Why Are Boundaries Important?

Why Are Boundaries Important?

Why Are Boundaries Important?

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: Exodus 20: 1-17 and Ephesians 4:32

While growing up, I never learned how to have healthy boundaries. In my home of origin, we were all intermeshed with one another, without a clear separation between me and another person. At a young age, I learned how to cope in a chaotic, unpredictable home.

Never knowing when the proverbial next shoe would drop or someone would overreact and yell or throw a shoe or smack you. I always felt like I had to be guarded, and because of this, I hid in the shadows. I wanted to be loved so desperately I was willing to do anything. As a result, I became a people pleaser. All I wanted was to make others happy with my behavior, my performance, and accomplishments. I would be whatever the other person needed me to be, just to feel loved and accepted. By doing this, I allowed others to treat me badly, to manipulate and control me. I had no boundaries. I allowed others to do these things, and I just accepted it. I just thought I must not be a person of any value, because if I were, why did others treat me this way?

Because I did not have any boundaries, I struggled with receiving love and giving love. All my relationships were unhealthy, and I truly didn’t know how to have healthy relationships. I would struggle with this for most of my life. I felt very alone and disconnected from others. I was lonely because I never truly felt loved and accepted by anyone.

Lack of clear boundaries is a very common character defect with post-abortion women and women who have been abused. We have a distorted view of God, ourselves, and others. We do not trust that God will not abuse us also.

There has to be some level of trust in a relationship to have the courage to set up boundaries. Boundaries help us form healthy relationships that are based on love and respect for each other.

Boundaries are important because they help us to set up parameters to protect us from others and to help our relationships grow in a healthy and loving environment. Just like the 10 commandments were set up by God as guard rails to protect us from sin, so are boundaries important to protect us also.

Setting Up Healthy Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, pages 106-107. AACC The Bible for Hope: Caring for People God’s Way.

1. What are some areas where you have boundary issues?

2. Have an accountability partner and meet regularly to discuss this; be truthful. Saying NO is hard for a person with no boundaries.

3. Recognize your part in this. Why are you fearful to set boundaries.

4. It is important to give and receive love and forgiveness.

5. Set up limits and consequences for not respecting your boundaries, and be consistent. Ex. Walking away from someone when they start yelling at you. A consequence can be, “When you yell at me, I will walk away.”

Questions to take to heart:

1. Did you grow up learning how to have healthy boundaries?

2. What areas do you struggle with enforcing boundaries and insisting they are respected?

3. How did you learn how to put up healthy boundaries?

4. How can we pray for you?

A great resource on this subject is the book, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I pray this topic has been helpful to you. Please reach out if you need to talk: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

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Hidden Grief

Hidden Grief

Hidden Grief

By Toni Weisz / Recovery Tools

Scriptures: Psalm 34:18 and Psalm 51:17

Grief has a way of showing up quietly. Not always in ways others can see—but deeply, intensely, within.

In Scripture, we see this kind of grief in the life of David.

David wasn’t a stranger to sorrow. He experienced loss, regret, and deep emotional pain. In one of the most difficult seasons of his life, after his own failure and its consequences, David found himself overwhelmed with grief.

And he didn’t hide it from God.

In Psalm 34:18, he later writes:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

That wasn’t just a comforting idea—it was something David lived.

David understood what it meant to feel brokenhearted, to carry sorrow that others may not fully understand, and to wrestle with both grief and the weight of his own choices.

And yet—he brought all of it to God.

In another moment of honesty, David writes:

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)

David didn’t try to hide his grief.
He didn’t pretend he was fine.
He didn’t push his emotions away.

He brought his brokenness fully into the presence of God.

And that’s where healing began.

Grief after abortion can feel complicated—just like David’s grief was.

There may be sorrow mixed with regret.
Questions mixed with silence.
Feelings that don’t seem to fit into neat categories.

But David’s story shows us something important:

God is not repelled by your grief—He draws near to it.

You don’t have to have the “right words.”
You don’t have to sort out every emotion first.

Like David, you can come as you are—honest, broken, unsure—and still be met with compassion.

Grief is not something to rush past.

It’s something to bring into the light—gently, honestly, and at your own pace.

And sometimes, healing deepens when you’re walking through that grief with women who have walked that road and now experience the healing that is available to you.

Being in a space where others understand—where you don’t have to explain or hide—can make a meaningful difference. Post-abortion support groups, like those at My Ashes to Beauty, are created to offer that kind of safe, compassionate environment. We invite you to join us on a conference call, a safe place where you can speak honestly about your abortion, in an understanding and loving environment.

David didn’t heal by ignoring his pain.

He healed by bringing it to God—and allowing himself to be seen in it.

You can do the same.

Your thoughts:
If you’re dealing with grief right now and would like to be as honest as David was about his grief, what would you say to God about your grief right now?

