JOURNEY TO LIFE
I believed in Jesus from a very young age. Since childhood I would say a simple prayer every night, asking for forgiveness and thanking God for everything I had. But I never got into going to church or reading the Bible much. I knew of God, but I did not really know Him. Then the Lord turned my life upside down at the age of 28. This is the story of how I truly came to know Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.
I also started going down the wrong path from a very young age. It started getting very bad in high school when I became involved in drugs, alcohol, pornography, and illicit sex. I was caught up in that lifestyle for over 13 years. I had many problems and close calls during that period of my life.
I temporarily lost my eyesight one night after mixing drinking with a couple different drugs. Once I had to go to the emergency room for a venereal infection that had gotten out of control. I went to jail twice for drug and alcohol issues. I had a DUI accident in which I hit three cars and basically blacked out on the whole incident. I saw personal friends go to prison, get killed, or commit suicide because of our lifestyles. But all these things did not do much to change my reckless behavior.
The powers of drugs, alcohol, and sexual immorality had a grip on me. I was afraid it would be impossible for me to ever stop. About halfway through this period in my life I started to realize there had to be a better life for me. I began to pray for change. God slowly started to show me things and speak to me through many different people. Then God used one profound incident from my past to totally change my life.
I was 22 and living with my girlfriend. We were sexually active, but we did not use protection because she had a medical condition in which she was not supposed to get pregnant. We lived like that for several months with no issues. Then one day to our surprise, she became pregnant! I did not like children much at that time, and I certainly did not want one of my own. Her feelings were the exact opposite. I wanted her to get an abortion, but she refused at first. This became a heated argument that lasted for weeks.
I believed in the lie that people say: “It isn’t really a baby, it’s just a glob of tissue.” I threatened her, saying that if she had the baby, I would leave her and not help her take care of it. Ultimately, she gave in to my pressure. I made the appointment and took her to the abortion clinic. She was very unhappy on the way there and cried hysterically as we left. She wanted to have our child, but I was too selfish and ignorant to understand. Our relationship started to deteriorate after that, and we eventually broke up.
I did not think about it for four or five years until one night when I was hanging out with a friend. She told me about how she was stressed out because she unexpectedly became pregnant, and her boyfriend wanted her to get an abortion. She did not want to, and they were fighting about it. She assured me that she was not getting an abortion no matter what.
This was the first time I had thought about my experience with abortion in years. I started to realize that what I had done was a mistake. I finally saw the situation from my ex-girlfriend’s point of view. That night I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt come over me, and an urge to help my pregnant friend and her baby in any way I could. This was the start of the miraculous change that God would bring about in me, and a season of depression that lasted over a year.
My friend ended up leaving town while she was pregnant for fear of being around her boyfriend. I tried to forget all about it while she was gone, but the thoughts stayed in the back of my mind. She had a baby boy and moved back in town shortly after he was born. When I spent some time with her and her baby, the feelings of guilt, regret, and sadness came on like a flood. I saw the joy and love they shared and realized it was a gift from God.
My depression steadily increased over the next several months, and I felt too ashamed to tell anyone about it. I was smoking a lot of marijuana and drinking very heavily to dull the pain. I baby-sat for my friend one night and cried my eyes out the whole time. I went to her son’s first birthday party at the beach where I had to hide several times in the bathroom and ocean to cry. I would struggle to hold back the tears when I would see children in public or on television. It got so bad I could barely function.
Then things started to change. I was getting high and drunk with some friends one night as usual, when I became very sick. I threw up about 10 times, half of my body went numb, and I broke out in a cold sweat. I cried out to God that night, “Please God, I can’t do this anymore, please help me be sober.” God answered that prayer! I have been clean and sober ever since that night over fifteen years ago!
About a week and a half later I had a divine appointment. Although I was now sober, I still felt miserable about my situation in life and the abortion from my past. I went to Wendy’s for some lunch and it was the worst service I ever had there. They were out of everything and the workers were being very rude. I turned to the lady behind me in line to tell her I did not think it was the right day to go there. This started a short conversation between us.
Out of curiosity I asked her what she did for a living. She was the executive director of a non-profit organization called First Care Family Resources. She told me they help women find alternatives to abortion, and that they also help people with post-abortion stress. I was astonished at this! I did not know a place like that existed, or that I could get help for the pain I was having.
I told her I was having the worst depression of my life over this issue. She was very kind and assured me she could help. I called her the next day and found out they were starting a post-abortion Bible study for men that very week! The first one of its kind in the county! She urged me to go but I was reluctant because I had not yet realized what God was doing. I eventually decided to go after a few more phone calls from the people at First Care and the pastor leading the study.
I was blown away during the first week of our study as God opened my eyes to what He was doing! I finally realized that He was working things together to bring me hope and healing (Romans 8:28). We studied a book called “Healing a Father’s Heart,” and it radically changed my life. By the end of our study I was able to let go of the past and forgive myself. I came to understand God’s grace and how “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
I know I have been forgiven but I will always regret what I did. But what God did for me is incredible and I will always remember that! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). I have been motivated to live my life for Him and share the pro-life message, ever since all this happened to me over fifteen years ago. I am so thankful for His forgiveness and redeeming power in my life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this testimony. I hope and pray it helps you understand that abortion is never the right choice. Children are always a gift from God (Psalm 127:3) and He will help you take care of what He has given you. If you have made the wrong decision, I hope and pray this helps you understand there is always forgiveness and redemption in Jesus Christ. Thank you again and God bless you.