Lord, I Want to Be Healed

Lord, I Want to Be Healed

Lord, I Want to Be Healed

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scripture References: John 10:10b, Ephesians 3:20, Isaiah 41:10, Luke 19:10 and Psalm 40:13


If we truly want to be healed from our past trauma, we must be willing to surrender all to God. We must step out and trust Him completely in this process even when it gets scary and it’s unpredictable and out of our control.

For those who have experienced abuse and abortion in our past, it is hard to let go of control because it was our protection, so we thought.

We have to come to the point where we don’t want to just survive, we want to live the abundant life Jesus came to give us (Read John 10:10b). We no longer want to just settle; we want to experience true love and acceptance, perhaps for the first time in our lives.

If you are reading this blog, you most likely have decided you want to be healed, too. You are courageous and tired of the life you were living and want more. You want to stop the cycle of dysfunction in your life and for future generations. This is a long and very hard process, but it is worth it.

If you are willing, God is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than what you can ask or think (Read Ephesians 3:20). That’s the God we serve. He is not limited by time and space. He is eternal.

I remember back in 2006, when God called me to the postabortion ministry, starting a journal called, “Why are the relationships closest to me toxic?” God gave me awareness that there was something going on in my relationships with those closest to me. But what was it? I was the common denominator, so what was I doing to enable these toxic relationships?

I discovered over a ten-year period of relentlessly going to God as a broken surrendered woman, “Lord I want to be healed from all the pain, rejection, abuse and my abortion. I want to be set free from my peoplepleasing and fear of man. I want to know your love in the innermost parts of my being. I want to feel loved, cherished, and safe, but how do I get there?”

God was so gentle with me because He knew how fragile I was after a lifetime of pain, rejection and trauma. He was leading me with His righteous right hand on a path of healing that was so difficult at times, but it was also beautiful (Read Isaiah 41:10).

I discovered the heart of God on this journey, and for that, I am most grateful. To know the Father’s heart towards us is life transforming. He is love, gentle, kind, faithful, peaceful, generous, powerful, and eternal. He is close to the abused, neglected, abandoned, and broken. He came to seek and to save the lost (Read Luke 19:10). We were all that at one point. But God in His infinite wisdom, His abounding grace and love picked us up out of the pit and placed us on the rock, Jesus Christ our Lord, our strong foundation (Read Psalm 40:2).

Hallelujah!!! Thank you, Jesus.


Questions to take to heart:

  1. When did God show you the dysfunction in your life?
  2. What was your next step after your awareness?
  3. How is God healing you? Who or what did He use to accomplish this?
  4. How can we pray for you?

Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

I watched this movie recently that truly blessed my heart: Kendrick Brothers’ Show me the Father.

Here is the YouTube trailer: https://youtu.be/k4g0CFfGkMk

I pray it blesses your heart also.


You are loved,




I Make All Things New

I Make All Things New

I Make all Things New
By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines


Scripture References: Revelation 21:1–5, Ephesians 2:8–9, Ephesians 3:14–21

Revelation 21:1–5
Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”

God has given me, and those who serve with me in this ministry, a special privilege to walk alongside you courageous brave women on your healing journey. We have watched you come broken and scared to share your secrets of trauma from your past abortions and abuse. You are fearful of condemnation and judgement. Letting go of your secrets is not an easy thing, especially for those who have been carrying them for many decades.

But our merciful kind and loving Father doesn’t want you doing this alone anymore. He wants you healed to become the women He created you to be.

I have watched God in my own life take a broken, depressed, suicidal, tormented woman and lift me off the ground, and show me His great love, by opening my spiritual eyes to see that I was a sinner headed for hell.

My life was transformed when I heard the Gospel for the first time that Jesus was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, was crucified, died, buried and rose again on the third day, to defeat death and Satan. He took my place on the cross, He paid my sin debt. I went running to Jesus to rescue me from the torment of a life I had been living for 34 years. I can never repay Him for the gift of salvation that He gave to me.

