Forgiveness—God’s Way

By Luci Boudreaux/Spiritual Insights
Scriptures: Matthew 5:44 and Mark 11:25

Matthew 5:44 “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,”

Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

In my youth, I learned all about the impact of unforgiveness before I ever understood the incredible power and freedom of God’s plan; and that is forgiveness! That is what we will be talking about today.

I have a brother who is two years older and was incredibly mean to me from a very early age. I was an easy target since there was very little supervision in our home. He tormented, made fun of, beat up on and laughed at me regularly. As we grew older, he became more abusive in his behavior. And by age 11, he and another brother began to sexually molest me. I didn’t dare tell anyone because my greatest fear was that no one would believe me, and if they did, I would be blamed somehow. At 12, I was raped by a stranger in the neighborhood and was robbed of my virginity and whatever childhood innocence I had left. I escaped my abusive home environment at the age of 15. And I took my anger, confusion and bitterness with me into every relationship. Unfortunately, I experienced more violations and abuse from strangers out in the world.

The relationships that I did have were very toxic. I was promiscuous and emotionally unavailable. And when I look back on that season of my life, I also chose men who were unhealthy as well. At 24, I became pregnant by a man whose name I can’t remember, as we had just met that one day and I never saw him again. Unfortunately, I chose to abort my baby. And that was a devastating decision that broke me!

But, praise be to God that, approximately nine months later, the Lord revealed His Spirit, His truth, and I was born again! But there were layers of lies and wounds to process and release to the Lord. So, in my childlike obedience, I did the only thing I knew to do. I surrendered all these hurts and atrocities to Jesus, my Savior. I assumed that once I forgave as the Bible teaches, it was behind me. But I was wrong! The emotions of unforgiveness continued to rise up in my heart, as certain situations triggered them.

So I had a decision to make; I could try and bury the memories of the wrongs done to me and forget about them. But the problem with this is, it continues to surface along with the root of bitterness that continues growing inside.

As a follower of Christ, I worked on past wounds that were causing pain, and in that process, I specifically forgave my brother and have been praying for him for decades. But I recently found out that he has cancer and will need surgery. You would think that at once, I would pray for him, but what happened really surprised me! my immediate response was, “I don’t want to pray for him; he’s awful.”

When the thought came to me, I was convicted. So I took it to the Lord, and He began to help me sort through the unforgiveness, again. I realized there was still a remnant of unforgiveness in my heart against him. I had to deal with it!

I am learning that forgiveness is not only a one-time obedient act for the Lord, but it is also an ongoing process that needs to be revisited when it creeps into our hearts.

What I hadn’t been considering was that he came from the same dysfunctional home as me. My father was very harsh and cruel to him and my other brothers. Although he’s never expressed it, I believe he is burdened from past abuse. And from working through this for myself and for so many others, I’ve come to understand that those who have been abused are prone to hurt others in similar ways.

Questions to take to heart:

Are you holding onto unforgiveness toward anyone?

How are you working through the process of forgiveness?

Are you finding it hard to forgive some over others?

Pastor Bill Elliff shares his perspective:

“Forgiveness is my responsibility as a choice of my will, made possible

by God’s grace, to release a debt, by faith, for the glory of God.”

Let’s look at the breakdown of the above statement:

“My responsibility”:
Regardless of what others have done, I am responsible for the sin of my unforgiveness.

“As a choice of my will, made possible by God’s grace”: It is not an act of my emotions but a choice I can always make because of the sufficiency of Gods empowering grace.

“To release a debt”:
The reason I am holding this in the ledger book of my heart is to make others pay (in multiple ways). Forgiveness transfers this issue from my courtroom to God’s, believing that He is fully capable of taking care of others.

“For the glory of God”:
There is nothing that illustrates God more clearly and shows others the remarkable power of God to help us through the deepest hurts of life than forgiveness.

You are loved,
Luci