Leaving Things Behind

Leaving Things Behind

Leaving Things Behind

by Luci Boudreaux/Abuse Recovery

Scriptures: Philippians 3:12-17 and 2 Corinthians 5:17

Philippians 3:12-17 “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.”

2 Cor 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

 

From the time I was a young girl until the age of 25 when I surrendered my life to Jesus, I had established so many ungodly behavior patterns and unhealthy thinking (which led to unhealthy coping mechanisms) that I was having difficulty becoming the woman of God I knew He wanted me to be. I knew I was delivered from eternal damnation. But what about living an abundant life now?

I was unsure of myself, always second–guessing myself, very insecure and filled with painful memories, which made me angry and frustrated. It affected my relationship with the Lord and others. I knew what the Bible taught me; that Jesus loves me and cast away my sins as far as the east is to the west.

Just as 2 Corinthians 5:17 declares, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

I wanted to believe God’s promises were for me, but I knew who I had been, the things I had done. My faith and hope were weak, and the enemy was working hard to steal my hope for a better life. I was fearful to step out and trust God in all areas of my life that needed to be dealt with before I could move forward.

But one thing was constant and strong in my heart. And that is, I wanted to be healed and whole. I worked at it by spending time in God’s Word, in community with other believers, playing uplifting music, and listening to godly teachers who lived like they believed.

But I continued to struggle. I couldn’t understand why I was still stuck in this place and continuing to return to my old ways of thinking and doing.

Does this resonate with any of you?

You go to church, read God’s Word, listen to worship music, but it doesn’t seem to be moving you forward in your faith or healing. Perhaps you are holding onto that one thing that is weighing you down. Is it possible that pride is preventing you from dealing with it or asking for help?

At this point, I sought out ministries and two specific women counselors that understood my broken past and what it felt like to have no self-worth. I’m thankful that they had the courage to ask some hard questions that caused me to face my distorted thinking. These women saw beyond my pain to what God had for me. They taught me to understand my position in Christ and that I was a new creation; I no longer needed to revisit my past for the sake of condemning myself.

I learned how to recognize that the painful events of my past do not define me, nor do they have the power to control how I live my life today. I learned that healthy boundaries are important and that I have the power to use these experiences to forgive, which allows me to heal and help others in their journey. So, my past no longer has a hold on me; I now use it to glorify God!

I am a very different woman today. I embrace the truth that I am a daughter of the Most High and that I don’t need to fear anything in this world or in the spiritual realm! I am a warrior, an ambassador, who God promises to equip for every situation in my life so that I may walk in victory and display His character.

As Paul said in Philippians Chapter 3, we haven’t “arrived,” but we are focused on moving forward, towards the goal of becoming more like Jesus. In view of this, I see every situation that comes into my life as an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to teach me how to live out my faith. He allows situations (positive and negative), so, I submit to them, knowing it’s for His glory and my ultimate holiness.

God is doing a spiritually renewing work in each of us. And my desire is that we all draw closer to His heart. One of the spiritually powerful things in my life is spending time with like-minded believers who I can encourage and be encouraged by. It’s important for us to pay close attention and seek out those who walk in the way of Christ. Follow their example; you will become like those you spend the majority of your time with.

I encourage you all to use the issues we discuss in our conference calls to propel you into a better place. Don’t settle for less than God’s best for you! We can experience the abundant life here and now! But it takes a lot of courage to change!

Questions to Consider:

  1. Are you allowing your past to hinder you from moving forward in your healing journey?
  1. What is preventing you from embracing what God is calling you to?
  1. How may we pray for you?

We are here to help you in your journey. Please reach out if you need to talk. You can email me at: overcomer982@icloud.com.

Your friend,
Luci

 

 

Read more blogs here.

Stop Striving

Stop Striving

Stop Striving

January 2024
By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scripture Verses:
Psalm 27:14, Isaiah 40:31a and Psalm 103:13-14

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord.

Isaiah 40:31a
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

Psalm 103:13-14
As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers we are dust.

In my journaling this week, I was struggling with feelings of rejection, which caused me to be emotionally drained and physically weak. After a few days, I finally sat down with the Lord and poured out my heart to Him. I have a big family reunion coming up, and that always, for some reason, still causes me to become anxious. Those old wounds can be easily reopened, and those old tapes start playing over and over again in my mind.

