Le blog de Lucie
Genèse 50:20: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”
II Peter 3:9: “The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”
Growing up in my dysfunctional family, which included neglect and sexual, physical, and verbal abuse, did not equip me to care for or respect myself as I grew in the way God intended for me. I spent many years allowing others, especially men, to use and take advantage of me for sexual purposes. Au moment où j'étais 15, I was deeply wounded and hurting. My way of coping was to act out in self-destructive ways. As I mentioned earlier, I allowed others to use me. I also drank daily and experimented with most drugs, including mind-altering substances.
I had no hope that anything in my life would improve but that it would just continue to get worse until I died. I was so angry at the way I had been treated by my father and brothers but didn’t understand how to break out of this pattern of destructive behavior.
A l'âge de 24, I slept with a man whom I hardly knew. En fait, I couldn’t even tell you his name. All I know was that he said all the right things that my heart longed to hear: that he cared for me, really wanted to be with me, and made me feel special, even if it was just for a brief time. He kept insisting that we have sex, and I resisted at first but then gave in when he said he had a vasectomy, since that meant he could not get me pregnant.
I was desperate for this man’s attention but certainly didn’t want to have a baby with him! But like most of the men I opened my life up to, he had lied to me and much to my dismay, I became pregnant. I was devastated and felt a sense of desperation as to how I would “fix” this predicament I was in. Of course, the guy who said he cared so much about me left the scene as soon as he got what he wanted.
I confided in a friend that had introduced me to him. I remember that she had a 9-year-old daughter and no husband, and it was clear that she resented her daughter greatly by the way she treated her. She told me to “Get rid of it; you don’t want a kid!” All I could think about was how I didn’t want to end up like this woman, mistreating my own child! Alors, against my better judgement and my conscience that told me “NO, this is wrong,” I chose to abort the only child I would ever conceive.
I cried every night when no one was around to see my pain. I cried for myself because of how empty this act made me feel, but mostly for this innocent child whose life I had taken so violently. I cried unconsolably, every night for months. Not knowing my Lord Jesus Christ at that time, I had no one to turn to for forgiveness and healing. As I look back on this desperate act of selfishness, I realize this was the final self-destructive thing that drove me into the arms of God! I just couldn’t live with the emptiness and pain anymore. Nine months after my abortion, J'ai abandonné ma vie à Jésus, asked forgiveness for my sins, and began to walk in the newness of life that He offers to all who come to Him in humility.
I want to read a section of the letter to the baby I named Gabriella, which means “God is My Strength”:
Bien que ta vie terrestre ait été si courte, tu as eu un impact sur le mien pour l'éternité parce que neuf mois précisément après avoir permis à cette clinique d'avortement de te retirer de mon ventre, je suis né de nouveau! Et en ce jour incroyable, mon cœur, soul, and spirit were transformed from darkness and condemnation into the forgiving and precious light of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit! Dieu a pris notre douleur et nos cendres et les a transformées en beauté éternelle!
Je consacre une grande partie de ma vie à d'autres femmes qui ont vécu la douleur et le chagrin de l'avortement en les aidant à reconnaître et à guérir de cet événement.. Je t'aime de tout mon coeur, mon précieux petit, et je te verrai bientôt!
Ta maman pardonné
What purpose did your unborn child serve in your life?
Did it move you towards God or away from Him?
Additional portions of letters to the unborn:
Bien-aimé, Dieu sait que ta vie n'était pas une erreur. Votre vie m'a poussé à une foi plus profonde et à une passion pour le Christ. Dieu m'a montré la grâce, love, and healing in ways that I can’t describe. Il a utilisé toutes ces choses pour de bon (Rom 8:28). Ta vie m'a permis de défendre les sans défense, to value life in the womb, and to have compassion for the hurting moms who fell into the same trap as I did. Dieu compte nos jours et même si les vôtres étaient peu nombreux, they continue to fuel my passion.
je, ta mère, te serrer dans mes bras aujourd'hui d'une manière que je ne pourrais pas 10 years ago because I feared to look into your eyes and to hear God's voice speak through the gentle grasp of your fingers saying "choose life.” In the light of my mind, Je te vois maintenant, mon premier enfant, la première de trois filles. Sais-tu que tu as deux sœurs? Savez-vous que votre vie a donné un grand sens à leur vie? A cause de toi, I cherish the very breath of life God has gifted me and those whom I hold close to my heart.
Alors que je t'embrasse aujourd'hui et toujours, J'ai abandonné la honte, culpabilité, humiliation, rejet, abandon, pride, and pain. Je rejette les mensonges qui gardaient autrefois ta mémoire cachée dans l'obscurité, loin de la lumière de la vérité.. Mon amour, ma belle petite fille, tu n'as jamais été oublié.
Le Ciel a documenté chaque instant de votre existence dans le livre de la vie. À présent, il est temps pour moi d'écrire ta page dans l'histoire de ma vie.
Dans les années à venir, quand nous nous retrouvons réunis dans l'esprit, Je serai ravi du déploiement de votre personnalité unique tissée avec l'expérience de votre brief., mais une vie significative. Pour l'instant, chérie, I entrust your care and protection to the Father, whose plans for you are greater than either you or I can imagine.
I named you Joseph because what the enemy meant for evil, God turned around for my good and for His glory. Il a échangé mes cendres contre quelque chose de beau. Joseph, vous avez inspiré un ministère appelé My Ashes to Beauty pour aider d'autres mamans à guérir de leurs avortements passés.
Bénédictions,
Lumières
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