De la honte à la victoire (Partie 3): Mes misérables adolescents

Rhonda’s Story

In my mid-teens, my view of myself became more distorted. I wanted to be wanted and I wanted to be loved. I turned to relationships, alcohol and drugs, and this left me feeling even more empty than I did before. I became very boisterous, very opinionated and I projected a false sense of security to hide how I really felt.

When I was 16 ans, I was intimately involved with an 18-year-old. We dated for over a year. When I tried to break up with him, he threatened to kill himself. Out of guilt, I remained in the relationship for a little while longer until I could figure out a way to break it off. I told him again I didn’t want to see him anymore, and he pulled a shotgun out and put it to his mouth and said if I broke up with him, he would kill himself. I took off running down the stairs of his apartment and he proceeded to chase me down the main street of the small town where I lived. As I ran down the street, I saw people I knew and screamed for help! I thought he was going to shoot me in the back. In fear, they turned and fled. I ran into the restaurant where I worked. I was hysterical and my boss grabbed and took me to the back of the restaurant. I told him what happened and he called my house and my brother came and got me.

A few weeks later when I was biking home after work, the boyfriend that I tried to break up with, grabbed me off my bike and chocked me as he told me he loved me and couldn’t live without me. I somehow broke free, grabbed my bike and raced home as fast as I could. I told my parents, and at first they seemed upset, but then they just dismissed it. And the ex-boyfriend that had frightened me so badly would call my mom and she would tell me he was sorry and to give him another chance. But I didn’t want anything to do with him. A few weeks later, I came home from work one night and saw him sitting in the basement drinking a beer with my dad. I was shocked! My dad looked at me and said, “Tony’s going teach me to play guitar!"

 

Partie 4 Cliquez ici.

 

De la honte à la victoire (Partie 1): Mon enfance brisée

Rhonda’s Story

When I was a kid, I remember being happy, wanting to understand why everything was the way it was, full of curiosity and questions. I loved playing outside, I loved my brother and I loved animals. I loved Sunday fishing, car rides and visiting family. I had a vivid imagination that helped me to escape from the reality of my dysfunctional childhood.

My parents had been dating for a while, and then they eloped. My dad decided he wanted to see Sault Ste. Marie. My mom wanted to go, so they got married. They never made it there; they stopped short in North Bay and rented a place. Dad got a job and along came my brother. Mom’s pregnancy was difficult, and she was told not to have any more kids. My Dad refused to have one child, so two and a half years later with much resentment from my mother, I was born; she and I never bonded.

I remember being afraid of my mother when I was young as she was angry a lot. She told me she had me because my father made her and that she never wanted me. I felt like I was a burden, an inconvenience. I understand now that she was angry about her life and her inability to speak up for herself.

When I was about five, my mom was in the living room crying. I asked her what was the matter, and she looked at me and said my dad had slept with his boss’s sister, he may lose his job and she didn’t know if she was going to stay married to him. I remember being scared, not really understanding and thinking I did something wrong to cause this.

 

Partie 2 Cliquez ici.

 

La tromperie de l'égoïsme

La tromperie de l'égoïsme

Genèse 3:6, Luc 1:38, 2 Corinthiens 12:9, et Hébreux 12:2

L'égoïsme est consumé par des pensées concernant soi-même et par le fait de ne pas se soucier des autres et des conséquences de nos actions sur une autre personne.. Le péché est agréable pendant une saison, mais c'est très destructeur pour nous et pour ceux qui nous aiment et prennent soin de nous.

