Mes mécanismes d'adaptation malsains

Mes mécanismes d'adaptation malsains

UNEautobus Rrécupération Ssoutien ggroupe (ARSG)

Mes mécanismes d'adaptation malsains

Coping mechanisms are defined as techniques we use to help us cope with the stress, douleur, and trauma we have experienced in our lives.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms:

Avoidance and Isolation

Drugs and Alcohol

Denial

Occupé

Rationalization

Contrôle

From my childhood I learned évitement et isolement pour me protéger des personnes ou des situations malsaines. Running and hiding is what I learned as a small child and I still used those tactics as an adult. Until I got into recovery and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Louons Dieu! Instead of avoidance God gave me a voice and I learned to communicate my likes and dislikes. I never developed a voice growing up but once I put up boundaries, utiliser ma voix était nécessaire pour communiquer ces limites aux autres. Au fur et à mesure que le temps passait, Je me sentais plus à l'aise de partager mon cœur avec les autres sans craindre le rejet. Dieu m'a aussi dit d'arrêter de courir et de me cacher et de lui laisser le résultat..

Just recently I was triggered by a situation and my first response was to run away and to disconnect from this person. I see now that was a wrong response. I had to pray very hard for the Lord to help me in this area. We all have things from our past trauma that causes us to go back to our old ways of dealing with things, especially when we are weak, or vulnerable, or HALT (Affamé, En colère, Solitaire ou fatigué). I am grateful for God showing me that by having healthy boundaries and by using my voice is the best way to live a life that is peaceful and pleasing to Him.

I started using alcohol and drugs à 12 years old when I was not getting the healthy attention I needed at home. I decided to start taking matters into my own hands, which was a defining moment in my life because as a result of that choice I would run to other things other than God when I was hurting. I just wanted a quick fix to avoid the pain I had accumulated all my life. I used people and allowed them to use me. My life was filled with regret, fear of rejection, depression, suicidal thoughts and self-hatred. I thank God for having mercy on this broken woman, who saved me from myself destructive lifestyle. I now run to Jesus to take my pain away.

j'étais dedans le déni about the dysfunction in my home of origin and my home with my husband and children, for many years until I realized I cannot control another person and doing anything out of fear never has a good outcome. I don’t have the power to change another person only God does. Alors, I relinquish control to God to change others or situations when I feel powerless. I was in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse so I obeyed ridiculous rules to be accepted and loved by others, but that never worked. When I finally received the love of Jesus in heart then I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection because I knew God would never leave me or forsake me.

Occupé was a tool the enemy used on me for decades, his purpose was to keep me so busy that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life. My striving for love and acceptance even from God, kept me working so hard to be worthy, I never stopped long enough to evaluate my life, my choices, my relationships, my unhealthy view of myself, Dieu, et d'autres. I was so messed up, but I could not see that, until God showed me my ways were not working. Back in 2010 I was so depressed I asked God to take me home because I just wanted to die. And He said, “Do you believe I can turn things around for your good?” and I said, “Yes Lord I believe that.” He said, “TRUST ME.” After that I got in ACA recovery work and inner healing group for 5 années. God was exposing the lies, with His truth, I was learning about boundaries and what that looks like and he showed me that I was enabling abuse from others by not using my voice. God had me stop from all serving at church and First Care, because I was that sick and needed God to intervene to heal me. God was so faithful and put the right people in my path and I was healed and set free from all the dysfunction in my life and I started experiencing true peace and freedom in Christ. In Jan 2013 I started this ministry. Praise Him!!! Merci, Jésus.

I rationalisé my abuse, thinking I must not be a person of value or else others would treat me differently. After my abortion, the enemy told me I deserve to be abused because of my decision to abort my child. My husband was very controlling and I and the children were required to obey ridiculous rules. I rationalized in my head if I don’t obey these rules, he will leave me. The enemy used that lie for decades to keep me in bondage and in a very unhealthy home environment. I am thankful for the day I had courage to say no, I am not going to follow these rules and leave the outcome in God’s hands. I was no longer fearful of him leaving, I trusted God to take care of me and He has. My relationship with my husband now is better than it ever has been. I now know that I am loved and valued by God and He doesn’t want me to accept abusive treatment from anyone; I don’t deserve to be abused regardless of my poor choices in the past. He loves me and wants me to use my voice to put up healthy boundaries and to protect myself from unhealthy people and situations. Je ne peux pas changer mon passé, all I can do is learn from it and share my experience, strength, and hope with others so perhaps they can make healthy choices.

