Why Do I struggle with Intimacy?

Why Do I struggle with Intimacy?

Why Do I struggle with Intimacy?

by Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, 7:1-9 and Revelation 21:4

Excerpt taken from an AACC book, The Bible for Hope: Caring for People God’s Way (Pages 1500–1501 by Clifford L. Penner and Joyce J. Penner):
“Women function on two tracks, the emotional and the physical. These must be connected for a woman to be interested and open to intimacy. Women open up when they feel loved and connected with their husbands.”

The problem we have as post-abortion women and women who have experienced abuse is we are not deeply connected. Intimacy does not come easy for us. We have built a wall around ourselves to keep us safe and protected. But those walls become our prison cell, and we are locked behind it, feeling all alone and isolated. We cannot give or receive love in this place.

We need someone to come and rescue us. We need our Savior, Jesus, to come and slowly take the bricks away that are around our heart so we can slowly walk out of this prison into more intentional and intimate relationships with people. It can be scary at first, but Jesus is leading us with His righteous right hand. We are safe with Him.

How do we finally break free and trust again? It is a very slow process that can take many, many years. I am struggling right now to be more intimate with my husband and to relax and enjoy it, instead of just rushing through it, because I have had this wall up around my heart for so long. In the past, he was not a person I trusted to not hurt me. But I have been seeing some improvement, and he did take good care of me after my surgery. So, I am feeling like it is time to reevaluate that boundary. I have shared this with my accountability partner, and we are both praying with me about this. I want to honor God in my marriage.

I am also plagued with bad memories and ungodly thoughts of past things I have seen with my eyes. They just come out of nowhere, but I know who the author of it is; the enemy hates marriage, and he would rather I not be the godly, loving wife God created me to be. I am intentionally going back to those unpleasant memories with Jesus holding my hand, and we will revisit those times and situations because I want God’s perspective, His wisdom and guidance, not mine. I want to be healed in those areas. I want to feel love and to be able to show love also. It’s been bottled up for so many years; I feel like a robot. I want that to change. If you would pray for me in this area, thank you.

This morning, I started a new journal, and I went back to my first memory with my husband and how our relationship started and how I felt. I asked the Lord to remove any blindness so I can see clearly what my part was in the formation of this relationship. I wrote four full pages this morning, and then I heard the song, Scars in Heaven, and God even showed me a rainbow this morning. He whispered to my heart, “It will be okay, Little Bird; you will be healed in this area. I am with you; you are not alone.”

One day, dear one, all your wounds will be healed. We can experience healing here, but when we get to Glory, there will be no more pain, sorrow, or crying. Jesus will wipe all our tears away. We will finally be whole. Thank you, Jesus.

Scars in Heaven by Casting Crowns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdevloDE6E

 

Questions to take to heart:
1. Have you struggled with intimacy with your husband? How did you work through that?

2. If you are dating, do you feel comfortable sharing your heart with him? Yes or No? Please explain.

3. Have you had a difficult time having healthy relationships with men in your past? If yes, can you give an example?

4. How can we pray for you?

Thank you for reading this blog. It was not an easy one for me, but I felt like I needed to share my struggles with you so you feel safe sharing yours. You are safe here, dear one.

Please reach out if you need to talk or pray this week. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Woman at the Well

The Woman at the Well

The Woman at the Well

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Warfare

 

Scriptures: John 4:4, 7-10, 13-18
But He needed to go through Samaria.

A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.” For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.

Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.

Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”

Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”

Jesus said, “Go call your husband, and come here.”

The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”

Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

 

We see in the Scriptures that Jesus goes out of His way to meet this broken, shame-filled, lonely woman. Why was she at the well at that time? She came in the heat of the day when no one else was there so she would not see the disdain on the other women’s faces, nor see them whispering about her. She was a sinner in their eyes. Even unbeliever’s have their standards of right and wrong. For those of us who have been labeled certain things because of our past sins, we might find it easier to isolate than to face their pointing fingers, their whispers, and harsh comments or cold shoulders.

But Jesus clearly goes out of His way to specifically speak to her, a Gentile, and a Samaritan at that. Jews hated Samaritans, and a man speaking with a woman was especially looked down upon. Jesus treated women with the same respect He showed men. That was radical for that day and time. Women were looked down upon as a piece of property with no rights.

