De la vergüenza a la victoria (Parte 3): Mis adolescentes miserables

Rhonda’s Story

En mi adolescencia, mi visión de mí mismo se volvió más distorsionada. Quise ser querido y quise ser amado. Me volví a las relaciones, alcohol y drogas, y esto me dejó sintiéndome aún más vacío que antes. Me volví muy bullicioso, muy obstinado y proyecté una falsa sensación de seguridad para ocultar cómo me sentía realmente.

Cuando yo estaba 16 años, Estuve íntimamente involucrado con un joven de 18 años.. Salimos por más de un año. Cuando traté de romper con él, amenazó con suicidarse. Por culpa, Permanecí en la relación por un tiempo más hasta que pude encontrar una manera de romperla.. Le dije de nuevo que ya no quería verlo, y sacó una escopeta y se la llevó a la boca y dijo que si rompía con él, el se mataría. Salí corriendo por las escaleras de su apartamento y él procedió a perseguirme por la calle principal del pequeño pueblo donde vivía.. Mientras corría por la calle, Vi gente que conocía y grité pidiendo ayuda! Pensé que me iba a disparar por la espalda. Con miedo, se dieron la vuelta y huyeron. Corrí al restaurante donde trabajaba. Estaba histérica y mi jefe me agarró y me llevó a la parte trasera del restaurante.. Le conté lo que pasó y llamó a mi casa y mi hermano vino a buscarme.

Unas semanas después, cuando iba en bicicleta a casa después del trabajo, el novio con el que traté de romper, me sacó de la bicicleta y me ahogó mientras me decía que me amaba y que no podía vivir sin mí.. De alguna manera me liberé, agarré mi bicicleta y corrí a casa lo más rápido que pude. Le dije a mis padres, y al principio parecían molestos, pero luego simplemente lo descartaron. Y el exnovio que tanto me había asustado llamaba a mi mamá y ella me decía que lo sentía y que le diera otra oportunidad.. Pero yo no quería tener nada que ver con él. Unas pocas semanas después, Llegué a casa del trabajo una noche y lo vi sentado en el sótano bebiendo una cerveza con mi papá.. me quedé impactado! Mi papá me miró y dijo, "Tony me va a enseñar a tocar la guitarra!"

 

Parte 4 Haga clic aquí.

 

De la vergüenza a la victoria (Parte 1): Mi infancia rota

Rhonda’s Story

When I was a kid, I remember being happy, wanting to understand why everything was the way it was, full of curiosity and questions. I loved playing outside, I loved my brother and I loved animals. I loved Sunday fishing, car rides and visiting family. I had a vivid imagination that helped me to escape from the reality of my dysfunctional childhood.

My parents had been dating for a while, and then they eloped. My dad decided he wanted to see Sault Ste. Marie. My mom wanted to go, so they got married. They never made it there; they stopped short in North Bay and rented a place. Dad got a job and along came my brother. Mom’s pregnancy was difficult, and she was told not to have any more kids. My Dad refused to have one child, so two and a half years later with much resentment from my mother, I was born; she and I never bonded.

I remember being afraid of my mother when I was young as she was angry a lot. She told me she had me because my father made her and that she never wanted me. I felt like I was a burden, an inconvenience. I understand now that she was angry about her life and her inability to speak up for herself.

When I was about five, my mom was in the living room crying. I asked her what was the matter, and she looked at me and said my dad had slept with his boss’s sister, he may lose his job and she didn’t know if she was going to stay married to him. I remember being scared, not really understanding and thinking I did something wrong to cause this.

 

Parte 2 Haga clic aquí.

 

El engaño del egoísmo

El engaño del egoísmo

Génesis 3:6, Lucas 1:38, 2 Corintios 12:9, and Hebrews 12:2

Selfishness is being consumed with thoughts regarding self and not being concerned about others and what the consequences of our actions would have on another person. Sin is pleasurable for a season, but it is very destructive to us and those who love and care for us.

