Pensée puante: Ma vision déformée de moi

Pensée puante: Ma vision déformée de moi

Pensée puante: Ma vision déformée de moi


par Toni Weisz / Prise de pute

 

Références bibliques: Isaïe 43:18–19, Psaume 62:6-8, Psaume 27:10, John 8:32, et les romains 5:9

Pensée puante refers to the negative or disturbing thoughts that torment us, especially when we are ARRÊT (Hfaim, UNEen colère, Lseul ou Tirrité). We will be looking at our distorted view of self. We will learn to discern the truth from the lies we have believed all of our lives. Our goal is to equip you so you can have victory in every area of your life.

Isaïe 43:18–19
“Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Psaume 62: 6–8
“He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

Psaume 27:10
When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take care of me.

John 8:32
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Romains 5:9
Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

I was the oldest of three and came from a strict second-generation, Italian-American family. My father and his two brothers and sister ran a family-owned construction company started by my grandfather.

My grandfather had a drinking problem. And my dad acted like an alcoholic even though he did not drink. I refer to his behavior as a “rageaholic.” He worked extremely long hours and was dealing with a lot of stress and family drama. He was not able to communicate in a healthy manner without becoming angry and raising his voice. He had a very short fuse. Alors, when he was home, I would literally want to run and hide.

My mom tried her best to control our home environment as not to cause my dad any stress. We had to be very quiet and obedient when he was home. The slightest thing could set him off. When my dad was at work, my mom had her own way of dealing with the chaos in our home. She yelled a lot too. It wasn’t a very calm or peaceful environment. But I believe they did the best they could. They were preoccupied with putting out fires that my sister and brother were starting. It was easy for me to hide in the shadows.

As a young child, how was I supposed to get the love and attention I needed? After the “good, quiet one” persona was not working anymore, I started sneaking Scotch whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet at 12 ans. Now I was really hiding because of all of my secrets, which now were piling up, and it became even more difficult to keep up my façade. By 13, I was getting high and doing other drugs. À 16, I was having sex; then the unthinkable, my abortion at 21. My life was a disaster, one poor decision after another led me down a very dark path. I was very alone in this pit even though I had friends; no one really knew what I was suffering with because I wore the perfect mask. I was right where the evil one wanted me. Isolated, seul, and hiding in my secrets.

Now in my early 30’s after many years of destructive choices, unhealthy copying mechanisms and addictions, my self-loathing was at an all-time high. My depression would last for weeks at a time, and it was preventing me from functioning normally, and all the pain I had been stuffing all my life was coming out sideways. I had no control over it. I was like a walking volcano. I literally just wanted to end this torment of a life. But God gave me two children, and I wasn’t going to leave them without a mom. Alors, I decided I needed to do something different because what I was doing was not working. I was tired of putting my mask on every day and pretending.

I felt I was not worthy to be loved. En fait, I thought I deserved to be emotionally abused by others because of my sin. I did not see myself as a person of value to anyone, not even to God. This destructive pattern would continue until I was 34, when by the grace of God, I heard the gospel and within 4 weeks got saved and asked Jesus to forgive my sins and be my Lord and Savior. The most beautiful and memorable day of my life is February 6, 1994, when I became born-again.

Even after my salvation, I felt I had to work for love and approval from God and especially from others in leadership at Church. My people-pleasing was consuming my life, and God showed me that this is idolatry, that anything that I put above Him is a sin.

Over the past 20 années, God has slowly been showing me my character defects and areas of sin, my codependency, people-pleasing, and lack of clear boundaries and how I was enabling unhealthy behavior. I didn’t love or respect myself so how could I expect others to. I allowed people to walk all over me, to manipulate and control me, but slowly over time, I started putting up boundaries and using my voice.

God helped me to see myself through His eyes of love, care, and compassion. Back in 2015 when struggling with rejection, I wrote out these words of affirmation that I read out loud to myself every day: je suis digne, je suis aimé, J'appartiens, je suis accepté, je suis adopté, Je suis confiant et compétent, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, je suis un enfant de Dieu, Je suis victorieux en Christ, just to name a few. This is my Spiritual Armor; I put this on every morning to protect myself from the fiery darts of the enemy. Our battle is won and lost in our minds. What we believe about ourselves and about God matters. God’s word is truth, and the truth will make you free.

I hope I never take for granted the miracle that took place in my life 31 years ago, when I received the gift of salvation through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross for me.

