Why Are Women Afraid to Share Their Abortion Secret

Why Are Women Afraid to Share Their Abortion Secret

Why are we fearful to share our abortion secret?
John 10:8-11

What is holding Christian women back from admitting this sin and coming forward to ask for healing? Why do women in leadership feel they cannot share they had an abortion? Will their ministries be less effective? I don’t think so. I truly believe when women in leadership come forward and admit this publicly, it gives the rest of the women sitting in the group or congregation, permission to come out and share as well.

The stats provided by Care Net tell us 4 out of 10 women identify as Christians and attend church at least once a month. These women are the first to have an abortion for fear of being found out. The enemy lies to them and tells them they have to take care of this quickly because they are a Pastor’s wife, or daughter, or they are in leadership; it has to be a secret and no one can find out. So, they quickly go to the abortion clinic and have an abortion. Afterwards they are a mess emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. This is wrong!!! The church and Christians should be the first ones to say we are here to help you, please do not terminate your child’s life because you made a mistake. There are other life affirming options available. That’s what the MLD course through Care Net does. It equips believers to come along side these women and men, to give them information about abortion and the life affirming alternatives, to pray with them, to share the Gospel with them, that Jesus died on the cross for them so they can have freedom, forgiveness of sins, and a new life; and to walk with them on this journey so they don’t feel all alone. This cycle of death in the church needs to stop and I pray Pastors and leaders’ eyes will be opened to this truth, and they will be willing to do something about it.

John 10:8-11 saysAll who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. I am the door, if anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief does not come but to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.

The enemy hates everything that God created, especially his most beautiful creation mankind, because we are created in His image and are given a living Spirit. God created us to have a relationship with Him. But He gave us a free will also. The enemy, since the beginning of time, in the garden has lied to us and caused us to doubt God’s Word and His love for us. When we as believers go against God’s best for us or break His laws, we sin. That’s when the struggle begins and the enemy then has a foothold in our lives. That’s where the church is now. The enemy has these women and men who have aborted their babies, in bondage, isolation, and torment. He wants them to keep this a secret, because he wants to prevent them from experiencing true peace with God, forgiveness of sins, and he certainly doesn’t want us, (those who have been healed from our past abortions) to tell others that there is hope and healing in Christ. More people need to hear the truth from us, I pray our voices will be louder than the enemy’s, so people can truly be set free.

How can we encourage Christian women sitting in our churches every Sunday to share their secret of abortion? I believe they must hear someone’s abortion story; they need to see a face associated with an Abortion Recovery Ministry or Bible Study. Then they can feel safe to come forward. But for some reason the church is hesitant to share this from the pulpit, I’m not sure why. I am praying that God will raise up bold and courageous leaders who have had an abortion, to step up and share with other women to encourage them to step out also.

Let me ask you, why did it take you so long to come forward to admit you had an abortion?

Tell me your story. What did God use to get you to step out and come forward for healing?

As a result of your healing what has God called you to do?

Will you join me to stop abortion in the church and come alongside other women to encourage them to break this cycle of death, in exchange for one that leads to life, freedom, and peace?



Focusing on the One Thing I Don’t Have

Focusing on the One Thing I Don’t Have

Focusing on the One thing I don’t have, Eve.

Genesis 2:15-3:9, and Isaiah 61:1-3

How does the enemy torment a believer? It’s very simple actually, by getting us to focus on the one thing we don’t have: it can be financial security, a relationship, good health, a job, a family, a nice home, etc. So, let me ask you, what one thing are you focusing on right now that you don’t have?

