Mis mecanismos de afrontamiento poco saludables

Mis mecanismos de afrontamiento poco saludables

Mis mecanismos de afrontamiento poco saludables

by Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Escrituras: Hebreos 13:5C, Romanos 12:1-2, John 8:31-32 and Zephaniah 3:17

Romanos 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is good and acceptable perfect will of God.

John 8:31-32
Entonces Jesús dijo a los judíos que le creían., “If you abide in my word, ustedes son mis discípulos en verdad. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Los mecanismos de afrontamiento se definen como técnicas que utilizamos para ayudarnos a afrontar el estrés., dolor, y traumas que hemos experimentado en nuestras vidas.

Mecanismos de afrontamiento poco saludables:

  • Evitación y aislamiento
  • Drogas y alcohol
  • Negación
  • Ocupación
  • Racionalización
  • Control

From my childhood, I learned evitación y aislamiento para mantenerme a salvo de personas o situaciones no saludables. Running and hiding is what I learned as a small child, and I still used those tactics as an adult until I got into recovery and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Alabado sea el Señor!

Instead of avoidance, God gave me a voice, and I learned to communicate my likes and dislikes. I never developed a voice growing up, but once I put up boundaries, Usar mi voz era necesario para comunicar esos límites a los demás.. Conforme el tiempo fue pasando, Me sentí más cómoda compartiendo mi corazón con los demás sin miedo al rechazo.. Dios también me dijo que dejara de correr y esconderme y que le dejara el resultado a Él..

comencé a usar alcohol y drogas en 12 años cuando no recibía la atención saludable que necesitaba en casa. Decidí empezar a tomar el asunto en mis propias manos., which was a defining moment in my life. As a result of that choice, I would run to other things other than God when I was hurting. Sólo quería una solución rápida para evitar el dolor que había acumulado toda mi vida.. Usé a la gente y les permití que me usaran.. Mi vida se llenó de arrepentimiento, miedo al rechazo, depresión, suicidal thoughts, and self-hatred. Doy gracias a Dios por tener misericordia de esta mujer rota.. He saved me from my self-destructive lifestyle. Ahora corro hacia Jesús para que me quite el dolor.. He is the only one who will never leave me nor forsake me (Árbitro. Hebreos 13:5C).

Yo estaba en negación about the dysfunction in my home of origin and my home with my husband and children for many years until I realized I cannot control another person and that doing anything out of fear never ends well. I don’t have the power to change another person; only God does. Entonces, Cedo el control a Dios para cambiar a otros o situaciones cuando me siento impotente. I was in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse, so I obeyed ridiculous rules to be accepted and loved by others, pero eso nunca funcionó. When I finally received the love of Jesus in my heart, then I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection from others because I knew God was with me, always.

Ocupación Fue una herramienta que el enemigo usó conmigo durante décadas.. His purpose was to keep me so busy that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life. My striving for love and acceptance, even from God, kept me working so hard to feel worthy. Nunca me detuve lo suficiente para evaluar mi vida., mis decisiones, mis relaciones, mi visión poco saludable de mí mismo, Dios, y otros. estaba tan arruinado, but I could not see that until God showed me my ways were not working.

De nuevo en 2010, Estaba tan deprimida que le pedí a Dios que me llevara a casa porque solo quería morir.. Y él dijo, “¿Crees que puedo cambiar las cosas para tu bien??"

I said, "Sí, Caballero, I believe that.”

He said, “TRUST ME.”

After that, I got into ACA recovery work and an inner healing group for five years. God was exposing the lies with His truth. I was learning about boundaries and what that looks like, and He showed me that I was enabling abuse from others by not using my voice. God had me stop from all serving at church and First Care because I was that sick and needed God to intervene to heal me. God was so faithful and put the right people in my path, and I was healed and set free from all the dysfunction in my life and started experiencing true peace and freedom in Christ. In January 2013, comencé este ministerio. Alabado sea!!! Gracias, Jesús.