Where did selfishness start? It started with Adam and Eve in the Garden, in Genesis chapter 3:6 we read, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her, and he did eat.” Eve’s desire to be like God knowing good and evil caused her to become self-absorbed and only thinking about what it could do for her and not what the sin would do to her relationship with God or her husband. She had no idea that her sin would plunge all of mankind into sin, despair, and death. Perhaps if she would have thought for one second prior to taking the fruit, wait God told me not to do this, He loves me and has provided everything I need. Why would I go against Him? The devil caused her to doubt God’s love. Instead she felt she was entitled, it was her right to this, and God was holding back something good from her. But the truth was He loved her so much He was protecting her, because He knew the destruction that would be done as a result of her choice. Just like with us when we had our abortions. God gave us a way to escape, but no, we had our minds made up and we were doing this! All the while His heart was breaking for us because he knew our very souls would be shattered into a million pieces and we would be devastated and, we would struggle with our choice for many years to come. God allows us to make our own choices just like He did with Eve. God wants us to choose to love Him and obey Him.

I had a conversation with a pro-choice woman, and as we were talking, she said how much she loves children and that they are a gift. And I thought, how can she love children and still be pro-choice? Then it dawned on me that she has bought into the feminist ideology. The lie feminism tells women is, this is your body and your right to have an abortion. They do not want to be accountable to God, they want to be in control. They want to decide what is right or wrong for them and they want to be like God, just like Eve did. The world tells them whatever feels good, do it, you deserve it. They have put their selfish desires for control and have made themselves into little “g” gods, having control over their own bodies and destiny. They do not see that abortion is terminating a life. Instead they see it as self-serving and self-preservation and they are courageous for doing so. And they become angry when anyone tries to take their control away. Because deep down, they know it’s a baby, but they would rather sacrifice their child’s life for their selfish desires.

There is another woman in the Bible, who had a choice to be selfish or to obey God. Her name was Mary, the mother of Jesus. When she found herself with child from the Holy Spirit as an unwed teenager, she risked her very life because she should have been stoned, which was the law; or she would have been divorced from her betrothed Joseph. But instead she was courageous and said to the Angel in Luke 1:38, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” I pray we will look to Mary as our example, a woman of courage who loved and obeyed God, especially when it was hard, or inconvenient, or difficult; she never wavered. She showed us that God’s grace is sufficient and we can be victorious, if we keep our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.

Thinking back to your own abortion, how were you selfish?
In what ways are you now trusting God and wanting to obey Him?

 

Bendiciones,

Toni

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Pensamiento apestoso: Pensamientos negativos

Pensamiento apestoso: Pensamientos negativos

2 Corintios 10:3-5 y filipenses 4:8-9

El pensamiento apestoso se refiere a los pensamientos negativos que nos atormentan especialmente cuando estamos DETENER (hinfeliz, Aenojado, lsolo o tenojado) o tener pensamientos como una visión distorsionada de Dios y de uno mismo, pensamiento negativo, justificación, miedo, y ansiedad. Abordaremos cada uno de estos temas para que podamos discernir entre las mentiras que hemos creído a lo largo de los años y reemplazarlas con la verdad de Dios.. Nuestro objetivo es equiparte para que puedas tener la victoria en estas áreas..

2 Corintios 10:3-5 NKJV

“Porque aunque andemos en la carne, no hacemos la guerra según la carne. Porque las armas de nuestra guerra no son carnales sino poderosas en Dios para derribar fortalezas., derribando argumentos y toda altivez que se levanta sobre el conocimiento de Dios, llevando cautivo todo pensamiento a la obediencia a Cristo”.

filipenses 4:8-9 NKJV

"Finalmente, hermanos todo lo que es verdad, cualquier cosa que sea honesta, cualquier cosa que sea justa, cualquier cosa que sea pura, cualquier cosa que sea hermosa, cualquier cosa que sea de buen informe, si hay alguna virtud y si hay algo digno de alabanza, medita en estas cosas. Las cosas que aprendiste y recibiste., y oyó y vio en mí, estos lo hacen, y el Dios de paz estará con nosotros”.

