My Life Would Be Forever Changed (Part 6): The Final Chapter

April’s Story

My Life Would be Forever Changed (Part 6)
The Final Chapter

In July 1997, I accepted the Lord into my life. I felt like I was a new person. I was alive in Christ. The same year I accepted the Lord into my life, I met my husband, and we were married three years later. I got pregnant right away, but sadly, lost the baby. This was ten years after my abortion. Of course, I thought God was punishing me. But I soon learned that it wasn’t God. It was actually my body holding onto the pain of the past. During that time, I had a lot of anxiety and fear in my heart. I knew God was near, but I didn’t really believe it. I was afraid in my own home and scared to drive my car on the freeway. I asked myself how I could possibly raise a baby with this hurt still inside me. I was holding onto everything. I walked around with a smile on, but deep down I was hurting.

Soon after this pregnancy, I became pregnant again. So, in 2002, we had our first child! Our second child followed a few years later in 2005. Unfortunately, right after the birth of our second child, I became really crazy about germs. I couldn’t do it; I felt helpless in my own body. I was so afraid I was going to die. I started to search my heart, and I realized that I was afraid of death for our children. Why was I afraid of death? Because I had faced death myself as a child. Later, I found out that death has NO sting!!!

Today, I have the honor and privilege of walking women through their abortion stories as well as mentoring women that have been through trauma, including sexual abuse. I get to see women be set free from the pain of their past and walk in their newfound freedom in Christ. My goal is to help lead women to freedom from the bondage that has been holding them back.

I now hold a Mental Health Coaching Certificate, and I am working on getting a Christian Counseling Certificate. I have been through the Making Life Disciples course and some trauma classes through church. But one of my favorite accomplishments to date is that I’ve completed one year of Bible College to be able to minister the Word to those who are lost and hurting. #SetFree

I share my whole story to tell you that our God is good, no matter what our circumstances. When I was around drugs and alcohol throughout my life, God was good. When I was kidnapped and raped at 12, God was good. When I had an abortion, God was good. When I was living in sin, God was good. When I felt shame, guilt, or fear, God was right there. When I was afraid, God was revealed. When death was around me, God saved me. When I was hopeless, God was full of hope for me. God is forgiveness and my help. What would I do without my Father? He saved me, forgave me, and redeemed me. It was only recently that I discovered that God has been with me all along. He has been pursuing me and chasing me since the day I was born.

I believe that Jesus takes all the hurt on Himself. I believe that I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. I believe I am reconciled to Him. Thank you, Jesus, that the old is gone and the new has come. Thank you, Jesus, that I am highly favored and deeply loved. Thank you that I am a called out, separated person for God’s Kingdom work. Thank you, Jesus, I am a New Creation. Thank you, Jesus, for Your Amazing Grace!!!

 

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How to Overcome Trauma

How to Overcome Trauma

How to Overcome Trauma

By Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Psalm 147:3, Psalm 27:10 and Psalm 100:5

“Trauma can be more than a dark pit of despair or a spiral of depression. It has the potential to be our deepest source of empathy, strongest point of connection, and most forceful impetus (stimulus) for growth if we bravely choose to let others into both the brokenness and the mending.

My Brokenness becomes beautiful when I see Trauma as an opportunity to grow.” (Excerpt taken from the devotional Suffer Strong: A Plan to Redefining Everything, by Katherine and Jay Wolf.)

Psalm 147:3

He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 27:10

When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the LORD will take me up.

Psalm 100:5

For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations.

It takes courage to face the trauma from our past. This is not an easy process, in fact it is quite painful at times, and it is not for the faint of heart. That’s why many people don’t do it. They would rather live in their dysfunction because they know what to expect—it’s familiar.

Change can be hard, scary, and unpredictable. But it can also be beautiful, especially when we are able to come out on the other side of our pain and see the miraculous work God has done.

When I first started this ministry, the Lord encouraged me to be real…

When I am open and transparent with all of you, it gives you permission to share from your broken places too. I have experienced tremendous healing as a result of doing these calls the past nine years. The work of the Holy Spirit, self-examination, and a safe community in which to share are the most important elements for true healing and the ability to break generational curses. I am praying that each of you experience true healing in all of your broken areas. You are safe here, dearly beloved of the Lord.

Questions:

What areas from your past Trauma are you still struggling in?

I am still struggling with my co-dependency issues with my spouse. It’s a tricky place to be.

Where does Godly wisdom and discernment end and co-dependency begin?

Am I putting off conversations because it’s not the right time or am I fearful to bring it up at all? I do not want to fear man, and I feel at times I do when it comes to perceived authority figures. The Lord sweetly whispers to my heart how much I am loved by Him, how He knows the cry of my heart, and that He has collected all my tears in a bottle.

One thing I know: He wants me to be bold and courageous, to speak the truth in love, and to leave the rest in His hands.

How can we pray for you?

Please pray with me that the Holy Spirit will go before me to prepare my husband’s heart. Thank you for allowing me to share.

Remember: When your father and your mother forsake you, Then the LORD will take you up. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations. He binds up the brokenhearted and heals all of your wounds. Please reach out if you need prayer or just want to talk.

You are loved,

Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Fear of Surrender

Fear of Surrender

Fear of Surrender

November 13, 2021

Fear: Panic flight, causing of fear, terror (Strong’s Greek)

Surrender: Given out or over, surrendered, delivered (Strong’s Greek)

Scriptures

2 Timothy 1:7

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Psalm 25:20

“Keep my soul, and deliver me; let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You.”

Psalm 27:1-14

“1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh,

my enemies and foes

They stumbled and fell.

