Misterios

Misterios

SECRETS

by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools
Referencias de las Escrituras: John 8:31–32, 36

John 8:31–32, 36
Entonces Jesús dijo a los judíos que le creían., “Si permanecéis en mi palabra, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

“Therefore, si el Hijo te hace libre, seréis verdaderamente libres”.

 

YOU’RE ONLY AS SICK AS YOUR SECRETS

You may have heard the familiar recovery term, “You’re only as sick as your secrets," and it is a true statement. Until we feel safe to share our secrets, we keep them locked up in a type of “Pandora’s Box,” where we keep all of our deepest and darkest secrets hidden, because we fear them coming out to expose the ugly truth.

For the post–abortion woman, it is the truth that we terminated the life of our child. This horrible secret was our child. For those of us who have been abused, our fears of retaliation, rejection and judgment keep us silent. Where can we go to share in a safe place?

God doesn’t want us operating in secrets because He knows how destructive isolation and secrets are. I started secrets when I was 12 años, hiding my drinking. then it was getting high at 13, then sex at 16, and the worst offense era my abortion at 21.

My secrets and sins were piling up, and it became harder and harder to keep them from coming out. I feared my parents’ reaction, punishment and disappointment in me. I knew all of this was wrong, but I kept those secrets until I was 50 años.

They had no idea about my destructive, pecaminoso, sorted past because I wore a great mask. It was not an easy conversation, but I wanted them to hear it from me because I was starting this ministry and I didn’t want them to find out from another source. It needed to come from me. I felt a great release when I was finally able to share this with my parents.

WHY ARE SECRETS DESTRUCTIVE?

Primero, secrets keep us isolated from God and others, and that’s exactly where the enemy wants us. He wants us isolated and hiding because then he can torment us over and over again, until we realize what’s going on. Secrets keep us from the very people that can help us.

Second, the dysfunction is perpetuated and will continue as long as we nurture this thing, and protect it, like it was some prized possession. The secret needs to be exposed and brought into the light.

Third, secrets can hinder or prevent healing in our lives. Because of the abuse many of us have experienced in our past, we are already fearful of exposure, y we think this secret is a way to keep us safe. But actually it is causing us to stay sick. God gives us the courage to step out of isolation and secrets so we can be healed.

Fourth, secrets are destructive because they distort our view of reality, and we feel like we are all alone. Secrets are usually combined with lies that we believe about ourselves, Dios, u otras personas. God’s Word and the Holy Spirit help us to know the truth so we can walk in it and so these secrets and lies can no longer hold us back from becoming the women God created us to be.

God wants us free from bondage. Secrets keep us in chains and in darkness.

Jesús Came to set the captives free.

Preguntas para tomar en serio:

  1. What secrets are you still holding onto?
  2. Why are you fearful to share them? Is it fear of retribution, miedo al rechazo, fear of hurting another person, fear of abandonment, or fear of judgment?
  3. When did you have the courage to share your secrets?
  4. How did you feel after you shared your secrets?
  5. Cómo podemos orar por ti?

Please be aware eso even in Church, there are some people who are emotionally unsafe to share secrets with. Make sure it is a person/group you trust.

I pray you have the courage to trust God and allow Him to show you the areas of your life that need healing. Trust Him with your secrets.

If you need help, please reach out to me. METROy email is: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

Eres amado,
Toni

 

 

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Sigo siendo responsable de mis acciones

Sigo siendo responsable de mis acciones

Todavía soy responsable de mis acciones
por Toni Weisz/Herramientas de recuperación

Romanos 3:23, John 16:8, filipenses 4:13, mateo 7:7-8, y Salmo 147:3

Todos hemos crecido en hogares disfuncionales porque todos hemos nacido en pecado y tenemos una naturaleza pecaminosa.. La Biblia dice, “Por cuanto todos pecaron y están destituidos de la gloria de Dios”. (Romanos 3:23). Algunos de nosotros hemos experimentado negligencia extrema, abuso, abandono, y rechazo. Esto ha causado una herida profunda en nuestras almas y una percepción distorsionada del amor.. Por este trauma, No confiamos en los demás y tenemos miedo de que se acerquen demasiado.; no queremos que nos vuelvan a hacer daño. Por esta razón, es difícil confiar en que Dios tampoco nos va a hacer daño. Muchas mujeres luchan por desarrollar una relación íntima con Dios, nuestro padre celestial, porque no tenían una buena relación con su padre terrenal.

