Un controllo nel mio spirito

Un controllo nel mio spirito

Un controllo nel mio spirito
by Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Scripture reference: Ephesians 4:29-32
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

I had an opportunity this week to see a leader from my past. She was the unbortion recovery leader at our local pregnancy center at the time I was also volunteering. We did many post-unbortion Bible studies together for several years. I was very surprised to see her because we were at an event that had nothing to do with ministry. We sat next to each other. We shared about our families, and then we also discussed ministry. We both come from totally different approaches to ministry.

Over the years, I have learned a woman doesn’t need to be slammed about her sin of abortion, that it’S something that we talk about, and the Holy Spirit is the one who convicts her of it.

At My Ashes to Beauty, we are very clear that abortion terminates a life. But women come to our ministry broken, and they need someone to lift them up, to love them, to share the truth about abortion, and to share the love of Jesus with them.

As we talked about ministry, I noticed I was raising my voice; we are both very passionate and strong women. I was not feeling good about what was happening. I felt like we were in some kind of strange competition. I felt very uncomfortable. I felt like she was defending herself and also insinuating some things about me that were not true.

At one point, I just folded my hands and stopped engaging with her just to take a break because our conversation was getting kind of bizarre. In the past, She had hurt me in many ways by her style of leadership, and I suffered not only public humiliation in front of other leaders, but she also told me it was my sin that was causing problems in my marriage.

I have worked very hard over the years to forgive her. Signore, I forgive her, and I pray You bless her and her family, in Jesus’ name. God has taught me many things by looking at other leaders and learning from them.

She sent me a text the next day and was wanting to get together possibly. Onestamente, there are some people that I have to keep at arm’s length, and she is one of them.

Have you ever felt like you had to keep yourself protected from certain individuals? For some reason, have you felt they are unsafe emotionally? Was there a check in your spirit, like a caution?

When I think about it now, I was a co-dependent people-pleaser. I had a fear of authority figures, E I considered her an authority figure. I gave her too much power over me, and that was my fault. But I was so wounded, and I had just started in the post-abortion ministry, so a lot of things were coming up from my past. I wasn’t equipped yet to handle all of that.

Perhaps she reminds me of other family members. I am very guarded around individuals like this who have hurt me in the past. I am also aware the evil one is prowling because I sent my ministry cards to some family members who are pro-choice. I know I cannot change their hearts; I am praying God does, but I want them to hear the truth from the other side that abortion not only takes a life but also harms women deeply. Please pray for God to open their hearts to hear the truth about abortion.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Are there certain family members or friends you have to guard yourself from?
  2. How do you navigate those relationships? What do you do to protect yourself?
  3. How can we pray and encourage you?

I pray this topic was helpful for you. Please reach out if you need to talk, toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Sei amato,
Toni

 

 

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Chiamami Mara (Parte 1 & 2)

Chiamami Mara (Parte 1 & 2)

Chiamami Mara (Parte 1)

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scripture References: Ruth 1:1-2,13b,19-20 and Romans 8:28, and Philippians 4:13

Ruth 1:1-2
In the days when the Judges ruled there was a famine in the land, and a man of Bethlehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. The name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife was Naomi, and their names of their sons were Mahlon and Chilion.

Ruth 1:13b
NO, my daughters; for it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the LORD is gone out against me!

Ruth 1:19-20
Now the two of them (Naomi and Ruth) went until they came to Bethlehem. And it happened, when they had come to Bethlehem, that all the city was excited because of them; and the women said, ‘Is this Naomi?’ But she said to them, ‘Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly against me. I went out full and the LORD has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?

What were Naomi’s thoughts about leaving the land and her home? Did she agree with her husband’s decision? They traveled to a pagan country to live and raise their children. It seemed Naomi’s husband had no plan of returning. She did not experience the blessings of the Lord. Instead, her husband died, and her two sons married women from Moab, which was against God as He had commanded that they were not to intermarry with pagan women. Then her sons also died, leaving her alone with her two Moabite daughters-in-law.

It seems that Elimelech did not trust God to provide for him and his family, and he took matters into his own hands. This probably did not sit well with Naomi.

Did she ever discuss it with her husband? Or did she just sit quietly, but in her heart, she was crying out to God for help and guidance?

When Naomi returns home with Ruth, her daughter-in-law, she tells them to call her Mara because the Almighty has brought great bitterness to her. She was bitter because she had lost everything and felt God had abandoned her. She could have never imagined what the Almighty was going to do next. She would be the grandmother of Obed, who begat Jesse, and Jesse begat David, and so on in the line of Christ.

God chose a Moabite woman—Ruth—to be in the line of Christ. Sometimes we don’t understand why God allows certain things, but we know nothing is a surprise to Him. He knew Naomi and Ruth would return to Bethlehem-Judah and God would fulfill His plan. A Messiah would be born of a virgin named Mary, espoused to a man named Joseph, who was a descendant of Ruth and Boaz.

