Pensiero puzzolente: La mia visione distorta di sé

Pensiero puzzolente: La mia visione distorta di sé

Pensiero puzzolente: La mia visione distorta di sé


di Toni Weisz/Pensiero puzzolente

 

Riferimenti scritturali: Isaia 43:18–19, Salmo 62:6-8, Salmo 27:10, John 8:32, e romani 5:9

Pensiero puzzolente refers to the negative or disturbing thoughts that torment us, Soprattutto quando lo siamo ALT (Hingrato, UNarrabbiato, lsolo o THo letto). We will be looking at our distorted view of self. We will learn to discern the truth from the lies we have believed all of our lives. Our goal is to equip you so you can have victory in every area of your life.

Isaia 43:18–19
“Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Salmo 62: 6–8
“He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

Salmo 27:10
When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take care of me.

John 8:32
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

romani 5:9
Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

I was the oldest of three and came from a strict second-generation, Italian-American family. My father and his two brothers and sister ran a family-owned construction company started by my grandfather.

My grandfather had a drinking problem. And my dad acted like an alcoholic even though he did not drink. I refer to his behavior as a “rageaholic.” He worked extremely long hours and was dealing with a lot of stress and family drama. He was not able to communicate in a healthy manner without becoming angry and raising his voice. He had a very short fuse. Così, when he was home, I would literally want to run and hide.

My mom tried her best to control our home environment as not to cause my dad any stress. We had to be very quiet and obedient when he was home. The slightest thing could set him off. When my dad was at work, my mom had her own way of dealing with the chaos in our home. She yelled a lot too. It wasn’t a very calm or peaceful environment. But I believe they did the best they could. They were preoccupied with putting out fires that my sister and brother were starting. It was easy for me to hide in the shadows.

As a young child, how was I supposed to get the love and attention I needed? After the “good, quiet one” persona was not working anymore, I started sneaking Scotch whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet at 12 Anni. Now I was really hiding because of all of my secrets, which now were piling up, and it became even more difficult to keep up my façade. By 13, I was getting high and doing other drugs. At 16, I was having sex; then the unthinkable, il mio aborto a 21. My life was a disaster, one poor decision after another led me down a very dark path. I was very alone in this pit even though I had friends; no one really knew what I was suffering with because I wore the perfect mask. I was right where the evil one wanted me. Isolated, alone, and hiding in my secrets.

Now in my early 30’s after many years of destructive choices, unhealthy copying mechanisms and addictions, my self-loathing was at an all-time high. My depression would last for weeks at a time, and it was preventing me from functioning normally, and all the pain I had been stuffing all my life was coming out sideways. I had no control over it. I was like a walking volcano. I literally just wanted to end this torment of a life. But God gave me two children, and I wasn’t going to leave them without a mom. Così, I decided I needed to do something different because what I was doing was not working. I was tired of putting my mask on every day and pretending.

I felt I was not worthy to be loved. In fact, I thought I deserved to be emotionally abused by others because of my sin. I did not see myself as a person of value to anyone, not even to God. This destructive pattern would continue until I was 34, when by the grace of God, I heard the gospel and within 4 weeks got saved and asked Jesus to forgive my sins and be my Lord and Savior. The most beautiful and memorable day of my life is February 6, 1994, when I became born-again.

Even after my salvation, I felt I had to work for love and approval from God and especially from others in leadership at Church. My people-pleasing was consuming my life, and God showed me that this is idolatry, that anything that I put above Him is a sin.

Over the past 20 anni, God has slowly been showing me my character defects and areas of sin, my codependency, people-pleasing, and lack of clear boundaries and how I was enabling unhealthy behavior. I didn’t love or respect myself so how could I expect others to. I allowed people to walk all over me, to manipulate and control me, but slowly over time, I started putting up boundaries and using my voice.

