Les limites - pourquoi sont-elles si importantes?

Les limites - pourquoi sont-elles si importantes?

Psaume 34:18, Jérémie 29:11, John 3:16

Personal boundaries, as defined by Psychology today, “Are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we will accept and what we consider unacceptable behavior towards us. To know our boundaries comes from a healthy view of ourselves.” When that view is distorted due to emotional trauma as children (whether we did not get the love and care from our family which is a Type A Trauma or we were sexually, emotionally, or physically abused as children which is Type B Trauma). All these experiences as children cause us to have a distorted view of ourselves, Dieu, and others and it prevents us from maturing into healthy stable adults. (Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You, A Life Model Book)

This distorted view of ourselves especially those of us who have had abortions opens up the door to all kinds of unhealthy and destructive behavior. God created women to love and nurture their children and then we did the opposite. Our hopes and dreams as young girls are dashed, and we are now open to all kinds of unhealthy destructive coping mechanisms and ungodly behavior to deal with our pain. Our very souls are tormented and we feel desperately alone, depressed and even suicidal.

So how can we stop this destructive cycle of accepting and enabling unhealthy behavior from others? D'abord, we must realize we have a Savior and a friend who is the lover of our soul, and His name is Jesus. He is the only one that can heal our broken spirits, our broken bodies and our broken minds. Psaume 34:18 ESV “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves the crushed in spirit.” He is the only one that can take the disaster we have made of our lives and restore order and peace. And He alone can give us a new hope, new dreams, un nouveau but, and a new life. Jérémie 29:11 NKJV, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, dit le Seigneur, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

In childhood, I did not learn what healthy boundaries look like. I became a people pleaser at a very young age and as a result I allowed people to take advantage of me and treat me very poorly and I never said a word. I wondered why I never truly felt loved by others; what was it? I was allowing all kinds of unhealthy behavior because I didn’t love and respect myself, surtout après mon avortement. I now despised myself. I didn’t understand why others didn’t treat me with love, kindness and compassion. I realized they cannot give what they do not have. But that took many decades for me to come to that understanding. I also recognized that they did the best they could with what they had and I released them into God’s Hands and started praying for and forgave them.

We all have our wounds and issues from our past, which causes us to be self-consumed and blinded, and we cannot see how we are hurting others closest to us. Only God can give us awareness and the courage to stop accepting unacceptable behavior and establish healthy boundaries. For the first time, I used my voice to explain my boundaries and insist they be respected. There was some push back but I was not going to waiver. D'abord, putting up boundaries is hard to do. But as God heals us, we get stronger, bolder and more courageous, and we no longer want to just exist, we want to experience the abundant life Jesus came to give us. The first step in recovery is recognizing my life is unmanageable and I need God to help me.

Très Cher, I want you to know that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for you. (John 3:16) Have you received this gift of love and forgiveness from God? If not you can do that today? If you do know the Lord, then ask Him to help you to love yourself and to have courage to put up boundaries and no longer accept unhealthy behavior. He will help you if you ask Him, He did it for me and I know He will do it for you too.

 

 

Bénédictions,

Toni

En savoir plus sur les articles de blog de Toni ici!

Pensée puante: Anxiété

Pensée puante: Anxiété

Pensée puante: Anxiété

Philippiens 4:6-7 et Matthieu 6:25-26, 31 et 33

Philippiens 4:6
S'inquiéter pour rien, mais en tout par la prière et la supplication (demandant humblement) avec actions de grâces, faites connaître vos demandes à Dieu; et la paix de Dieu qui dépasse toute intelligence, gardera vos cœurs et vos esprits par le Christ Jésus.

Matthieu 6:25-26, 31, et 33
« C'est pourquoi je vous dis, ne t'inquiète pas pour ta vie, ce que tu mangeras ou ce que tu boiras; ni à propos de ton corps, ce que tu mettras. Votre vie n'est-elle pas plus que de la nourriture et le corps plus que des vêtements? Regarde les oiseaux du ciel, car ils ne sèment ni ne moissonnent ni n’amassent dans des granges; pourtant votre Père céleste les nourrit. N'avez-vous pas plus de valeur qu'eux? « Ne vous inquiétez donc pas, adage, 'Qu'allons-nous manger?» ou « Qu'allons-nous boire?» ou « Que devons-nous porter?» Car après toutes ces choses, les païens cherchent. Car votre Père céleste sait que vous avez besoin de toutes ces choses. Mais cherchez d’abord le royaume de Dieu et sa justice et toutes ces choses vous seront données par-dessus. »

La pensée puante fait référence aux pensées négatives qui nous tourmentent surtout lorsque nous sommes HALT: Affamé, En colère, Solitaire ou fatigué; des pensées telles qu'une vision déformée de Dieu et de soi, pensée négative, justification, peur, et l'anxiété. Nous aborderons chacun de ces sujets afin de pouvoir discerner les mensonges auxquels nous avons cru au fil des années et les remplacer par la vérité de Dieu.. Notre objectif est de vous équiper pour que vous puissiez remporter la victoire dans ces domaines.