Ephesians 2:8–9
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Our healing process is a lifelong journey. I was amazed at how broken and dysfunctional I was when I started my healing back in 2006. All the time the enemy had me deceived that I was fine, no need to look at my past trauma because it was such a long time ago. “I was good.”

That could not be farther from the truth. You see, the evil one wants to keep us isolated sitting in darkness being tormented by him because then he has us exactly where he wants us.

But God does not want His daughters tormented anymore. He wants us to be healed and set free from the enemy and from our own distorted view of the truth. He wants us to have the courage to step out and trust Him to lead us. He wants us to use our voices and our testimonies to help others to step out also. It is a hard process, but it is so beautiful because Jesus gently leads us by His righteous right hand.

Jesus gave me a new life, a new song, and a new purpose. He has made all things new for me, and I know He can do this for you too if you will humble yourself before Him and trust Him. He loves you more than you can comprehend.

My prayer for you:
Ephesians 3:14–21

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.


If you’re wondering how you too can have this new life in Jesus:

First, we must have a relationship with Jesus our Savior. He is our healer. There is no true life change without Him. (Salvation)

Second, we must have courage to step out and trust Him. This is hard to do, but we must trust Him in this process. (Trust)

Third, we must spend time daily reading God’s Word and praying. (Daily Devotions)

Fourth, we must be accountable to others. (Accountability)

Fifth, we must continue to want to be healed in all our broken places. This is a lifelong process. (Perseverance)

Sixth, we then go out and share our testimony so other women will have the courage to step out and be healed. (Sharing Our Testimony)

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Where are you in your healing process? Salvation, Trust, Daily Devotions, Accountability, Perseverance, or Sharing Your Testimony?
  2. Are you ready to go to the next level in your healing?
  3. How can we encourage you on your healing journey?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out to me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,



“You Make all Things New”
Big Daddy Weave



Our Dashed Dreams

Our Dashed Dreams

Our Dashed Dreams
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines


Scripture References

Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Isaiah 61:7 (ESV)
Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore, in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.

I never imagined I would abort my first child. I grew up in a large Italian family. (My mom was one of ten children.) At our family get-togethers, there were always children running around. I was the oldest granddaughter, so it was my job to look after the younger ones so the adults could talk without interruptions.

I loved children, and I even thought about getting a teaching degree. What happened to my childhood dreams? How did I go so far off the path I thought would be my life?

Sin destroyed my dreams. I decided that being the “good, quiet one” wasn’t working for me anymore. I wasn’t getting the love and attention I needed, so I decided to take matters into my own handsa true recipe for disaster.

At 12 years old, I started experimenting with alcohol and began sneaking shots of Scotch whiskey while my parents were at my brother’s football practices. My sister and I were left at home to do the dishes for a short while, but that’s all the devil neededa little bit of time to get me alone and wanting.

My child-brain started thinking of ways to get my needs met but in unhealthy ways. This destructive path the enemy led me down was one of drugs, alcohol, numerous sexual partners, and then my abortion at 21. It was a dark and destructive journey. I hid in my secrets and was tormented by the devil.

How did I get here? One bad choice after another after another; it happens that fast.

I would continue in this self-destructive pattern for 22 years. Thankfully, God finally rescued me at the age of 34 when I heard the gospel for the first time. Jesus died on the cross for MY SINS. I had never heard that before. I desperately needed and wanted someone to take all my sins, shame, and guilt.

I needed a Saviorsomeone to love me just for me. I found all those things in a relationship with Jesus. I am so grateful for the love, forgiveness, and peace I found in Him.

God has turned my mourning into joy. He has given me a new name, a new life, and a new calling.

No matter what you have done in your past, God is able to forgive and redeem what the devil has stolen. You can still have a wonderful, fulfilling, God-glorifying life. It just may look a little different from your original plan. But rest assured, God is a good Father and has a good plan for your life.

Will you allow Him to help you dream new dreams?


Questions & Final Thoughts:

  1. What were some of your childhood dreams?
  2. Did the devil steal your dreams of having children and a family?
  3. How have you been able to move on and dream new dreams?
  4. How can we pray for you?

