crash into the Twin Towers, I just remember going into shock. John’s family was calling, and I had no information on his whereabouts.

Shortly after that in October, I fell on the tennis court and hurt myself so badly that I had a huge bulge in my right hip area. As time passed, it got worse, and I could not walk after a while because the pain shot through my entire body. From Thanksgiving through New Years, I was confined to laying on the couch because I was unable to stand or walk for long periods of time.

I couldn’t do anything for several months. For the first time, I had to allow others to do things for me. It was very humbling. I had a complete mental, physical, emotional and spiritual breakdown. My children were in high school at that time, and they would sit at my feet on the couch and do their homework. I thank God for that special memory.

It was during the time of my confinement that God whispered to my heart, “I love you regardless of whether you serve me on all these committees at Church or you lay on the couch for the rest of your life. I love you the same. My love for you never changes. My love for you is not based upon your good works or being worthy to be loved; My love is based upon My Son’s death on the cross for your sins.”

God knew I was working for acceptance from others and Him. I was raised in a works-based religion, and I felt because of the sins from my past—all the drugs, alcohol, sex outside of marriage and my abortion—that I needed to make an atonement for my sins somehow. I didn’t understand that there was nothing I could do to earn salvation; it was a gift from God (Ref. Ephesians 2:8–9).

It took 10 years for that truth to finally make its way to my heart. But once it did, it changed my whole world forever. I finally felt loved and accepted by God. I didn’t have to be good enough or check a box to be loved and accepted. I realized I needed to believe God’s Word. I can now say with confidence that I have been adopted by God, I am His child, and nothing can separate me from His love (Ref. Romans 8:15–16a, 38–39).

 

Questions to Take to Heart:

  1. What are you doing to keep yourself so busy that you are not dealing with your stuff?
  2. What are you running away from?
  3. How can/did you stop the busyness in your life?
  4. How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myahsestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

 

 

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 3): Blind Spots

by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

 

Scripture References:

Psalm 119:18
“Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things out of Your Law.”

John 8:31–32
“Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you will be my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’”

 

Blind spots are areas in my life in which I have been wounded and where I cannot see my character defects, sins, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

My life was filled with destructive choices, all of which contributed to my woundedness and blind spots. Only God could show me these blind spots and help me to see what areas in my life I needed to work through and change.

In the past, a blind spot for me was being overly protective of my children. When I was a young mom and not a believer yet, I was fearful that God would punish me for my past abortion and take one of my children. I remember when my children hit three years of age, I thought, “Oh good, I don’t have to worry about that.”

But I still parented out of fear because I didn’t want my children to make the same mistakes. They were not permitted to participate in many activities their public school friends participated in because of the church we were attending at the time.

God’s Word shined light in these dark areas that were hidden for so many years. This light set me free from my fears, helping me to trust Him to release my children into His capable hands and allow them to make their own choices.

Later on, I had to apologize to my children for not allowing them to do certain things but also for being way too protective of them. They knew my heart, and they forgave me.

Another area that I had a huge blind spot was in my relationships with others. I did not see how I was allowing others to take advantage of me by manipulating and controlling me. I never developed a voice because I was fearful of rejection and abandonment, which caused me to accept this unacceptable behavior.

I felt I deserved to be abused because of my past sins, which was a lie from the devil. I hated myself and did not respect myself. So, how could I expect others to love and respect me? I allowed others to control and manipulate me because I put their opinions above God’s in my life.

My people–pleasing was out of control, and I could never say no because I didn’t want to disappoint others. So, I ran around like an idiot, exhausted physically and emotionally drained and all along feeling very empty and unloved inside.

Why was I doing these things? Oh, yes, so others will see value in me and love me.

Well, that never worked. The only one who ever saw value and worth in me was God.

Over time, God was removing the blindness, and I started seeing my unhealthy thinking. As I was seeking Him more and the truth about my past, He started revealing things to me that I did not see before.

I am so thankful for the day when God filled me with His love so completely that I finally stopped looking to humans to approve of me or love me. I was content solely in my relationship with the Lord. He was the only one I needed. This perspective changed my life forever. I am so grateful for God showing me my blind spots so I could know the truth, confess my sins, repent and be set free.

Ask God to show you what your blind spots are.

Questions:

What areas has God revealed to you that were blind spots?

Can you share them with the group?

How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has helped you to discover blind spots in your own life. Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

In His love and service,

—Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!