Please reach out if you would like to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

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Post-Abortion Healing Through Resurrection Power

Post-Abortion Healing Through Resurrection Power

Post-Abortion Healing Through Resurrection Power

By Toni Weisz / Recovery Tools
Scriptures: Matthew 28:1-10 and 2 Corinthians 5:17

Easter is a story of Christ’s resurrection. (Read Matthew 28:1-10)

It also gives meaning to life rising from what seemed lost, of hope breaking through darkness, and of something new being born out of something that felt final.

But for many, seasons like Easter can feel complicated.

When your heart is carrying grief, regret, or quiet pain, it can be hard to fully connect with messages of joy and new life.

You may find yourself wondering:

“Can something in me really be made new?”
“Can God bring life out of this part of my story?”

The message of the resurrection of Christ answers with a gentle but powerful yes.

God Specializes in New Life

The resurrection of Jesus is more than a moment in history—it’s also a picture of what God does.

He brings life out of what feels dead.
He restores what feels broken.
He redeems what feels beyond repair.

In 2 Corinthians 5:17, we’re reminded:
“If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

That doesn’t mean your past disappears.

But it does mean your past does not have the final word.

When Your Heart Still Feels Heavy

After abortion, emotions can linger in unexpected ways.

Grief.
Shame.
“What ifs.”
Silent questions.

And sometimes it can feel like those things disqualify you from experiencing joy, peace, or closeness with God.

But the resurrection tells a different story. Jesus rose for broken, hurting, searching people.

He rose for you—right in the middle of your story.

Resurrection Doesn’t Ignore the Wounds

After Jesus rose, He still had scars.

They didn’t disappear—but they were no longer symbols of death.
They became evidence of victory and restoration.

In the same way, your story may always be part of you—but it does not have to be a place of shame.

Over time, through healing, it can become:

  • A place where God met you.
  • A place where growth began.
  • A place where life started to return.

Healing Is a Process of New Life

Resurrection isn’t always instant in how we experience it.

Sometimes it looks like:

  • A small moment of peace.
  • A shift in how you see yourself.
  • The courage to take one step toward healing.

New life often begins quietly.

But it grows.

And you don’t have to walk that process alone.

Being in a space where others understand—where healing is nurtured gently and without judgment—can make a meaningful difference. The My Ashes to Beauty Post-Abortion and Abuse Recovery Conference Call is helping women experience that kind of safe, compassionate restoration. You are invited to join us.

Your Story Is Not Over

Easter is a reminder that what feels like an ending is not always the end.

There is still life ahead.
There is still healing ahead.
There is still hope ahead.

God is not finished with your story. And even here—right in this place—new life can begin.

Your Thoughts?

What is one area of your heart where you long to experience new life or healing?

Please reach out if you would like to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

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You’re Not Alone: The Silent Struggle After Abortion

You’re Not Alone: The Silent Struggle After Abortion

You’re Not Alone: The Silent Struggle After Abortion

By Toni Weisz / Recovery Tools

Scripture: Psalm 147:3

There are experiences many women carry quietly—tucked deep into the hidden places of their hearts. Abortion is often one of them.

On the outside, life may appear normal. Smiles, responsibilities, routines. But underneath, there can be a swirl of emotions that feel confusing, heavy, and isolating. Thoughts that go unspoken. Questions that feel too complicated—or too painful—to share.

If this is part of your story, you need to hear this: You are not alone.

Many women walk this road, even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside. The silence surrounding abortion can make it feel like you’re the only one struggling—but that silence is often shared by countless others who simply don’t know how to begin the conversation.

Silence can be heavy.
It can convince you that your feelings don’t matter.
It can whisper that no one would understand.

But the truth is, your experience matters. Your emotions matter. You matter.

Healing often begins with one simple, brave step: acknowledging what’s real.

That doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone your story. It doesn’t mean rushing into conversations before you’re ready. But it might look like being honest—with yourself. Naming what you feel. Allowing space for your story to exist without pushing it away.

Post-abortion creates several emotions and stages. Some women feel relief. Others feel grief. Many feel both at the same time. But emotions may shift over time, appearing months or even years later.

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s valid. And you don’t have to carry it alone forever. You deserve support that meets you with compassion, not judgment. This may be a chapter of your story—but it is not the whole story.

God has a wonderful plan for your life, and He has people who can help you move forward. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

There is more ahead. There is healing ahead. And there are others who understand more than you think.

There are safe places. Safe people. Gentle paths toward healing.

For some, that looks like opening up to a trusted friend or counselor. For others, it may mean connecting with women who truly understand this specific journey.

If you’ve been longing for that kind of space, there are communities created just for this purpose—like the post-abortion support group at My Ashes to Beauty, where women can begin to heal in a safe, compassionate environment.

