Minha vida mudaria para sempre (Parte 6): O capítulo final

April’s Story

My Life Would be Forever Changed (Parte 6)
O capítulo final

In July 1997, I accepted the Lord into my life. I felt like I was a new person. I was alive in Christ. The same year I accepted the Lord into my life, I met my husband, and we were married three years later. I got pregnant right away, but sadly, lost the baby. This was ten years after my abortion. Of course, I thought God was punishing me. But I soon learned that it wasn’t God. It was actually my body holding onto the pain of the past. During that time, I had a lot of anxiety and fear in my heart. I knew God was near, but I didn’t really believe it. I was afraid in my own home and scared to drive my car on the freeway. I asked myself how I could possibly raise a baby with this hurt still inside me. I was holding onto everything. I walked around with a smile on, but deep down I was hurting.

Soon after this pregnancy, I became pregnant again. então, in 2002, we had our first child! Our second child followed a few years later in 2005. Unfortunately, right after the birth of our second child, I became really crazy about germs. I couldn’t do it; I felt helpless in my own body. I was so afraid I was going to die. I started to search my heart, and I realized that I was afraid of death for our children. Why was I afraid of death? Because I had faced death myself as a child. Later, I found out that death has NO sting!!!

Hoje, I have the honor and privilege of walking women through their abortion stories as well as mentoring women that have been through trauma, including sexual abuse. I get to see women be set free from the pain of their past and walk in their newfound freedom in Christ. My goal is to help lead women to freedom from the bondage that has been holding them back.

I now hold a Mental Health Coaching Certificate, and I am working on getting a Christian Counseling Certificate. I have been through the Making Life Disciples course and some trauma classes through church. But one of my favorite accomplishments to date is that I’ve completed one year of Bible College to be able to minister the Word to those who are lost and hurting. #SetFree

I share my whole story to tell you that our God is good, no matter what our circumstances. When I was around drugs and alcohol throughout my life, God was good. When I was kidnapped and raped at 12, God was good. When I had an abortion, God was good. When I was living in sin, God was good. When I felt shame, guilt, or fear, God was right there. When I was afraid, God was revealed. When death was around me, God saved me. When I was hopeless, God was full of hope for me. God is forgiveness and my help. What would I do without my Father? He saved me, forgave me, and redeemed me. It was only recently that I discovered that God has been with me all along. He has been pursuing me and chasing me since the day I was born.

I believe that Jesus takes all the hurt on Himself. I believe that I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. I believe I am reconciled to Him. Obrigada, Jesus, that the old is gone and the new has come. Obrigada, Jesus, that I am highly favored and deeply loved. Thank you that I am a called out, separated person for God’s Kingdom work. Obrigada, Jesus, I am a New Creation. Obrigada, Jesus, for Your Amazing Grace!!!

 

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O propósito do meu bebê

O propósito do meu bebê

blog da Luci

Genesis 50:20: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”

II Peter 3:9: “The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”

Growing up in my dysfunctional family, which included neglect and sexual, physical, and verbal abuse, did not equip me to care for or respect myself as I grew in the way God intended for me. I spent many years allowing others, especially men, to use and take advantage of me for sexual purposes. Na época em que eu estava 15, I was deeply wounded and hurting. My way of coping was to act out in self-destructive ways. As I mentioned earlier, I allowed others to use me. I also drank daily and experimented with most drugs, including mind-altering substances.

I had no hope that anything in my life would improve but that it would just continue to get worse until I died. I was so angry at the way I had been treated by my father and brothers but didn’t understand how to break out of this pattern of destructive behavior.

Na idade de 24, I slept with a man whom I hardly knew. Na verdade, I couldn’t even tell you his name. All I know was that he said all the right things that my heart longed to hear: that he cared for me, really wanted to be with me, and made me feel special, even if it was just for a brief time. He kept insisting that we have sex, and I resisted at first but then gave in when he said he had a vasectomy, since that meant he could not get me pregnant.

I was desperate for this man’s attention but certainly didn’t want to have a baby with him! But like most of the men I opened my life up to, he had lied to me and much to my dismay, I became pregnant. I was devastated and felt a sense of desperation as to how I would “fix” this predicament I was in. Of course, the guy who said he cared so much about me left the scene as soon as he got what he wanted.

