Our Dashed Dreams

Our Dashed Dreams
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scripture References

Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Isaiah 61:7 (ESV)
Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore, in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.

I never imagined I would abort my first child. I grew up in a large Italian family. (My mom was one of ten children.) At our family get-togethers, there were always children running around. I was the oldest granddaughter, so it was my job to look after the younger ones so the adults could talk without interruptions.

I loved children, and I even thought about getting a teaching degree. What happened to my childhood dreams? How did I go so far off the path I thought would be my life?

Sin destroyed my dreams. I decided that being the “good, quiet one” wasn’t working for me anymore. I wasn’t getting the love and attention I needed, so I decided to take matters into my own hands—a true recipe for disaster.

At 12 years old, I started experimenting with alcohol and began sneaking shots of Scotch whiskey while my parents were at my brother’s football practices. My sister and I were left at home to do the dishes for a short while, but that’s all the devil needed—a little bit of time to get me alone and wanting.

My child-brain started thinking of ways to get my needs met but in unhealthy ways. This destructive path the enemy led me down was one of drugs, alcohol, numerous sexual partners, and then my abortion at 21. It was a dark and destructive journey. I hid in my secrets and was tormented by the devil.

How did I get here? One bad choice after another after another; it happens that fast.

I would continue in this self-destructive pattern for 22 years. Thankfully, God finally rescued me at the age of 34 when I heard the gospel for the first time. Jesus died on the cross for MY SINS. I had never heard that before. I desperately needed and wanted someone to take all my sins, shame, and guilt.

I needed a Savior—someone to love me just for me. I found all those things in a relationship with Jesus. I am so grateful for the love, forgiveness, and peace I found in Him.

God has turned my mourning into joy. He has given me a new name, a new life, and a new calling.

No matter what you have done in your past, God is able to forgive and redeem what the devil has stolen. You can still have a wonderful, fulfilling, God-glorifying life. It just may look a little different from your original plan. But rest assured, God is a good Father and has a good plan for your life.

Will you allow Him to help you dream new dreams?

Questions & Final Thoughts:

What were some of your childhood dreams?
Did the devil steal your dreams of having children and a family?
How have you been able to move on and dream new dreams?
How can we pray for you?

I pray that the Lord will minister to your broken heart and give you new dreams. Please reach out if you need a listening ear or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.

Prayer for Revival

Prayer for Revival
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Discipline

Scripture References: Psalm 51:1–17, Psalm 139:23–24,
2Timothy 2:21, James 5:16, and Ephesians 4:29–31

Read Psalm 51:1–17

In February 1970, revival broke out at Asbury College in Wilmore, Kentucky.

On Wednesday, February 8, 2023 (53 years later almost to the day), revival again broke out on the campus at Ashbury University in Wilmore, Kentucky. After chapel service, some students lingered for spontaneous worship, prayer, and confession. The revival continued for many days and spread to other universities, and many people traveled from all over the world to experience God in that place.

PRAYER & SCRIPTURE

We are hungry for You, Lord. Just like in 1970, there was much turmoil in the world, the Vietnam War, protests, bad economy, high gas prices, inflation, and chaos all around, not much different today in our world. People are hurting. They are confused and fearful about what the future will bring. But our hope is in You, Lord. Only You know it all, see it all, and control it all.

We humble ourselves before you today and ask Your Holy Spirit to help us. We cry out as David did in the Psalms.

Psalm 139:23–24
Search us, O God, and know our hearts. Try us, and know our thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in us, and lead us in the way everlasting.

Lord God, remove any blindness that may be keeping us from repenting of sin in our lives.

2 Timothy 2:21
Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.

We want to be clean vessels sanctified and useful in your kingdom work. Purify us by the Word of God and the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Father God, we are expecting You to move mightily to heal the brokenhearted and to heal all our wounds. We are waiting for you to heal us and our families from disease and demonic oppression, in the name of Jesus, we pray.

We are praying for our family members, friends, and neighbors who do not know You yet, that Your Holy Spirit will break their hearts of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Have mercy upon them, O Lord. We are crying out to You for revival in our own hearts, our homes, our neighborhood, our state, our nation, and the world. Come, Holy Spirit, and have Your will and Your way in us today.

We are surrendering all to You today. We are asking, seeking, and knocking on the door. Let revival continue right here and right now in us.

In the powerful name of Jesus, we pray, amen.

James 5:16
Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Ephesians 4:29-31
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Preparation for Revival:

Is there someone who you are harboring unforgiveness toward for something they did or did not do?

Would you like to confess that right now?

Are you willfully going against what you know is right?

Would you like to confess that now?

Is there something that you are unknowingly doing that is not honoring to God? Ask the Lord to show you so you can repent.

Would you like to confess that now?

Are you angry with God because you are really struggling with loneliness, depression, loss of job, health issues, a relationship, and God is not moving fast enough and you are really suffering?

Would you like to confess that now?

Please reach out if you need prayer or encouragement. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.

Have You Been Set Free?

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scripture References: John 8:31-32, 34-36, Romans 6: 12-14, and James 5:16

John 8:31-32, 34-36
So Jesus said unto the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.