I have witnessed to all of them over the years, even my nieces and nephews. Not a one has responded to the gospel. I know that is not my responsibility; it’s Gods. I know the enemy is trying to gain entrance into my thought life because he wants me to be anxious and ineffective for God. No, that’s not happening. I am aware of his plot, and I am equipping myself with the armor of God and His word to protect my mind and my heart from his lies.

Also, I am saddened by my son’s illness and the fact that he and his wife will be missing from our family reunion. Sometimes I need to take time to feel what I am feeling instead of just brushing it off or stuffing it. It’s OK to be sad, frustrated and disappointed. So, I allowed myself to go there too, and afterwards, I felt refreshed.

The enemy is trying to get me to strive for approval in the area of my tennis. Instead of enjoying the gift of being able to play, I am trying too hard to win matches and the approval of others. I am striving too much, and I am physically tired. Instead, I need to rest in the Lord. He is the one who will renew my strength (Isaiah 40:31a). He is the one that will give me favor with others. He is the one who opens hearts to hear the word of God and receive it. I am just a vessel that He uses for His purposes. I need to go back to the basics, enjoy the gift of tennis, and stop trying so hard to be perfect.

I also have four events this month where I will be sharing my testimony and our ministry information, and the enemy is not happy about that. Each week, we get one or two new women who come to our ministry. I need to stay close to the Lord and keep my eyes on Him. He is the one that has opened these doors, and I need to trust Him. He is the one who will give me favor and the words to say. I trust Him completely.

God wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. He sees all of us, and He knows our struggles, our heartbreaks, and our frailty. He remembers that we are dust. He is the one who created us in the first place. In Psalm 103:13-14, we read, “As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers we are dust.”

I realized that I need to surrender my will and my heart to God and trust Him with all the outcomes. I cannot control those things, but I can control how I respond to things. I can have victory in all these areas if I let God use me the way He wants to and stop trying so hard.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. What area are you still striving in?
  2. Why are you trying so hard?
  3. Have you been able to surrender all to God? If not, why?
  4. How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. If you need to talk you can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

 

 

 

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

There Will Be Bad Days…

There Will Be Bad Days…

This past week was a battle. From disturbing images to extremely unsettling thoughts, OCD was going right for the jugular. Up until that point, it had been a good period of time since I had to be on high alert against mentally obtrusive thoughts. Thanks to the miracle of Fluvoxamine (my medication of choice), these kinds of thoughts have been less frequent and easier to find my way out of. Not this time, though. It all came to a head on Monday night when I found myself in the emergency room with sharp chest and arm pains. It has yet to be determined if the pains were completely anxiety related. However, I will tell you that all my exams in the hospital came back normal. (I will continue with this part of the story in an upcoming post regarding other health issues I will be testing for, including all tick-borne diseases. Side note: For those of you who don’t live in the northeastern part of the United States, consider yourselves truly blessed when it comes to the issue of ticks. One day I hope to be able to spend at least part of my summers away from this region of the country for the sole purpose of avoiding those tiny life-ruiners). In any event, after my visit to the ER, I had an impromptu session with my psychiatrist. After our conversation and careful consideration, we decided it would be best to add a small dosage of an anti-depressant to my daily regimen. Four days later, I am feeling worlds better. Praise God for the wisdom He has given my doctor.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I have been taught and believe that there is a whole other world I cannot see. This plane, or spiritual realm, is filled with powers and spirits I am blind to, or really, protected from. With that said, there is a spiritual element to my OCD and depression struggles. I want to be clear that this belief does not downplay or take away credence from the fact that anxiety disorders like OCD are also biological and physical. I am against the idea that mental health issues are completely spiritually driven. Have you ever seen a brain scan of someone with OCD versus someone with a “healthy” brain? Search for that on the internet and then try to convince yourself that OCD is not also a physical issue. The point I’m trying to make is that my OCD has a personality. It distorts everything and everyone I love, and even how I view myself. It feels evil, sounds evil, and is based on lies. In the dark moments, when I can’t get myself out of a mind-ditch, there is only one thing to do: pray. While the terrifying thoughts may not be instantly removed while praying, there is instant safety and freedom in the presence of God. In the arms of Jesus, there is safety knowing that I cannot be harmed by my thoughts and neither can the ones I love. In the arms of Jesus, there is freedom in sharing my thoughts no matter how dark or disturbing. The arms of Jesus are a place where I am known for who I am and not who my thoughts say I am. There is no place like this on earth, nor medicine that can truly recreate the stability and deep underlying peace of this place.

