What was I doing? Was I using sex, lingerie modeling, and stripping as my drug to cover up all the pain (drunk dad, kidnap, rape, insecurity, sex, guilt and shame)? What was I going to run to next? When would I get to end of myself? I was involved in another relationship and engaged to be married. We were living together and planned for a wedding. I always knew he smoked pot and drank a little. And I told myself it was ok, but deep down inside I knew it wasn’t. I grew up around that, and I surely didn’t want to raise children around it. My fiance decided one night to go out drinking to a strip club. Little did I know that he would be snorting cocaine in the wee hours of the night. When he came home, I felt something wasn’t right, so I checked his car and there were bloody rags on the floor. I knew something was wrong. I confronted him and he denied it. I felt like I shouldn’t be with this man, but I chose to stay with him; I didn’t want to be alone. Soon after this incident, the Lord would enter my life and make radical changes, as you will see.