Comment Dieu a changé ma douleur (Partie 1 & 2) par Luci

Comment Dieu a changé ma douleur (Partie 1 & 2) par Luci

UNEautobus Rrécupération Ssoutien ggroupe ARSG

HOW GOD TURNED MY PAIN AROUND (Partie 1) par Luci

When I was very young, still sleeping in a crib, I already felt unsafe. My older brother got enjoyment from taunting me which continued throughout my childhood. It was as if he had a demon leading him to cause me pain and fear! As night was falling, he would come to my crib, lean in and get very close to my face, scaring me so much that all I could do was lay there with my wide eyes, looking up at him, wishing he would go away! This brother continued to taunt me in various ways, throughout the years until the sexual molestation took place when I was 11. He got another brother to join in; I was still very afraid and kept it all to myself. I was a victim for all intents and purposes; my parents were not nurturers so I didn’t go to them, believing they would blame me. There was great shame attached to what was taking place. I built up a resentment and even a hatred for my brothers and my parents for not protecting me from the torment for so many years! I found out later in my teens that my father was reading porn magazines and that was the main source of my brothers disfunction. In addition, he was molesting my older sisters.

At the age of 12, I was lured and raped by a man in my neighborhood that was almost 10 ans de plus. It was again, frightening AND painful. After that encounter, I began my journey of promiscuity and abuse. It was very rare that I found myself in the company of a respectful and caring young or older man. It was as if I had the words ‘USE AND ABUSE ME’ on my forehead! I hated my life and believed that I was ugly and flawed.

Having left home at the age of 15, I tried to make it on my own. But I discovered the world to be a dangerous place for a young woman on the streets. I would be raped, molested and abused multiple times, by various acquaintances and strangers by the time I was 18. I joined the Air Force at 19 after a local cop attempted to molest me. I decided the military would be a safe place to lay my head and provide regular meals. But my disfunction followed me as I continued to make poor choices with men. I was hurting deep down and felt hopeless. I can remember being sent to counseling the first year in and the man who was there to “help me”, made me worse! He told me I was fragile and he was right; I cried at the smallest thing! Alors, to make his point, while in counseling, he moved close to me and yelled loudly! I jumped and began to cry. He seemed pleased that he made his point so well. I never went back to him! Men were my enemy and most women were not to be trusted.

I continued through the years with an extremely unhealthy sense of self and others. À 24, I found myself pregnant by a man I barely knew. Like so many other men I had allowed myself to be used by, he lied to me, said he had a vasectomy and really wanted to be with me! After he finished getting what he wanted, he was gone and I was alone. I didn’t have time to ask myself why all these terrible things kept happening to me; I needed to get busy and “fix this problem”! That was my MO; I concluded that no one would look out for me, I had to do it myself!

À 25, approximately 9 months after I aborted my child, the Lord showed me His forgiveness and that is when my journey of healing and restoration began! At that moment in time, when I surrendered to His Lordship, He gave me a new identity, one He always intended for me to have! I went from battered victim to precious, beautiful and beloved daughter of The King! I was now safe and under the watchful eye of my heavenly Father.

Psaume 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

I had developed so many scars over the years that it was going to take some time to work through all the pain and multiple levels of lies and distorted thinking. I started to attend a little church and there I met an older man who mentored me from God’s Word. He was an amazing model of a godly man that treated me with dignity and respect! That is the point I began to open up to the possibility that there were other men in the world that would not abuse and take advantage of me, but could be respectful and actually love me without ulterior motives.

My journey of healing and restoration continues to this day; God is lovingly pouring into me, gently teaching and bringing others into my world that show me His gracious love. And He is also using me, precisely because of my wounds and suffering, to show other wounded souls that there is hope! My scars are no longer ugly to me but are, in the words of Shauna Neiquist, “holy places, reminders of the healer Himself.”