Contrôle was a tool I learned to use when I was very young. I honestly believed I could control how others feel, what they do, and that I could control the outcome. That all was a lie. Je n'avais aucun contrôle sur aucune de ces choses. Areas I tried to control were how people reacted and behaved toward me. I tried to control what others saw in me by wearing a mask and I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed, diet pills, and purging after I ate too much. God showed me by relinquishing control to Him that I can be set free from these obsessions and torment. He taught me to love myself just the way I am and to relinquish all control to Him, because He will never harm me.

I am so grateful that today I have been set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms and I have learned new skills to help me cope with the pain and trauma from my past. J'ai dû complètement abandonner tout et tout le monde à Dieu. Je ne me souciais plus de ce que les autres pensaient de moi, Je n'ai pas obéi à des règles ridicules par peur d'être rejeté, I now had a voice and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy godly way. Je ne suis plus esclave de mes anciennes pensées et de mes anciens comportements..

Dans les Romains 12:2 the Bible says do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…. Daily time spent with God in His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit has helped me to move out of the chaos, dysfunction, and misery into a peaceful, orderly, and fulfilling life.

What have you used to help you cope with the trauma from your past?

What are some healthy ways you use to cope with things now?

Tu es aimé,

Toni

 

 

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Notre perception de Dieu et pourquoi c'est important

Notre perception de Dieu et pourquoi c'est important

Colossiens 3:2
Réfléchissez aux choses ci-dessus, pas sur les choses sur terre.

Romains 12:1-2
Ne vous conformez pas à ce monde mais soyez transformé par le renouvellement de votre esprit, afin que vous puissiez prouver quelle est cette volonté bonne, acceptable et parfaite de Dieu.

Je ne me souviens plus d'où vient cette citation, mais elle a beaucoup de sens. « La science nous dit que les pensées répétitives, au fil du temps, deviennent des ornières physiques dans le cerveau qui affectent le raisonnement., choix, et finalement nos croyances.

Quelle était votre perception de Dieu lorsque vous étiez enfant?

Était-il gentil, affectueux, et accessible ou froid, loin, et en colère?
Ma perception de Dieu en tant qu'enfant était qu'il était en colère et qu'il me punirait pour la moindre offense., Ce n'était pas un Dieu d'amour mais de colère. J'ai grandi dans une église où j'ai vu la punition pour la moindre offense avec les dirigeants et les réprimandes. Les gens là-bas étaient très durs et critiques. Et que Dieu voulait absolument suivre les règles. Je n'y ai pas vu l'amour de Dieu.
Vous pouvez lire mon blog sous la rubrique pensée puante: https://myashestobeauty.com/stinking-thinking-my-distorted-view-of-god/

Comment cela vous a-t-il affecté en grandissant?
À cause de ma vision déformée de Dieu, quand je me suis retrouvé dans de mauvaises situations, J'ai décidé de prendre les choses en main au lieu de demander à Dieu ce que je devais faire. Je ne pensais pas qu'il se souciait de moi. J'étais dans une telle obscurité que je ne pouvais pas du tout voir sa lumière. À cause des relations malsaines que j'avais avec mes proches, qui étaient plutôt manipulatrices et contrôlantes., Je ne pensais pas que je valais grand-chose aux yeux de Dieu ou des autres. Alors, qu'importe ce que je fais à mon corps, mon bébé, ou d'autres? Mais Dieu apparaissait de temps en temps quand j'avais l'impression qu'il était là et qu'il s'intéressait à ma vie.. Mais je ne le connaîtrais pas comme mon Seigneur et Sauveur avant d'être 34 ans.