We too have taken matters into our own hands, just like Elimelech did, when we aborted our babies. We didn’t trust that God had a good plan for us. We had to do it all on our own because there was no one else, which was a lie from the enemy. We didn’t seek godly wisdom. We hurried and made our decision without even talking it over with our parents, trusted family and friends. It’s interesting to me that we women who talk to our closest family and friends about important matters would keep this a secret.

For those of you who have suffered abuse by the hand of another, perhaps even a family member, it’s hard to not become bitter and feel like God has abandoned you. I want to encourage you, dear one, God sees you and it broke His heart every time you were abused. When you cried, He cried. I am so sorry that happened to you.

But GOD also has a beautiful plan for our lives too. He can make all things work together for our good for them that love God and are called according to His purpose (ref. romani 8:28).

He didn’t leave Naomi broken and feeling abandoned, and He will do the same thing for us. Will you trust Him today to take the ashes from your life, the abortion and the abuse, so He can use it to heal you in all your broken places so you can help other women heal from their trauma too?

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Filippesi 4:13).

Let’s talk about bitterness. Are you bitter because of what happened to you in your past or something you are dealing with right now? Are you struggling with a prolonged illness, your finances, a broken or dysfunctional relationship? Are you struggling with trials that are lasting years with no end in sight? How do we keep trusting God through these situations and not become bitter and despondent?

It’s OK to go there and to feel what you are feeling and share it in a safe environment and then move on. You are safe here to share.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Are you bitter over the bad things that have happened to you in your past and/or things you are struggling with right now?
  2. Have you felt like God has abandoned you?
  3. What has God done to show His great love for you?
  4. How can we pray for you?

The first step is recognizing you are bitter and feel alone. Just by being on this call or reading this blog, you are beginning to heal. God wants to redeem your past. He wants to give you beauty for ashes. Will you trust Him to do that?

Please reach out if you need to talk. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are Loved,
Toni

 

Call Me Mara. toni Weisz blog. post-abortion and abuse recovery support group

Chiamami Mara (Parte 2): Hardship and Pain

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

(Click here for Part 1)

Scripture References
Ruth 1:19-20, John 16:33b, romani 12:2, e Giovanni 8:31-32

Ruth 1:19-20
Così, they both went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women asked, ‘Is this Naomi?’ But she said to them, ‘Do not call me Naomi. Call me Mara, because the Almighty has brought great bitterness to me. I was full when I left, but the LORD has caused me to return empty. Why should you call me Naomi when the LORD has opposed me? The Almighty has brought misfortune upon me!

We have all felt abandoned by God at some point in our lives because of the trauma we have experienced through abortion and abuse. We were vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks.

When Naomi arrives back to her hometown to her friends and neighbors, she states, “The Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.” Naomi’s husband Elimelech made a series of very bad decisions, and Naomi says, “I left full and came back empty.” She states that God is against her. Have you ever felt that way? Have you also felt God has abandoned you?

Sometimes we suffer the consequences of our decisions, and it has nothing to do with God’s judgment. We make decisions based on our doubt or fear. I know I have, and they have never turned out to be good ones. I rushed to have my abortion, and I rushed into marriage so not to be caught living with my boyfriend. These two things alone are life–altering decisions, and both were made out of fear of man. I wanted to cover up my sin, unfortunately, with more sin. That never turns out well.

I didn’t trust God because I didn’t know Him. My perception of God was distorted due to what I observed as a child. I thought He was an angry God and that He didn’t care much about me. Going to God with my unplanned pregnancy was not even a consideration. I was fearful of His wrath.

Even though Naomi knew God, she doubted Him. She was overcome by her grief and loss, and she lost sight of the goodness of God and His faithfulness over the years. It’s easy to forget those things when life becomes so hard and the trials last for years. It is easy to become despondent, depressed, and bitter.

Instead, God wants us to focus on who we are in Christ.

In this world, you will have tribulation, but take heart; I have overcome the world (John 16:33b).

Second, we must renew our hearts and minds daily with the living powerful Word of God (ref. romani 12:2).

Third, we must resist isolation and reach out and send a text or call and say, “I need prayer” O “I need to talk.”

Fourth, we must have a safe community to share what we are experiencing so we can slowly unravel the chaos and the pain.

Our healing is a lifelong process. It is hard but also very beautiful. You are not alone. We are here to help you.

Never compare your story to someone else’s. The traumatic events that happened to you distorted your view about who you are and who God is from that dirty lens. God wants to remove the dirt and replace it with His truth.

John 8:31-32
Jesus said, “If you abide in My word, you are my disciples indeed. And you will know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

There is victory in our Savior’s love. He has come to set the captives free (ref. Isaia 61:1).