Où a commencé l'égoïsme? Tout a commencé avec Adam et Eve dans le jardin, dans le chapitre de la Genèse 3:6 nous lisons, "Et quand la femme vit que l'arbre était bon à manger, et que c'était agréable aux yeux, et un arbre à désirer pour devenir sage, elle en a pris le fruit, et j'ai mangé, et donna aussi à son mari avec elle, et il a mangé. Le désir d’Ève d’être comme Dieu connaissant le bien et le mal l’a amenée à devenir égocentrique et à ne penser qu’à ce que cela pourrait faire pour elle et non à ce que le péché aurait sur sa relation avec Dieu ou son mari.. Elle n'avait aucune idée que son péché plongerait toute l'humanité dans le péché., désespoir, et la mort. Peut-être que si elle avait réfléchi une seconde avant de prendre le fruit, attends, Dieu m'a dit de ne pas faire ça, Il m'aime et m'a fourni tout ce dont j'avais besoin. Pourquoi irais-je contre lui? Le diable l’a amenée à douter de l’amour de Dieu. Au lieu de cela, elle sentait qu'elle avait le droit, c'était son droit à ça, et Dieu lui retenait quelque chose de bon. Mais la vérité était qu'il l'aimait tellement qu'il la protégeait, parce qu'Il savait la destruction qui résulterait de son choix. Tout comme avec nous quand nous avons eu nos avortements. Dieu nous a donné un moyen de nous échapper, mais non, nous avions pris notre décision et nous faisions ça! Pendant tout ce temps, son cœur se brisait pour nous parce qu'il savait que nos âmes seraient brisées en un million de morceaux et que nous serions dévastés et dévastés., nous aurions du mal avec notre choix pendant de nombreuses années à venir. Dieu nous permet de faire nos propres choix, tout comme il l'a fait avec Ève.. Dieu veut que nous choisissions de l’aimer et de lui obéir.

J'ai eu une conversation avec une femme pro-choix, et pendant que nous parlions, elle a dit combien elle aimait les enfants et qu'ils étaient un cadeau. Et j'ai pensé, comment peut-elle aimer les enfants tout en étant pro-choix? Puis je me suis rendu compte qu'elle avait adhéré à l'idéologie féministe.. Le mensonge que le féminisme dit aux femmes est, c'est ton corps et ton droit d'avorter. Ils ne veulent pas avoir de comptes à rendre à Dieu, ils veulent avoir le contrôle. Ils veulent décider de ce qui est bien ou mal pour eux et ils veulent être comme Dieu., tout comme Eve l'a fait. Le monde leur dit tout ce qui leur fait du bien, fais-le, tu le mérites. Ils ont mis leurs désirs égoïstes au contrôle et se sont transformés en petits dieux « g », avoir le contrôle de son propre corps et de son destin. Ils ne voient pas que l'avortement met fin à la vie. Au lieu de cela, ils y voient une démarche égoïste et d’auto-préservation et ils ont le courage de le faire.. Et ils se mettent en colère quand quelqu'un essaie de leur retirer le contrôle. Parce qu'au fond, ils savent que c'est un bébé, mais ils préfèrent sacrifier la vie de leur enfant pour leurs désirs égoïstes.

Il y a une autre femme dans la Bible, qui avait le choix d'être égoïste ou d'obéir à Dieu. Elle s'appelait Marie, la mère de Jésus. Lorsqu'elle s'est retrouvée enceinte du Saint-Esprit alors qu'elle était adolescente célibataire, elle a risqué sa vie parce qu'elle aurait dû être lapidée, quelle était la loi; sinon elle aurait été divorcée de son fiancé Joseph. Mais au lieu de cela, elle fut courageuse et dit à l'Ange de Luc : 1:38, « Voici la servante du Seigneur! Qu'il me soit fait selon ta parole. Je prie pour que nous regardions Marie comme notre exemple, une femme de courage qui aimait et obéissait à Dieu, surtout quand c'était dur, ou peu pratique, ou difficile; elle n'a jamais hésité. Elle nous a montré que la grâce de Dieu est suffisante et que nous pouvons être victorieux, si nous gardons les yeux fixés sur Jésus, l'auteur et le consommateur de notre foi.

Repenser à votre propre avortement, comment étais-tu égoïste?
De quelles manières faites-vous maintenant confiance à Dieu et souhaitez-vous lui obéir?