2 Cor 1:3-5 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Read below Comment Dieu a changé ma douleur (Partie 2) par Luci

 

UNEautobus Rrécupération Ssoutien ggroupe ARSG

Comment Dieu a changé ma douleur (Partie 2) par Luci

 

The enemy wants to keep us in a place of uncertainty, not trusting God but believing the lifelong lies that were told to us when we were so young and impressionable, before we were exposed to the truth! He wants to see us frozen with fear and unbelief, believing that we are not “good enough” for the love God has to offer. These lies are powerful but have no hold over us because we have been bought with the precious blood of Jesus. God looks at us with pure and tender affection; He sees us as the cherished daughters we were always intended to be. Nothing can separate us from His love. We only have to embrace this truth.

The enemy has been hard at work since the dawn of man (God’s most beloved creation). My pastor shared something worth repeating:

“The devil never offers anything real, only imitations. He offers addiction as an imitation of peace, promiscuity as an imitation of love, hatred as an imitation of justice, greed as an imitation of security, isolation as an imitation of safety, entertainment as an imitation of meaning, self-righteousness as an imitation of forgiveness.” Pastor Michael Shockley

 

  1. Where are you in your process of healing from past abuse?

 

  1. What practical steps have you taken to achieve that goal?

 

  1. In what ways has God turned your pain of abuse around?

 

I cannot answer the age-old question as to why God allows certain things to happen in our lives. Notice I did not say causes? The sin of mankind causes brokenness and perversion, God allows these things for His reasons that are far beyond our understanding. But there are some passages that give us a glimpse of why He allows bad things to happen to us.

2 Pet 3:9 “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance.”

Rom 9:22-24 “What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles?"

Rom 8:18-22 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the eagerly awaiting creation waits for the revealing of the sons and daughters of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now.”

Humans have been sinning against one another since the very first family (Cain & Abel). Et 2 Peter 3:9 tells us about God’s incredible patience toward the human race. “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance.”

Hebrews 4:14-16 “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jésus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

 

CS Lewis “We can ignore pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

 

Bénédictions,

Lumières

Je suis la fleur sauvage de Dieu

Je suis la fleur sauvage de Dieu

Blog de Luci

J'ai participé à l'étude biblique sur la guérison des abus sexuels avec un petit groupe de femmes par le biais du ministère "My Ashes To Beauty". Et quand j'ai accepté de participer, Je pensais que cela faisait tellement de décennies que les abus avaient eu lieu qu'il n'y aurait pas de nouvelles découvertes. Bien, il s'avère qu'il y avait des choses que je n'avais pas encore traitées, même avec tous les conseils que j'ai eus au fil des ans.

J'ai eu l'occasion de pleurer la perte d'une enfance et d'une adolescence sûres et heureuses que chaque fille mérite de vivre. L'une des choses qui m'a vraiment ému, c'est quand nous avons partagé des photos de la période où nous avons perdu notre innocence. J'ai ressenti une telle compassion pour les photos des autres femmes et à quel point elles apparaissaient précieuses et vulnérables au moment de leurs abus. Quand j'ai regardé ma photo, J'ai ressenti tant d'amour et de miséricorde pour la jeune adolescente, c'était moi; j'ai versé des larmes dessus. Je ne me voyais pas à l'époque, la façon dont je fais maintenant. Je m'étais blâmé pour les abus et je ne pouvais pas voir au-delà de la façon dont cela me définissait. Au cours de cette étude, on m'a rappelé que je suis la fille précieuse et adorée de Dieu! Et c'était définitivement une bonne chose de permettre de s'enfoncer dans mon cœur!

Au fur et à mesure que j'apprenais à connaître les femmes dans ce cadre intime et que j'entendais leurs histoires, j'ai réalisé, Je ne suis pas seul dans ce cas, que d'autres ont vécu des atrocités similaires et cela m'a fait aimer d'eux. Nous nous sommes liés d'une manière qui va au-delà d'un rassemblement de groupe typique pour la prière ou l'étude biblique. J'ai eu l'impression que Dieu a réuni ce groupe particulier afin que nous puissions prier pour, s'encourager et se montrer mutuellement qu'il y a encore de la guérison et du travail à faire. Les prières qui ont été priées pour nous étaient comme un baume de guérison qui a pénétré profondément dans mon âme!

La guérison des abus sexuels prend du temps, alors que nous éliminons les couches de fausses croyances et de pensées négatives qui nous maintiennent dans l'esclavage et nous empêchent d'avancer sur le beau chemin que Dieu a pour que chacun de nous marche. Non seulement devons-nous continuer à grandir en Lui, mais Il veut aussi nous utiliser pour montrer aux autres la guérison et le pardon qui les attend, par son amour. Cette étude était un endroit sûr pour partager et être vulnérable avec des femmes partageant les mêmes idées.

Son bien-aimé,

Lumières

 

Retour à Les blogs de Luci

De la honte à la victoire (Partie 1): Mon enfance brisée

Rhonda’s Story

When I was a kid, I remember being happy, wanting to understand why everything was the way it was, full of curiosity and questions. I loved playing outside, I loved my brother and I loved animals. I loved Sunday fishing, car rides and visiting family. I had a vivid imagination that helped me to escape from the reality of my dysfunctional childhood.

My parents had been dating for a while, and then they eloped. My dad decided he wanted to see Sault Ste. Marie. My mom wanted to go, so they got married. They never made it there; they stopped short in North Bay and rented a place. Dad got a job and along came my brother. Mom’s pregnancy was difficult, and she was told not to have any more kids. My Dad refused to have one child, so two and a half years later with much resentment from my mother, I was born; she and I never bonded.

I remember being afraid of my mother when I was young as she was angry a lot. She told me she had me because my father made her and that she never wanted me. I felt like I was a burden, an inconvenience. I understand now that she was angry about her life and her inability to speak up for herself.

When I was about five, my mom was in the living room crying. I asked her what was the matter, and she looked at me and said my dad had slept with his boss’s sister, he may lose his job and she didn’t know if she was going to stay married to him. I remember being scared, not really understanding and thinking I did something wrong to cause this.

 

Partie 2 Cliquez ici.

 

Ma vie serait à jamais changée (Partie 3): Essayer de faire face à la douleur

April’s Story

The years going forward were a total blur. I went through school and tried to do my best, but there was always sadness in my heart. I started to become insecure over friendships and people in general. My spirit was broken. I was insecure and looking for acceptance. I knew I couldn’t get it at home since my parents drinking and abuse had gotten worse after the kidnap. I knew they loved me, but I also knew something was wrong.

I started skipping school in the 7th grade and became attracted to boys and sex. I spent a lot of time at my friend’s house, partying and having fun. We moved to Lantana to a new house and what we thought would be a new life. But by the time I was in 9th grade, I was sexually active. You might think I would want nothing to do with sex after my kidnap and rape, but it was the thrill. And God was not in my life. I started dating a guy that was many years older than me, and it was almost as if I was being raped at my will. I felt so much shame when I was with him.

PART 4 Cliquez ici.

 

 

 

 

Ma vie serait à jamais changée (Partie 2): Mon sauvetage miraculeux

April’s Story

I could hear the police outside, yelling to the rapist that they knew I was in the apartment! Within moments they broke in and took him into custody. My cousin and brother came running in to release me from this torture. My cousin grabbed me and ran home. It was VICTORY! I was immediately placed into the tub, and there was a detective taking pictures and asking questions. I felt that I was rescued from the pit of hell.

I was taken to the hospital to be examined, which was awkward and very uncomfortable. I was in shock, in pain and bleeding. I would have to have surgery to repair what was damaged. While lying in the hospital bed, I fell asleep only to be woken by a dream of all that happened. It’s as if I just relived the whole experience. I just wanted to feel normal. I just wanted to go back to school to be with my friends and feel like a 12-year-old girl again. I no longer felt Innocent, pure or clean. My thoughts were corrupted. My life was turned upside down. I wondered, how was I going to do this life anymore? I remember an outpouring of love from my 6th grade peers. There was one thing that helped me. I wish I could say it was Jesus, but I didn’t know him yet. But I was picked up at the school by a detective and brought to a counseling office to talk about what had happened. I believe the counseling helped me sort out my feelings about the experience. A lot was erased from my memory, which I believe was God’s way of protecting me.

Read PART 1 ici.

Read PART 3 ici.