Independientemente de lo que hayamos experimentado en nuestras vidas., todavía somos responsables de hacer el bien, saludable, decisiones piadosas. Es el Espíritu Santo dentro de nosotros el que nos lleva a caminar en la verdad y nos convence de pecado., justicia, y juicio (Leer Juan 16:8). Tenemos la capacidad mediante la ayuda del Espíritu Santo de detener el ciclo de disfunción que surge de nuestro hogar de origen o de los traumas que hemos experimentado en otros lugares.

Podemos tomar buenas decisiones. No tenemos que reaccionar ante las cosas sin detenernos., Orando, y pensando en ellos. Tenemos el control de nuestros pensamientos y acciones.. De hecho, es el solo cosa sobre la que tenemos control. Tenemos que tomar una decisión consciente de no perpetuar esta disfunción y transmitirla a nuestros hijos y a las generaciones futuras.. La única forma en que podemos hacerlo es mediante:

1. Tener una relación con Jesús.

2. Obtener ayuda ya sea a través de consejería cristiana y/o reuniones de recuperación., y leyendo libros útiles.

3. Tener responsabilidad: una persona o comunidad segura que te ayude a seguir trabajando en ti mismo.

Preguntas:

  1. ¿En qué áreas tuviste que trabajar como resultado de un trauma pasado??
    Toni:     El rechazo fue una herida enorme para mí.. También confiar en que los demás no controlarán., manipular, y usarme era otra. Tuve que aprender a usar mi voz y poner límites saludables para protegerme.. Tuve que aprender a controlarme porque era un volcán andante., lleno de rabia. Aprendí por qué estaba tan enojado y lo acepté.. Dios me ha sanado en todas estas áreas porque estuve dispuesto a dejarlo entrar y sanarme..
  2. ¿Cuáles son algunas áreas en las que aún necesitas trabajar??
    Toni: He estado luchando contra la codependencia., Entonces comencé a leer el libro., No más codependencia, por Suellen McDolly. Ha sido muy útil para mí detenerme y comprobar mi motivación para hacer las cosas que estaba haciendo.. Siempre quiero estar dispuesto a trabajar en mí mismo.. Cuando algo me provoca, Le pido a Dios que me muestre lo que realmente está pasando.. Por lo general, escribo un diario cuando esto sucede porque necesito escuchar de Él en un lugar donde esté listo para escuchar..

Nuestra curación es un proceso que dura toda la vida., pero si Dios esta involucrado en ello, nosotros ganaremos. Todo lo podemos en Cristo que nos fortalece. (Leer Filipenses 4:13). Si recién estás comenzando tu viaje de curación, sigue pidiéndole a Dios que te ayude, sigue buscándolo con todo tu corazón, y sigue llamando a la puerta para obtener más conocimiento y sabiduría divina. (Leer Mateo 7:7-8). Dios es fiel, y Él quiere vendar tu corazón quebrantado y sanar tus heridas. (Leer Salmo 147:3).

Espero que esto haya sido útil.. Por favor contacta; Estamos aquí para ayudarte y orar por ti..

Eres amado,
Toni

arwsg4u2@gmail.com

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Esclavitud familiar

Esclavitud familiar

I would rather go back to what is familiar, even if it is bondage…

Exodus 16:1-4a and John 3:16,

And they took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came unto the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of Egypt. And the whole congregation of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness: And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into the wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold I will rain bread from heaven for you….”

When the trials of the children of Israel were too hard for them to bear, they wanted to go back to what was familiar: bondage in Egypt. They wanted to be in control; they felt safe knowing what to expect.

How many of us can relate to wanting to go back to the dysfunctional relationships or sins of our past because there is comfort in knowing what to expect? Change is hard because it’s unfamiliar, and there is no safety or comfort in it. But God doesn’t want us to stay in our dysfunction. He wants us healed. He came to set us free from our bondage to sin. He wants us to trust Him completely with every area of our lives.

God provided the children of Israel with bread that literally dropped out of the sky. He called it Manna, “Bread from Heaven.” If God did that for them, don’t you think He can help you too? I think the answer is Yes!!!

What is the spiritual factor to consider when I want to be in control, instead of God being in control?

I am saying to God, “I don’t trust You. I don’t believe You are good. I don’t believe You care about me.”

Entonces, what is the sin I am committing when I don’t trust God? The sin of unbelief.

Definition of faith in Hebrews 11:1 y 11:6: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Let me ask you, what are you still trying to control and refuse to release into God’s hands?