QUESTIONS TO TAKE TO HEART:

  1. How has your distorted view of yourself opened you up to all kinds of abuse and sin as a way to cope with your pain?
  2. How did you see yourself?
  3. Who does God say you are? Give examples of Biblical truth.
  4. What do you do to put your Spiritual Armor on daily to protect yourself from the enemy?
  5. Comment pouvons-nous prier pour vous?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you if you need to talk, you can text me or email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Tu es aimé, Toni

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Vendredi saint : sa vie pour la nôtre

Vendredi saint : sa vie pour la nôtre

Il n'y a pas d'amour plus grand que celui qu'un homme donne sa vie pour ses amis. John 15:13

Luc 23:44-46 Maintenant c'était la sixième heure (midi) et il y eut des ténèbres sur toute la terre jusqu'à la neuvième heure (3 PM). Puis le soleil s'est assombri, and the veil of the Temple was torn in two. And when Jesus cried out with a loud voice, “Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit.” Having said this, He breathed His last breath.

Mark 15:34 And at the ninth hour (3PM) Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? Which is being interpreted, My God, Mon Dieu, why hast thou forsaken me?

I want us to reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross for each one of us. We will never know the immense pain He experienced not only physically but spiritually. On the hours that Jesus hung on the cross from 12 noon to 3 PM the whole earth was darkened, and so was the sun. God had forsaken His only Son when He bore all the sins of the world on His body. Jesus cries out, “My God, Mon Dieu, why hast thou forsaken me?” The word forsake in the Merriam-Webster dictionary means to renounce or turn away from entirely. Holy God darkened the earth for 3 hours because He could not look upon Jesus when He bore our sins upon Himself. The Bible says that Jesus became sin for us, who knew no sin. I read a commentary that said God caused the darkness so humans could not look upon Jesus and see the turmoil and agony that He went through on our behalf. It was a sacred sacrifice that only the Father could see. This was His perfect Lamb of God who was sacrificed for the sins of the whole world.

At the same time the veil in the Temple, between the Holy of Holies, was torn from top to bottom. The very hand of God tore the veil, giving us access to God through Jesus His Son. Jesus was the new and living way for us to go to God, we no longer had to go through a Priest to make atonement for our sins. Jesus paid for our sins so we could have free access to the Father by Him. This gives us, you and me, access to God anytime day or night, that we need Him. That is so comforting to know.

Now think of all the sins you have ever committed, they are too numerous to count, yet all of them have been covered by Jesus’ shed blood on the cross, if you have received the gift of salvation through Jesus’ death on the cross for your sins. If you are born again, the Bible says you are a new creation in Christ, old things are passed away behold all things become new. (2nd Corinthiens 5:17)

It is good Lord, to be reminded of the miraculous work you did in me when I became born-again. Thank you for forgiving all my sins, my rebellious actions, my drunkenness, drug usage, fornication, my abortion, my lying, stealing, my pride and my idol worship. All these I lay at your feet Jesus. I no longer have to carry these sins on my back. You have exchanged my sins for your righteousness. I am so grateful to you Lord, the day you had mercy on this broken woman and opened my eyes to see that what I was doing was not working and I needed you in my life. I surrendered my will and my life to you and confessed my sins and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. It was the most beautiful day of my life, Février 6, 1994. A day I will always cherish.

Des questions:

What is the Holy Spirit bringing to your mind right now?

D'abord, Are you born-again? Have you put your faith and trust in Jesus as your Lord and Savior? Have you asked Him to forgive all your sins?

Even after we are saved, we need to confess our sins daily to God. Is there anything the Lord is putting on your heart that you need to confess publicly?

What are you most grateful to God For?

I pray the Lord will bless you as you seek His wisdom and discernment in your life.

 

Tu es aimé,
Toni

 

 

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The Tool of Detachment

The Tool of Detachment

John 10:10un, 1st Corinthians 14:33b, Proverbes 6:19b, James 1:19

The tool of detachment gives me the ability to love someone without getting caught up in their dysfunction. Satan is the author of confusion, chaos, and discord among the brethren and our families. He has made this his primary mission: to steal, kill, and destroy our testimonies, our relationships, our peace, our joy, and to make our lives miserable. We must guard our hearts from responding to others in ways that are hurtful and mean spirited, instead speaking the truth in love. Use your voice in a way that is pleasing to God and to the hearer. Recognize that everyone has wounds from their past and the way in which people respond to certain situations has a lot to do with where they are in their healing process. It’s important to remember, “Hurting people hurt people.” They are blinded by their wounds and cannot see how they are hurting others.