Let’s look at Eve for example, she lived in a beautiful garden in perfect harmony with her husband and all of creation and they walked with and spoke with God daily. She had everything she could ever want, except one thing; God told them not to touch or eat of the tree in the midst of the garden because when they eat of it their eyes will be open and they will know good and evil. So, what does the serpent, the devil do? He comes to Eve after observing her looking at the tree. This is not in the Bible, but we know that the devil cannot read our minds. But he and his demons observe us and how we react to things. So, he is observing Eve over a period of time and notices her looking at the tree; he slithers by and starts talking with Eve. The first thing he does is to put doubt in Eve’s mind that God doesn’t love her or else he would have given her everything, that “God is holding out on you, because he knows if you eat of it you will be like God knowing good and evil.” No, the truth is, that by disobeying God, sin entered the world and there will now be conflict between the woman and her husband, all of creation will be forever changed, and their relationship with God will be broken. They will now experience pain, grief, sorrow, shame, and guilt and Adam and Eve will be forced out of their beautiful garden to never return again. They will be cursed as a result of their sins. That sounds pretty harsh but that’s how evil sin is, we like to justify sin so it doesn’t sound so bad, but the truth is sin is destructive and it separates us form God and others.

Many of us chose abortion, drunkenness, drugs, promiscuity and lying, as a way to cope with all of the pain and destructive choices in our lives. We were spiraling out of control, until one day we met the Savior, who had mercy on us and saved us from the path of destruction we were on. He exchanged our ashes for something beautiful, He took our mourning and grief; he gave us joy and exchanged our rags for a beautiful pure white garment. He gave us a new life, a new destiny, a new song, and a new purpose. I don’t want my old life back because that person is dead and gone. I have been made new and I no longer desire the things I use to do.


Let me ask you what are you struggling with today?


What thing is the enemy causing you to focus on?


Have you ever asked Jesus to forgive your sins and to become your Lord and Savior?


How can we pray for you?




Has Your Life Been Resurrected?

Has Your Life Been Resurrected?

John 1:1,14, Titus 3:5, Luke 1:28, 2 Corinthians 5:21, Matthew 27:3-4, 1 Corinthians 15:3-4, and Colossians 3:1

For those of us who have suffered the trauma of abortion, can agree that every part of our being, physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional, has been broken and shattered into a million pieces. We found ourselves barely able to function and as a result we chose unhealthy mechanisms to cope with our state of despair; such as alcohol, sex, drugs, shopping, unhealthy relationships or anything that could fill the black hole in our heart. There is only one person who can pick up the shattered pieces of our broken lives and fill the hole in our heart and that is Jesus the only begotten Son of God. Have you truly met the Savior, the lover of your soul? Have you been led out of the darkness and chains, into His glorious healing light?

Where were you when you found Jesus? I was 34 years old and literally on my back laying on my couch for weeks at a time, and thinking this is not living, I am barely surviving, and wanting to end this torment of a life. My depression was so severe that I was incapable of getting on with my life and daily responsibilities. I was a broken, depressed, addicted, suicidal mess. On the outside, I pretended to have a perfect life, but inside I was dying and it became exceedingly more difficult to put on my mask every day. The only thing that kept me from formulating a plan to end my life were my 2 children who were very young, at the time around 7 and 8. I could not abandon them and leave them without a mother.

My husband had been on a quest to find the truth about Jesus and he was attending several churches in our area. In my desperation, I told him I wanted to attend church with him on one such Sunday. All four of us attended a small Baptist church in Browns Mills, NJ on January 2, 1994. For the next four weeks we would attend church as a family for Sunday School, Sunday Service, and on Sunday and Wednesday night meetings. My heart and mind were being saturated with the Bible, the Living Word of God (John 1:1,14). My Spirit was slowly being regenerated or reborn (Titus 3:5). My eyes and ears were opened and I heard things I had never heard before, and I had attended church my whole life. I heard that Jesus was born of a virgin teenager, a woman blessed and chosen by God, (Luke 1:28) but no different from you or I. He lived a sinless life, (2 Corinthians 5:21) was betrayed by Judas Iscariot for 30 pieces of silver, (Matthew 27:3-4) was tortured and crucified on a cross, died, was buried and rose again on the third day. (1 Corinthians 15:3-4) He is alive and sitting at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. (Colossians 3:1) When I realized that Jesus loved me so much that He died for me and He took upon himself my sins and He willingly died for me. I was finally broken of my self-sufficiency and pride and I humbled myself before God and I asked Him to forgive my sins and I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.