I learned at a very young age to take control of every area of my life; eso, unfortunately, was not a good thing. A 12-year-old is not mature enough to take on such a responsibility. I controlled my voice but I did not use it. I controlled how I performed in school, sports, and in anything I set my mind to do by practicing until I could do something perfectly. When I was older, I controlled my weight by taking speed and diet pills and exercising excessively. I controlled what others perceived about me by wearing a mask to hide my true feelings and identity. It wasn’t until I felt safe to let God in that I was able to relinquish control to Him. By spending time in His Word, I began to understand the heart of God and discovered how much He loves us and wants us to be set free from our pasts, so we can live the abundant lives He came to give us. It’s by relinquishing control to God that we are set free. There is beauty in surrender.

Why are you not trusting God to help you in this area? What are you afraid of?

Relinquishing control was not a comfortable thing for me because I didn’t trust others not to hurt me. I became very self-sufficient and proficient in all I did. I had a huge wall around my heart that no one was going to penetrate, not even God. I grew up with a distorted view of God. I thought He was angry with me and would punish me if I was out of line, which is what I heard and saw as a child. Church was dark; people there spoke in another language, and the atmosphere was not warm and welcoming. So I associated these attributes with God. I felt He was dark, harsh, and unloving, which could not be further from the truth. I was fearful about trusting God because I was afraid of being hurt again. I didn’t know God’s heart toward me. When I got saved in 1994 and came across this verse from John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life,” I started believing that God does love me. And once I received His love into my heart and believed that He died for me on the cross, I started trusting Him more with my heart. But it was a long process. I am so grateful today for His love. That truth changed my life forever.

I had everything under control, so I thought, until my life and health started spiraling out of control. I couldn’t afford stuff anymore and my health was failing, my marriage was on the brink of divorce, and I didn’t know what to do. I was plagued with suicidal thoughts because I just couldn’t deal with my depression and self-loathing anymore, due to the sins from my past. This was not a life; it was a prison. I was just surviving because I needed someone to take my pain away, someone I could trust to love and accept me for who I was. Did such a person exist?

Dear One,

I want you to know that there is such a person who loves and accepts you for who you are. His name is Jesus, and He is the only one who will love you right where you are. He will never hurt you or force you to do something against your will. He is kind, cariñoso, dependable, faithful, merciful, and forgiving. Jesus is your Savior and friend. Why not relinquish control of your life to God? Honestly, what do you have to lose at this point?

Eres amado,

Toni

 

What is the spiritual factor to consider when I want to be in control instead of God being in control?

I am saying to God, “I don’t trust You (Dios). I don’t believe You (Él) are good. I don’t believe You care about me.” So, what is the sin I am committing when I don’t trust God? The sin of unbelief.

Definition of faith in Hebrews 11:1 y 11:6: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

 

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Mi gente agradable

Mi gente agradable

From the time I was a young child, I never felt secure, confident or accepted. These insecurities gave the enemy an opening into my heart. He planted the lie in my mind that if I were perfect, I would be loved. Perfection in every task and responsibility set before me became my obsession. From school to sports and hobbies—basically anything I did—I had to be perfect. When I look back, I can see that my efforts were a waste of time. The enemy’s plan was quite insidious because he knew I could never be perfect. Only God is perfect. By striving for perfection, I would ultimately fall short and feel rejected.

The enemy drove me to failure so that I would look for other means of satisfying my longing to feel accepted, included and secure. He accomplished his mission. I failed. Being the good, quiet one in the family was not working for me anymore, so I decided to rebel. A la edad de 12, I began sneaking Scotch whisky from my parent’s liquor cabinet when they were attending my brother’s football practices. Alcohol use was the beginning of my demise, which ultimately lead to the death of my child through abortion. My poor choices opened the door to more evil as a consequence. My striving for acceptance from all the wrong people would lead me to use drugs and sex to fill the void in my heart, which I would later discover could only be filled by a relationship with Jesus. I had no restraint. My conscience was slowly becoming numb as I failed to use sound judgment. Over time, I barely felt conviction for sin. I wanted to protect my parents from disappointment, so I kept all of this a secret.

My fear of rejection was stronger than anything else in my life. Como resultado, I became a people-pleaser. I would do anything to be loved and accepted. I would allow others to use me, and I used others to fulfill my desires. Heartbroken from my wound of rejection, I hungered for love, leaving the door open to accept abuse from others. I believed that I was not a person of value. I was easily manipulated and controlled by those closest to me because I had no boundaries. I had no self-respect, so others didn’t respect me either. I felt used, abused, unloved and worthless. During my teenage years, all of those unresolved emotions lead me into depression. When I entered into college, I was no longer restricted and restrained by my parents’ rules. I would drink alcohol to the point of abusing myself. I hated who I had become so much so that I wanted to hurt myself. One day in my dorm room, I actually kicked out the small window by my bed. Thank God I was wearing cowboy boots at the time, or else I would have badly cut or broken my foot. Yo era como un volcán andante. My excessive drinking led to fits of rage where hot lava came spewing from within my inner darkness, and I had no control over who was going to receive that hot mess. Afterwards, I would feel so much shame and guilt over my actions. It felt like being trapped in a dark pit all alone with the abuser and accuser—the father of lies. It was a living hell, but I didn’t know what to do to stop the destructive cycle.