I racionalizado mi abuso, Pensar que no debo ser una persona valiosa o los demás me tratarían de manera diferente.. Después de mi aborto, El enemigo me dijo que merecía ser abusada por mi decisión de abortar a mi hijo.. My husband was very controlling, and my children and I were required to obey ridiculous rules. I rationalized in my head that if I didn’t obey those rules, he would leave me. El enemigo usó esa mentira durante décadas para mantenerme en cautiverio y en un ambiente hogareño muy insalubre.. I am thankful for the day I had courage to say, "No, I am not going to follow these rules,” and leave the outcome in God’s hands.

Ya no tenía miedo de que se fuera. I trusted God to take care of me, and He did. Mi relación con mi marido ahora es mejor que nunca.. I now know that I am loved and valued by God and that He doesn’t want me to accept abusive treatment from anyone; No merezco que abusen de mí a pesar de mis malas decisiones en el pasado.. Él me ama y quiere que use mi voz para establecer límites saludables y protegerme de personas y situaciones no saludables.. No puedo cambiar mi pasado. All I can do is learn from it and share my experience, fortaleza, y esperanza con los demás para que tal vez puedan tomar decisiones saludables.

Control fue una herramienta que aprendí a usar cuando era muy joven. Sinceramente, creía que podía controlar cómo se sentían los demás., lo que hacen, y que podría controlar el resultado. que todo era mentira. No tenía control sobre ninguna de esas cosas.. Las áreas que traté de controlar fueron cómo reaccionaban y se comportaban las personas hacia mí.. I tried to control what others saw in me by wearing a mask, and I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed, píldoras de dieta, y purgarme después de haber comido demasiado. Dios me mostró al cederle el control que puedo ser liberado de estas obsesiones y tormentos.. He taught me to love myself just the way I am and to relinquish all control to Him because He will never harm me.

I am so grateful for the day I was set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I have learned new skills to help me cope with the pain and trauma from my past. Tuve que entregar completamente todo y a todos a Dios.. Ya no me importaba lo que los demás pensaran de mí.. No obedecí reglas ridículas por miedo a ser rechazado., I now had a voice, and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy godly way. Ya no estoy esclavizado por mis viejos pensamientos y mis viejos patrones de comportamiento.. I truly have become a new creation in Christ, with God’s help and by renewing my mind daily.

En romanos 12:2, the Bible says do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

El tiempo diario que paso con Dios en Su Palabra y escuchar al Espíritu Santo me ha ayudado a salir del caos., disfunción, y la miseria en una paz, joyful, y vida plena.

Preguntas para tomar en serio:

  1. What have you used in the past to help you cope with the trauma you have experienced in your life?
  2. How did you break those unhealthy destructive behaviors?
  3. What are some healthy things you do now to help you cope in a godly way?
  4. Cómo podemos orar por ti?

Espero que este tema te haya sido útil.. Por favor comuníquese si necesita hablar: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

I will leave you with one of my favorite verses:
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God in your midst, the mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

Eres amado,
Toni

 

 

Leer más de los blogs de Toni AQUÍ.
Rechazo, Una mentira del diablo

Rechazo, Una mentira del diablo

Rechazo, Una mentira del diablo

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Warfare
Salmo 27:10, Romanos 8:38-39, mateo 24:35, Salmo 147:3

The spiritual warfare I am experiencing lately has heightened, due to me taking on the leadership for my church prayer team since our leaders stepped down a few months ago, and now I am about to start a STS (Surrendering the Secret) study session. I am still in a
wheelchair after my foot surgery about a month ago. Entonces, I would say I am a little vulnerable right now. But I am aware of what the evil one is trying to do. Rejection has always been a huge wound for me from my childhood.

When I feel rejected by my earthly family, I am reminded that my peace and security doesn’t come from money, relationships, or anything else this world has to offer. My peace and security come from knowing God my Heavenly Father, and His Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit my constant companion and friend.

Entonces, when the evil one comes to poke my rejection wound, I remind him, “I belong to God.” I was plucked out of my earthly family and placed into the family of God. I am adopted by God. I will never be rejected. I will never be abandoned. I will never walk alone again. “When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take care of me.” (Salmo 27:10)

I am loved by my Heavenly Father, and nothing shall separate me from His love. “For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present not things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romanos 8:38-39) What a beautiful promise from God’s Word.

