Mes mécanismes d'adaptation malsains

par Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Écritures: Hebrews 13:5c, Romains 12:1-2, John 8:31-32 et Zéphanie 3:17

Romains 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is good and acceptable perfect will of God.

John 8:31-32
Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in my word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Coping mechanisms are defined as techniques we use to help us cope with the stress, douleur, and trauma we have experienced in our lives.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms:

• Avoidance and Isolation
• Drugs and Alcohol
• Denial
• Occupé
• Rationalization
• Contrôle

De mon enfance, J'ai appris évitement et isolement pour me protéger des personnes ou des situations malsaines. Running and hiding is what I learned as a small child, and I still used those tactics as an adult until I got into recovery and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Louons Dieu!

Au lieu d'éviter, Dieu m'a donné une voix, et j'ai appris à communiquer mes goûts et mes dégoûts. Je n'ai jamais développé une voix en grandissant, but once I put up boundaries, utiliser ma voix était nécessaire pour communiquer ces limites aux autres. Au fur et à mesure que le temps passait, Je me sentais plus à l'aise de partager mon cœur avec les autres sans craindre le rejet. Dieu m'a aussi dit d'arrêter de courir et de me cacher et de lui laisser le résultat..

I started using alcohol and drugs à 12 years old when I was not getting the healthy attention I needed at home. I decided to start taking matters into my own hands, which was a defining moment in my life. As a result of that choice, I would run to other things other than God when I was hurting. I just wanted a quick fix to avoid the pain I had accumulated all my life. I used people and allowed them to use me. My life was filled with regret, fear of rejection, depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-hatred. I thank God for having mercy on this broken woman. He saved me from my self-destructive lifestyle. I now run to Jesus to take my pain away. He is the only one who will never leave me nor forsake me (Ref. Hebrews 13:5c).

j'étais dedans le déni about the dysfunction in my home of origin and my home with my husband and children for many years until I realized I cannot control another person and that doing anything out of fear never ends well. I don’t have the power to change another person; only God does. Alors, I relinquish control to God to change others or situations when I feel powerless. I was in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse, so I obeyed ridiculous rules to be accepted and loved by others, but that never worked. When I finally received the love of Jesus in my heart, then I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection from others because I knew God was with me, always.

Occupé was a tool the enemy used on me for decades. His purpose was to keep me so busy that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life. My striving for love and acceptance, even from God, kept me working so hard to feel worthy. I never stopped long enough to evaluate my life, my choices, my relationships, my unhealthy view of myself, Dieu, et d'autres. I was so messed up, but I could not see that until God showed me my ways were not working.

Back in 2010, I was so depressed I asked God to take me home because I just wanted to die. And He said, “Do you believe I can turn things around for your good?"

I said, "Oui, Seigneur, I believe that.”

He said, “TRUST ME.”

After that, I got into ACA recovery work and an inner healing group for five years. God was exposing the lies with His truth. I was learning about boundaries and what that looks like, and He showed me that I was enabling abuse from others by not using my voice. God had me stop from all serving at church and First Care because I was that sick and needed God to intervene to heal me. God was so faithful and put the right people in my path, and I was healed and set free from all the dysfunction in my life and started experiencing true peace and freedom in Christ. In January 2013, I started this ministry. Praise Him!!! Merci, Jésus.

I rationalisé my abuse, thinking I must not be a person of value or else others would treat me differently. After my abortion, the enemy told me I deserve to be abused because of my decision to abort my child. My husband was very controlling, and my children and I were required to obey ridiculous rules. I rationalized in my head that if I didn’t obey those rules, he would leave me. The enemy used that lie for decades to keep me in bondage and in a very unhealthy home environment. I am thankful for the day I had courage to say, “No, I am not going to follow these rules,” and leave the outcome in God’s hands.

I was no longer fearful of him leaving. I trusted God to take care of me, and He did. My relationship with my husband now is better than it ever has been. I now know that I am loved and valued by God and that He doesn’t want me to accept abusive treatment from anyone; I don’t deserve to be abused regardless of my poor choices in the past. He loves me and wants me to use my voice to put up healthy boundaries and to protect myself from unhealthy people and situations. Je ne peux pas changer mon passé. Tout ce que je peux faire, c'est en tirer des leçons et partager mon expérience, strength, and hope with others so perhaps they can make healthy choices.

Contrôle was a tool I learned to use when I was very young. I honestly believed I could control how others feel, what they do, and that I could control the outcome. That all was a lie. Je n'avais aucun contrôle sur aucune de ces choses. Areas I tried to control were how people reacted and behaved toward me. I tried to control what others saw in me by wearing a mask, and I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed, diet pills, and purging after I ate too much. God showed me by relinquishing control to Him that I can be set free from these obsessions and torment. He taught me to love myself just the way I am and to relinquish all control to Him because He will never harm me.

I am so grateful for the day I was set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms. J'ai acquis de nouvelles compétences pour m'aider à faire face à la douleur et aux traumatismes de mon passé. J'ai dû complètement abandonner tout et tout le monde à Dieu. Je ne me souciais plus de ce que les autres pensaient de moi. Je n'ai pas obéi à des règles ridicules par peur d'être rejeté, J'avais maintenant une voix, and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy godly way. Je ne suis plus esclave de mes anciennes pensées et de mes anciens comportements.. I truly have become a new creation in Christ, with God’s help and by renewing my mind daily.

Dans les Romains 12:2, the Bible says do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Daily time spent with God in His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit has helped me to move out of the chaos, dysfunction, and misery into a peaceful, joyful, and fulfilling life.

Des questions à prendre à cœur:

1. What have you used in the past to help you cope with the trauma you have experienced in your life?
2. How did you break those unhealthy destructive behaviors?
3. What are some healthy things you do now to help you cope in a godly way?
4. Comment pouvons-nous prier pour vous?

Je prie ce sujet qui vous a été utile. Veuillez nous contacter si vous avez besoin de parler: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

I will leave you with one of my favorite verses:
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God in your midst, the mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

Tu es aimé,
Toni