I pray that the Lord will minister to your broken heart and give you new dreams. Please reach out if you need a listening ear or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,


Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Prayer for Revival

Prayer for Revival

Prayer for Revival
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Discipline

Scripture References: Psalm 51:117, Psalm 139:2324,
2 Timothy 2:21, James 5:16, and Ephesians 4:2931

Read Psalm 51:1–17

In February 1970, revival broke out at Asbury College in Wilmore, Kentucky.

On Wednesday, February 8, 2023 (53 years later almost to the day), revival again broke out on the campus at Ashbury University in Wilmore, Kentucky. After chapel service, some students lingered for spontaneous worship, prayer, and confession. The revival continued for many days and spread to other universities, and many people traveled from all over the world to experience God in that place.


We are hungry for You, Lord. Just like in 1970, there was much turmoil in the world, the Vietnam War, protests, bad economy, high gas prices, inflation, and chaos all around, not much different today in our world. People are hurting. They are confused and fearful about what the future will bring. But our hope is in You, Lord. Only You know it all, see it all, and control it all.

We humble ourselves before you today and ask Your Holy Spirit to help us. We cry out as David did in the Psalms.

Psalm 139:23–24
Search us, O God, and know our hearts. Try us, and know our thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in us, and lead us in the way everlasting.

Lord God, remove any blindness that may be keeping us from repenting of sin in our lives.

2 Timothy 2:21
Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.

We want to be clean vessels sanctified and useful in your kingdom work. Purify us by the Word of God and the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Father God, we are expecting You to move mightily to heal the brokenhearted and to heal all our wounds. We are waiting for you to heal us and our families from disease and demonic oppression, in the name of Jesus, we pray.

We are praying for our family members, friends, and neighbors who do not know You yet, that Your Holy Spirit will break their hearts of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Have mercy upon them, O Lord. We are crying out to You for revival in our own hearts, our homes, our neighborhood, our state, our nation, and the world. Come, Holy Spirit, and have Your will and Your way in us today.

We are surrendering all to You today. We are asking, seeking, and knocking on the door. Let revival continue right here and right now in us.

In the powerful name of Jesus, we pray, amen.

James 5:16
Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Ephesians 4:29-31
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.


Preparation for Revival:

  1. Is there someone who you are harboring unforgiveness toward for something they did or did not do?

Would you like to confess that right now?


  1. Are you willfully going against what you know is right?

Would you like to confess that now?


  1. Is there something that you are unknowingly doing that is not honoring to God? Ask the Lord to show you so you can repent.

Would you like to confess that now?


  1. Are you angry with God because you are really struggling with loneliness, depression, loss of job, health issues, a relationship, and God is not moving fast enough and you are really suffering?

Would you like to confess that now?


Please reach out if you need prayer or encouragement. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.


You are loved,


Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Have You Been Set Free?

Have You Been Set Free?

Have You Been Set Free?

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scripture References: John 8:31-32, 34-36, Romans 6: 12-14, and James 5:16

John 8:31-32, 34-36
So Jesus said unto the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.

Romans 6:12-14
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will not have dominion over you, since you are not under the law but under grace.

Are you still struggling with a distorted view of yourself, God, or others? When did that start for you?

It takes years and perhaps decades of hard work to undo the damage that was done to us as children, teens, and young adults.

How can we be set free to live the abundant life Jesus came to give us?

I’d like to share four keys that can help you be set free.

1.) I believe we need to confess sin daily.

Some questions to take to heart:

  • What are my motives?
  • Why am I so easily offended?
  • Why am I being taken advantage of by others?
  • Why can’t I say no?
  • Why am I fearful or anxious when I have to speak to a certain person?

When we have been mistreated, abused, or neglected or have an abortion in our past, we develop deep wounds which distort our thinking and emotional development. It’s only God who can help us heal in those areas and grow to our full potential.

I heard this statement, but I do not know who coined it:

If you want to be forgiven, confess your sins to God. If you want to change, confess your sins to another person so they can help you be accountable.