Questions to take to heart:

  1. List some Life–Affirming Statements with the Scriptures you can meditate on?
    Toni (my life-affirming statements):
    I am adopted into the family of God.
    I am more than a conqueror through Christ.
    I am never alone.
    I am a child of God.
    I am forgiven.
    I am redeemed.
    I am victorious in Christ.
    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
    I have an inheritance incorruptible tha can never be taken away.
    I am loved by God.
    He has a good plan for my life.
  2. How can we pray for you?
    Toni (my prayer request):
    Please pray for continued wisdom and guidance for me in the work of the ministry. I want to be humble and teachable.

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out if you need to talk. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Sei amato,
Toni

 

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Chi sono i tuoi abitanti del balcone?

Chi sono i tuoi abitanti del balcone?

Chi sono i tuoi abitanti del balcone?

By Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

Scripture References: Ebrei 10:24 e Matteo 11:28–30

Balcony peeps (people) are individuals who cheer you on in your life. They are literally hanging over the railing of a balcony, cheering you on in your walk with Jesus and in the hard things you have experienced in your life. They are your cheerleaders.

Who do you see as your balcony peeps? Can you see their faces? Can you hear their words of encouragement?

Too many people, even in ministry, are not kind, gentle, loving, or supportive. I have experienced a lot of pride lately in leadership roles, and it makes me very sad because I know that is not pleasing to our God.

In the book, Balcony People, the author talks about the toxic people in our lives and how much importance we put on their words instead of focusing on the positive people God has put in our lives that help stir us up to love and good works. (Ref. Ebrei 10:24)

 

Here is a poem by an anonymous source taken from the book, Balcony People by Joyce Landorf Heatherley:

I was hungry and you formed a humanities club to discuss my hunger.
THANK YOU.

I was imprisoned and you crept off quietly to your chapel to pray for my release.
NICE.

I was naked, and in your mind, you debated the morality of my appearance.
WHAT GOOD DID THAT DO?

I was sick and you knelt and thanked God for your health.
BUT I NEEDED YOU.

I was homeless and you preached to me of the shelter of the love of God.
I WISH YOU’D TAKEN ME HOME.

I was lonely and you left me alone to pray for me.
WHY DIDN’T YOU STAY?

You seem so holy, so close to God; but I’m still very hungry, solitario, Freddo, and still in pain.
DOES IT MATTER?

 

How do we meet these women’s needs? They need a safe place to come to lay their burdens down. That’s why we do the Sunday Conference calls. We want to be the hands and feet of Jesus to these dear precious women. We provide a community of women who have experienced the same trauma because we have walked the same walk. We know through experience what they are feeling.

They are yearning to feel deeply connected in a safe community. They have been used and abused and feel isolated in their pain, and they are vulnerable to the attacks of the evil one. They desire to be seen by others. They need love, support, and encouragement that one day, if they seek God with their whole heart, they will be healed. But it’s hard work, and that is what we are here for, to cheer them on and to help them heal from their past trauma. It is God that leads them to us, and it’s through the power of Jesus, la Parola di Dio, and the work of the Holy Spirit that they are healed. We are just vessels God uses to accomplish this miraculous work.

We meet their spiritual needs as well as physical needs. We do not judge them for the things that have happened to them in their past because that does not define them. We love them, and we know they are weary with their pain and trauma from their past.

We are reminded of the words of Jesus in Matthew 11:28–30: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

I thank God for each of you on this call today. I know most of your stories, and I am in awe of God and the work He has been doing in your lives. I get to watch God miraculously heal your broken hearts, bodies, minds, and spirits. I am truly honored and humbled by the privilege to serve in this ministry and for each and every one of you.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Who are your balcony peeps, your cheerleaders?
  2. Do you see them hanging over the balcony cheering you on? What are they saying to you?
  3. Who are you encouraging? For those that are just beginning your healing journey, take care of yourself and your family first, then you can reach out to others.
  4. How can we pray for you on your healing journey?

Please reach out if you need to talk this week. Send me a text at: 561-327-7274 or email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Sei amato,
Toni

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Come Superare il Trauma

Come Superare il Trauma

Come Superare il Trauma
By Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Scripture References: Salmo 147:3, Salmo 27:10, Salmo 100:5

“Trauma can be more than a dark pit of despair or a spiral of depression. It has the potential to be our deepest source of empathy, strongest point of connection, and most forceful impetus (stimulus) for growth if we bravely choose to let others into both the brokenness and the mending. My Brokenness becomes beautiful when I see trauma as an opportunity to grow.” (Excerpt taken from the devotional, Suffer Strong: A Plan for Redefining Everything, by Katherine and Jay Wolf.)

 

Salmo 147:3
He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds.