Gracias, Holy Spirit, for giving me God’s perspective. It gives me great comfort to know the truth. I pray for my unsaved family members who do not have a relationship with You. They are desperately holding onto things like money, relationships, their physical beauty, a retirement account, or anything that gives them a sense of security. But it will all burn up in the end. The only real thing in this world is a relationship with You, Jesús. Everything else will rust, corrupt, decay and die, but your Word will never pass away. It is eternal. “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.” (mateo 24:35)

Dear one, I pray you know the Lord Jesus as your Savior. He knows what it feels like to be rejected and abandoned. He wants you to surrender all to Him. Stop trying to do things in your own strength. Allow Him to minister to you in all the places in your soul that have been wounded due to trauma from abortion and/or abuse. He comes to bind up the broken hearted and heal all your wounds. (Árbitro. Salmo 147:3)

Por favor comuníquese si necesita hablar: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Eres amado,
Toni

 

De regreso Blogs

El rescate

El rescate

El rescate

por Toni Weisz/Disciplinas espirituales
Escrituras: colosenses 1: 13-14 and Isaiah 53:2e-3b and 62:2b

colosenses 13:1
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.

Isaías 53:2e-3b
There is no beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

Last week, my parents had to put down their beloved dog of 16 años. This little fella was like a child to them. He was beautiful to look at, a full breed Chihuahua, reddish brown with a big bushy tail. he looked like a miniature fox. But he was quite spoiled y could do whatever he wanted. We all called him, “The Little Prince.”

The grief was too much for them, so when I went to see them five days later, my dad said, “I want you to find us a dog.”

“Oh, okay,” I said.

I had no idea where to even start, so I texted my daughter who has rescued four dogs, “How can I find them a dog?” She made a few suggestions, so I went online and started searching, putting in their criteria. I came to this little guy named Happy Boy y showed my mom, and she said, "Oh, no, I don’t want that one.”

I agree, his photo was not very flattering. he looked kind of scruffy. Nothing to be desired. Sound familiar? In Isaiah 53:2e-3b, Jesus is described as, “There is no beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”

I made a few phone calls and found a place, so after I left there, I went to go find them a dog. When I arrived at the shelter in, I looked at a few dogs, but none matched their criteria. they found one for me in a different city, so they made a call and I was on my way.

His name was Happy Boy, the same dog I found online that my mom did not want. Oh well, I was going to look at him anyway. he fit their criteria; his description read: friendly, cariñoso, gentle, easy going, all the things they were looking for, but he was not pretty. I finally find this place located in a parking lot on the grounds of the Palm Beach Kennel Club.

I asked the young woman if I could see Happy Boy y she told me to wait outside and she would bring him to me. As I waited, I started a video to show my parents this little guy. When I saw him come, I said, “Hey, little guy, let me see you,” and he came running and jumped on my legs and was running all around. he was a bundle of joy and full of fun and energy. Pensé, “OH my, this is their dog. he looked much cuter than his picture. Entonces, I called my parents and did a video call so they could see him. I told them that I could pick them up and take them to see Happy Boy the next day .

Once they saw him in the video, my dad said, “Bring him to us."

“You mean buy him now?" I asked.

"Sí," he said.

I said, “Okay,” and thought to myself, “I guess we are doing this."

Entonces, I went inside and filled out the papers and paid for Happy Boy. The young woman said we want to take a picture. When I picked this little guy up, he didn’t stop licking my face. I tried to raise my chin, but I could not escape his enthusiasm. He was so thankful, pero I don’t think he understood he was being rescued. He just was so full of love eso he couldn’t contain himself.

We were rescued also, by the precious blood of Jesus shed on the cross for us. I don’t think I understood the magnitude of this until recently. His death purchased my eternal life. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, (Árbitro. colosenses 1:13-14).

On the drive to my parents’ home, this little guy settled in nicely, still panting because it was so hot. I had him lay down on the front passenger’s seat. He must have licked my hand for five minutes, as I was holding his leash so he would not fall off the seat. He started to dose off, feeling safe, comfortable, and cool. For the last ten minutes, he became a little antsy and jumped into my lap, and I finished the remaining part of our ride with this guy literally in my face. It was so adorable. he is such a love, a pure joy.