Je deviens anxieux lorsque je projette négativement dans le futur sans Dieu dedans. Quand je fais ça, je me sens faible, désespéré, et découragé. Ma tête et mes yeux sont baissés et j'ai envie d'abandonner. Mais quand je reconnais, je regarde à l'intérieur, puis je me rappelle que mon aide vient du Seigneur et je lève les yeux vers le ciel. Dieu nous a promis dans sa Parole, qu'Il répondra à tous nos besoins. N'as-tu pas plus de valeur que de nombreux moineaux? Mais malheureusement, Je ne le connaissais pas et je ne lui faisais pas confiance, et par conséquent, J'ai pris de très mauvaises décisions parce que je ne lui ai pas fait confiance pour mon avenir..

Je pensais pouvoir minimiser mon anxiété en essayant de contrôler tout et tout le monde. Mais j’ai réalisé que c’était impossible à faire et que c’était très frustrant et épuisant émotionnellement.. J'avais l'habitude de intervenir pour réparer et sauver les gens parce que je devenais anxieux à propos de toutes les éventualités.. Je péchais contre Dieu en ne lui faisant pas confiance pour mon mariage, mes enfants, mon entreprise, et ministère. Je me souviens dans mon journal, Dieu me dit, "Écartez-vous de mon chemin, vous m'empêchez de travailler." EN MAJUSCULES, AUSSI. Dieu n'était pas content de moi. Dieu m'a montré que mon manque de confiance en Lui était un péché et que mettre les autres avant Lui était une idole.. Je me suis repenti et je me suis détourné de mon péché et je me suis tourné vers Dieu et maintenant je ne m'inquiète de rien., parce que je sais que Dieu pourvoira à tous mes besoins ainsi qu'à ceux de ma famille. je suis enfin libre.

Laisse-moi te demander, qu'est-ce que tu essaies de contrôler?

Vous sentez-vous anxieux?

 

Bénédictions,

Toni

Pensée puante: Pensées négatives

Pensée puante: Pensées négatives

2 Corinthiens 10:3-5 and Philippians 4:8-9

La pensée puante fait référence aux pensées négatives qui nous tourmentent, surtout lorsque nous sommes ARRÊT (Hfaim, UNEen colère, Lseul ou Tirrité) ou avoir des pensées telles qu'une vision déformée de Dieu et de soi, pensée négative, justification, peur, et l'anxiété. Nous aborderons chacun de ces sujets afin de pouvoir discerner les mensonges auxquels nous avons cru au fil des années et les remplacer par la vérité de Dieu.. Notre objectif est de vous équiper pour que vous puissiez remporter la victoire dans ces domaines.

2 Corinthiens 10:3-5 NKJV

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God for pulling down of strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself above the knowledge of God, brining every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”

Philippiens 4:8-9 NKJV

“Finally, brethren whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received, and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with.”

All of us know a person who can suck all the air out of a room because every word that comes out of their mouth is negative. Have you ever experienced that before? It is emotionally draining to be in the company of a negative person for a long period of time, before we too are dragged down into the pit with them. Are you plagued with negative thoughts?

The enemy is continually trying to trip us up, because his goal is to get us to focus on the negative things, instead of all the things we should be thankful for. Do you have a gratitude list? If you don’t, I suggest you do one today, and write down all the things you are thankful for. When you feel a negative thought coming on, just get out your list and remind yourself, God is still on the throne and He is in control and He is aware of everything that is going on in the world. He uses all of it for His purpose and plans in all of our lives. We must remember God is good all the time, and He is love, that is His character. He never changes, He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

The battlefield truly is the mind, that is where spiritual warfare starts and that’s where we have a choice to take it on or not. Right now, we are experiencing a worldwide pandemic, many are fearful, but as believers we need to be seeking the Lord even more now, so we have His perspective on this. What are you focusing on now? Do you feel peaceful and hopeful or depressed and hopeless?