The most memorable life transforming day of my life was on February 6, 1994 when I became a born-again believer in Jesus. I will never forget that evening after Church when I was of all things, smoking a cigarette in my garage; that addiction took longer to stop than my drinking which stopped immediately. It was a clear crisp beautiful February evening and looking up I saw the moon and stars and I had this overwhelming feeling inside that something happened, I felt my spirit quicken in me and I said, “I feel you in me, I am changed, thank you Jesus.” Tears streamed down my cheeks and I was filled with gratitude, love, and hope for the first time in my life, I felt completely loved.

Have you encountered Jesus?

Once you do you will never be the same.

Tell me your story, where were you when Jesus found you?



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Stinking Thinking: Negative Thoughts

Stinking Thinking: Negative Thoughts

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 and Philippians 4:8-9

Stinking Thinking refers to the negative thoughts that torment us especially when we are HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) or have thoughts such as a distorted view of God and self, negative thinking, justification, fear, and anxiety. We will address each of these topics so we can discern between the lies we have believed over the years and replace them with God’s truth. Our goal is to equip you so you can have victory in these areas.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 NKJV

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God for pulling down of strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself above the knowledge of God, brining every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”

Philippians 4:8-9 NKJV

“Finally, brethren whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received, and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with.”

All of us know a person who can suck all the air out of a room because every word that comes out of their mouth is negative. Have you ever experienced that before? It is emotionally draining to be in the company of a negative person for a long period of time, before we too are dragged down into the pit with them. Are you plagued with negative thoughts?

The enemy is continually trying to trip us up, because his goal is to get us to focus on the negative things, instead of all the things we should be thankful for. Do you have a gratitude list? If you don’t, I suggest you do one today, and write down all the things you are thankful for. When you feel a negative thought coming on, just get out your list and remind yourself, God is still on the throne and He is in control and He is aware of everything that is going on in the world. He uses all of it for His purpose and plans in all of our lives. We must remember God is good all the time, and He is love, that is His character. He never changes, He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

The battlefield truly is the mind, that is where spiritual warfare starts and that’s where we have a choice to take it on or not. Right now, we are experiencing a worldwide pandemic, many are fearful, but as believers we need to be seeking the Lord even more now, so we have His perspective on this. What are you focusing on now? Do you feel peaceful and hopeful or depressed and hopeless?

I have a list of Biblical truths that I read over every morning to remind myself that I am adopted and loved by God. This is how I put my armor on to protect myself from the fiery darts of the enemy.

Who I am in Christ, to Combat Rejection.

I am worthy.

I am loved.

I am accepted.

I am adopted.

I am confident and competent.

I am a child of God.

I have the Holy Spirit within me.

I am victorious in Christ.

I have a home in heaven.

Nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord.

I am valued by God, I am His precious child, I have a home in heaven.

I will fear no evil!

When I read this every morning it protects my mind from the lies and negative thoughts that the enemy wants me to focus on. When I don’t read my list, I am vulnerable to the enemy’s devices; I am impatient, unkind, and easily frustrated. Lord You are showing me that today in fact, I must make time with You each morning; You are my priority, reading Your Word daily is food for my soul, praying is a time for me to hear from you and to talk to you, and journaling is a time when I go even deeper with You seeking your wisdom and wanting so much to hear from you to lead and guide me in my life and in all I do, because I want my life to be pleasing to you and I want you to be glorified through it. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me and convicting me of that today.

Father in heaven, I pray for each woman on this call and for the women on-line reading this blog. I pray they will seek you with their whole heart. Show them how much you love them in a very real and tangible way. Protect them from the lies and negative thoughts of the enemy and help them to focus on the things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. Renew their minds daily as they read Your Word. Heal them and bind up their wounds as only You can, for you only, are their Mighty Counselor and Great Physician. Meet them where they are and lead them by Your righteous right hand. Forgive all of their sins and heal them Lord. Thank you for Your love, mercy, grace, and compassion upon them. We pray this in the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.

Do you struggle with negative thoughts?