 

Bénédictions,

Toni

En savoir plus sur les articles de blog de Toni ici!

Pensée puante: Pensées négatives

Pensée puante: Pensées négatives

2 Corinthiens 10:3-5 and Philippians 4:8-9

La pensée puante fait référence aux pensées négatives qui nous tourmentent, surtout lorsque nous sommes ARRÊT (Hfaim, UNEen colère, Lseul ou Tirrité) ou avoir des pensées telles qu'une vision déformée de Dieu et de soi, pensée négative, justification, peur, et l'anxiété. Nous aborderons chacun de ces sujets afin de pouvoir discerner les mensonges auxquels nous avons cru au fil des années et les remplacer par la vérité de Dieu.. Notre objectif est de vous équiper pour que vous puissiez remporter la victoire dans ces domaines.

2 Corinthiens 10:3-5 NKJV

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God for pulling down of strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself above the knowledge of God, brining every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”

Philippiens 4:8-9 NKJV

“Finally, brethren whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received, and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with.”

All of us know a person who can suck all the air out of a room because every word that comes out of their mouth is negative. Have you ever experienced that before? It is emotionally draining to be in the company of a negative person for a long period of time, before we too are dragged down into the pit with them. Are you plagued with negative thoughts?

The enemy is continually trying to trip us up, because his goal is to get us to focus on the negative things, instead of all the things we should be thankful for. Do you have a gratitude list? If you don’t, I suggest you do one today, and write down all the things you are thankful for. When you feel a negative thought coming on, just get out your list and remind yourself, God is still on the throne and He is in control and He is aware of everything that is going on in the world. He uses all of it for His purpose and plans in all of our lives. We must remember God is good all the time, and He is love, that is His character. He never changes, He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

The battlefield truly is the mind, that is where spiritual warfare starts and that’s where we have a choice to take it on or not. Right now, we are experiencing a worldwide pandemic, many are fearful, but as believers we need to be seeking the Lord even more now, so we have His perspective on this. What are you focusing on now? Do you feel peaceful and hopeful or depressed and hopeless?

I have a list of Biblical truths that I read over every morning to remind myself that I am adopted and loved by God. This is how I put my armor on to protect myself from the fiery darts of the enemy.

Qui je suis en Christ, to Combat Rejection.

je suis digne.

je suis aimé.

je suis accepté.

je suis adopté.

Je suis confiant et compétent.

je suis un enfant de Dieu.

J'ai le Saint-Esprit en moi.

Je suis victorieux en Christ.

J'ai une maison au paradis.

Rien ne peut me séparer de l'amour de Dieu en Jésus-Christ mon Seigneur.

I am valued by God, I am His precious child, J'ai une maison au paradis.

Je ne craindrai aucun mal!

When I read this every morning it protects my mind from the lies and negative thoughts that the enemy wants me to focus on. When I don’t read my list, I am vulnerable to the enemy’s devices; I am impatient, unkind, and easily frustrated. Lord You are showing me that today in fact, I must make time with You each morning; You are my priority, reading Your Word daily is food for my soul, praying is a time for me to hear from you and to talk to you, and journaling is a time when I go even deeper with You seeking your wisdom and wanting so much to hear from you to lead and guide me in my life and in all I do, because I want my life to be pleasing to you and I want you to be glorified through it. Merci, Seigneur, for reminding me and convicting me of that today.

Father in heaven, I pray for each woman on this call and for the women on-line reading this blog. I pray they will seek you with their whole heart. Show them how much you love them in a very real and tangible way. Protect them from the lies and negative thoughts of the enemy and help them to focus on the things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. Renew their minds daily as they read Your Word. Heal them and bind up their wounds as only You can, for you only, are their Mighty Counselor and Great Physician. Meet them where they are and lead them by Your righteous right hand. Forgive all of their sins and heal them Lord. Thank you for Your love, mercy, grace, and compassion upon them. We pray this in the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.