Romans 6:12-14
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will not have dominion over you, since you are not under the law but under grace.

Are you still struggling with a distorted view of yourself, God, or others? When did that start for you?

It takes years and perhaps decades of hard work to undo the damage that was done to us as children, teens, and young adults.

How can we be set free to live the abundant life Jesus came to give us?

I’d like to share four keys that can help you be set free.

1.) I believe we need to confess sin daily.

Some questions to take to heart:

What are my motives?
Why am I so easily offended?
Why am I being taken advantage of by others?
Why can’t I say no?
Why am I fearful or anxious when I have to speak to a certain person?

When we have been mistreated, abused, or neglected or have an abortion in our past, we develop deep wounds which distort our thinking and emotional development. It’s only God who can help us heal in those areas and grow to our full potential.

I heard this statement, but I do not know who coined it:

“If you want to be forgiven, confess your sins to God. If you want to change, confess your sins to another person so they can help you be accountable.”

James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins one to another and pray one to another that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

2.) I feel a personal quiet time with the Lord is essential.

It’s hard for some of us to trust anyone, even God. Slowly, as you spend time with God, in His word, He will reveal His heart towards you. You will begin to see how much He does love you and how He cares about every part of your life. He never tires to hear about what’s going on in your life. He never slumbers. He is always available any time, day or night. That gives me great comfort knowing God is always there for me because so many people have let me down over the years. But God is always faithful.

3.) Sharing your story in a safe environment (such as our conference call) is therapeutic and condusive to healing.

It’s important for our healing that we can share our stories with others in a safe and loving environment without judgment. Once we do that, our secrets no longer have power over us.

Is there some part of your story you have not shared with others?

Now would be a good time to do that. If you cannot speak on the conference call, then write it down and email it to me at: arwsg4u2@gmail.com.

By sharing our stories with each other, we can pray and encourage each other on our healing journey. You are not alone; that is a lie from the devil.

4.) We must be willing to do the hard work.

I am constantly reading books to help me heal and facilitate a healing group where women feel loved and safe. Our learning, healing and equipping is an ongoing process that will continue until the day we see Jesus. God is still healing me when I allow Him and the Holy Spirit to speak truth into my life. I have to be consciously listening to Him. Speak to God all day long. He is listening and waiting for you to call out to Him.

If you do these four things, it will help you to be set free in every area of your life.

Are you willing to allow Jesus to take you by the hand and lead you on this healing journey?

I pray this has been helpful for you. Please reach out. We are waiting to hear from you. Please go to our contact page to get our email and phone number.

You are loved,
Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.

The Courage of Mary

Abortion Recovery Women’s Support Group (ARWSG)

Luke1:26–38, 1 John 1:9, Deuteronomy 22:20–21, and Romans 8:28

In the book of Luke, we read about an incredibly brave teenager named Mary. Mary was a common name back then; it meant bitter. The people were bitter because the prophets were silent for 400 years. There was no revelation at all between the Old Testament and the New Testament for all this time. They felt bitter because they thought God had forgotten them and His promise of their Messiah.

We see this incredible dialogue between Mary and the angel Gabriel. He said to her, “Rejoice highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women! Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.” He proceeded to tell her she would conceive and bear a Son and shall call His name Jesus. God used this young woman mightily to bring forth the promised Messiah, Emmanuel—God with us. Instead of running from her situation or panicking, she prayed and sought the Lord’s leading. Why didn’t we trust God when we found ourselves with unplanned pregnancies? If you have confessed this sin to Him, He has forgiven you. 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Mary could have been stoned for being pregnant outside of marriage because that was the law back then. Deuteronomy 22:20–21 speaks about the laws pertaining to sexual sins. Not only could Mary have been stoned, but Joseph, her espoused husband, could have walked away from the relationship by writing a bill of divorcement because they were legally betrothed to one another. But God protected Mary from both of these consequences because she had not sinned. She was supernaturally impregnated by the Holy Spirit of God. She was so courageous and brave. She risked her own life and reputation to obey God. What a beautiful testimony we see in her life.

This week will be 41 years since I aborted my son, Joseph, on December 10, 1980. I wish I had the courage like Mary to have my baby, but I allowed the fear of man to push me to abort my baby. I cannot change my past, but I can learn from my mistakes. God used my abortion to bring me into a relationship with Jesus. Now, I have the distinct honor of walking with all of you on your healing journeys. God has certainly taken my ashes, my horrible sins, and turned them into something beautiful for my good and His glory, and you are all a part of that. I believe that God makes all things work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). God, through the work of the Holy Spirit, is continually sanctifying us and conforming us to the image of Jesus. You all are so precious to Him; I hope you know that.

Questions

How long has it been since your past abortion(s)?
Are you still holding onto your secret of abortion(s)?
Have you allowed God access to all your broken places so that He can heal you? If not, trust Him today. He wants you healed and whole so that you can become the woman He created you to be.

You are loved,
Toni

Audio of "The Courage of Mary" blog post

"Mary, Did You Know?"

(Featuring Chandler Moore & Lizzie Morgan)

Maverick City Music

Click here for the music video

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.