Jesus goes after the lost sheep, which was once all of us, especially women who have abortion or abuse in our past. We feel safer isolating and not being seen in public because we find it easier. But Jesus breaks through those walls we have put up to protect ourselves because He knows He is the only one who can truly save us from the evil one who torments us day and night and that He only can heal us in all our broken places.

God showed me a vision of a dungeon, dank, dark, and musty, and women sitting in chains with no way to escape. Those are the women our ministry rescues from the evil one. Jesus showed me that I was to go into the dungeon, and I saw myself climbing down the stairs, holding tightly to His hand as I reach out to grab these women to lead them out of the door of this dark place into His glorious healing light.

Our eBook has a picture of a dungeon with butterflies effortlessly floating out of the dungeon, which is a picture of these precious women being rescued, healed, and set free.

Leading Them into His Light. Toni Weisz. My Ashes to Beauty

It reminds me of the old Fanny Crosby song,

“Rescue the Perishing.” (1869)

Rescue the perishing, care for the dying,
Snatch them in pity from sin and the grave;
Weep o’er the erring one, lift up the fallen,
Tell them of Jesus, the mighty to save.

Refrain:
Rescue the perishing, care for the dying,
Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save.

 

Our ministry goes into the dungeons to rescue women who are still in bondage and chains. Thank God we are slowly going into more churches where these precious women are still hiding who are being tormented by the evil one. On August 18, 2024, I had the opportunity to go to Family Church in Downtown West Palm Beach to promote our ministry. I am grateful for our ministry partners: First Care Women’s Clinic in West Palm Beach, Care Net, Love Life, Choose Life Radio, Family Church in Jupiter, Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, and Calvary Church in Jupiter. With our partnership with them, we are able to reach even more women with the help, hope, and healing of Jesus Christ. With our partnership with them, we are able to reach even more women with the help, hope, and healing of Jesus Christ.

Thank you all for your part in this ministry. Even if this is your first conference call, just you being here is vitally important to our work. Thank you to my courageous team of volunteers all over the country. If it wasn’t for you, we could not reach these women and take care of them the way we do. I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Where are you on your healing journey? Are you just starting or have you been working on it for many years?
  2. Where were you when Jesus found you? Were you like the woman at the well, hiding from others?
  3. How did you hear about our ministry?
  4. How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. If you need to talk, please email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

You are loved,
Toni

 

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My Wound of Rejection

My Wound of Rejection

My Wound of Rejection

By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scriptures: John 4:13-14 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

John 4:13-14
Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of the water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Why do I long to belong to my earthly family?

Why is that rejection wound so deep?

Why do I want most what I cannot have?

The Lord speaking through the Holy Spirit, “Because, dear Little Bird, you were created to love and be loved, especially by your family. It’s how I created you. The well is dry, Little Bird. Stop hoping; Stop dropping your bucket down expecting them to fill it. I only can fill you. I am the Living Water, springing up into eternal life. When you drink this water, you will never thirst again. Come, Little Bird, let Me fill you until overflowing. Allow My love, so gentle and so kind, heal all your broken places. Let My peace cover you like a warm blanket on a cool winter night, and let My joy fill your heart and mind with hope and true contentment. Will you allow Me to do that for you?”

“Yes, Lord, I surrender all. I want You to be my all in all. I want You to fill the longing in my heart. I want You to validate and affirm me. I want You to give me peace that the world can never give me. I want Your love to flow through me. Your love is gentle, kind, patient, not puffed up, not selfish, does not hold onto wrongs, but instead rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Your love never fails.”

 

Dear One, I know your heart has been broken too. I pray you will allow Jesus to heal you in all your broken places and allow His Living Water to fill you.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Have you experienced rejection in your past?
  2. Do you still struggle with rejection even now at times?
  3. What do you do to help you overcome and heal that deep wound?
  4. How can we pray for you in this area?

I pray you know how much you are loved by God. He has a beautiful plan for your life. What the enemy meant for evil, God can turn around for your good and His glory. Please reach out if you need to talk: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

 

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Boundaries

Boundaries

Boundaries

By Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

Scriptures: Psalm 34:18, Jeremiah 29:11, and John 3:16

According to Psychology Today, “Personal boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we will accept and what we consider unacceptable behavior towards us. To know our boundaries comes from a healthy view of ourselves.”

