Límites: por qué son tan importantes?

Límites: por qué son tan importantes?

Salmo 34:18, Jeremías 29:11, John 3:16

Personal boundaries, as defined by Psychology today, “Are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we will accept and what we consider unacceptable behavior towards us. To know our boundaries comes from a healthy view of ourselves.” When that view is distorted due to emotional trauma as children (whether we did not get the love and care from our family which is a Type A Trauma or we were sexually, emotionally, or physically abused as children which is Type B Trauma). All these experiences as children cause us to have a distorted view of ourselves, Dios, and others and it prevents us from maturing into healthy stable adults. (Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You, A Life Model Book)

This distorted view of ourselves especially those of us who have had abortions opens up the door to all kinds of unhealthy and destructive behavior. God created women to love and nurture their children and then we did the opposite. Our hopes and dreams as young girls are dashed, and we are now open to all kinds of unhealthy destructive coping mechanisms and ungodly behavior to deal with our pain. Our very souls are tormented and we feel desperately alone, depressed and even suicidal.

So how can we stop this destructive cycle of accepting and enabling unhealthy behavior from others? Primero, we must realize we have a Savior and a friend who is the lover of our soul, and His name is Jesus. He is the only one that can heal our broken spirits, our broken bodies and our broken minds. Salmo 34:18 ESV “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves the crushed in spirit.” He is the only one that can take the disaster we have made of our lives and restore order and peace. And He alone can give us a new hope, new dreams, un nuevo propósito, and a new life. Jeremías 29:11 NKJV, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

In childhood, I did not learn what healthy boundaries look like. I became a people pleaser at a very young age and as a result I allowed people to take advantage of me and treat me very poorly and I never said a word. I wondered why I never truly felt loved by others; what was it? I was allowing all kinds of unhealthy behavior because I didn’t love and respect myself, especially after my abortion. I now despised myself. I didn’t understand why others didn’t treat me with love, kindness and compassion. I realized they cannot give what they do not have. But that took many decades for me to come to that understanding. I also recognized that they did the best they could with what they had and I released them into God’s Hands and started praying for and forgave them.

We all have our wounds and issues from our past, which causes us to be self-consumed and blinded, and we cannot see how we are hurting others closest to us. Only God can give us awareness and the courage to stop accepting unacceptable behavior and establish healthy boundaries. For the first time, I used my voice to explain my boundaries and insist they be respected. There was some push back but I was not going to waiver. At first, putting up boundaries is hard to do. But as God heals us, we get stronger, bolder and more courageous, and we no longer want to just exist, we want to experience the abundant life Jesus came to give us. The first step in recovery is recognizing my life is unmanageable and I need God to help me.

Dear One, I want you to know that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for you. (John 3:16) Have you received this gift of love and forgiveness from God? If not you can do that today? If you do know the Lord, then ask Him to help you to love yourself and to have courage to put up boundaries and no longer accept unhealthy behavior. He will help you if you ask Him, He did it for me and I know He will do it for you too.

 

 

Bendiciones,

Toni

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Pensamiento apestoso: Ansiedad

Pensamiento apestoso: Ansiedad

Pensamiento apestoso: Ansiedad

filipenses 4:6-7 and Matthew 6:25-26, 31 y 33

filipenses 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication (humbly asking) with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

mateo 6:25-26, 31, y 33
“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not your life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather in barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? “Therefore do not worry, diciendo, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you.”

El pensamiento apestoso se refiere a los pensamientos negativos que nos atormentan, especialmente cuando estamos DETENIDOS.: Hambriento, Enojado, Solitario o cansado; Pensamientos como una visión distorsionada de Dios y de uno mismo., pensamiento negativo, justificación, miedo, y ansiedad. Abordaremos cada uno de estos temas para que podamos discernir entre las mentiras que hemos creído a lo largo de los años y reemplazarlas con la verdad de Dios.. Nuestro objetivo es equiparte para que puedas tener la victoria en estas áreas..

I become anxious when I negatively project into the future without God in it. When I do this, I feel weak, hopeless, and discouraged. My head and eyes are cast down and I feel like giving up. But when I recognize I am looking inward, then I remind myself that my help comes from the Lord and I look up to heaven. God has promised us in His Word, that He will meet all of our needs. Are you not of more value than many sparrows? But unfortunately, I did not know Him nor did I trust Him, and as a result, I have made some very bad decisions because I did not trust Him with my future.