I have a list of Biblical truths that I read over every morning to remind myself that I am adopted and loved by God. This is how I put my armor on to protect myself from the fiery darts of the enemy.

Qui je suis en Christ, to Combat Rejection.

je suis digne.

je suis aimé.

je suis accepté.

je suis adopté.

Je suis confiant et compétent.

je suis un enfant de Dieu.

J'ai le Saint-Esprit en moi.

Je suis victorieux en Christ.

J'ai une maison au paradis.

Rien ne peut me séparer de l'amour de Dieu en Jésus-Christ mon Seigneur.

I am valued by God, I am His precious child, J'ai une maison au paradis.

Je ne craindrai aucun mal!

When I read this every morning it protects my mind from the lies and negative thoughts that the enemy wants me to focus on. When I don’t read my list, I am vulnerable to the enemy’s devices; I am impatient, unkind, and easily frustrated. Lord You are showing me that today in fact, I must make time with You each morning; You are my priority, reading Your Word daily is food for my soul, praying is a time for me to hear from you and to talk to you, and journaling is a time when I go even deeper with You seeking your wisdom and wanting so much to hear from you to lead and guide me in my life and in all I do, because I want my life to be pleasing to you and I want you to be glorified through it. Merci, Seigneur, for reminding me and convicting me of that today.

Father in heaven, I pray for each woman on this call and for the women on-line reading this blog. I pray they will seek you with their whole heart. Show them how much you love them in a very real and tangible way. Protect them from the lies and negative thoughts of the enemy and help them to focus on the things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. Renew their minds daily as they read Your Word. Heal them and bind up their wounds as only You can, for you only, are their Mighty Counselor and Great Physician. Meet them where they are and lead them by Your righteous right hand. Forgive all of their sins and heal them Lord. Thank you for Your love, mercy, grace, and compassion upon them. We pray this in the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.

Do you struggle with negative thoughts?

How often are you plagued with these thoughts?

Is there a person or situation that causes you to start thinking negatively?

What have you done to help protect yourself from this kind of negative thinking?

Bénédictions,

Toni

En savoir plus sur les articles de blog de Toni ici!

Quand j'ai enfin reçu l'amour de Jésus dans mon cœur

Quand j'ai enfin reçu l'amour de Jésus dans mon cœur

From the time I was a small child, I did not use my voice and hid in the background to keep under the radar. Par conséquent, I became what people wanted me to be. I was labeled, “The good, quiet one.” I was fearful of rejection, so I became a people pleaser. I believed the lie that if I were perfect, I would be loved. That’s when I started wearing a mask.

My need for love and acceptance caused me to hide parts of myself. I only showed the good sides so people would love me. Puis, when I was 12 ans, I started sneaking whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet. À présent, I was really hiding. I didn’t want my parents to find out. They were very strict with me being the oldest, and I didn’t want them to be angry or disappointed in me.

As I got older, my sins were more and more grievous, and my secrets became bigger and bigger. Alors, I isolated even more and hid everything. My mask morphed as I got older. En tant qu'enfant, I strived for perfection. I was a good student, good athlete, and an all-around good child. When that wasn’t working, I tapped into a lifestyle of alcohol, drugs and sex. When I was home, I was still the good one. But in high school, I was hanging out with those who smoked and did drugs.

At this point, people pleasing ruled my life. All I strove for were accolades from others and a place I could fit in and feel safe. But I would not find that for a long time. Franchement, I lost my own identity because I wanted to fit in with others. I no longer knew what I liked or what I wanted to do because I became a chameleon and changed depending upon the group I was with. I had lost my own identity striving to please others.

I felt unloved and lost. My drinking and drug use were out of control. I was a walking time bomb. I hated myself and felt so depressed. I struggled with keeping it all together. When I found out I was pregnant as a 21-year-old college student, I panicked. This pregnancy did not fit the narrative I was allowing my parents to see. I was not the good, quiet one. I was doing very ungodly, sinful destructive things, and now I was going to terminate my baby’s life.

How did I end up here? My whole life was a lie. I will have an abortion and act as if everything was fine. But everything wasn’t fine. After this traumatic event, I was more depressed than before, crying all the time and drinking more. My self-loathing and suicidal thoughts were now continually plaguing me. I just wanted to die so this torment would stop. It was too hard to keep up this façade. Slowly my mask was cracking, and I was so afraid of being exposed. All my sins and lies would come flooding out. I was scared.