I confided in a friend that had introduced me to him. I remember that she had a 9-year-old daughter and no husband, and it was clear that she resented her daughter greatly by the way she treated her. She told me to “Get rid of it; you don’t want a kid!” All I could think about was how I didn’t want to end up like this woman, mistreating my own child! então, against my better judgement and my conscience that told me “NO, this is wrong,” I chose to abort the only child I would ever conceive.

I cried every night when no one was around to see my pain. I cried for myself because of how empty this act made me feel, but mostly for this innocent child whose life I had taken so violently. I cried unconsolably, every night for months. Not knowing my Lord Jesus Christ at that time, I had no one to turn to for forgiveness and healing. As I look back on this desperate act of selfishness, I realize this was the final self-destructive thing that drove me into the arms of God! I just couldn’t live with the emptiness and pain anymore. Nine months after my abortion, I surrendered my life to Jesus, asked forgiveness for my sins, and began to walk in the newness of life that He offers to all who come to Him in humility.

I want to read a section of the letter to the baby I named Gabriella, which means “God is My Strength”:

Although your earthly life was so short, you impacted mine for eternity because precisely nine months after I allowed that abortion clinic to strip you away from my womb, I was born again! And on that amazing day, my heart, soul, and spirit were transformed from darkness and condemnation into the forgiving and precious light of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit! God took our pain and ashes and turned them into eternal beauty!

I am pouring much of my life into other women who have experienced the pain and grief of abortion by helping them to acknowledge and heal from this event. I love you with all my heart, my precious little one, and I will see you soon!

Your forgiven Mom

 

What purpose did your unborn child serve in your life?

 

Did it move you towards God or away from Him?

 

Additional portions of letters to the unborn:

Beloved, God knows your life was not a mistake. Your life spurred me to a deeper faith and a passion for Christ. God showed me grace, love, and healing in ways that I can’t describe. He used all these things for good (Rom 8:28). Your life allowed me to defend the defenseless, to value life in the womb, and to have compassion for the hurting moms who fell into the same trap as I did. God numbers our days and although yours were few, they continue to fuel my passion.

I, your mother, hold you in my arms today in a way I could not 10 years ago because I feared to look into your eyes and to hear God’s voice speak through the gentle grasp of your fingers saying “choose life.” In the light of my mind, I now behold you, my first child—the first of three girls. Do you know that you have two sisters? Do you know that your life has given great meaning to their lives? Because of you, I cherish the very breath of life God has gifted me and those whom I hold close to my heart.

As I embrace you today and always, I let go of shame, guilt, humiliation, rejection, abandonment, pride, and pain. I reject the lies that once kept your memory hidden in darkness far from the light of truth. My love, my beautiful baby girl, you were never forgotten.

Heaven has documented each moment of your existence in the book of life. Now, it is time for me to write your page into the story of my life.

In the years to come, when we find ourselves reunited in the spirit, I will delight in the unfolding of your unique personality woven together with the experience of your brief, yet significant life. For now, sweetheart, I entrust your care and protection to the Father, whose plans for you are greater than either you or I can imagine.

I named you Joseph because what the enemy meant for evil, God turned around for my good and for His glory. He exchanged my ashes into something beautiful. Joseph, you inspired a ministry called My Ashes to Beauty to help other moms heal from their past abortions.

 

Bênçãos,

Lúcia

 

 

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Como Deus mudou minha dor (Parte 1 & 2) por Luci

Como Deus mudou minha dor (Parte 1 & 2) por Luci

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Quando eu era muito jovem, ainda dormindo em um berço, Eu já me senti inseguro. Meu irmão mais velho gostava de me provocar, o que continuou durante toda a minha infância. Era como se ele tivesse um demônio o guiando para me causar dor e medo! Enquanto a noite caía, ele viria para o meu berço, incline-se e chegue bem perto do meu rosto, me assustando tanto que tudo que pude fazer foi ficar ali com os olhos arregalados, olhando para ele, desejando que ele fosse embora! Este irmão continuou a me insultar de várias maneiras, ao longo dos anos, até que o abuso sexual ocorreu quando eu era 11. Ele conseguiu outro irmão para se juntar; Eu ainda estava com muito medo e guardei tudo para mim. Eu fui uma vítima para todos os efeitos; meus pais não eram educadores, então eu não fui até eles, acreditando que eles iriam me culpar. Houve uma grande vergonha associada ao que estava acontecendo. Criei um ressentimento e até um ódio pelos meus irmãos e pelos meus pais por não terem me protegido do tormento por tantos anos! Descobri mais tarde, na adolescência, que meu pai lia revistas pornográficas e essa era a principal fonte do mau funcionamento de meu irmão.. Além disso, ele estava molestando minhas irmãs mais velhas.