Do you struggle with negative thoughts?

How often are you plagued with these thoughts?

Is there a person or situation that causes you to start thinking negatively?

What have you done to help protect yourself from this kind of negative thinking?

Bénédictions,

Toni

En savoir plus sur les articles de blog de Toni ici!

Quand j'ai enfin reçu l'amour de Jésus dans mon cœur

Quand j'ai enfin reçu l'amour de Jésus dans mon cœur

From the time I was a small child, I did not use my voice and hid in the background to keep under the radar. Par conséquent, I became what people wanted me to be. I was labeled, “The good, quiet one.” I was fearful of rejection, so I became a people pleaser. I believed the lie that if I were perfect, I would be loved. That’s when I started wearing a mask.

My need for love and acceptance caused me to hide parts of myself. I only showed the good sides so people would love me. Puis, when I was 12 ans, I started sneaking whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet. À présent, I was really hiding. I didn’t want my parents to find out. They were very strict with me being the oldest, and I didn’t want them to be angry or disappointed in me.

As I got older, my sins were more and more grievous, and my secrets became bigger and bigger. Alors, I isolated even more and hid everything. My mask morphed as I got older. En tant qu'enfant, I strived for perfection. I was a good student, good athlete, and an all-around good child. When that wasn’t working, I tapped into a lifestyle of alcohol, drugs and sex. When I was home, I was still the good one. But in high school, I was hanging out with those who smoked and did drugs.

At this point, people pleasing ruled my life. All I strove for were accolades from others and a place I could fit in and feel safe. But I would not find that for a long time. Franchement, I lost my own identity because I wanted to fit in with others. I no longer knew what I liked or what I wanted to do because I became a chameleon and changed depending upon the group I was with. I had lost my own identity striving to please others.

I felt unloved and lost. My drinking and drug use were out of control. I was a walking time bomb. I hated myself and felt so depressed. I struggled with keeping it all together. When I found out I was pregnant as a 21-year-old college student, I panicked. This pregnancy did not fit the narrative I was allowing my parents to see. I was not the good, quiet one. I was doing very ungodly, sinful destructive things, and now I was going to terminate my baby’s life.

How did I end up here? My whole life was a lie. I will have an abortion and act as if everything was fine. But everything wasn’t fine. After this traumatic event, I was more depressed than before, crying all the time and drinking more. My self-loathing and suicidal thoughts were now continually plaguing me. I just wanted to die so this torment would stop. It was too hard to keep up this façade. Slowly my mask was cracking, and I was so afraid of being exposed. All my sins and lies would come flooding out. I was scared.

In my early 30’s I had a physical and emotional break down. I could not function normally at all. I would lay on the couch for weeks at a time. All the years of stuffing and lying and all the pain I had been holding in all my life were starting to come out sideways. I was a walking volcano, spilling hot ash on anyone who got in my way. I was extremely emotional. I felt I could not look anyone in the eyes because if I did, I would not be able to stop crying.

Slowly I started recognizing I needed help. I needed someone who would love me, accept me, and heal me. J'avais besoin d'un Sauveur. Then on January 2, 1994, I heard the gospel for the first time. Dans 4 weeks I gave my heart to Jesus, confessé mes péchés, turned from my old ways and turned toward God. I am coming up on the 26th anniversary of my salvation, and it is still the sweetest day of my life. It is the day I finally surrendered my life to God and allowed Him to heal my broken body, my broken heart and my broken mind. He transformed me into the woman He created me to be: a loving, confident woman filled with joy and peace. I have been adopted into the family of God; je suis accepté, and I am finally loved. I feel safe to be me. I can take the mask off now because I am finally home.

Are you wearing a mask?

What does your mask look like?

Do you have the courage to take off the mask and be real?

I pray that as God heals you, you will be filled with His love and you will have the courage to take off your mask.

Bénédictions,

Toni

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