I Will See You Again

“I Will See You Again, a Letter to my Baby”

Revelation 21:4-5a
“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold I make all things new.”

John 14:3
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

I Corinthians 2:9
But as it is written, “Eye has not seen nor ear heard, nor have entered in the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

My Letter to My Baby

Dear Joseph,

My precious child, I have loved you all of my adult life, and yet, I have never seen your face or held you in my arms. For that, I am very sorry. You were a gift from God, and I threw you away. I am so sorry for ending your life. God showed me what you look like. I saw a young man in his 30s on an airplane, and he had brown curly hair and blue eyes. I felt my spirit quicken. I whispered to the Lord, “Is that what my son looks like?” I felt the confirmation in my spirit.

I named you Joseph because what the enemy meant for evil, God turned around for my good and for His glory. He exchanged my ashes for something beautiful. Joseph, you inspired a ministry called My Ashes to Beauty to help other moms heal from their past abortions.

I know you are in heaven with Jesus—a place where there is no sadness, pain, or sorrow. I can’t wait for the day that I can see you face to face in heaven where we will be together forever. I have pictured that scene over and over in my mind. I see you greeting me in heaven. I know you and you know me. We hug. With tears of joy streaming down my cheeks, you kiss me and I say, “I have waited for this moment for so long. Now we will never be parted again. I love you, Joseph.” You respond, “I love you, Mom.” Then, I will look to Jesus and thank Him for this precious gift of being reunited with my child in heaven and for the gift of salvation He gave me.

I will see you soon.

Love always,
Mom

As I was praying about the topic for today, this song came on my station, Scars in Heaven, by Casting Crowns. Here are some of the lyrics (to which I made some minor modifications):

Now what I would give for one more day with you Joseph (your child or children’s names).
Cause there’s a wound here in my heart where something’s missing. And they tell me that it’s gonna heal with time. But I know you’re in a better place where you are healed and whole and I will be too.
The only scars in heaven, they won’t belong to me and you.
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new. And that thought makes me smile now, even as tears fall down. Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now.

Questions to Take to Heart:
What are your thoughts when you think about your baby (or babies)? What would you like to say to your baby (or babies)?

You can read more letters on our website: https://myashestobeauty.com/a-letter-to-my-baby/

I pray this blesses your heart.

You are loved,

Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.

The Woman with the Issue of Blood

Abortion Recovery Women’s Support Group (ARWSG)

The Woman with the Issue of Blood

Luke 8:43-48 (NKJV)
Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border (fringe) of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?” When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’” But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. And He said to her, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”

We post-abortion women can relate to what this woman must have endured for so many years. We too know what it is like to spend all kinds of money on things that did not heal us. Some of us used drugs and alcohol to medicate ourselves from the pain we had stuffed for so long. Many of us went to doctors and therapists to help heal the damage that our abortions have done to us in so many areas of our lives. We know what it is like to suffer alone, to be isolated from others, and to feel hopeless and depressed. We were desperate for a cure but nothing worked, until we got to the point where we were tired of just existing and wanted the abundant life that Jesus promised we could have. It was when we had almost given up all hope that we encountered our Savior—Jesus, our healer. We risked it all, just to touch the hem of His garment because we knew if we did, then we would be healed. We risked exposure because we knew that only He could heal us.

It takes faith in God and courage to step out to touch Jesus’ garment to be healed. I pray God continues to guide you on this healing journey and that you become strong in the Lord, so we can bring more women into this ministry for healing. May we continue to be His hands and feet in this world.

Questions:

What are some of the things you tried in the past to help you cope with the pain of your abortion?
Alcohol and drugs were my escape from my pain. I was so tired of wearing a mask and pretending my life was perfect. After a while, I just couldn’t function well at all. My life was falling apart, my health was failing, and my marriage was on the brink of divorce. I was in a deep state of despair and depression. I just wanted to stop this torment of a life, but I couldn’t leave my 2 children without a mom. I was feeling hopeless and wanted to die until the day I met Jesus. He was so kind and loving to me. When I heard the gospel for the first time within 4 weeks, I ran to Jesus and kissed His feet and thanked Him for taking my pain away and for loving me. I never knew love like that before.

When did you finally have the courage to touch Jesus’ garment for healing?

In 2010, after suffering with severe depression again, I wanted to die. I was crying on my bed and said to the Lord, “I can’t do this anymore; can’t you just take me home?” I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “Do you trust Me?” I said, “Yes Lord, I trust You.” “Do you believe that I can turn this around for good?” I said, “Yes Lord, I believe you can.” He said, “Then trust Me.” Immediately after that, I got the name of a ministry, and I started my recovery work for Adult Children of Emotionally Disconnected Families. It was a high-accountability, inner healing support group that I attended for 5 years, plus I attended weekly recovery meetings. This gave me tools and most importantly, I didn’t feel alone anymore. There were other women who struggled like I did. That started me on my healing from my past and all the unhealthy behavior I was tolerating from others. I learned boundaries, became strong, stood up to the bullies for the first time in my life, and used my voice. I learned to see myself the way God sees me and finally received His love into my heart. I have never been the same. Thank you, Jesus, for saving my soul and healing me.

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.