God helped me to see myself through His eyes of love, care, and compassion. Back in 2015 when struggling with rejection, I wrote out these words of affirmation that I read out loud to myself every day: I am worthy, I am loved, I belong, Sono accettato, I am adopted, I am confident and competent, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I am a child of God, I am victorious in Christ, just to name a few. This is my Spiritual Armor; I put this on every morning to protect myself from the fiery darts of the enemy. Our battle is won and lost in our minds. What we believe about ourselves and about God matters. God’s word is truth, and the truth will make you free.

I hope I never take for granted the miracle that took place in my life 31 anni fa, when I received the gift of salvation through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross for me.

QUESTIONS TO TAKE TO HEART:

  1. How has your distorted view of yourself opened you up to all kinds of abuse and sin as a way to cope with your pain?
  2. How did you see yourself?
  3. Who does God say you are? Give examples of Biblical truth.
  4. What do you do to put your Spiritual Armor on daily to protect yourself from the enemy?
  5. Come possiamo pregare per te?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you if you need to talk, you can text me or email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Sei amato, Toni

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Segreti

Segreti

SECRETS

by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools
Riferimenti scritturali: John 8:31–32, 36

John 8:3132, 36
Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

“Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”

 

YOU’RE ONLY AS SICK AS YOUR SECRETS

You may have heard the familiar recovery term, “You’re only as sick as your secrets,” and it is a true statement. Until we feel safe to share our secrets, we keep them locked up in a type of “Pandora’s Box,” where we keep all of our deepest and darkest secrets hidden, because we fear them coming out to expose the ugly truth.

For the postabortion woman, it is the truth that we terminated the life of our child. This horrible secret was our child. For those of us who have been abused, our fears of retaliation, rejection and judgment keep us silent. Where can we go to share in a safe place?

God doesn’t want us operating in secrets because He knows how destructive isolation and secrets are. I started secrets when I was 12 Anni, hiding my drinking. Then it was getting high at 13, then sex at 16, and the worst offense was il mio aborto a 21.

My secrets and sins were piling up, and it became harder and harder to keep them from coming out. I feared my parents’ reaction, punishment and disappointment in me. I knew all of this was wrong, but I kept those secrets until I was 50 Anni.

They had no idea about my destructive, sinful, sorted past because I wore a great mask. It was not an easy conversation, but I wanted them to hear it from me because I was starting this ministry and I didn’t want them to find out from another source. It needed to come from me. I felt a great release when I was finally able to share this with my parents.

WHY ARE SECRETS DESTRUCTIVE?

Primo, secrets keep us isolated from God and others, and that’s exactly where the enemy wants us. He wants us isolated and hiding because then he can torment us over and over again, until we realize what’s going on. Secrets keep us from the very people that can help us.

Second, the dysfunction is perpetuated and will continue as long as we nurture this thing, and protect it, like it was some prized possession. The secret needs to be exposed and brought into the light.

Third, secrets can hinder or prevent healing in our lives. Because of the abuse many of us have experienced in our past, we are already fearful of exposure, E we think this secret is a way to keep us safe. But actually it is causing us to stay sick. God gives us the courage to step out of isolation and secrets so we can be healed.

Fourth, secrets are destructive because they distort our view of reality, and we feel like we are all alone. Secrets are usually combined with lies that we believe about ourselves, Dio, or others. God’s Word and the Holy Spirit help us to know the truth so we can walk in it and so these secrets and lies can no longer hold us back from becoming the women God created us to be.

God wants us free from bondage. Secrets keep us in chains and in darkness.

Gesù cunme to set the captives free.

Domande da prendere a cuore:

  1. What secrets are you still holding onto?
  2. Why are you fearful to share them? Is it fear of retribution, fear of rejection, fear of hurting another person, fear of abandonment, or fear of judgment?
  3. When did you have the courage to share your secrets?
  4. How did you feel after you shared your secrets?
  5. Come possiamo pregare per te?

Please be aware that even in Church, there are some people who are emotionally unsafe to share secrets with. Make sure it is a person/group you trust.

I pray you have the courage to trust God and allow Him to show you the areas of your life that need healing. Trust Him with your secrets.