I thought I could minimize my anxiety by trying to control everyone and everything. But I realized this was impossible to do and it was very frustrating and emotionally draining. I used to jump in to fix and rescue people because I would become anxious about all the what ifs. I was sinning against God by not trusting Him with my marriage, my children, my business, and ministry. I remember in my journaling, God telling me, “Get out of my way you are preventing me from working.” IN ALL CAPS, TOO. God was not happy with me. God showed me that my lack of trust in Him was a sin and putting others before Him was an idol. I repented and turned away from my sin and turned to God and now I am not anxious about anything, because I know God will provide for all my needs and my family’s needs as well. I am finally free.

Let me ask you, what are you trying to control?

Are you feeling anxious?

 

Bendiciones,

Toni

Pensamiento apestoso: Pensamientos negativos

Pensamiento apestoso: Pensamientos negativos

2 Corintios 10:3-5 y filipenses 4:8-9

El pensamiento apestoso se refiere a los pensamientos negativos que nos atormentan especialmente cuando estamos DETENER (hinfeliz, Aenojado, lsolo o tenojado) o tener pensamientos como una visión distorsionada de Dios y de uno mismo, pensamiento negativo, justificación, miedo, y ansiedad. Abordaremos cada uno de estos temas para que podamos discernir entre las mentiras que hemos creído a lo largo de los años y reemplazarlas con la verdad de Dios.. Nuestro objetivo es equiparte para que puedas tener la victoria en estas áreas..

2 Corintios 10:3-5 NKJV

“Porque aunque andemos en la carne, no hacemos la guerra según la carne. Porque las armas de nuestra guerra no son carnales sino poderosas en Dios para derribar fortalezas., derribando argumentos y toda altivez que se levanta sobre el conocimiento de Dios, llevando cautivo todo pensamiento a la obediencia a Cristo”.

filipenses 4:8-9 NKJV

"Finalmente, hermanos todo lo que es verdad, cualquier cosa que sea honesta, cualquier cosa que sea justa, cualquier cosa que sea pura, cualquier cosa que sea hermosa, cualquier cosa que sea de buen informe, si hay alguna virtud y si hay algo digno de alabanza, medita en estas cosas. Las cosas que aprendiste y recibiste., y oyó y vio en mí, estos lo hacen, y el Dios de paz estará con nosotros”.

Todos conocemos a una persona que puede aspirar todo el aire de una habitación porque cada palabra que sale de su boca es negativa.. ¿Alguna vez has experimentado eso antes?? Es emocionalmente agotador estar en compañía de una persona negativa durante un largo periodo de tiempo., antes de que nosotros también seamos arrastrados al abismo con ellos. ¿Estás plagado de pensamientos negativos??

El enemigo está continuamente tratando de hacernos tropezar., porque su objetivo es hacer que nos centremos en las cosas negativas, en lugar de todas las cosas por las que deberíamos estar agradecidos. ¿Tienes una lista de agradecimiento?? Si no lo haces, te sugiero que hagas uno hoy, y escribe todas las cosas por las que estás agradecido. Cuando sientes que te viene un pensamiento negativo, simplemente saca tu lista y recuérdate, Dios todavía está en el trono y tiene el control y está al tanto de todo lo que sucede en el mundo.. Él usa todo para Su propósito y planes en todas nuestras vidas.. Debemos recordar que Dios es bueno todo el tiempo., y el es amor, ese es su carácter. el nunca cambia, el es el mismo ayer, hoy, y mañana.

El campo de batalla es realmente la mente., Ahí es donde comienza la guerra espiritual y ahí es donde tenemos la opción de enfrentarla o no.. Ahora mismo, estamos viviendo una pandemia mundial, muchos tienen miedo, pero como creyentes necesitamos buscar al Señor aún más ahora., entonces tenemos su perspectiva sobre esto. ¿En qué te estás concentrando ahora?? ¿Se siente en paz y esperanzado o deprimido y desesperado??

Tengo una lista de verdades bíblicas que leo todas las mañanas para recordarme que soy adoptado y amado por Dios.. Así me pongo mi armadura para protegerme de los dardos de fuego del enemigo.

quien soy en cristo, para combatir el rechazo.

Soy digno.

soy amado.

Soy aceptado.

soy adoptado.

Tengo confianza y soy competente..

soy un niño de Dios.

Tengo el Espíritu Santo dentro de mí..

Soy victorioso en Cristo.

tengo un hogar en el cielo.