You don’t have to take a big step today.
Just a small one toward connection here.

Your thoughts:
What is one feeling you’ve been carrying silently that you can begin to acknowledge today?

Please reach out if you would like to talk this week: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

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The Importance of Community

The Importance of Community

The Importance of Community

By Luci Boudreaux
Spiritual Insights Blog

Scriptures: Romans 12:4-5, 15 and Colossians 3:16

 

Romans 12:4-5, 15
“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

Colossians 3:16
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing (counseling) one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.”

Today we will be talking about community, in the sense that God calls us to be, and how it impacts us. Recently, I have experienced it in a powerful way. Two years ago, one of my beloved dogs became very ill with three life-threatening diseases, one after the other. It was not only heartbreaking to see my darling Chloe suffer, but it was stressful both emotionally and financially. The cancer she developed the last year finally took her from us. While caring for her, my dog Ranger’s IBD, which we had been coping with for many years, became chronic, which was also stressful and exhausting. Soon after we lost Chloe, our third dog (Jackson) was having stomach issues, but I was managing it until just after Chloe died. Then it quickly became a crisis.

While dealing with this, my husband cut his lower leg very deeply while working in the field, which put all the chores on me. While he was laid up, we had two major winter storms, which made it very difficult for me to manage. I mean, falling down on the ice kind of managing! While all this was happening, I was getting sharp pains in my abdomen, which eventually drove me to the ER. And the same day Jackson was diagnosed with a mass in his abdomen, I was diagnosed with GB issues. The doc said it needed to come out ASAP.

It took weeks to get through the storms, and we had to postpone all medical appointments. Once we were plowed out, I took Jackson to the vet for exploratory surgery, which led to having him euthanized over the phone, due to cancer. I was still so sad from saying goodbye to Chloe just a few weeks before! And I had surgery scheduled within a couple of weeks.

I know this is a lot of detail, but I wanted to give you a sense of what was going on when I reached out to my community of women prayer warriors and church members who were there for me, praying, sending heartfelt gifts and offering encouraging words to get me through! I received offers to help around the house, meals, prayer (most cherished) notes and texts of encouragement! It helped me to stay focused on the Lord and better days ahead. Without the support of my community, I would have been distraught and very alone in my pain. Instead, I felt supported, loved, and strengthened. God created us to flourish in community!

A previous blog from Toni:

“Why is community so important? You have all heard the saying, “There is safety in numbers.” That is true for your spiritual life also, not just your physical safety. When we stay connected in community, we are protected from the enemy’s fiery darts. His primary goal is to get Christian women isolated so he can lie and torment us. How many of you know what I am talking about? We have all experienced the loneliness and despair that overcomes us when we are isolated, especially women with abortions and abuse in their past; we are an easy target for the enemy. But after we join a safe group and stay accountable, we are now protected.

It’s not just being a part of a group that protects you. It’s being an active member of the group, serving and participating consistently, not just being an observer. We must invest in the group by sharing our hearts, our tears, our triumphs, and our prayer requests. By sharing with the group, you don’t know how your share may help encourage another woman.

I have noticed over the years that the women who stay connected and accountable in a safe community continue to grow spiritually, and they feel safe, deeply connected and loved. These women have huge victories in their lives because they are dedicated to following the Lord and living in community.

Each of us has been given a role in the body of Christ by God. We see in the Scriptures above that Christ is the Head, and each one of us is a part of the body. We are called to do a specific job in the body to keep the body functioning properly.”

“My hope and prayer for each of us is that:
Our faith will grow stronger.
Our relationships with one another will grow deeper.
We will be mature, strong, confident believers in Jesus.
We will not be tossed to and fro, carried about with every wind of doctrine.
We will have a strong biblical worldview.
Christ dwells in our hearts through faith.
We will be rooted and grounded in love.
We will know the love of Christ which passes knowledge.
We will be filled with all the fullness of God.
Everything that we do is pleasing to God.
Our words will always speak life and encouragement to others.”
(Ref. Ephesians 4:14; 3:17,19)

 

“I pray you are encouraged to step up your game and make Jesus and sharing His love your priority in everything you do. I pray if you have not been regularly connecting in a deep and meaningful way that God will give you the courage to be open and vulnerable to share. God has so much for you as an individual and for us as a group to accomplish.
Will you pray and ask the Lord what your role in the Kingdom of God is and in this ministry?”

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Have you experienced the support of a Christ-centered community?
  2. If so, how has it improved and strengthened your spiritual and emotional growth?
  3. Why is it important to be connected in a Christ-centered community?
  4. How can we pray for you?

Please reach out if you want to be a part of a godly group of courageous women who trust God completely and want to see Him glorified through our lives. You can reach me at: overcomer982@icloud.com.

Your Friend,
Luci

 

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