It is important to note that after my trip to the ER, I felt an enormous amount of discouragement. How could I be back at this place with my mental health? I’ve put in so much effort to be “OK” over the last six years. From counselors, to psychiatrists, to medications, to books, to research, to behavioral exercises…am I really back here? The answer was both yes and no. Yes, I was in a bad state of mental health, but no, I was not back to where I was in the beginning of this journey. I am older, wiser, and stronger because of all that I have been through with this disorder. If I can get through what I have been through in the past, I can most certainly step forward now with the abilities God has given me and enables me to use everyday thanks to the hellish roads He and I have walked down together. As C.S. Lewis once said, “Experience is the most brutal of teachers, but you learn, my God, do you learn.” Praise God for His wisdom and amazing love. Keep fighting, friend.

Love,

Jackie

Empty Jars

Empty Jars

Then, I heard my name being called and I froze. My heart started to race. I remember a tightening in my abdomen and chest. My legs were shaking, but I got up and walked towards the nurse.

I walked into the room where I was met by two other women. David waited outside. Of course, he paid for full anesthesia so I would be knocked out.

One of the nurses gave me a gown and instructed me to put it on with the opening in the front. I did what I was told. I looked around the room and noticed that there were no pictures on the walls.

The doctor came in and asked me to lay on the examining table. She rubbed my abdomen with a gel and placed a sonogram reader on my belly. Then I heard it…thump thump, thump. Before I knew it, she turned down the machine. I didn’t hear it anymore. She left the room.

I laid on that table looking up at the ceiling with the staff setting up the equipment, which they explained would act as a simple vacuum to dismantle the contents of my uterus. I saw empty jars that I imagined my baby would be in. After all, I was familiar with the jars that were filled with bloody contents from abortions. I myself distributed those images to many as I marched on the streets of DC protesting the very action I was about to embark on.

The doctor came back in and asked if there was any other questions I had before they put the mask on me. My mind raced, but I couldn’t get the words out. “How long was it going to take? Will it hurt? Will I be able to have children later? Can I call my Mom?” However, none of these words that I was thinking came out of my mouth. “No,” I heard myself answer though it sounded as if it came from someplace else, outside of myself.

The nurse placed the mask over my nose and mouth and instructed me to start counting backwards and from 10 to 1. I took a shallow breath and started counting, “10, 9, 8,” then I remember crying out the words …”WAIT…STOP!!!” But no, they were only thoughts that never made it out of me as words before I was knocked unconscious and was unable to speak, move, or save my baby.

I awoke screaming, and I remember crying my heart out. “STOP. DON’T, I want to keep her,” I screamed.

The nurse who was startled by my screaming, sheepishly said, “I am sorry. It is over.” I let out a curdling scream, rubbing my belly, and clenching my very soul.

The nurse helped me back on the table. Apparently, I jumped off it as I came to. I laid on that table for what seemed like hours. Crying, rubbing my belly, feeling the emptiness. A feeling that I did not know until that day. I felt an ache in my heart like no other. Yes, I was sore in the abdomen area and remembered that they told me I would have some cramping and bleeding after the procedure.

One of the nurses came into the room with a large pad and told me to get dressed when I was ready. I remember how they looked at me. Faces filled with shame and sadness. They must have known that I was remorseful, and to know that they were part of the reason for my distress must have been upsetting. Or maybe I am just imagining that, and all they wanted was to get the room ready for the next woman, and I was just holding them up. I don’t know.

They encouraged me to eat something, brought me juice, and helped me up. I walked out into the waiting area with all eyes upon me as if they heard me cry out from afar. I don’t know if anyone did…I cried to the angels for I know they must have heard and were weeping for me.

We went to a hotel for a few days. I lost it. I remember crying for hours and then staring at the walls and ceiling. We would watch television and then suddenly, I would go into a rage. Crying, screaming, begging God to please give me back my baby. I was a wreck. David would calm me down and hold me.

I would be okay for a bit but then wake up from a deep sleep crying again. David had to call friends for support. I threatened death, accused him of horrible acts, and blamed the world for my action. “I want my baby back,” I cried over and over again.

To be continued…