Nada podrá separarme del amor de Dios en Cristo Jesús mi Señor.

soy valorado por dios, Soy su precioso hijo, tengo un hogar en el cielo.

no temeré ningún mal!

Cuando leo esto todas las mañanas, protejo mi mente de las mentiras y pensamientos negativos en los que el enemigo quiere que me concentre.. Cuando no leo mi lista, Soy vulnerable a los dispositivos del enemigo.; Soy impaciente, cruel, y fácilmente frustrado. Señor, me estás mostrando que hoy de hecho, Debo hacer tiempo contigo cada mañana; tu eres mi prioridad, leer Tu Palabra diariamente es alimento para mi alma, Orar es un tiempo para saber de ti y hablar contigo., y escribir un diario es un momento en el que profundizo aún más contigo, buscando tu sabiduría y deseando saber de ti para guiarme y guiarme en mi vida y en todo lo que hago., porque quiero que mi vida os sea de agrado y quiero que por ella seáis glorificados. Gracias, Caballero, por recordarme y convencerme de eso hoy.

padre en el cielo, Oro por cada mujer en esta convocatoria y por las mujeres en línea que leen este blog.. Ruego que te busquen con todo su corazón.. Muéstrales cuánto los amas de una manera muy real y tangible.. Protégelos de las mentiras y pensamientos negativos del enemigo y ayúdalos a concentrarse en las cosas que son verdad., honesto, justo, puro, hermoso, y de buen informe. Renueva sus mentes diariamente mientras leen Tu Palabra.. Sánalos y venda sus heridas como sólo Tú puedes, solo para ti, son su Poderoso Consejero y Gran Médico. Encuéntralos donde están y guíalos con tu diestra justa.. Perdona todos sus pecados y sánalos Señor.. Gracias por tu amor, merced, gracia, y compasión sobre ellos. Oramos esto en el poderoso nombre de Jesús., Amén.

¿Luchas con pensamientos negativos??

¿Con qué frecuencia te acosan estos pensamientos??

¿Hay alguna persona o situación que te haga empezar a pensar negativamente??

¿Qué has hecho para protegerte de este tipo de pensamientos negativos??

Bendiciones,

Toni

Lea más publicaciones del blog de Toni aquí!

Cuando finalmente recibí el amor de Jesús en mi corazón

Cuando finalmente recibí el amor de Jesús en mi corazón

From the time I was a small child, I did not use my voice and hid in the background to keep under the radar. Como resultado, I became what people wanted me to be. I was labeled, “The good, quiet one.” I was fearful of rejection, so I became a people pleaser. I believed the lie that if I were perfect, I would be loved. That’s when I started wearing a mask.

My need for love and acceptance caused me to hide parts of myself. I only showed the good sides so people would love me. Luego, when I was 12 años, I started sneaking whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet. Ahora, I was really hiding. I didn’t want my parents to find out. They were very strict with me being the oldest, and I didn’t want them to be angry or disappointed in me.

As I got older, my sins were more and more grievous, and my secrets became bigger and bigger. Entonces, I isolated even more and hid everything. My mask morphed as I got older. As a child, I strived for perfection. I was a good student, good athlete, and an all-around good child. When that wasn’t working, I tapped into a lifestyle of alcohol, drugs and sex. When I was home, I was still the good one. But in high school, I was hanging out with those who smoked and did drugs.

At this point, people pleasing ruled my life. All I strove for were accolades from others and a place I could fit in and feel safe. But I would not find that for a long time. Honestly, I lost my own identity because I wanted to fit in with others. I no longer knew what I liked or what I wanted to do because I became a chameleon and changed depending upon the group I was with. I had lost my own identity striving to please others.

I felt unloved and lost. My drinking and drug use were out of control. I was a walking time bomb. I hated myself and felt so depressed. I struggled with keeping it all together. When I found out I was pregnant as a 21-year-old college student, I panicked. This pregnancy did not fit the narrative I was allowing my parents to see. I was not the good, una tranquila. I was doing very ungodly, sinful destructive things, and now I was going to terminate my baby’s life.

How did I end up here? My whole life was a lie. I will have an abortion and act as if everything was fine. But everything wasn’t fine. After this traumatic event, I was more depressed than before, crying all the time and drinking more. My self-loathing and suicidal thoughts were now continually plaguing me. I just wanted to die so this torment would stop. It was too hard to keep up this façade. Slowly my mask was cracking, and I was so afraid of being exposed. All my sins and lies would come flooding out. I was scared.