Na idade de 12, Fui atraída e estuprada por um homem da minha vizinhança que estava quase 10 anos mais velho. Foi de novo, assustador E doloroso. Depois daquele encontro, Comecei minha jornada de promiscuidade e abuso. Era muito raro eu me encontrar na companhia de um homem jovem ou mais velho respeitoso e atencioso. Era como se eu tivesse as palavras ‘USE E ABUSE DE MIM’ na minha testa! Eu odiava minha vida e acreditava que era feio e imperfeito.

Tendo saído de casa com a idade de 15, Eu tentei fazer isso sozinho. Mas descobri que o mundo é um lugar perigoso para uma jovem nas ruas. eu seria estuprada, molestado e abusado várias vezes, por vários conhecidos e estranhos na época em que eu estava 18. Entrei para a Força Aérea em 19 depois que um policial local tentou me molestar. Decidi que o exército seria um lugar seguro para descansar e fornecer refeições regulares. Mas minha disfunção me acompanhou enquanto eu continuava a fazer escolhas erradas com os homens. Eu estava sofrendo no fundo e me senti sem esperança. Lembro-me de ter sido enviado para aconselhamento no primeiro ano e do homem que estava lá para “me ajudar”, me fez pior! Ele me disse que eu era frágil e ele estava certo; Eu chorei com a menor coisa! então, para mostrar seu ponto, enquanto em aconselhamento, ele se aproximou de mim e gritou alto! Eu pulei e comecei a chorar. Ele parecia satisfeito por ter apresentado seu ponto de vista tão bem. Eu nunca voltei para ele! Os homens eram meus inimigos e a maioria das mulheres não era confiável.

Continuei ao longo dos anos com um senso extremamente prejudicial de mim mesmo e dos outros. No 24, Fiquei grávida de um homem que mal conhecia. Como tantos outros homens, eu me permiti ser usado por, ele mentiu para mim, disse que fez vasectomia e queria muito ficar comigo! Depois que ele terminou de conseguir o que queria, ele se foi e eu fiquei sozinho. Não tive tempo de me perguntar por que todas essas coisas terríveis continuavam acontecendo comigo; Eu precisava me ocupar e “resolver esse problema”! Esse foi o meu MO; Concluí que ninguém cuidaria de mim, eu tive que fazer isso sozinho!

No 25, aproximadamente 9 meses depois de abortar meu filho, o Senhor me mostrou Seu perdão e foi aí que minha jornada de cura e restauração começou! Naquele momento no tempo, quando me rendi a Sua Senhoria, Ele me deu uma nova identidade, um que Ele sempre pretendeu que eu tivesse! Passei de vítima espancada a preciosa, linda e amada filha do Rei! Agora eu estava seguro e sob o olhar atento de meu Pai celestial.

Salmo 34:18 “Perto está o Senhor dos que têm o coração quebrantado e salva os de espírito quebrantado.

Eu desenvolvi tantas cicatrizes ao longo dos anos que levaria algum tempo para superar toda a dor e os múltiplos níveis de mentiras e pensamentos distorcidos.. Comecei a frequentar uma pequena igreja e lá conheci um homem mais velho que me orientou na Palavra de Deus.. Ele era um modelo incrível de homem piedoso que me tratou com dignidade e respeito! Foi nesse ponto que comecei a me abrir para a possibilidade de que houvesse outros homens no mundo que não abusariam e se aproveitariam de mim, mas poderia ser respeitoso e realmente me amar sem segundas intenções.

Minha jornada de cura e restauração continua até hoje; Deus está derramando amorosamente em mim, gentilmente ensinando e trazendo outras pessoas para o meu mundo que me mostram Seu amor gracioso. E Ele também está me usando, precisely because of my wounds and suffering, to show other wounded souls that there is hope! My scars are no longer ugly to me but are, in the words of Shauna Neiquist, “holy places, reminders of the healer Himself.”

2 Cor 1:3-5 “Bendito seja o Deus e Pai de nosso Senhor Jesus Cristo, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, que nos conforta em todas as nossas aflições, para que possamos confortar aqueles que estão em qualquer aflição, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Read below Como Deus mudou minha dor (Parte 2) por Luci

 

UMAônibus Rrecuperação Ssuporte Ggrupo ARSG

Como Deus mudou minha dor (Parte 2) por Luci

 

The enemy wants to keep us in a place of uncertainty, not trusting God but believing the lifelong lies that were told to us when we were so young and impressionable, before we were exposed to the truth! He wants to see us frozen with fear and unbelief, believing that we are not “good enough” for the love God has to offer. These lies are powerful but have no hold over us because we have been bought with the precious blood of Jesus. God looks at us with pure and tender affection; He sees us as the cherished daughters we were always intended to be. Nothing can separate us from His love. We only have to embrace this truth.