If you need help, please reach out to me. My email is: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

Sei amato,
Toni

 

 

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Preghiera per il risveglio

Preghiera per il risveglio

Preghiera per il risveglio
by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Discipline

Riferimenti scritturali: Salmo 51:117, Salmo 139:2324,
2 Timoteo 2:21, James 5:16, and Ephesians 4:2931

Read Psalm 51:1–17

In Febbraio 1970, revival broke out at Asbury College in Wilmore, Kentucky.

On Wednesday, Febbraio 8, 2023 (53 anni later almost to the day), revival again broke out on the campus at Ashbury University in Wilmore, Kentucky. UNfter chapel service, some students lingered for spontaneous worship, preghiera, and confession. The revival continued for many days and spread to other universities, and many people traveled from all over the world to experience God in that place.

PRAYER & SCRIPTURE

We are hungry for You, Signore. Just like in 1970, there was much turmoil in the world, the Vietnam War, protests, bad economy, high gas prices, inflation, and chaos all around, not much different today in our world. People are hurting. They are confused E fearful about what the future will bring. But our hope is in You, Signore. Only You know it all, see it all, and control it all.

We humble ourselves before you today and ask Your Holy Spirit to help us. We cry out as David did in the Psalms.

Salmo 139:23–24
Search us, O God, and know our hearts. Try us, and know our thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in us, and lead us in the way everlasting.

Lord God, remove any blindness that may be keeping us from repenting of sin in our lives.

2 Timoteo 2:21
Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.

We want to be clean vessels sanctified and useful in your kingdom work. Purify us by the Word of God and the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Father God, we are expecting You to move mightily to heal the brokenhearted and to heal all our wounds. We are waiting for you to heal us and our families from disease and demonic oppression, in the name of Jesus, we pray.

We are praying for our family members, friends, and neighbors who do not know You yet, that Your Holy Spirit will break their hearts of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Have mercy upon them, Signore. We are crying out to You for revival in our own hearts, our homes, our neighborhood, our state, our nation, and the world. Come, Holy Spirit, and have Your will and Your way in us today.

We are surrendering all to You today. We are asking, seeking, and knocking on the door. Let revival continue right here and right now in us.

In the powerful name of Jesus, we pray, amen.

James 5:16
Confess your faults one to another and pray one for another that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Efesini 4:29-31
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

 

Preparation for Revival:

  1. Is there someone who you are harboring unforgiveness toward for something they did or did not do?

Would you like to confess that right now?

 

  1. Are you willfully going against what you know is right?

Would you like to confess that now?

 

  1. Is there something that you are unknowingly doing that is not honoring to God? Ask the Lord to show you so you can repent.

Would you like to confess that now?

 

  1. Are you angry with God because you are really struggling with loneliness, depressione, loss of job, health issues, a relationship, and God is not moving fast enough and you are really suffering?

Would you like to confess that now?

 

Please reach out if you need prayer or encouragement. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

Sei amato,

Toni

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La volontà "perfetta" di Dio

La volontà "perfetta" di Dio

La volontà "perfetta" di Dio

by Luci Boudreaux/Spiritual Insights
Giugno 4, 2023
Scritture: John 14:23 and Colossians 1:9b–12

 

John 14:23 (NKJV)
“Jesus answered him, ‘If anyone loves me, he will keep my word; and my Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.’”

Col 1:9b–12 (NIV)
“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.”

 

Before I met Jesus at 25, I had lived a hard life. I carried a lot of baggage because of others who had harmed me, both physically and emotionally. And because of my damaged self-image, I made a lot of poor choices. I abused alcohol and drugs and became promiscuous after being raped at age 12. As a single woman at 24, I got pregnant. Then I added injury to the pain and confusion by aborting my precious child.

As Jesus entered my life, He began to open my eyes and show me a love that I had never experienced. There was acceptance and a desire to know and be known, without fear of rejection. I knew I was safe, and this is when I began to open up to receive God’s will for my life.

Early on in my faith, I thought that God was in the business of answering “reasonable” prayers just because I prayed them. After all, I was His beloved daughter, and I knew He wanted to bless me. I strongly desired a godly husband and children, a smooth path to a vibrant ministry where I could share my faith and help other women who had been wounded, and to have no conflict with other members in the church.