From the book, Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You, our view is distorted due to emotional trauma we experienced as children. The two types of traumas described in this book are Trauma A & Trauma B. The Trauma A we experience as children is when we do not get the love, attention, and care we need from our family. Trauma B is extreme abuse: sexual, emotional, and/or physical. All these experiences as children cause us to have a distorted view of ourselves, God, and others, and it prevents us from maturing into healthy stable adults.

This distorted view of ourselves, especially those of us who have had abortions, opens up the door to all kinds of unhealthy and destructive behavior. God created women to love and nurture their children, and when we do the opposite, I believe our very souls are shattered into a million pieces. Our hopes and dreams as young girls are dashed, and we are now open to all kinds of ungodly behavior to somehow numb our pain. We are tormented and feel desperately alone, depressed, and even suicidal.

For you precious ones who experienced abuse of all kinds when you were young also struggle to put up boundaries. There is always the fear that people will leave us if we do. But boundaries are to protect us from people who are unhealthy and who will continue to abuse us.

So how can we stop this destructive cycle of accepting and enabling unhealthy behavior from others? First, we must realize we have a Savior and a friend who is the lover of our soul, and His name is Jesus. He is the only one that can heal our broken hearts, our broken bodies, and our broken spirits.

Psalm 34:18 ESV
“The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves the crushed in spirit.”

He is the only one who can take the disaster we have made of our lives and restore order and peace. And He alone can give us new hope, new dreams, a new purpose, and a new life.

Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

As a child, I did not learn what healthy boundaries looked like. I became a people pleaser at a very young age, and as a result, I allowed people to take advantage of me and treat me very poorly, and I never said a word. I wondered why I never truly felt loved by others; what was it? I didn’t think I was a person of value because of the way others treated me. Especially after my abortion, my self-loathing and depression really kicked in, and I was really struggling with feeling deeply connected and loved.

If I do not love myself, how can I expect others to love me and treat me properly. They wouldn’t. I was enabling unhealthy behavior because of the way I felt about myself. But when Jesus started healing me and His love came into my heart and I realized who I was in Him, I no longer felt like I deserved to be abused. I was loved by God. That’s what I needed to give me the extra courage to stand up to the bullies in my life.

For many of us, we had to learn what healthy boundaries were because we did not learn them in our home of origin. I recommend the book, Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. My son bought me this book back in the late 2000’s. It was so helpful to understand why I didn’t have boundaries and how to start putting them up and insist they be respected.

It takes courage and perseverance because those around you are not going to like your boundaries, and they will challenge them. But stick to your resolve, and eventually, they will respect them and you.

God has clear boundaries. When we sin, there is a separation between us and God. We need to confess those sins so that we are now right with God and that relationship is restored. God’s Ten Commandments are an example of boundaries.

Like you, I had wounds and issues from my past, which caused me to be self-consumed and blinded, and I could not see how I was hurting others closest to me. Only God can give us awareness and the courage to stop enabling unhealthy behavior and establish healthy boundaries. I was a little nervous the first time I used my voice to establish my boundaries. I explained my boundaries and insisted they be respected. There was some pushback, but I was not going to waiver.

At first, putting up boundaries is hard to do. But as God heals us, we get stronger, bolder, and more courageous. And we no longer want to just exist; we want to experience the abundant life Jesus came to give us. The first step in recovery is recognizing my life is unmanageable and I need God to help me.

Dear One, I want you to know that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for you

John 3:16
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Have you received this gift of love and forgiveness from God? If not, you can do that today?

If you do know the Lord, then ask Him to help you to love yourself and to have courage to put up boundaries and no longer accept unhealthy behavior. He will help you if you ask Him. He did it for me, and I know He will do it for you too.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Did you grow up in a home with healthy boundaries? Yes or No
  2. When did you first realize you did not have healthy boundaries?
  3. How did you start putting up boundaries? Was it received well? If not, what challenges did you experience?
  4. How can we pray for you in this area?

I hope this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out if you need prayer or someone to talk to. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE.