restaurado

I became involved in My Ashes to Beauty ministry many years after my abortion. As I walked through the healing process of having an abortion, I realized how much of the decisions leading up to that very day had been affected by my childhood trauma, neglect and the sexual abuse I experienced. I knew in my heart I had to go all the way back, to allow God to start this healing process.

In the fall of 2020, I had an opportunity to join a group of warrior women in a sexual abuse bible study called “In the Wildflowers”, via Zoom. I did my part by watching the weekly videos, doing my homework and meeting every Monday night. I had never really done any work in this area of my life. I had shared my situations with others, including counselors but it had been dismissed. As I began my healing journey, I was able to recognize how the trauma of abuse had followed me into adolescence and adulthood. Prior to this study I had felt that worse things had happened to other girls and I needed to ‘suck it up ’and get over it. I felt that the abuse I had suffered was “normal” and, I had done something to cause it. I carried the shame and guilt of what others had done to me and owned their sickness for so many years!

In this study, I found help and encouragement from the ladies who I met with every week in my class. They gave me the strength I needed to get through this journey. When I did not have words or the ability to identify how I felt; they showed up with words to help me express my heart from the pain and grief. When I was angry and felt defeated, they prayed and spoke God’s truth into my life. We encouraged each other through text messages and email throughout the week and we loved on each other, helping each other through our painful journeys.

This bible study, the love and support I received allowed years of pain, shame and guilt to be washed away. I was able to surrender the burden of other people’s selfishness and God allowed me to be set free, from my past and He healed me.

Now I am sharing my redemption story so you can be set free and live a victorious life. God’s word promises to restore us. “So, I will restore to you the years that

the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewy locust, my great army which I sent among you.” (Joel 2:25 NKJV) And that is exactly what He did for me and He’s waiting for you to start your healing journey of restoration.

 

Rhonda Bouchlas

 

 

¿Permitirás que Jesús te sane??

¿Permitirás que Jesús te sane??

Abuse Recovery Sapoyo GRAMOgrupo (ARSG)

¿Permitirás que Jesús te sane??

Él sana a los que tienen el corazón roto y venda sus heridas. Salmo 147:3 NKJV

Only Jesus knows what it feels like to be verbally and physically abused, mocked and spit on, and publicly humiliated as He hung on the cross naked and beaten and rejected by His closest friends. I believe only Jesus can heal us physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally from all the forms of abuse and trauma we have experienced in our lives. In Isaiah 53:5, the Bible says, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, y by His stripes we are healed."

Thank you for joining our first support group meeting on abuse. We will be covering all kinds of abuse from emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual. We want to give each of you an opportunity to share your stories and your hearts in a safe and loving environment so that the healing journey you started will continue. One thing I have learned through the abortion recovery ministry is that we need a community of women who have experienced the same things we have, in order for us to open up and be vulnerable. God is providing you with a group of sisters who love Jesus and each other, and who are courageous and committed to this healing journey. They are willing to do the work necessary to reach the next level in their healing as they grow closer to God in the process. They no longer want to settle for barely existing. No, they want more. They want the abundant life that Jesus died to give them.

In my home of origin, I never developed a voice because of the chaos and unpredictable home environment I grew up in. From an early age, I believed I had the power to make someone happy or angry by my behavior. That was a lie from the pit of hell, but I would not discover that truth until I got into ACA recovery work in 2010-2015. I have no such control, but this lie lead me down a path of people-pleasing that opened me up to all kinds of harsh treatment and abuse by others who would use and manipulate me. I enabled this behavior because of my need for love and acceptance. I did not understand codependency, emotional and verbal abuse, and how it was having an effect on me and the choices I would make in my life. I thought this was normal; it was my normal but, God knows it wasn’t His plan for the family.

I started rebelling at the age of 12, drinking Scotch Whiskey from my parent’s liquor cabinet, getting high at 13 and having sex at 16 and then, my abortion at 21. I struggled with depression as a teenager, and when I got drunk, I acted out and kicked out a window in my college dorm. I punched walls and was so filled with rage and hatred towards myself. After my abortion, these unhealthy coping mechanisms just increased in intensity. My abortion was the nail in my coffin. That act plunged me headlong into the dark pit of despair and suicidal thoughts. I just wanted to end this torment of a life; I did not see a way out.

Then one glorious day, I met Jesus and He forgave all my sins, and He began healing my broken body, soul and mind. It’s been twenty-seven years, and He is still healing and loving me. And it has been a beautiful journey.

What was your home of origin like?

How did that affect your decision making?

Did you make healthy decisions or ones based out of fear?

Have you received help in this area to stop this unhealthy cycle in your life?

The Abuse Recovery Sapoyo GRAMOgrupo (ARSG) meets on the 2nd and 4th Sundays of every month, at 4:15 PM EST. More information regarding the Sunday calls is found on this page, Trauma de abuso sexual.

Por favor contacta, email us at arwsg4u2@gmail.com, we can help you heal from your past trauma with our loving and caring support group, the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, prayer, and accountability.

Eres amado,
Toni

 

 

Leer más de los blogs de Toni AQUÍ!