We arrived at my parents just in time as they had just pulled into the garage with a huge box in their trunk. They had just come back from the pet store with this big fence for their new little member of the family. This would no solo keep him under supervision but also give him a space for his bed, new toys, and water. This was probably tres times the size of his old cage at the shelter.

I called several times over the next few days to find out how they were all adjusting, and the response was an astounding, “We are all doing well, y “Randy” (his new name), is adjusting nicely.” Doesn’t God give us a new name too?

Isaías 62:2b, “You shall be called by a new name, which the mouth of the Lord will name.”

I hope this story touched your hearts, too.

Jesus purchased our freedom with His blood on the cross. He rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of Light. He also gave us a new name. I pray you have experienced this transformation for yourself. If you want to talk to someone about what it means to have a relationship with God, to be born again, por favor envíeme un correo electrónico a: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Eres amado,
Toni

 

“Happy Boy”
This picture was taken on the first day of his rescue from the shelter. Junio 6, 2025

The Rescue bu Toni Weis, HAPPY BOY

De regreso Blogs

Cuando finalmente recibí su amor

Cuando finalmente recibí su amor

Cuando finalmente recibí su amor

por Toni Weisz/Herramientas de recuperación

Escrituras: Génesis 1:26, mateo 10:30, y 1 John 1: 2-3, 7-9,

As a small child, I did not learn to use my voice. En cambio, I hid in the background to keep under the radar. My home was chaotic and unsafe emotionally, and as a result, I became what people wanted me to be. I was labeled, “The good, quiet one.” I was fearful of rejection, so I became a people-pleaser. I believed the lie, “If I were perfect, I would be loved.” But that never worked. That’s when I started hiding and wearing a mask.

My need for love and acceptance caused me to hide parts of myself. I only showed the best parts of me so others would like me. This was not working for me, so I decided to rebel. Cuando yo estaba 12 años, I started sneaking Scotch Whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet; then drugs at 13, sex at 16, and my abortion at 21. Ahora, I was really hiding. I didn’t want my parents to find out. They were very strict with me being the oldest, and I didn’t want them to be angry or disappointed in me.

As I got older, my sins were more and more grievous, and my secrets became bigger and bigger. Entonces, I isolated even more and hid everything. My mask morphed as I got older. At this point, people-pleasing ruled my life. All I strove for were accolades from others and a place I could fit in and feel safe. But I would not find that for a very long time. Honestly, I lost my own identity because I wanted to fit in with others. I no longer knew what I liked or what I wanted to do because I became a chameleon and changed depending upon the group I was with. I had lost my own identity striving to please others. I so desperately wanted to be loved that I sought it from all the wrong places. I used people, and they used me. But I did not feel loved. I only felt even more alone.

I know many of you can relate to this. You did not experience a safe home environment where you were loved, cherished, or encouraged. En cambio, you experienced horrific abuse, neglect, and abandonment. My heart breaks when I hear your stories, the very people who should have loved you did the opposite. I know it broke God’s heart too, and He wept. He also knew all the unhealthy things you would do to numb yourself to escape from the pain. Decades of bad decisions and even more sorrow and heartbreak.

God created each and every one of us in His likeness and image (Árbitro. Génesis 1:26). He knows us intimately, and every hair on your head is numbered (Árbitro. mateo 10:30). He created us for fellowship with Him (Árbitro. 1 John 1:3). There is a hole in our hearts and a void in our souls that nothing else in this world can fill, except for a relationship with our Heavenly Father through His Son, Jesús.

Incluso después de que fui salvo, I struggled believing I was loved by God. I was still striving for approval from God and others. I had taken my character defects and my false beliefs and had added them to my Christianity. It was Jesus plus pleasing others and Jesus plus my good works. I believed in my head that Jesus loved me, but that truth had not made its way to my heart yet. I struggled to believe that He could forgive all my sins. The enemy lied to me and told me my sins were too great and God would not forgive me. That is a lie from the pit of Hell.

La Biblia dice, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

The blood of Jesus on the cross for us was sufficient to pay all of our sin debt. He was our propitiation, our substitute (Árbitro. 1 John 1:2). It is finished!