Éphésiens 3:16-19
Qu'il t'accorderait, selon les richesses de sa gloire, être fortifié avec puissance par Son Esprit dans l'homme intérieur; afin que Christ habite dans vos cœurs par la foi, que tu, être enraciné et ancré dans l'amour, peut-être être capable de comprendre avec tous les saints quelle est la largeur, la longueur, la profondeur et la hauteur – connaître l'amour du Christ qui dépasse la connaissance; afin que tu sois rempli de toute la plénitude de Dieu.

Comment vois-tu Dieu maintenant?
J'ai maintenant enfin reçu la belle œuvre rédemptrice du Christ dans ma vie une fois que j'ai pu recevoir son amour au plus profond de mon être., cette vérité m'a changé pour toujours. Même après avoir été sauvé, J'ai permis aux gens de me maltraiter et de m'utiliser parce que je n'avais pas de limites, et parce que je ne m'aimais pas, les autres ne m'ont pas non plus traité avec amour et respect. Mais une fois que son amour a imprégné mon cœur, J'ai eu le courage de fixer des limites et j'ai commencé à prendre soin de moi et à m'aimer. C'était la chose la plus libératrice et la plus belle que j'ai vécue, connaître l'amour de Dieu pour moi-même. Ressentir et savoir dans mon cœur, que peu importe ce que j'ai fait dans le passé, il m'aime.

Comment te voit-il?
Je suis reconnaissant pour la vérité de la parole de Dieu selon laquelle chaque personne est créée à son image et reçoit une valeur intrinsèque et est créée dans le but de son royaume.. Je ne suis plus lié à Satan et au péché, mais je suis adopté dans la famille de Dieu.; Je suis une fille du Roi de Gloire. Il m'aimait tellement qu'il est mort pour moi sur la croix. Son amour est si profond, et large, et si haut que je ne peux pas le comprendre, mais je crois dans mon cœur que je suis chéri et aimé de Dieu. Et je serai avec lui pour toujours au ciel pour toute l'éternité. En juillet de 2017 nous avions ma famille élargie en ville, ma sœur et mon frère et leurs familles. Par conséquent, J'ai commencé à me sentir anxieux et j'ai commencé à me sentir rejeté par tous, parce que tu vois qu'ils ne connaissent pas encore le Seigneur, donc je ne fais plus partie de leur famille. Le rejet a été pour moi une énorme blessure et je peux y aller très vite si je ne suis pas ancré dans la Parole.. Pour combattre ma blessure de rejet, Dieu m'a demandé d'écrire des vérités bibliques spécifiques sur, « Qui je suis en Christ," ça se passe comme ça:

Qui je suis en Christ

je suis digne
je suis aimé
J'appartiens
je suis accepté
je suis adopté
Je suis confiant et compétent
je suis un enfant de Dieu
J'ai le Saint-Esprit en moi
Je suis victorieux en Christ
J'ai une maison au paradis
Rien ne peut me séparer de l'amour de Dieu en Jésus-Christ mon Seigneur
Je ne craindrai aucun mal

Je suis si fier de toi d'avoir eu le courage de sortir et de faire confiance à Dieu pour te guérir..

Tu es en sécurité, sa sœur bien-aimée.

Tu es aimé,
Toni

Psaume 147:3
Il guérit les cœurs brisés et panse leurs blessures. (NKJV)

Toni et l'équipe de myashestobeauty.com

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Allez-vous permettre à Jésus de vous guérir?

Allez-vous permettre à Jésus de vous guérir?

UNEautobus Rrécupération Ssoutien ggroupe (ARSG)

Allez-vous permettre à Jésus de vous guérir?

Il guérit les cœurs brisés et panse leurs blessures. Psaume 147:3 NKJV

Only Jesus knows what it feels like to be verbally and physically abused, mocked and spit on, and publicly humiliated as He hung on the cross naked and beaten and rejected by His closest friends. I believe only Jesus can heal us physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally from all the forms of abuse and trauma we have experienced in our lives. In Isaiah 53:5, the Bible says, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, et by His stripes we are healed."

