Coping mechanisms are defined as techniques we use to help us manage the stress and pain in our lives. Common coping mechanisms are evitación y aislamiento, negación, busyness, rationalization y control. From my childhood, I learned evitación y aislamiento para mantenerme a salvo de personas o situaciones no saludables. Running and hiding became my usual reaction to problems as a small child. Into adulthood, I continued to use those tactics until I began my recovery journey and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Alabado sea el Señor! Instead of avoidance, God gave me a voice, and I learned to communicate my likes and dislikes. I never developed a voice growing up. Sin embargo, once I put up boundaries, Usar mi voz era necesario para comunicar esos límites a los demás.. Conforme el tiempo fue pasando, Me sentí más cómoda compartiendo mi corazón con los demás sin miedo al rechazo.. Dios también me dijo que dejara de correr y esconderme y que le dejara el resultado a Él..
I had huge blind spots as a post-abortion woman when it came to my parenting. Regarding my children, I became extremely sensitive and overprotective. I parented out of fear. I didn’t want them to feel the pain that I had experienced. I thought if I could control them, perhaps I could prevent them from experiencing what I did. Ahora, I know that was wrong thinking. Yo estaba en negación until I realized two things: I cannot control another person, and doing anything out of fear never has a good outcome. Entonces, I have learned to apologize to my children for my overprotective parenting leaving the all-powerful God to change the heart of others. When I feel powerless, I remember to relinquish control to God to create a change in others or situations. I was living in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse. Como resultado, I obeyed ridiculous rules in order to be accepted and loved by others. Truthfully, that never worked. When I finally received the love of Jesus into my heart, I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection because I knew God would never leave me nor forsake me.
Ocupación was a tool the enemy used for many years so that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life and work on myself. In the year 2010, God told me to stop serving. I couldn’t believe He wanted me to do that. What will other people think? Asking this question led me right to the answer—you need to work on yourself because you are one sick puppy. I responded in obedience and took time to work on my own healing from 2010-2012. Durante este tiempo, God took me to a desert place with Him so He could dispel all the lies I had believed. By focusing on His truth, I could be healed and finally set free. Although God had called me to this ministry back in 2006, He was finally able to equip me once I slowed down and put my focus solely on Him.
I had racionalizado my abortion because I believed that since I was doing so much heavy drugs and drinking while smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day, my baby would be severely deformed. I felt that my parents would reject me and would be extremely disappointed in me. But looking back on these 40 años, I wish I had the courage to tell them I made a mistake and ask them for help. No puedo cambiar mi pasado. All I can do is learn from it and share my experience, strength and hope with others. Hopefully, those I reach with my testimony can make healthy choices knowing all the information beforehand.
Control was another tool I learned to use at a very young age. I honestly believed I could control how others feel and what they think in order to determine the outcome of a situation. That was all a lie. No tenía control sobre ninguna de esas cosas.. I tried to control how people reacted and behaved toward me. I tried to control what others saw in me by hiding behind a mask. I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed and diet pills and by purging after I ate too much. God showed me that by relinquishing control to Him, I can be set free from these obsessions and this bondage.
I am so grateful that today I have been set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I have learned new skills to help me cope with the pain and trauma from my past. Tuve que entregar completamente todo y a todos a Dios.. I no longer held onto my children so tight. Ya no me importaba lo que los demás pensaran de mí.. No obedecí reglas ridículas por miedo a ser rechazado.. I now had a voice, and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy, godly way. Ya no estoy esclavizado por mis viejos pensamientos y mis viejos patrones de comportamiento.. En romanos 12:2, the Bible says “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Daily time spent with God in His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit have helped me to move out of the chaos, dysfunction and misery into a peaceful, orderly and fulfilling life.
What unhealthy things have you used to help you cope with the trauma from your past?
What are some healthy ways you cope with things now?
Reach out and get the help and encouragement you need. We are here ready and waiting to serve you and help you to become the woman God created you to be.
Bendiciones,
Toni
—Toni
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