Slowly, God was revealing His truth to me, and I was replacing those lies from the devil with His truth from the Bible. I remember the day I received His love. I felt a lightness and a joy in my heart. I felt a quickening in my spirit. For the first time in my life, I felt loved completely for who I was. God’s love for me was not based upon anything I could do. He loved me because He created me and delighted in me. Jesus made a way for me to know the Father’s love.

Preguntas para tomar en serio:

  1. Have you received the love of Jesus in your heart? If you have received His love, how did God reveal that to you? Please share.
  2. If you have not yet received Jesus, are you fearful to trust God because of the trauma from your past?
  3. What lies do/did you believe about yourself?
  4. Cómo podemos orar por ti?

My prayer for you is that you will trust God and allow His love to fill the inner most part of your being, because when you do, you will never be the same. Gracias, Jesús. Por favor comuníquese si necesita hablar. Envíeme un correo electrónico a: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Eres amado,

Toni

 

De regreso Blogs

Sufrimiento, una bendición o una maldición?

Sufrimiento, una bendición o una maldición?

Sufrimiento, una bendición o una maldición?

por Toni Weisz/Disciplinas espirituales

Escrituras: John 16:33b, 2 Corintios 1:3-5, Hebreos 4:16, Isaías 43:19

In the world you will have tribulations (trials and suffering); but be of good cheer (take courage), I have overcome the world. (John 16:33b)

Blessed be God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation (affliction), that we may comfort those who are in any trouble (affliction), with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation (comfort and encouragement) also abounds (is abundant) through Christ. (2 Corintios 1:3-5)

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebreos 4:16)

Caballero, I have been struggling for quite a few years while persevering in prayer for my children who have been suffering some of the worst trials anyone can endure: betrayal, divorce, relational problems, mental health issues, a debilitating undiagnosed illness, harsh judgement from others, loneliness, depresión, and fear. I am crying out to You to help me understand y to help me encourage them. Help me to love them and listen to them to validate and affirm them. These trials have left my children feeling all alone in their struggles; friends and family have left them. They have been judged harshly by others who do not understand.

How do I encourage them when I too am struggling? Turn my perspective around, give me a Godly view of what You are doing so I can encourage them to look up to You, because You are our solo hope. I know You are a good Father and You do not allow your children to suffer longer than is necessary. But it has been over 3 years and 24 doctors later with no diagnosis for my son. He struggles because there is no vindication, and he is being judged harshly by others. My daughter is fearful to trust a man again because of the betrayal she experienced. My granddaughter is suffering with rejection wounds and anger issues, who cannot understand why her dad and mom are divorced. She struggles to believe in You because she does not perceive You as a good Father.

I am humbling myself before You. I am running to Your throne and bowing down my will, my thoughts, my heartache, and pain, and I am giving them all to You. I am boldly coming to Your throne of grace to receive mercy and grace to help us in our time of need. Take all our pain, suffering, confusion, and exchange them with Your peace, Your love, Your joy, Your presence, y make us a beautiful living testimony of Your faithfulness to a world that is watching us and how we deal with these trials. Show them, Caballero, how great a God You are. We want You to be magnified and glorified through our testimonies. Give us the strength and courage to stay strong, to suffer well, and to be humble and teachable. Increase our faith and trust in You so that we will not be shaken, nor will we waver, but instead, we will stand strong on Your Word and Your Truth that will endure forever.

Preguntas para tomar en serio:

  1. How have you been suffering lately?
  2. Has God revealed the purpose for your suffering?
  3. Has God used you to minister to others because of what you have endured?
  4. How can we come alongside and encourage you during this time?

We live in a fallen world, and suffering is a part of life, but prolonged suffering is hard, and we can feel all alone in our suffering. Please reach out if you need prayer or encouragement: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved dearly,

Toni

Gracias, Caballero, for the blessing of suffering because it brings me closer to You. It humbles me and gets my attention so I am ready and willing to hear from You. Thank You that through my suffering I am conformed to the image of Jesus. I pray through my suffering I will have a greater capacity to love and have compassion for others who suffer. I know You never waste my suffering but You use it for my good and Your glory.

The Lord gave me this verse:
Isaías 43:19
Mirad, haré algo nuevo, ahora brotará; ¿No lo sabrás?? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

 

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