Thank you for joining our first support group meeting on abuse. We will be covering all kinds of abuse from emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual. We want to give each of you an opportunity to share your stories and your hearts in a safe and loving environment so that the healing journey you started will continue. One thing I have learned through the abortion recovery ministry is that we need a community of women who have experienced the same things we have, in order for us to open up and be vulnerable. God is providing you with a group of sisters who love Jesus and each other, and who are courageous and committed to this healing journey. They are willing to do the work necessary to reach the next level in their healing as they grow closer to God in the process. They no longer want to settle for barely existing. Non, they want more. They want the abundant life that Jesus died to give them.

Dans ma maison d'origine, I never developed a voice because of the chaos and unpredictable home environment I grew up in. From an early age, I believed I had the power to make someone happy or angry by my behavior. That was a lie from the pit of hell, but I would not discover that truth until I got into ACA recovery work in 2010-2015. I have no such control, but this lie lead me down a path of people-pleasing that opened me up to all kinds of harsh treatment and abuse by others who would use and manipulate me. I enabled this behavior because of my need for love and acceptance. I did not understand codependency, emotional and verbal abuse, and how it was having an effect on me and the choices I would make in my life. I thought this was normal; it was my normal but, God knows it wasn’t His plan for the family.

I started rebelling at the age of 12, drinking Scotch Whiskey from my parent’s liquor cabinet, getting high at 13 and having sex at 16 and then, my abortion at 21. I struggled with depression as a teenager, and when I got drunk, I acted out and kicked out a window in my college dorm. I punched walls and was so filled with rage and hatred towards myself. After my abortion, these unhealthy coping mechanisms just increased in intensity. My abortion was the nail in my coffin. That act plunged me headlong into the dark pit of despair and suicidal thoughts. I just wanted to end this torment of a life; I did not see a way out.

Then one glorious day, I met Jesus and He forgave all my sins, and He began healing my broken body, soul and mind. It’s been twenty-seven years, and He is still healing and loving me. And it has been a beautiful journey.

What was your home of origin like?

How did that affect your decision making?

Did you make healthy decisions or ones based out of fear?

Have you received help in this area to stop this unhealthy cycle in your life?

The UNEautobus Rrécupération Ssoutien ggroupe (ARSG) meets on the 2nd and 4th Sundays of every month, à 4:15 PM EST. More information regarding the Sunday calls is found on this page, Traumatisme des abus sexuels.

S'il vous plaît tendre la main, email us at arwsg4u2@gmail.com, we can help you heal from your past trauma with our loving and caring support group, la Parole de Dieu, le Saint-Esprit, prayer, and accountability.

Tu es aimé,
Toni

 

 

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Vendredi saint : sa vie pour la nôtre

Vendredi saint : sa vie pour la nôtre

Il n'y a pas d'amour plus grand que celui qu'un homme donne sa vie pour ses amis. John 15:13

Luc 23:44-46 Maintenant c'était la sixième heure (midi) et il y eut des ténèbres sur toute la terre jusqu'à la neuvième heure (3 PM). Puis le soleil s'est assombri, and the veil of the Temple was torn in two. And when Jesus cried out with a loud voice, “Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit.” Having said this, He breathed His last breath.

Mark 15:34 And at the ninth hour (3PM) Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? Which is being interpreted, My God, Mon Dieu, why hast thou forsaken me?

I want us to reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross for each one of us. We will never know the immense pain He experienced not only physically but spiritually. On the hours that Jesus hung on the cross from 12 noon to 3 PM the whole earth was darkened, and so was the sun. God had forsaken His only Son when He bore all the sins of the world on His body. Jesus cries out, “My God, Mon Dieu, why hast thou forsaken me?” The word forsake in the Merriam-Webster dictionary means to renounce or turn away from entirely. Holy God darkened the earth for 3 hours because He could not look upon Jesus when He bore our sins upon Himself. The Bible says that Jesus became sin for us, who knew no sin. I read a commentary that said God caused the darkness so humans could not look upon Jesus and see the turmoil and agony that He went through on our behalf. It was a sacred sacrifice that only the Father could see. This was His perfect Lamb of God who was sacrificed for the sins of the whole world.