The enemy has been hard at work since the dawn of man (God’s most beloved creation). My pastor shared something worth repeating:

“The devil never offers anything real, only imitations. He offers addiction as an imitation of peace, promiscuity as an imitation of love, hatred as an imitation of justice, greed as an imitation of security, isolation as an imitation of safety, entertainment as an imitation of meaning, self-righteousness as an imitation of forgiveness.” Pastor Michael Shockley

 

  1. Where are you in your process of healing from past abuse?

 

  1. What practical steps have you taken to achieve that goal?

 

  1. In what ways has God turned your pain of abuse around?

 

I cannot answer the age-old question as to why God allows certain things to happen in our lives. Notice I did not say causes? The sin of mankind causes brokenness and perversion, God allows these things for His reasons that are far beyond our understanding. But there are some passages that give us a glimpse of why He allows bad things to happen to us.

2 Pet 3:9 “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance.”

Rom 9:22-24 “What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles?”

Rom 8:18-22 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the eagerly awaiting creation waits for the revealing of the sons and daughters of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now.”

Humans have been sinning against one another since the very first family (Cain & Abel). And 2 Peter 3:9 tells us about God’s incredible patience toward the human race. “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance.”

Hebrews 4:14-16 “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

 

CS Lewis “We can ignore pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

 

Bênçãos,

Lúcia

Meus mecanismos de enfrentamento insalubres

Meus mecanismos de enfrentamento insalubres

UMAônibus Rrecuperação Ssuporte Ggrupo (ARSG)

Meus mecanismos de enfrentamento insalubres

Coping mechanisms are defined as techniques we use to help us cope with the stress, pain, and trauma we have experienced in our lives.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms:

Avoidance and Isolation

Drugs and Alcohol

Denial

Negócio

Rationalization

Control

From my childhood I learned avoidance and isolation to keep me safe from unhealthy people or situations. Running and hiding is what I learned as a small child and I still used those tactics as an adult. Until I got into recovery and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Praise God! Instead of avoidance God gave me a voice and I learned to communicate my likes and dislikes. I never developed a voice growing up but once I put up boundaries, using my voice was necessary to communicate those boundaries to others. As time went by, I felt more comfortable sharing my heart with others without fear of rejection. God also told me to stop running and hiding and to leave the outcome to Him.

Just recently I was triggered by a situation and my first response was to run away and to disconnect from this person. I see now that was a wrong response. I had to pray very hard for the Lord to help me in this area. We all have things from our past trauma that causes us to go back to our old ways of dealing with things, especially when we are weak, or vulnerable, or HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired). I am grateful for God showing me that by having healthy boundaries and by using my voice is the best way to live a life that is peaceful and pleasing to Him.

I started using alcohol and drugs at 12 years old when I was not getting the healthy attention I needed at home. I decided to start taking matters into my own hands, which was a defining moment in my life because as a result of that choice I would run to other things other than God when I was hurting. I just wanted a quick fix to avoid the pain I had accumulated all my life. I used people and allowed them to use me. My life was filled with regret, fear of rejection, depression, suicidal thoughts and self-hatred. I thank God for having mercy on this broken woman, who saved me from myself destructive lifestyle. I now run to Jesus to take my pain away.

I was in denial about the dysfunction in my home of origin and my home with my husband and children, for many years until I realized I cannot control another person and doing anything out of fear never has a good outcome. I don’t have the power to change another person only God does. então, I relinquish control to God to change others or situations when I feel powerless. I was in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse so I obeyed ridiculous rules to be accepted and loved by others, but that never worked. When I finally received the love of Jesus in heart then I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection because I knew God would never leave me or forsake me.