Todos conocemos a una persona que puede aspirar todo el aire de una habitación porque cada palabra que sale de su boca es negativa.. ¿Alguna vez has experimentado eso antes?? Es emocionalmente agotador estar en compañía de una persona negativa durante un largo periodo de tiempo., antes de que nosotros también seamos arrastrados al abismo con ellos. ¿Estás plagado de pensamientos negativos??

El enemigo está continuamente tratando de hacernos tropezar., porque su objetivo es hacer que nos centremos en las cosas negativas, en lugar de todas las cosas por las que deberíamos estar agradecidos. ¿Tienes una lista de agradecimiento?? Si no lo haces, te sugiero que hagas uno hoy, y escribe todas las cosas por las que estás agradecido. Cuando sientes que te viene un pensamiento negativo, simplemente saca tu lista y recuérdate, Dios todavía está en el trono y tiene el control y está al tanto de todo lo que sucede en el mundo.. Él usa todo para Su propósito y planes en todas nuestras vidas.. Debemos recordar que Dios es bueno todo el tiempo., y el es amor, ese es su carácter. el nunca cambia, el es el mismo ayer, hoy, y mañana.

El campo de batalla es realmente la mente., Ahí es donde comienza la guerra espiritual y ahí es donde tenemos la opción de enfrentarla o no.. Ahora mismo, estamos viviendo una pandemia mundial, muchos tienen miedo, pero como creyentes necesitamos buscar al Señor aún más ahora., entonces tenemos su perspectiva sobre esto. ¿En qué te estás concentrando ahora?? ¿Se siente en paz y esperanzado o deprimido y desesperado??

Tengo una lista de verdades bíblicas que leo todas las mañanas para recordarme que soy adoptado y amado por Dios.. Así me pongo mi armadura para protegerme de los dardos de fuego del enemigo.

quien soy en cristo, para combatir el rechazo.

Soy digno.

soy amado.

Soy aceptado.

soy adoptado.

Tengo confianza y soy competente..

soy un niño de Dios.

Tengo el Espíritu Santo dentro de mí..

Soy victorioso en Cristo.

tengo un hogar en el cielo.

Nada podrá separarme del amor de Dios en Cristo Jesús mi Señor.

soy valorado por dios, Soy su precioso hijo, tengo un hogar en el cielo.

no temeré ningún mal!

Cuando leo esto todas las mañanas, protejo mi mente de las mentiras y pensamientos negativos en los que el enemigo quiere que me concentre.. Cuando no leo mi lista, Soy vulnerable a los dispositivos del enemigo.; Soy impaciente, cruel, y fácilmente frustrado. Señor, me estás mostrando que hoy de hecho, Debo hacer tiempo contigo cada mañana; tu eres mi prioridad, leer Tu Palabra diariamente es alimento para mi alma, Orar es un tiempo para saber de ti y hablar contigo., y escribir un diario es un momento en el que profundizo aún más contigo, buscando tu sabiduría y deseando saber de ti para guiarme y guiarme en mi vida y en todo lo que hago., porque quiero que mi vida os sea de agrado y quiero que por ella seáis glorificados. Gracias, Caballero, por recordarme y convencerme de eso hoy.

padre en el cielo, Oro por cada mujer en esta convocatoria y por las mujeres en línea que leen este blog.. Ruego que te busquen con todo su corazón.. Muéstrales cuánto los amas de una manera muy real y tangible.. Protégelos de las mentiras y pensamientos negativos del enemigo y ayúdalos a concentrarse en las cosas que son verdad., honesto, justo, puro, hermoso, y de buen informe. Renueva sus mentes diariamente mientras leen Tu Palabra.. Sánalos y venda sus heridas como sólo Tú puedes, solo para ti, son su Poderoso Consejero y Gran Médico. Encuéntralos donde están y guíalos con tu diestra justa.. Perdona todos sus pecados y sánalos Señor.. Gracias por tu amor, merced, gracia, y compasión sobre ellos. Oramos esto en el poderoso nombre de Jesús., Amén.