At the same time the veil in the Temple, between the Holy of Holies, was torn from top to bottom. The very hand of God tore the veil, giving us access to God through Jesus His Son. Jesus was the new and living way for us to go to God, we no longer had to go through a Priest to make atonement for our sins. Jesus paid for our sins so we could have free access to the Father by Him. This gives us, you and me, access to God anytime day or night, that we need Him. That is so comforting to know.

Now think of all the sins you have ever committed, they are too numerous to count, yet all of them have been covered by Jesus’ shed blood on the cross, if you have received the gift of salvation through Jesus’ death on the cross for your sins. If you are born again, the Bible says you are a new creation in Christ, old things are passed away behold all things become new. (2nd Corinthiens 5:17)

It is good Lord, to be reminded of the miraculous work you did in me when I became born-again. Thank you for forgiving all my sins, my rebellious actions, my drunkenness, drug usage, fornication, my abortion, my lying, stealing, my pride and my idol worship. All these I lay at your feet Jesus. I no longer have to carry these sins on my back. You have exchanged my sins for your righteousness. I am so grateful to you Lord, the day you had mercy on this broken woman and opened my eyes to see that what I was doing was not working and I needed you in my life. I surrendered my will and my life to you and confessed my sins and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. It was the most beautiful day of my life, Février 6, 1994. A day I will always cherish.

Des questions:

What is the Holy Spirit bringing to your mind right now?

D'abord, Are you born-again? Have you put your faith and trust in Jesus as your Lord and Savior? Have you asked Him to forgive all your sins?

Even after we are saved, we need to confess our sins daily to God. Is there anything the Lord is putting on your heart that you need to confess publicly?

What are you most grateful to God For?

I pray the Lord will bless you as you seek His wisdom and discernment in your life.

 

Tu es aimé,
Toni

 

 

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Les pièges du diable (Séries): Élie

Les pièges du diable (Séries): Élie

  • Les pièges du diable: Élie
    (A Series Taken from Dr. Charles Stanley)

 

Élie
(1 rois 18-19)

As we continue our study looking at the lives of Eve, Achan, David and now Elijah, let’s consider the following question. What was the one thing that Elijah focused his attention on causing him to flee and want to die? He was threatened by King Ahab’s wife, Queen Jezebel, who was the most evil woman ever recorded in Scripture. She had a man cut into pieces because he would not sell his vineyard to her husband, King Ahab. She would stop at nothing to achieve her end goal. A worshipper and servant of Baal, she was cunning and deceptive like Satan the snake. To obtain whatever she desired, Jezebel would steal, cheat and lie. Ahab, on the other hand, was supposedly a believer of the One True God. toutefois, with her idol worship and sacrifice, Jezebel caused her husband to fall into sin against God. Sans aucun doute, she was evil to her very core. As a result of the atrocities that Ahab and Jezebel committed, God punished them by withholding rain for 3 ½ years. At this same moment in history, God raised up the prophet Elijah to confront Ahab and Jezebel regarding their sins and to proclaim judgment as a result of their idolatry.

Following his proclamation against the King and Queen, Elijah engages in a battle of sorts between the prophets of Baal and the children of God on Mount Carmel. Read the full biblical account in 1 rois 18. Elijah challenges the prophets of Baal to call down fire from the sky to burn up the sacrifice prepared for their god. All day they worship, cut themselves and cry out, but Baal remains silent. I love Elijah’s response—Perhaps your gods went on a journey, or they are sleeping. Next, it’s Elijah’s turn. He drenches the offering and the altar with water. Puis, he cries out to God. Fire comes down from heaven consuming the sacrifice along with the entire altar. Elijah proceeds to kill 450 prophets of Baal with the sword, after which he runs to Ahab to say that rain is coming. Ahab tells Jezebel all that has happened. After hearing this, she becomes enraged and vows to kill Elijah within 24 les heures. When Elijah discovers this, he flees for his life. Out of immense fear, he asks God to take his life because he doesn’t want to live anymore—all because of one woman.

Let’s reflect upon this scenario and apply it to our lives. When were you fearful and running for your life; was it due to an abusive situation or were you running away from your past? The Lord has shown me not to run, but to face things head on, while I am holding onto His righteous right hand. He will protect us. May He give us courage to stand on His Word and His truth.

Tu es aimé,
Toni

 

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