Salmo 27:10
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

Salmo 100:5
For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, unnd His truth endures to all generations.

 

It takes courage to face the trauma from our past. This is not an easy process. In fact, it is quite painful at times, and it is not for the faint of heart. That’s why many people don’t do it. They would rather live in their dysfunction because they know what to expect—it’s familiar.

Change can be hard, scary, and unpredictable. But it can also be beautiful, especially when we are able to come out on the other side of our pain and see the miraculous work God has done.

When I first started this ministry, the Lord encouraged me to be real.

When I am open and transparent with all of you, it gives you permission to share from your broken places too.

I have experienced tremendous healing as a result of doing the conference calls the past 10 anni. The work of the Holy Spirit, self-examination, and a safe community in which to share are the most important elements for true healing and the ability to break dysfunctional unhealthy behavior.

You’re only as sick as your secrets.

Sharing your secrets in a safe and loving environment helps you to begin the healing process. It brings that secret thing into the light, and the devil no longer has power over you in that area. I am praying that each of you experience true healing in all of your broken areas. You are safe on our conference calls, dearly beloved of the Lord.

I also needed to practice what I preached.

If I was telling you to stand up to the bully and use your voice, then I needed to do the same thing.

There is a recovery statement: Say what you mean but don’t say it mean.

God has shown me how to stay calm, to allow the other person to speak, E try to stay on topic. Then when it’s my turn, I share my perspective but in a way that honors God.

I apologize when I need to, but I don’t allow others to just dump on me or yell at me. I walk away or hang up because that’s not an acceptable way to communicate. I don’t allow others to be verbally abusive to me. By sharing with you, it also helped me to practice those same principles in my life.

God showed me He wanted to be first in my life.

Once I put God first in my life, then what others thought of me didn’t matter so much anymore. I was trying to please them so they would love me, but that never worked anyway. It only left me feeling empty, unloved and depleted of my energy. I realized I could never make someone happy or sad; I didn’t have that kind of power. Only God can love me completely. Così, I go to God when I need something because most people are not able to give me what I need anyway. They cannot give what they don’t have.

Domande:

  1. What areas from your past trauma from abortion/abuse are you struggling with right now?
  2. Are you able to share about them right now? Please limit your shares to 10 minutes due to the number of women on the call.
  3. How can we be praying for you?

Remember: When your father and your mother forsake you, Then the LORD will take you up. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, unnd His truth endures to all generations. He binds up the brokenhearted and heals all of your wounds.

Please reach out if you need prayer or just want to talk. Email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Sei amato,

Toni

 

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Quali sono i tuoi fattori scatenanti?

Quali sono i tuoi fattori scatenanti?

Quali sono i tuoi fattori scatenanti?
by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

Scripture References: Salmo 91:2–4, Salmo 17:8, Salmo 37:40, Geremia 29:11, Salmo 147:3, romani 8:37 and Zephaniah 3:17

 

What are triggers?

A trigger is an impulse that prompts a negative reaction caused by another’s words, actions or a specific situation, especially for those who have experienced trauma from abuse, addiction, and/or abortion.

 

I suffered from depression since I was a teenager and started going to secular counselors when I was 17 Anni. It took me a long time to figure out where this depression came from.

What triggered it?

I noticed a pattern. When there was a special occasion, like my birthday, Christmas, college graduation, or moving back to NJ after being away for 10 anni, I had certain expectations that I would be celebrated in a certain way with gifts and parties. When those expectations were not met, then I felt unloved and insignificant.

When things did not go as I had hoped, I would fall into a very deep depression that would last weeks at a time. This happened to me until I was 34 Anni.

I was codependent, and I was triggered by the actions and words of others so much that they determined my outlook on life and how I felt about myself. It was a vicious cycle that lasted many decades.

Nella mia casa d'origine, we never discussed or worked through hard things. People just yelled or gave you the silent treatment. There was never any resolution. No forgiveness, no grace, no healthy communication. It has taken me many years of hard work to learn how to communicate properly and how to put up healthy boundaries.

I am so grateful for my relationship with Jesus, my Savior. He is my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer, my High Tower, my Friend. He is my only hope. He will bind up all my wounds and heal my broken heart. I know what He thinks of me. I am the apple of His eye. He rejoices over me with gladness. He quiets me with His love, and He rejoices over me with singing. He is very pleased with me.

I am forgiven, redeemed, loved and cherished by God. I am adopted into His family. I am victorious in Christ; nothing can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord. These are the truths I am focusing on to heal my broken heart.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. What are some of your triggers?
  2. Have you been able to discern where they come from?
  3. What have you learned over the years to help protect yourself from these intrusive thoughts?
  4. What are some of your favorite Scriptures to help you when you are triggered?
  5. How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. If you need to talk, please reach out with an email at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

Sei amato,
Toni

 

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