It is extremely important to have healthy boundaries. I grew up with no boundaries at all. I had to educate myself about boundaries and learn how to communicate them with others. Eventually, I started speaking up for myself and sharing how I was feeling. Over time, it became second nature for me to use my voice and to protect myself from unhealthy people or situations. Starting something new is always the hardest part, but it becomes easier with time.

If you have not read the book, “Boundaries,” by Cloud and Townsend, I suggest you do. This book is a very helpful resource. In my journey with the tool of detachment, I also had to recognize that I cannot fix, sauvetage, or save anyone. I had to realize that I cannot control another person, nor can I change them, but rather, God can. I had to surrender to God and relinquish all control to Him. As soon as I did, I began to feel more peaceful, calmer and less anxious about things.

When I trust God and humble myself before Him, I am released from being tormented by the evil one. A humble, teachable spirit is a very powerful weapon against the enemy, and God draws near to the humble. There are times I need to leave a room and walk away from a conversation because I feel I may say something I will regret. Once I say something that is hurtful, I can never take it back. Removing myself from a volatile situation is sometimes my only option. By doing this, I have a chance to cool down, think, and pray before I respond to this person or situation. I can now respond, instead of just reacting without thinking. God wants me to think and pray before I speak, knowing that my words can be used to lift others up or they can cause others to stumble.

Detachment gives me wisdom and discernment when dealing with a situation or an individual who is in a volatile state. I don’t have to fear or be anxious, and I don’t have to take the situation on as my own. Instead, I can recognize that the occurrence has nothing to do with me. I can respond in a calm and godly manner, and I can speak the truth in love. I can walk away and return when I am calmer and more composed. Seeking God during this process helps me to remain in peace and in control of my emotions; that’s all I am responsible for, and I leave the rest in God’s hands.

In His love and service,

—Toni

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Self-Pity

Self-Pity

Self-Pity

Philippiens 2:2-4, Galatians 5:22-23

God wants me to spend less time thinking of myself, and more time thinking of Him and others.

Self-pity is being consumed with thoughts about oneself, usually regarding some unfair situation or treatment by others. Self-pity is feeling sorry for yourself and asking yourself questions like, “Why Me? Why is God not doing something about this situation that I am in?"

I feel self-pity when I perceive an injustice, when I am feeling rejected or left out, when I compare myself to other women, or when I am hurt and disappointed by another’s actions. Self-pity is a dark, slippery, deep hole. In this pit I feel alone, abandoned by others, and tormented.

When I focus on self and not God, I have a distorted view of truth. I feel hopelessness because I am doing things in my own strength. I cannot see how my circumstances can change because I am powerless to change them. When I focus on self and not God, the enemy sees that I am vulnerable and attacks me with his fiery darts. My head and eyes are cast down, I am heavy with no energy, and I feel all alone. When I am looking down, I cannot see God and be thankful for all the things He does for me on a daily basis. This is the enemy’s plan. He wants me to isolate myself from God and others. He wants me to focus on that one thing I don’t have, and he continues to lie to me until I start believing him. Puis, he has me exactly where he wants me. His purpose in this world is to steal, kill, and destroy me, my testimony, my joy, and my trust in God.

I also know I am in self-pity mode when I compare myself to other women, being critical and judgmental towards them. This happens when I am feeling insecure about myself and I am not walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). When I catch myself thinking like this and speaking harsh things, I immediately recognize I am in sin, confess this to God, and ask for forgiveness. Instead of judging others, I need to look for the similarities between us and seek out the good in them. Who am I to judge another person? Only Jesus is Judge. I am commanded by God to love others.

How can we get out of the pit of despair and negative thoughts?

  • The Word of God replaces those negative thoughts and lies with His truth. It is His truth that makes us free. (John 8:32)

     

  • By focusing on others. We read in Philippians 2:2-4: “Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let His mind be in you (The mind that was in Christ)."