How often are you plagued with these thoughts?

Is there a person or situation that causes you to start thinking negatively?

What have you done to help protect yourself from this kind of negative thinking?



Read more of Toni’s blog posts here!

Stinking Thinking: My Distorted View of Self

Stinking Thinking: My Distorted View of Self

Isaiah 43:18-19 and Psalms 62:6-8

Stinking Thinking refers to the negative thoughts that torment us especially when we are HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) or have thoughts such as a distorted view of God and self, negative thinking, justification, fear, and anxiety. We will address each of these topics so we can discern between the lies we have believed over the years and replace them with God’s truth. Our goal is to equip you so you can have victory in these areas.

Isaiah 43:18-19
“Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Psalms 62: 6-8
“He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

I was the oldest of 3 and came from a strict second-generation Italian-American Family. My father and his 2 brothers and sister ran a family owned Construction Company started by my grandfather in 1948. My grandfather had a drinking problem, and my dad growing up in that environment, acted like an alcoholic even though he did not drink, I refer to his behavior as a “rageaholic”. He worked extremely long hours and was dealing with a lot of stress and competition between him and his brothers. He was not able to communicate in a healthy manner without becoming angry and raising his voice, he had a very short fuse. So, when he was home, I would literally want to run and hide. I had an over developed sense of responsibility and I took on shame very quickly as a child. He was very unpredictable and scary at times. As a result of this I hid behind my wall to protect myself. I pretended to be the good quiet one, in order to protect myself and to set myself apart from my sister who was 15 months my junior and my brother who was born 3 years later.

How was I supposed to get the love and attention I needed? After the “good quiet one persona” was not working anymore I started sneaking Scotch Whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet. Like I said, my dad did not drink so he did notknow I was watering down his liquor, until I overheard my uncle comment on it one day when he had a drink.

Now I was really hiding because of all the sins I was pilling up, while still keeping up the façade of the good quiet one. By 13, I was getting high and doing other drugs, having sex at 16, and getting pregnant at 21. That’s quite a recipe for disaster. I felt very insecure because I started gaining a lot of weight from all the extra calories from the liquor, and binging after getting high. I felt ugly, fat, unloved, alone, and depressed. I never developed my voice either, so all the stuffing I had been doing during my life was about to come out sideways, and I will not be able to control it. I would become like my father, a “rageaholic”.

After many years of destructive choices, unhealthy copying mechanisms and addictions; my self-loathing was at an all-time high, my depression was preventing me from functioning normally and all the pain I had been stuffing all my life, was coming out sideways; I was a walking volcano. I literally just wanted to end this disaster of a life and stop the torment I was experiencing. I felt I was not worthy to be loved. In fact, I thought I deserved to be emotionally abused because of my abortion. I did not see myself as a person of value to anyone, not even to God. This destructive pattern would continue until I was 34, when by the grace of God, I heard the gospel and within 4 weeks I got saved and asked Jesus to forgive my sins and to be my Lord and Savior. The most beautiful and memorable day of my life is February 6, 1994 when I received Jesus as my Lord. Jesus met this broken shell of a woman and breathed in me life and I became born-again.

Even after my salvation I still struggled with my stinking-thinking regarding my relationship with God, I felt I had to work for His love and for the approval of others in leadership at Church. My people pleasing was consuming my life and God showed me that this is idolatry, that anything that I put above God is an idol. Slowly overtime as He poured His love and grace over me and many years of recovery, intensive inner healing work, and involvement in high accountability groups; God showed me His love for me was not based upon my good works, but it was only because of Jesus’ death on the cross on my behalf that I was now righteous before God. I stopped striving to please people and only live my life to please God. As a result of this new mindset, I have become more dependent upon God and bolder and more courageous. I am so grateful for the wonderful adventure the Lord and I are on right now.

How has your distorted view of self, opened yourself up to all kinds of abuse and sin as a way of trying to cope with all the pain?

How was your distorted view of yourself especially after your abortion different from the way you see yourself now?



Read more of Toni’s blog posts here!