¿Luchas con pensamientos negativos??

¿Con qué frecuencia te acosan estos pensamientos??

¿Hay alguna persona o situación que te haga empezar a pensar negativamente??

¿Qué has hecho para protegerte de este tipo de pensamientos negativos??

Bendiciones,

Toni

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Cuando finalmente recibí el amor de Jesús en mi corazón

Cuando finalmente recibí el amor de Jesús en mi corazón

From the time I was a small child, I did not use my voice and hid in the background to keep under the radar. Como resultado, I became what people wanted me to be. I was labeled, “The good, quiet one.” I was fearful of rejection, so I became a people pleaser. I believed the lie that if I were perfect, I would be loved. That’s when I started wearing a mask.

My need for love and acceptance caused me to hide parts of myself. I only showed the good sides so people would love me. Luego, when I was 12 años, I started sneaking whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet. Ahora, I was really hiding. I didn’t want my parents to find out. They were very strict with me being the oldest, and I didn’t want them to be angry or disappointed in me.

As I got older, my sins were more and more grievous, and my secrets became bigger and bigger. Entonces, I isolated even more and hid everything. My mask morphed as I got older. As a child, I strived for perfection. I was a good student, good athlete, and an all-around good child. When that wasn’t working, I tapped into a lifestyle of alcohol, drugs and sex. When I was home, I was still the good one. But in high school, I was hanging out with those who smoked and did drugs.

At this point, people pleasing ruled my life. All I strove for were accolades from others and a place I could fit in and feel safe. But I would not find that for a long time. Honestly, I lost my own identity because I wanted to fit in with others. I no longer knew what I liked or what I wanted to do because I became a chameleon and changed depending upon the group I was with. I had lost my own identity striving to please others.

I felt unloved and lost. My drinking and drug use were out of control. I was a walking time bomb. I hated myself and felt so depressed. I struggled with keeping it all together. When I found out I was pregnant as a 21-year-old college student, I panicked. This pregnancy did not fit the narrative I was allowing my parents to see. I was not the good, una tranquila. I was doing very ungodly, sinful destructive things, and now I was going to terminate my baby’s life.

How did I end up here? My whole life was a lie. I will have an abortion and act as if everything was fine. But everything wasn’t fine. After this traumatic event, I was more depressed than before, crying all the time and drinking more. My self-loathing and suicidal thoughts were now continually plaguing me. I just wanted to die so this torment would stop. It was too hard to keep up this façade. Slowly my mask was cracking, and I was so afraid of being exposed. All my sins and lies would come flooding out. I was scared.

In my early 30’s I had a physical and emotional break down. I could not function normally at all. I would lay on the couch for weeks at a time. All the years of stuffing and lying and all the pain I had been holding in all my life were starting to come out sideways. I was a walking volcano, spilling hot ash on anyone who got in my way. I was extremely emotional. I felt I could not look anyone in the eyes because if I did, I would not be able to stop crying.

Slowly I started recognizing I needed help. I needed someone who would love me, accept me, and heal me. I needed a Savior. Then on January 2, 1994, Escuché el evangelio por primera vez. Within 4 weeks I gave my heart to Jesus, confessed my sins, turned from my old ways and turned toward God. I am coming up on the 26th anniversary of my salvation, and it is still the sweetest day of my life. It is the day I finally surrendered my life to God and allowed Him to heal my broken body, my broken heart and my broken mind. He transformed me into the woman He created me to be: a loving, confident woman filled with joy and peace. I have been adopted into the family of God; Soy aceptado, and I am finally loved. I feel safe to be me. I can take the mask off now because I am finally home.

Are you wearing a mask?

What does your mask look like?

Do you have the courage to take off the mask and be real?

I pray that as God heals you, you will be filled with His love and you will have the courage to take off your mask.

Bendiciones,

Toni

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