James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins one to another and pray one to another that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

2.) I feel a personal quiet time with the Lord is essential.

It’s hard for some of us to trust anyone, even God. Slowly, as you spend time with God, in His word, He will reveal His heart towards you. You will begin to see how much He does love you and how He cares about every part of your life. He never tires to hear about what’s going on in your life. He never slumbers. He is always available any time, day or night. That gives me great comfort knowing God is always there for me because so many people have let me down over the years. But God is always faithful.

3.) Sharing your story in a safe environment (such as our conference call) is therapeutic and condusive to healing.

It’s important for our healing that we can share our stories with others in a safe and loving environment without judgment. Once we do that, our secrets no longer have power over us.

Is there some part of your story you have not shared with others?

Now would be a good time to do that. If you cannot speak on the conference call, then write it down and email it to me at: arwsg4u2@gmail.com.

By sharing our stories with each other, we can pray and encourage each other on our healing journey. You are not alone; that is a lie from the devil.

4.) We must be willing to do the hard work.

I am constantly reading books to help me heal and facilitate a healing group where women feel loved and safe. Our learning, healing and equipping is an ongoing process that will continue until the day we see Jesus. God is still healing me when I allow Him and the Holy Spirit to speak truth into my life. I have to be consciously listening to Him. Speak to God all day long. He is listening and waiting for you to call out to Him.

If you do these four things, it will help you to be set free in every area of your life.

Are you willing to allow Jesus to take you by the hand and lead you on this healing journey?

I pray this has been helpful for you. Please reach out. We are waiting to hear from you. Please go to our contact page to get our email and phone number.

You are loved,

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

The Importance of Community

The Importance of Community

The Importance of Community

Ephesians 4:4-6, 11-16, Romans 12:15 and Ephesians 3:17

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

I have noticed over the years, the women who stay connected and accountable in a safe community continue to grow spiritually, they feel safe, they feel deeply connected and they feel loved. These women have huge victories in their lives because they are dedicated to following the Lord and living in community. Each of us has been given a role in the body of Christ by God. We see in the scriptures above that Christ is the Head and each one of us is apart of the body, we are called to do a specific job in the body to keep the body functioning properly.

Why is community so important? You have all heard the saying, “There is safety in numbers.” That is true for your spiritual life also, not just your physical safety. When we stay connected in community, we are protected from the enemy’s fiery darts. His primary goal is to get Christian women isolated so he can lie and torment us. How many of you know what I am talking about? We have all experienced the loneliness and despair that overcomes us when we are isolated. Especially women with abuse and abortions in their past, we are an easy target for the enemy. But after we join a safe group and stay accountable, we are now protected.

It’s not just being apart of a group that protects you, it’s being an active member of the group, serving and participating consistently, not just being an observer. We must invest in the group by sharing our hearts, our tears and our prayer requests. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. (Romans 12:15) This is how the church is supposed to operate.

My hope and pray for each of us is that our faith will grow stronger. That our relationships with one another will grow deeper. That we will be mature strong confident believers in Jesus. That we will not be tossed to and fro with every wind of doctrine. That we would have a Biblical world view. That we are rooted and grounded in love and in the Truth. That everything that we do is pleasing to God and that our words will always speak life and encouragement to others. God has so much more for us to accomplish in the upcoming year, but we as a group must be ready and equipped for this season in the ministry. I pray you are encouraged to step up your game and make Jesus and sharing His love your priority in everything you do. I am honored to be serving with you in this ministry. It truly is a beautiful thing to watch God work in and through us.

What are some areas in your life that you are working on?

For me I am working on being forth coming with a certain member of my family regardless of the situation. Secrets give the enemy a strong hold.

I want to hear more specifically from the Lord by taking time to hear from Him and to journal regularly.

I have learned to pray about everything no matter how small.

What is God leading you to do?

I need to keep my focus on God at all times and not to project into the future.

How can we be praying for you?

That I will trust God completely with my children’s health issues.


You are loved,


Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!