Restaurado

I became involved in My Ashes to Beauty ministry many years after my abortion. As I walked through the healing process of having an abortion, I realized how much of the decisions leading up to that very day had been affected by my childhood trauma, neglect and the sexual abuse I experienced. I knew in my heart I had to go all the way back, to allow God to start this healing process.

In the fall of 2020, I had an opportunity to join a group of warrior women in a sexual abuse bible study called “In the Wildflowers”, via Zoom. I did my part by watching the weekly videos, doing my homework and meeting every Monday night. I had never really done any work in this area of my life. I had shared my situations with others, including counselors but it had been dismissed. As I began my healing journey, I was able to recognize how the trauma of abuse had followed me into adolescence and adulthood. Prior to this study I had felt that worse things had happened to other girls and I needed to ‘suck it up ’and get over it. I felt that the abuse I had suffered was “normal” and, I had done something to cause it. I carried the shame and guilt of what others had done to me and owned their sickness for so many years!

In this study, I found help and encouragement from the ladies who I met with every week in my class. They gave me the strength I needed to get through this journey. When I did not have words or the ability to identify how I felt; they showed up with words to help me express my heart from the pain and grief. When I was angry and felt defeated, they prayed and spoke God’s truth into my life. We encouraged each other through text messages and email throughout the week and we loved on each other, helping each other through our painful journeys.

This bible study, the love and support I received allowed years of pain, shame and guilt to be washed away. I was able to surrender the burden of other people’s selfishness and God allowed me to be set free, from my past and He healed me.

Now I am sharing my redemption story so you can be set free and live a victorious life. God’s word promises to restore us. “So, I will restore to you the years that

the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewy locust, my great army which I sent among you.” (Joel 2:25 NVI) And that is exactly what He did for me and He’s waiting for you to start your healing journey of restoration.

 

Rhonda Bouchlas

 

 

Você permitirá que Jesus te cure?

Você permitirá que Jesus te cure?

UMAônibus Rrecuperação Ssuporte Ggrupo (ARSG)

Você permitirá que Jesus te cure?

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Salmo 147:3 NVI

Only Jesus knows what it feels like to be verbally and physically abused, mocked and spit on, and publicly humiliated as He hung on the cross naked and beaten and rejected by His closest friends. I believe only Jesus can heal us physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally from all the forms of abuse and trauma we have experienced in our lives. In Isaiah 53:5, the Bible says, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.”

Thank you for joining our first support group meeting on abuse. We will be covering all kinds of abuse from emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual. We want to give each of you an opportunity to share your stories and your hearts in a safe and loving environment so that the healing journey you started will continue. One thing I have learned through the abortion recovery ministry is that we need a community of women who have experienced the same things we have, in order for us to open up and be vulnerable. God is providing you with a group of sisters who love Jesus and each other, and who are courageous and committed to this healing journey. They are willing to do the work necessary to reach the next level in their healing as they grow closer to God in the process. They no longer want to settle for barely existing. Não, they want more. They want the abundant life that Jesus died to give them.

In my home of origin, I never developed a voice because of the chaos and unpredictable home environment I grew up in. From an early age, I believed I had the power to make someone happy or angry by my behavior. That was a lie from the pit of hell, but I would not discover that truth until I got into ACA recovery work in 2010-2015. I have no such control, but this lie lead me down a path of people-pleasing that opened me up to all kinds of harsh treatment and abuse by others who would use and manipulate me. I enabled this behavior because of my need for love and acceptance. I did not understand codependency, emotional and verbal abuse, and how it was having an effect on me and the choices I would make in my life. I thought this was normal; it was my normal but, God knows it wasn’t His plan for the family.

I started rebelling at the age of 12, drinking Scotch Whiskey from my parent’s liquor cabinet, getting high at 13 and having sex at 16 and then, my abortion at 21. I struggled with depression as a teenager, and when I got drunk, I acted out and kicked out a window in my college dorm. I punched walls and was so filled with rage and hatred towards myself. After my abortion, these unhealthy coping mechanisms just increased in intensity. My abortion was the nail in my coffin. That act plunged me headlong into the dark pit of despair and suicidal thoughts. I just wanted to end this torment of a life; I did not see a way out.

Then one glorious day, I met Jesus and He forgave all my sins, and He began healing my broken body, soul and mind. It’s been twenty-seven years, and He is still healing and loving me. And it has been a beautiful journey.

What was your home of origin like?

How did that affect your decision making?

Did you make healthy decisions or ones based out of fear?

Have you received help in this area to stop this unhealthy cycle in your life?

The UMAônibus Rrecuperação Ssuporte Ggrupo (ARSG) meets on the 2nd and 4th Sundays of every month, at 4:15 PM EST. More information regarding the Sunday calls is found on this page, Trauma de abuso sexual.

Please reach out, email us at arwsg4u2@gmail.com, we can help you heal from your past trauma with our loving and caring support group, the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, prayer, and accountability.