In my early 30’s I had a physical and emotional break down. I could not function normally at all. I would lay on the couch for weeks at a time. All the years of stuffing and lying and all the pain I had been holding in all my life were starting to come out sideways. I was a walking volcano, spilling hot ash on anyone who got in my way. I was extremely emotional. I felt I could not look anyone in the eyes because if I did, I would not be able to stop crying.

Slowly I started recognizing I needed help. I needed someone who would love me, accept me, and heal me. J'avais besoin d'un Sauveur. Then on January 2, 1994, I heard the gospel for the first time. Dans 4 weeks I gave my heart to Jesus, confessé mes péchés, turned from my old ways and turned toward God. I am coming up on the 26th anniversary of my salvation, and it is still the sweetest day of my life. It is the day I finally surrendered my life to God and allowed Him to heal my broken body, my broken heart and my broken mind. He transformed me into the woman He created me to be: a loving, confident woman filled with joy and peace. I have been adopted into the family of God; je suis accepté, and I am finally loved. I feel safe to be me. I can take the mask off now because I am finally home.

Are you wearing a mask?

What does your mask look like?

Do you have the courage to take off the mask and be real?

I pray that as God heals you, you will be filled with His love and you will have the courage to take off your mask.

Bénédictions,

Toni

Lire la suite des blogs de Toni ICI.
MON mur—Ma prison (Deuxième partie)

MON mur—Ma prison (Deuxième partie)

Mon mur - Ma prison (Deuxième partie)

When Is it Safe to Let the Wall Down?

In Part 1, Mon mur - Ma prison, we talked about the walls we built around ourselves as children to protect us from others and how these walls became our prisons. We found ourselves cut off from everyone, alone and tormented by the enemy. So how do we start taking the walls down and feeling safe to share what we have been hiding all these years?

D'abord, a relationship with God is extremely important. To have this relationship, the Bible says we must be born again. We become born again or saved when we ask God to forgive our sins through confession (Romains 10:9) and repentance, which means turning away from our sins and turning to God (Luc 5:32). We must also believe in our hearts that Jesus is the Son of God who died on the cross for our sins, was buried, and rose again on the third day (1 Corinthiens 15:3–4, Romains 10:13). We then receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, The Spirit of Truth. He gives us the power to understand Scripture (John 14:17), convicts us of sin (John 16:8), and is our comforter, constant companion, and friend (John 14:16). It is through the power of the Holy Spirit that God connects with us in a deep and intimate way, making us a family.

My life changed dramatically when I finally received the love of God in my heart. I knew Jesus loved me, but I didn’t feel loved. I still believed the lies that I was unworthy to be loved by God, or anyone else for that matter, because of all my sins, especially my abortion. When the truth finally penetrated my heart, I was forever changed. I realized I was a child of God who was adopted into His family. He would never leave me nor forsake me. I was His, and I was bought by His precious blood on the cross for my sins. I am loved by God just the way I am. I am so grateful for this truth.

Second, I believe being in a Christ-centered community is critical for our healing. In this community, the Word of God is used along with the power of the Holy Spirit. Prayer and recovery tools are also used in this loving environment, creating a safe place to share.

I believe abortion breaks the very soul of a women into a million pieces. Those pieces, created by the trauma of having an abortion, can only be picked up and put back together by Jesus. We were designed by God to love, protect, and nurture our children; we did the opposite. This group is a safe place to share our hearts and our hurts without judgment or condemnation.

Lastly, it is okay to still be protected from people who are unsafe emotionally and/or physically. God does not want His daughters abused. As God heals you and you become more confident, He will lead you to start sharing with those with whom you feel safe. This group is a good place to start sharing within a safe and loving community to build your confidence.

Healthy boundaries are necessary to keep us safe so we can have more fulfilling and meaningful relationships with others. On the other hand, holding on to secrets is not a good way to have deep and meaningful relationships. When you feel safe to do so, share your secrets so you can be set free, giving the enemy nothing to hold against you.

Des questions

  1. Are you ready to let your wall down to let God in so you can receive the love and the help you need?
  2. Who are you praying about sharing your past with? Do you have a healthy relationship with this person? It’s okay to keep yourself protected, but do not allow the enemy to isolate you or put you back into the prison.

Tu es aimé,
Toni

Lis Mon mur - Ma prison (Partie un) ICI.

 

Lire la suite des blogs de Toni ICI.