3 Though an army may encamp against me,

my heart shall not fear;

though war may rise against me,

in this I will be confident,

4 One thing I have desired of the Lord,

that will I seek:

That I may dwell in the House of the Lord

All the days of my life,

To behold the beauty of the Lord,

and to inquire in His temple.

5 For in the time of trouble

he shall hide me in His pavilion;

In the secret place of his Tabernacle

He shall hide me;

He shall set me high up on a rock.

6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;

Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy to His Tabernacle;

I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice!

Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

8 when you said, “Seek My Face,”

My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek”

9 Do not hide your face from me;

Do not turn your servant away in anger;

You have been my help;

Do not leave me nor forsake me.

Oh God of my salvation.

10 when my father and my mother forsake me,

Then the Lord will take care of me.

11 Teach me your way, O Lord,

And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.

12 Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;

For false witnesses have risen against me,

And such as breathe out violence

13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed

That I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

14 Wait on the Lord;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart;

Wait, I say, on the Lord!

When I say “fear of surrendering,” I’m not talking about our salvation. I’m talking about the things that we still hold onto that prevent us from completely surrendering our lives and will to Jesus.

Why do I still try to control my life, circumstances, and relationships? Why do I rely on myself instead of God?

Fear of surrender says that I believe that my way is better than God’s and that I trust myself more than the Lord to protect me, provide for me, and decide what’s best for me. It says that I am my own god.

When I am focused on my wounds from my past, I am not looking to Christ or to the liberty I now live in as His daughter.

Galatians 5:1 says “Standfast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.”

Surrendering is a daily choice. Instead of surrendering to Jesus, am I running to activities or behaviors that will harm me and hold me back from freedom in Him? If so, what are those things?

Do I run to any detrimental outlets including or similar to the following?

  • Overeating, undereating, or obsessively controlling what I eat
  • Relationships that feed my negativity
  • Gossip
  • Judgment of others and having a critical spirit, which prevent me from recognizing my shortcomings and working on myself
  • Control of people and my environment (e.g., being a hover mother, bossing around spouses or friends)
  • Not trusting God to handle a situation and outcome for a friend or loved one
  • Obsessive cleaning and/or organizing
  • Substance abuse (e.g., of alcohol and/or drugs)
  • Compulsive shopping
  • Failing to take care of myself
  • Overexercising
  • Busyness in the name of God
  • Overworking or being overly career oriented
  • People pleasing instead of God pleasing

The fear of surrender is a demonic spirit to which we give opportunity for entry into our lives by not staying steadfast in our walks with God, not staying in the Word and renewing our minds, running to sin, and not keeping our eyes on Jesus.

Questions

  1. What things or old habits do you still run to that are preventing you from fully living a life surrendered to Christ today?
  2. What do you do to protect your mind and stay focused on the freedom that Christ has given you?
  3. Choose a scripture that you can memorize and speak out loud when you are struggling with surrendering a specific situation to God or ending an old habit. Please share it with the group.
  4. What specific thing can we be praying for you to be delivered from today?

 

God’s Beloved 1 John 3:2

 

I Am God’s Wildflower

I Am God’s Wildflower

Luci’s Blog

I was part of the sexual Abuse Recovery Bible Study with a small group of women through the “My Ashes To Beauty” ministry. And when I agreed to participate, I figured it had been so many decades since the abuses took place that there wouldn’t be any new discoveries. Well, it turns out there were things that I had not yet processed, even with all the counseling I had over the years.

I had the opportunity to mourn the loss of a safe and happy childhood and teen years that every girl deserves to experience. One of the things that really moved me is when we shared photos of the timeframe that we lost our innocence. I felt such compassion for the other women’s photos and how precious and vulnerable they appeared at the time of their abuses. When I looked at my photo, I felt such love and mercy for the young adolescent girl, that was me; I shed tears over that. I didn’t see myself back then, the way I now do. I had blamed myself for the abuses and couldn’t see beyond how it defined me. I was reminded over the course of this study that I am God’s precious and adored daughter! And that was definitely a good thing to allow to sink into my heart!

As I got to know the women in this intimate setting and hear their stories, I realized, I’m not alone in this, that others have experienced similar atrocities and it endeared me to them. We bonded in a way that goes beyond a typical group gathering for prayer or Bible study. I got the sense that God brought this particular group together so we could pray for, encourage and show one another that there is further healing and work to be done. The prayers that were prayed over us was like a healing balm that sunk deep into my soul!

Sexual abuse recovery takes time, as we peel away layers of false beliefs and negative thinking which keeps us in bondage and from moving further on the beautiful path that God has for each of us to walk. Not only do we need to continue to grow in Him, but He also wants to use us to show others the healing and forgiveness that is waiting for them, through His love. This study ws a safe place to share and be vulnerable with like-minded women.

His beloved,

Luci

 

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From Shame to Victory (Part 5): Then Jesus Came to My Rescue

When I was a kid, my mom would take me and my brother to church where I heard about a man named Jesus. From what I was taught about Him, I thought he was supposed to protect me. But with everything that happened to me, I thought He had abandoned me like my parents did. I remember lying in bed, telling Jesus that if I was a good girl, could He make my daddy stop drinking and my mommy happy? It didn’t happen so; I gave up on Him.

After I left my husband, I kept coming back to that moment that I was willing to take his life and something stopped me. What stopped me? Who stopped me? I kept coming back to Jesus, ‘did You stop me Jesus?’ I began to seek and find out more about who Jesus really is.

I began listening to Moody Radio and all their programs. I needed a safe place to start. I listened faithfully and one-night Dr. James Dobson who I listened to regularly, once again, gave an invitation to receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I got on my knees, prayed and received Jesus Christ as MY Lord and Savior. He loved me enough to die on the cross for me and He loved me enough to stop me from making the biggest mistake of my life. I am eternally grateful to Him.

—Rhonda

 

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