Negócio was a tool the enemy used on me for decades, his purpose was to keep me so busy that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life. My striving for love and acceptance even from God, kept me working so hard to be worthy, I never stopped long enough to evaluate my life, my choices, my relationships, my unhealthy view of myself, Deus, e outros. I was so messed up, but I could not see that, until God showed me my ways were not working. Back in 2010 I was so depressed I asked God to take me home because I just wanted to die. And He said, “Do you believe I can turn things around for your good?” and I said, “Yes Lord I believe that.” He said, “TRUST ME.” After that I got in ACA recovery work and inner healing group for 5 anos. God was exposing the lies, with His truth, I was learning about boundaries and what that looks like and he showed me that I was enabling abuse from others by not using my voice. God had me stop from all serving at church and First Care, because I was that sick and needed God to intervene to heal me. God was so faithful and put the right people in my path and I was healed and set free from all the dysfunction in my life and I started experiencing true peace and freedom in Christ. In Jan 2013 I started this ministry. Praise Him!!! Obrigada, Jesus.

I rationalized my abuse, thinking I must not be a person of value or else others would treat me differently. After my abortion, the enemy told me I deserve to be abused because of my decision to abort my child. My husband was very controlling and I and the children were required to obey ridiculous rules. I rationalized in my head if I don’t obey these rules, he will leave me. The enemy used that lie for decades to keep me in bondage and in a very unhealthy home environment. I am thankful for the day I had courage to say no, I am not going to follow these rules and leave the outcome in God’s hands. I was no longer fearful of him leaving, I trusted God to take care of me and He has. My relationship with my husband now is better than it ever has been. I now know that I am loved and valued by God and He doesn’t want me to accept abusive treatment from anyone; I don’t deserve to be abused regardless of my poor choices in the past. He loves me and wants me to use my voice to put up healthy boundaries and to protect myself from unhealthy people and situations. I cannot change my past, all I can do is learn from it and share my experience, strength, and hope with others so perhaps they can make healthy choices.

Control was a tool I learned to use when I was very young. I honestly believed I could control how others feel, what they do, and that I could control the outcome. That all was a lie. I had no control over any of those things. Areas I tried to control were how people reacted and behaved toward me. I tried to control what others saw in me by wearing a mask and I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed, diet pills, and purging after I ate too much. God showed me by relinquishing control to Him that I can be set free from these obsessions and torment. He taught me to love myself just the way I am and to relinquish all control to Him, because He will never harm me.

I am so grateful that today I have been set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms and I have learned new skills to help me cope with the pain and trauma from my past. I had to completely surrender everything and everybody to God. I no longer cared about what others thought of me, I didn’t obey ridiculous rules out of fear of being rejected, I now had a voice and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy godly way. I am no longer in bondage to my old thinking and my old behavior patterns.

In Romans 12:2 the Bible says do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…. Daily time spent with God in His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit has helped me to move out of the chaos, dysfunction, and misery into a peaceful, orderly, and fulfilling life.

What have you used to help you cope with the trauma from your past?

What are some healthy ways you use to cope with things now?

Você é amado,

Toni

 

 

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Blog de Luci

I was part of the sexual Abuse Recovery Bible Study with a small group of women through the “My Ashes To Beauty” ministry. And when I agreed to participate, I figured it had been so many decades since the abuses took place that there wouldn’t be any new discoveries. Well, it turns out there were things that I had not yet processed, even with all the counseling I had over the years.

I had the opportunity to mourn the loss of a safe and happy childhood and teen years that every girl deserves to experience. One of the things that really moved me is when we shared photos of the timeframe that we lost our innocence. I felt such compassion for the other women’s photos and how precious and vulnerable they appeared at the time of their abuses. When I looked at my photo, I felt such love and mercy for the young adolescent girl, that was me; I shed tears over that. I didn’t see myself back then, the way I now do. I had blamed myself for the abuses and couldn’t see beyond how it defined me. I was reminded over the course of this study that I am God’s precious and adored daughter! And that was definitely a good thing to allow to sink into my heart!

As I got to know the women in this intimate setting and hear their stories, I realized, I’m not alone in this, that others have experienced similar atrocities and it endeared me to them. We bonded in a way that goes beyond a typical group gathering for prayer or Bible study. I got the sense that God brought this particular group together so we could pray for, encourage and show one another that there is further healing and work to be done. The prayers that were prayed over us was like a healing balm that sunk deep into my soul!

Sexual abuse recovery takes time, as we peel away layers of false beliefs and negative thinking which keeps us in bondage and from moving further on the beautiful path that God has for each of us to walk. Not only do we need to continue to grow in Him, but He also wants to use us to show others the healing and forgiveness that is waiting for them, through His love. This study ws a safe place to share and be vulnerable with like-minded women.

His beloved,

Lúcia

 

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