I could never say no to anyone because I didn’t want to disappoint people. I just wanted to be loved and validated by others hoping they would see value in me because I couldn’t see it. My people-pleasing strategy backfired when I failed to follow through on all the things I said yes to. There were simply not enough hours in the day to accomplish all that I had agreed to do. I would overextend myself, and then I would have to back out of things. That was such an uncomfortable thing to do. A vicious cycle had developed, and I didn’t know how to stop it. I put others’ needs above my own needs. I truly believed that if I didn’t keep a perfect house, if I didn’t follow all the rules and if I wasn’t the perfect wife, my husband would toss me away. Como resultado, I tolerated unacceptable behavior out of fear. The enemy constantly tormented me with his lies when all I wanted was to be loved.

I realize now that the enemy wanted me to kill myself, but God had another plan for my life—one that was good and filled with hope and a prosperous future. (Jeremías 29:11) He did not allow the enemy to succeed in having me take my own life even though I had taken the life of my child. God thwarted Satan’s plan to destroy my body and my soul. God knew that I would receive Christ as my savior at the age of 34. He knew that in 2006 I would start my abortion recovery and healing journey. He knew that in 2013 I would start Mis cenizas a la belleza, a post-abortion recovery and healing ministry. What the enemy meant for evil God turned around for good. (Génesis 50:20) God has been watching over me all these years while protecting me from the enemy so that I could fulfill His calling on my life. I now live my life to please God and Him alone. I no longer care about what others think of me, which is a form of idolatry. I am so humbled by and grateful for God’s mercy towards this poor broken woman who was dying inside. She is now alive and adopted as a daughter into God’s family.

Are you or/were you a people-pleaser?

Are you still concerned about what others think of you?

How did you break that dysfunctional cycle?

Jeremías 29:11 – “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Génesis 50:20 – “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”

Bendiciones,

Toni

Audio of "My People-Pleasing" blog post

Audio de Mi Gente-Complaciendo (Español)

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Mis mecanismos de afrontamiento poco saludables

Mis mecanismos de afrontamiento poco saludables

Coping mechanisms are defined as techniques we use to help us manage the stress and pain in our lives. Common coping mechanisms are evitación y aislamiento, negación, busyness, rationalization y control. From my childhood, I learned evitación y aislamiento para mantenerme a salvo de personas o situaciones no saludables. Running and hiding became my usual reaction to problems as a small child. Into adulthood, I continued to use those tactics until I began my recovery journey and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Alabado sea el Señor! Instead of avoidance, God gave me a voice, and I learned to communicate my likes and dislikes. I never developed a voice growing up. Sin embargo, once I put up boundaries, Usar mi voz era necesario para comunicar esos límites a los demás.. Conforme el tiempo fue pasando, Me sentí más cómoda compartiendo mi corazón con los demás sin miedo al rechazo.. Dios también me dijo que dejara de correr y esconderme y que le dejara el resultado a Él..

I had huge blind spots as a post-abortion woman when it came to my parenting. Regarding my children, I became extremely sensitive and overprotective. I parented out of fear. I didn’t want them to feel the pain that I had experienced. I thought if I could control them, perhaps I could prevent them from experiencing what I did. Ahora, I know that was wrong thinking. Yo estaba en negación until I realized two things: I cannot control another person, and doing anything out of fear never has a good outcome. Entonces, I have learned to apologize to my children for my overprotective parenting leaving the all-powerful God to change the heart of others. When I feel powerless, I remember to relinquish control to God to create a change in others or situations. I was living in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse. Como resultado, I obeyed ridiculous rules in order to be accepted and loved by others. Truthfully, that never worked. When I finally received the love of Jesus into my heart, I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection because I knew God would never leave me nor forsake me.