De la vergüenza a la victoria (Parte 3): Mis adolescentes miserables

Rhonda’s Story

En mi adolescencia, mi visión de mí mismo se volvió más distorsionada. Quise ser querido y quise ser amado. Me volví a las relaciones, alcohol y drogas, y esto me dejó sintiéndome aún más vacío que antes. Me volví muy bullicioso, muy obstinado y proyecté una falsa sensación de seguridad para ocultar cómo me sentía realmente.

Cuando yo estaba 16 años, Estuve íntimamente involucrado con un joven de 18 años.. Salimos por más de un año. Cuando traté de romper con él, amenazó con suicidarse. Por culpa, Permanecí en la relación por un tiempo más hasta que pude encontrar una manera de romperla.. Le dije de nuevo que ya no quería verlo, y sacó una escopeta y se la llevó a la boca y dijo que si rompía con él, el se mataría. Salí corriendo por las escaleras de su apartamento y él procedió a perseguirme por la calle principal del pequeño pueblo donde vivía.. Mientras corría por la calle, Vi gente que conocía y grité pidiendo ayuda! Pensé que me iba a disparar por la espalda. Con miedo, se dieron la vuelta y huyeron. Corrí al restaurante donde trabajaba. Estaba histérica y mi jefe me agarró y me llevó a la parte trasera del restaurante.. Le conté lo que pasó y llamó a mi casa y mi hermano vino a buscarme.

Unas semanas después, cuando iba en bicicleta a casa después del trabajo, el novio con el que traté de romper, me sacó de la bicicleta y me ahogó mientras me decía que me amaba y que no podía vivir sin mí.. De alguna manera me liberé, agarré mi bicicleta y corrí a casa lo más rápido que pude. Le dije a mis padres, y al principio parecían molestos, pero luego simplemente lo descartaron. Y el exnovio que tanto me había asustado llamaba a mi mamá y ella me decía que lo sentía y que le diera otra oportunidad.. Pero yo no quería tener nada que ver con él. Unas pocas semanas después, Llegué a casa del trabajo una noche y lo vi sentado en el sótano bebiendo una cerveza con mi papá.. me quedé impactado! Mi papá me miró y dijo, "Tony me va a enseñar a tocar la guitarra!"

 

Parte 4 Haga clic aquí.

 

De la vergüenza a la victoria (Parte 2): El abuso comenzó en la adolescencia

Rhonda’s Story

My dad had a workshop in the basement where he had pin up girls on the wall. He had playboy and Penthouse magazines in the cupboard that my brother and his friends would look at.

Around the time I was between 8-10, I walked down the stairs and found my dad watching a pornographic movie while having a meal. I was horrified. My father was so disrespectful to women and he constantly joked in a demeaning way in front of my mom and other women.

Dad would drink every day. And every Friday night he cashed his check and came home with his weekend alcohol supply. Dad would always be in a good mood. He would take a shower and his friends would start rolling in. He always smelled so good. In the beginning, it was exciting for me to see who would stop by; I liked having company. But as the weekend parties continued it became evident that my dad’s friends wanted to do inappropriate things to me.

My mom would usually stay upstairs and lose herself in her books, trying to ignore everything around her. I would hang downstairs trying to get my dad’s attention over his friends and his drinking. When I was between 8 y 9, I recall one of his friends pinning me down, laughing and holding my arms down while he tried to kiss me. I was kicking and screaming, telling him to stop as my parents watched. I couldn’t believe they weren’t helping me! Felling vulnerable, I spent many years pushing the bed across my bedroom door, afraid someone would come and hurt me. Because of my parents’ and my brother’s behavior towards me, I learned that I had no value. My mom never wanted me and I wasn’t worth being protected by my dad; I felt so unloved.

During middle school, my brother and I always came home to an empty house. The two neighbor boys would come over and try and kiss me, pin me down and they would force me to do inappropriate things with them. I was told not to tell or I would get beat up. I never told.

Entonces, I would race home, grab all the hangers and pens in the house (my brother could open the door with a metal hanger or the ink stick of the pen), lock the bathroom door before by brother got home so he couldn’t beat me up. I would wait in fear as he banged on the door telling me to open it. Eventually he always found a way in. I would run through the house and try to get away as he threw knives at me. If I made it back to the bathroom the knives would be stuck in the door. He would beat me up! I didn’t tell because nobody stopped the other bad things that were happening to me. My mother always justified and made excuses for my brother’s behavior because he was her favorite; my dad was hard on my brother; I was dad’s favorite so I got the brunt of that from my mother.

 

PARTE 3 Haga clic aquí.

 

Mi vida cambiaría para siempre (Parte 3): Tratando de hacer frente al dolor

La historia de abril

The years going forward were a total blur. I went through school and tried to do my best, but there was always sadness in my heart. I started to become insecure over friendships and people in general. My spirit was broken. I was insecure and looking for acceptance. I knew I couldn’t get it at home since my parents drinking and abuse had gotten worse after the kidnap. I knew they loved me, but I also knew something was wrong.

I started skipping school in the 7th grade and became attracted to boys and sex. I spent a lot of time at my friend’s house, partying and having fun. We moved to Lantana to a new house and what we thought would be a new life. But by the time I was in 9th grade, I was sexually active. You might think I would want nothing to do with sex after my kidnap and rape, but it was the thrill. And God was not in my life. I started dating a guy that was many years older than me, and it was almost as if I was being raped at my will. I felt so much shame when I was with him.

PARTE 4 Haga clic aquí.