Você é amado,
Toni

 

 

Leia mais sobre os blogs de Toni AQUI!

Da vergonha à vitória (Parte 3): Meus Adolescentes Miseráveis

Rhonda’s Story

In my mid-teens, my view of myself became more distorted. I wanted to be wanted and I wanted to be loved. I turned to relationships, alcohol and drugs, and this left me feeling even more empty than I did before. I became very boisterous, very opinionated and I projected a false sense of security to hide how I really felt.

When I was 16 anos, I was intimately involved with an 18-year-old. We dated for over a year. When I tried to break up with him, he threatened to kill himself. Out of guilt, I remained in the relationship for a little while longer until I could figure out a way to break it off. I told him again I didn’t want to see him anymore, and he pulled a shotgun out and put it to his mouth and said if I broke up with him, he would kill himself. I took off running down the stairs of his apartment and he proceeded to chase me down the main street of the small town where I lived. As I ran down the street, I saw people I knew and screamed for help! I thought he was going to shoot me in the back. In fear, they turned and fled. I ran into the restaurant where I worked. I was hysterical and my boss grabbed and took me to the back of the restaurant. I told him what happened and he called my house and my brother came and got me.

A few weeks later when I was biking home after work, the boyfriend that I tried to break up with, grabbed me off my bike and chocked me as he told me he loved me and couldn’t live without me. I somehow broke free, grabbed my bike and raced home as fast as I could. I told my parents, and at first they seemed upset, but then they just dismissed it. And the ex-boyfriend that had frightened me so badly would call my mom and she would tell me he was sorry and to give him another chance. But I didn’t want anything to do with him. A few weeks later, I came home from work one night and saw him sitting in the basement drinking a beer with my dad. I was shocked! My dad looked at me and said, “Tony’s going teach me to play guitar!”

 

Parte 4 Click Here.

 

Da vergonha à vitória (Parte 2): O abuso começou na adolescência

Rhonda’s Story

My dad had a workshop in the basement where he had pin up girls on the wall. He had playboy and Penthouse magazines in the cupboard that my brother and his friends would look at.

Around the time I was between 8-10, I walked down the stairs and found my dad watching a pornographic movie while having a meal. I was horrified. My father was so disrespectful to women and he constantly joked in a demeaning way in front of my mom and other women.

Dad would drink every day. And every Friday night he cashed his check and came home with his weekend alcohol supply. Dad would always be in a good mood. He would take a shower and his friends would start rolling in. He always smelled so good. In the beginning, it was exciting for me to see who would stop by; I liked having company. But as the weekend parties continued it became evident that my dad’s friends wanted to do inappropriate things to me.

My mom would usually stay upstairs and lose herself in her books, trying to ignore everything around her. I would hang downstairs trying to get my dad’s attention over his friends and his drinking. When I was between 8 and 9, I recall one of his friends pinning me down, laughing and holding my arms down while he tried to kiss me. I was kicking and screaming, telling him to stop as my parents watched. I couldn’t believe they weren’t helping me! Felling vulnerable, I spent many years pushing the bed across my bedroom door, afraid someone would come and hurt me. Because of my parents’ and my brother’s behavior towards me, I learned that I had no value. My mom never wanted me and I wasn’t worth being protected by my dad; I felt so unloved.

During middle school, my brother and I always came home to an empty house. The two neighbor boys would come over and try and kiss me, pin me down and they would force me to do inappropriate things with them. I was told not to tell or I would get beat up. I never told.

então, I would race home, grab all the hangers and pens in the house (my brother could open the door with a metal hanger or the ink stick of the pen), lock the bathroom door before by brother got home so he couldn’t beat me up. I would wait in fear as he banged on the door telling me to open it. Eventually he always found a way in. I would run through the house and try to get away as he threw knives at me. If I made it back to the bathroom the knives would be stuck in the door. He would beat me up! I didn’t tell because nobody stopped the other bad things that were happening to me. My mother always justified and made excuses for my brother’s behavior because he was her favorite; my dad was hard on my brother; I was dad’s favorite so I got the brunt of that from my mother.

 

PART 3 Click Here.

 

Minha vida mudaria para sempre (Parte 3): Tentando lidar com a dor

April’s Story

The years going forward were a total blur. I went through school and tried to do my best, but there was always sadness in my heart. I started to become insecure over friendships and people in general. My spirit was broken. I was insecure and looking for acceptance. I knew I couldn’t get it at home since my parents drinking and abuse had gotten worse after the kidnap. I knew they loved me, but I also knew something was wrong.

I started skipping school in the 7th grade and became attracted to boys and sex. I spent a lot of time at my friend’s house, partying and having fun. We moved to Lantana to a new house and what we thought would be a new life. But by the time I was in 9th grade, I was sexually active. You might think I would want nothing to do with sex after my kidnap and rape, but it was the thrill. And God was not in my life. I started dating a guy that was many years older than me, and it was almost as if I was being raped at my will. I felt so much shame when I was with him.

PART 4 Click Here.