Ocupación was a tool the enemy used for many years so that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life and work on myself. In the year 2010, God told me to stop serving. I couldn’t believe He wanted me to do that. What will other people think? Asking this question led me right to the answer—you need to work on yourself because you are one sick puppy. I responded in obedience and took time to work on my own healing from 2010-2012. Durante este tiempo, God took me to a desert place with Him so He could dispel all the lies I had believed. By focusing on His truth, I could be healed and finally set free. Although God had called me to this ministry back in 2006, He was finally able to equip me once I slowed down and put my focus solely on Him.

I had racionalizado my abortion because I believed that since I was doing so much heavy drugs and drinking while smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day, my baby would be severely deformed. I felt that my parents would reject me and would be extremely disappointed in me. But looking back on these 40 años, I wish I had the courage to tell them I made a mistake and ask them for help. No puedo cambiar mi pasado. All I can do is learn from it and share my experience, strength and hope with others. Hopefully, those I reach with my testimony can make healthy choices knowing all the information beforehand.

Control was another tool I learned to use at a very young age. I honestly believed I could control how others feel and what they think in order to determine the outcome of a situation. That was all a lie. No tenía control sobre ninguna de esas cosas.. I tried to control how people reacted and behaved toward me. I tried to control what others saw in me by hiding behind a mask. I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed and diet pills and by purging after I ate too much. God showed me that by relinquishing control to Him, I can be set free from these obsessions and this bondage.

I am so grateful that today I have been set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I have learned new skills to help me cope with the pain and trauma from my past. Tuve que entregar completamente todo y a todos a Dios.. I no longer held onto my children so tight. Ya no me importaba lo que los demás pensaran de mí.. No obedecí reglas ridículas por miedo a ser rechazado.. I now had a voice, and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy, godly way. Ya no estoy esclavizado por mis viejos pensamientos y mis viejos patrones de comportamiento.. En romanos 12:2, the Bible says “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Daily time spent with God in His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit have helped me to move out of the chaos, dysfunction and misery into a peaceful, orderly and fulfilling life.

What unhealthy things have you used to help you cope with the trauma from your past?

What are some healthy ways you cope with things now?

Reach out and get the help and encouragement you need. We are here ready and waiting to serve you and help you to become the woman God created you to be.

Bendiciones,

Toni

 

 

 

—Toni

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El corazón de nuestro Padre Celestial

El corazón de nuestro Padre Celestial

Lucas 15:10-24

Many have called this “The Running Father” instead of “The Prodigal Son” because it’s the actions of the father in these Scriptures that give a glimpse into the very heart of God our heavenly Father. Primero, we see the father is looking for his son and spots him afar off. I can imagine every day, the father looking to the horizon for a glimpse of his son returning home. And every day losing hope that he would return.

Let’s put ourselves in the shoes of the prodigal son. Didn’t we run away from the homes that God had given us to explore the world with riotous living? All the while our heavenly Father was watching and looking for us to return home to Him. How it must have broken His heart to see the destructive ungodly choices we made. And yet, He loves us with an everlasting love and yearns for us to come home to Him. (Jeremías 31:3b-c)

Además, a man during this time in history would never been seen in public running through town. (which would have required him to girt up his loins by tucking his robe into his belt). I read that the son could be banned from the town or humiliated publicly, because he dishonored his father and their town with his sinful actions. This likely would have been another reason why the father ran to his son; he wanted to protect him from the humiliation and judgement of others.

Can we see how God sent His Son to die for us so we could be set free from the judgment we deserved because of all our sins? I love the correlation between the prodigal son’s father and our heavenly Father. Jesus became sin for us (2 Corintios 5:21a) and was naked and beaten, was crucified, and died for us. He was humiliated and tortured for me and you. When I think of what Jesus did on the cross for me, I am overwhelmed with gratitude because I know I don’t deserve it, but I humbly receive this precious gift of salvation that cost God the most precious thing He had, His Son.

Por último, we too were once dead in our trespasses and sins against God, (Efesios 2:1b), but when we confessed our sins, like the prodigal son, we were welcomed into the family of God. There was a celebration in heaven the day you received Christ as your Savior (Lucas 15:10). God has clothed you in a beautiful white robe (Revelation 7:9) and put a ring on your finger and has adopted you into His Holy Family (Romanos 8:15b-c). One day we’ll all be together for the great feast in heaven, the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9). Hallelujah, Thank you Jesus!!

Gracias, Father, for the gift of adoption into your family. I am no longer an orphan, a stranger, an outcast, I am yours forever.

What is your relationship with your earthly father like?

Do you see God as a good and kind Father?

Do you truly know how much you are loved by God?

If you are not sure, just look to the cross where Jesus died, that’s how much God loves you He gave His Son.

 

Bendiciones,

Toni