In my early 30’s I had a physical and emotional break down. I could not function normally at all. I would lay on the couch for weeks at a time. All the years of stuffing and lying and all the pain I had been holding in all my life were starting to come out sideways. I was a walking volcano, spilling hot ash on anyone who got in my way. I was extremely emotional. I felt I could not look anyone in the eyes because if I did, I would not be able to stop crying.

Slowly I started recognizing I needed help. I needed someone who would love me, accept me, and heal me. I needed a Savior. Then on January 2, 1994, Escuché el evangelio por primera vez. Within 4 weeks I gave my heart to Jesus, confessed my sins, turned from my old ways and turned toward God. I am coming up on the 26th anniversary of my salvation, and it is still the sweetest day of my life. It is the day I finally surrendered my life to God and allowed Him to heal my broken body, my broken heart and my broken mind. He transformed me into the woman He created me to be: a loving, confident woman filled with joy and peace. I have been adopted into the family of God; Soy aceptado, and I am finally loved. I feel safe to be me. I can take the mask off now because I am finally home.

Are you wearing a mask?

What does your mask look like?

Do you have the courage to take off the mask and be real?

I pray that as God heals you, you will be filled with His love and you will have the courage to take off your mask.

Bendiciones,

Toni

Leer más de los blogs de Toni AQUÍ.
MY Wall—My Prison (Part Two)

MY Wall—My Prison (Part Two)

Mi muro, mi prisión (Part Two)

When Is it Safe to Let the Wall Down?

In Part 1, Mi muro, mi prisión, we talked about the walls we built around ourselves as children to protect us from others and how these walls became our prisons. We found ourselves cut off from everyone, alone and tormented by the enemy. So how do we start taking the walls down and feeling safe to share what we have been hiding all these years?

Primero, a relationship with God is extremely important. To have this relationship, the Bible says we must be born again. We become born again or saved when we ask God to forgive our sins through confession (Romanos 10:9) and repentance, which means turning away from our sins and turning to God (Lucas 5:32). We must also believe in our hearts that Jesus is the Son of God who died on the cross for our sins, was buried, and rose again on the third day (1 Corintios 15:3–4, Romanos 10:13). We then receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, The Spirit of Truth. He gives us the power to understand Scripture (John 14:17), convicts us of sin (John 16:8), and is our comforter, constant companion, and friend (John 14:16). It is through the power of the Holy Spirit that God connects with us in a deep and intimate way, making us a family.

My life changed dramatically when I finally received the love of God in my heart. I knew Jesus loved me, but I didn’t feel loved. I still believed the lies that I was unworthy to be loved by God, or anyone else for that matter, because of all my sins, especially my abortion. When the truth finally penetrated my heart, I was forever changed. I realized I was a child of God who was adopted into His family. He would never leave me nor forsake me. I was His, and I was bought by His precious blood on the cross for my sins. I am loved by God just the way I am. I am so grateful for this truth.

Second, I believe being in a Christ-centered community is critical for our healing. In this community, the Word of God is used along with the power of the Holy Spirit. Prayer and recovery tools are also used in this loving environment, creating a safe place to share.

I believe abortion breaks the very soul of a women into a million pieces. Those pieces, created by the trauma of having an abortion, can only be picked up and put back together by Jesus. We were designed by God to love, protect, and nurture our children; we did the opposite. This group is a safe place to share our hearts and our hurts without judgment or condemnation.

Por último, it is okay to still be protected from people who are unsafe emotionally and/or physically. God does not want His daughters abused. As God heals you and you become more confident, He will lead you to start sharing with those with whom you feel safe. This group is a good place to start sharing within a safe and loving community to build your confidence.

Healthy boundaries are necessary to keep us safe so we can have more fulfilling and meaningful relationships with others. On the other hand, holding on to secrets is not a good way to have deep and meaningful relationships. When you feel safe to do so, share your secrets so you can be set free, giving the enemy nothing to hold against you.

Preguntas

  1. Are you ready to let your wall down to let God in so you can receive the love and the help you need?
  2. Who are you praying about sharing your past with? Do you have a healthy relationship with this person? It’s okay to keep yourself protected, but do not allow the enemy to isolate you or put you back into the prison.

Eres amado,
Toni

Read Mi muro, mi prisión (Part One) AQUÍ.

 

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