In His love & service,

Toni

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Il y aura de mauvais jours…

Il y aura de mauvais jours…

La semaine dernière était une bataille. Des images dérangeantes aux pensées extrêmement troublantes, Le TOC allait bien pour le jugulaire. Jusque-là, Cela avait été une bonne période que je devais être en alerte élevée contre les pensées mentalement envahissantes. Merci au miracle de la fluvoxamine (Mon médicament de choix), Ces types de pensées ont été moins fréquents et plus faciles à trouver mon chemin. Pas cette fois, cependant. Tout est venu à une tête lundi soir quand je me suis retrouvé aux urgences avec des douleurs pointues et bras. Il n'a pas encore été déterminé si les douleurs étaient complètement liées à l'anxiété. toutefois, Je vais vous dire que tous mes examens à l'hôpital sont revenus normaux. (Je continuerai avec cette partie de l'histoire dans un prochain article concernant d'autres problèmes de santé que je testerai, y compris toutes les maladies transmises. Note latérale: Pour ceux d'entre vous qui ne vivent pas dans la partie nord-est des États-Unis, Considérez-vous vraiment béni en ce qui concerne la question des tiques. Un jour, j'espère pouvoir passer au moins une partie de mes étés loin de cette région du pays dans le seul but d'éviter ces minuscules-runeurs de la vie). En tout cas, Après ma visite aux urgences, J'ai eu une session impromptue avec mon psychiatre. Après notre conversation et une attention particulière, Nous avons décidé qu'il serait préférable d'ajouter une petite dose d'un antidépresseur à mon régime quotidien. Quatre jours plus tard, Je me sens mieux des mondes. Louez Dieu pour la sagesse qu'il a donné à mon médecin.

En tant que disciple de Jésus-Christ, On m'a enseigné et je crois qu'il y a un tout autre monde que je ne peux pas voir. Cet avion, ou royaume spirituel, est rempli de pouvoirs et d'esprit auxquels je suis aveugle, ou vraiment, protégé. Avec cela dit, Il y a un élément spirituel à mes difficultés de TOC et de dépression. Je veux être clair que cette croyance ne minimise pas ou ne retire pas la crédibilité du fait que les troubles anxieux comme le TOC sont également biologiques et physiques. Je suis contre l'idée que les problèmes de santé mentale sont complètement motivés spirituellement. Avez-vous déjà vu une analyse cérébrale de quelqu'un avec un TOC contre quelqu'un avec un cerveau «sain»? Recherchez cela sur Internet, puis essayez de vous convaincre que le TOC n'est pas aussi un problème physique. Le point que j'essaie de faire valoir, c'est que mon TOC a une personnalité. Ça déforme tout et tout le monde que j'aime, Et même comment je me considère. Ça fait du mal, Cela semble mauvais, et est basé sur des mensonges. Dans les moments sombres, Quand je ne peux pas me sortir d'un esprit d'esprit, Il n'y a qu'une seule chose à faire: prier. Alors que les pensées terrifiantes peuvent ne pas être instantanément supprimées en priant, Il y a une sécurité et une liberté instantanées en présence de Dieu. Dans les bras de Jésus, Il y a la sécurité en sachant que je ne peux pas être blessé par mes pensées et celles que j'aime non plus. Dans les bras de Jésus, Il y a la liberté de partager mes pensées, peu importe à quel point. Les bras de Jésus sont un endroit où je suis connu pour qui je suis et non qui mes pensées disent que je suis. Il n'y a pas d'endroit comme ça sur terre, ni une médecine qui peut vraiment recréer la stabilité et la paix sous-jacente profonde de cet endroit.

Il est important de noter qu'après mon voyage aux urgences, J'ai ressenti une énorme quantité de découragement. Comment pourrais-je être de retour à cet endroit avec ma santé mentale? J'ai fait tellement d'efforts pour être "OK" au cours des six dernières années. Des conseillers, aux psychiatres, aux médicaments, aux livres, à la recherche, aux exercices comportementaux… suis-je vraiment de retour ici? La réponse était à la fois oui et non. Oui, J'étais dans un mauvais état de santé mentale, mais non, Je n'étais pas de retour à l'endroit où j'étais au début de ce voyage. Je suis plus âgé, plus sage, Et plus fort à cause de tout ce que j'ai vécu avec ce trouble. Si je peux passer ce que j'ai vécu dans le passé, Je peux très certainement avancer maintenant avec les capacités que Dieu m'a données et me permet d'utiliser tous les jours grâce aux routes infernales que lui et moi sommes allés ensemble. Et c.s. Lewis a dit un jour, «L'expérience est la plus brutale des enseignants, Mais tu apprends, Mon Dieu, Apprenez-vous. Louez Dieu pour sa sagesse et son amour incroyable. Continuez à se battre, ami.

Amour,

Jackie