I didn’t marry until I was 43, have no living biological children, didn’t establish a “vibrant” ministry (not how I imagined) and have had conflict with other members of the body of Christ. God hasn’t answered my prayers the way I desired. He did so much more! He answered them according to His perfect wisdom. Così, I was able to grow closer to Him, and He has been glorified in my life.

As I grow in my faith, I am coming to understand that God’s perfect will is not always Him answering prayers according to my desires and my limited perspective. I am learning that His perfect will comes about when, in humility, I surrender. It’s key to a fulfilling relationship with Him. I had to come to the place where I wanted to fully surrender to God and be in an intimate relationship with Him, more than having any of my prayers answered, whatever that looks like.

 

Domande:

 

  1. Have you surrendered your will to God? Se non, why? What are you afraid of?
  1. Are you in God’s will right now? Se è così, what does that look like?
  1. How do you respond to detours and unanswered prayers?
  1. Come possiamo pregare per te?
Sono ancora responsabile delle mie azioni

Sono ancora responsabile delle mie azioni

I am Still Responsible for my Actions
by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

romani 3:23, John 16:8, Filippesi 4:13, Matteo 7:7-8, e Salmo 147:3

Siamo tutti cresciuti in famiglie disfunzionali perché siamo tutti nati nel peccato e abbiamo una natura peccaminosa. The Bible says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (romani 3:23). Some of us have experienced extreme neglect, abuso, abandonment, and rejection. This has caused a deep wound in our souls and a distorted perception of love. Because of this trauma, we don’t trust others and are fearful of them coming too close; we don’t want to be hurt again. For this reason, it is hard to trust that God is not going to hurt us either. Many women struggle developing an intimate relationship with God, our Heavenly Father, because they did not have a good relationship with their earthly father.

Regardless of what we have experienced in our lives, we are still responsible to make good, healthy, godly decisions. It’s the Holy Spirit inside us that leads us to walk in the truth and convicts us of sin, righteousness, and judgement (Read John 16:8). We have the ability through the help of the Holy Spirit to stop the cycle of dysfunction stemming from our home of origin or the traumas we’ve experienced elsewhere.

We can make good choices. We do not have to react to things without pausing, praying, and thinking through them. We are in control of our thoughts and actions. In fact, it’s the only thing we have control over. We have to make a conscious decision not to perpetuate this dysfunction and pass it onto our children and future generations. The only way we can do that is by:

1. Having a relationship with Jesus.

2. Getting help either through Christian counselling and/or recovery meetings, and reading helpful books.

3. Having accountability—a safe person or community to help keep you working on yourself.

Domande:

  1. What areas did you have to work on as a result of past trauma?
    Toni:
    Rejection was a huge wound for me. Also trusting others not to control, manipulate, and use me was another. I had to learn to use my voice and put-up healthy boundaries to protect myself. I had to learn self-control because I was a walking volcano, filled with rage. I learned why I was so angry and came to terms with that. God has healed me in all these areas because I was willing to let Him in and heal me.
  2. What are some areas you still need to work on?
    Toni: I have been struggling with codependency, so I started reading the book, Codependency No More, by Suellen McDolly. It has been very helpful for me to stop and check my motivation for doing the things I was doing. I always want to be willing to work on myself. When I am triggered by something, I ask God to show me what’s really going on. I usually journal when this happens because I need to hear from Him in a place where/when I am ready to listen.

Our healing is a lifelong process, but if God is involved in it, we will be victorious. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Read Philippians 4:13). If you are just starting your healing journey, keep asking God to help you, keep seeking Him with your whole heart, and keep knocking on the door for more insight and godly wisdom (Read Matthew 7:7-8). God is faithful, and He wants to bind up your broken heart and heal your wounds (Read Psalm 147:3).

I pray this was helpful. Per favore, contattaci; we are here to help you and to pray for you.

Sei amato,
Toni

arwsg4u2@gmail.com

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