I miei malsani meccanismi di coping

I miei malsani meccanismi di coping

Coping mechanisms are defined as techniques we use to help us manage the stress and pain in our lives. Common coping mechanisms are avoidance and isolation, denial, busyness, rationalization E control. From my childhood, I learned avoidance and isolation to keep me safe from unhealthy people or situations. Running and hiding became my usual reaction to problems as a small child. Into adulthood, I continued to use those tactics until I began my recovery journey and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Lodare Dio! Instead of avoidance, God gave me a voice, and I learned to communicate my likes and dislikes. I never developed a voice growing up. However, once I put up boundaries, using my voice was necessary to communicate those boundaries to others. As time went by, I felt more comfortable sharing my heart with others without fear of rejection. God also told me to stop running and hiding and to leave the outcome to Him.

I had huge blind spots as a post-abortion woman when it came to my parenting. Regarding my children, I became extremely sensitive and overprotective. I parented out of fear. I didn’t want them to feel the pain that I had experienced. I thought if I could control them, perhaps I could prevent them from experiencing what I did. Adesso, I know that was wrong thinking. I was in denial until I realized two things: I cannot control another person, and doing anything out of fear never has a good outcome. Così, I have learned to apologize to my children for my overprotective parenting leaving the all-powerful God to change the heart of others. When I feel powerless, I remember to relinquish control to God to create a change in others or situations. I was living in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse. Di conseguenza, I obeyed ridiculous rules in order to be accepted and loved by others. Truthfully, that never worked. When I finally received the love of Jesus into my heart, I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection because I knew God would never leave me nor forsake me.

Impegno was a tool the enemy used for many years so that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life and work on myself. In the year 2010, God told me to stop serving. I couldn’t believe He wanted me to do that. What will other people think? Asking this question led me right to the answer—you need to work on yourself because you are one sick puppy. I responded in obedience and took time to work on my own healing from 2010-2012. During this time, God took me to a desert place with Him so He could dispel all the lies I had believed. By focusing on His truth, I could be healed and finally set free. Although God had called me to this ministry back in 2006, He was finally able to equip me once I slowed down and put my focus solely on Him.

I had rationalized my abortion because I believed that since I was doing so much heavy drugs and drinking while smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day, my baby would be severely deformed. I felt that my parents would reject me and would be extremely disappointed in me. But looking back on these 40 anni, I wish I had the courage to tell them I made a mistake and ask them for help. I cannot change my past. All I can do is learn from it and share my experience, strength and hope with others. Hopefully, those I reach with my testimony can make healthy choices knowing all the information beforehand.

Control was another tool I learned to use at a very young age. I honestly believed I could control how others feel and what they think in order to determine the outcome of a situation. That was all a lie. I had no control over any of those things. I tried to control how people reacted and behaved toward me. I tried to control what others saw in me by hiding behind a mask. I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed and diet pills and by purging after I ate too much. God showed me that by relinquishing control to Him, I can be set free from these obsessions and this bondage.

I am so grateful that today I have been set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms. I have learned new skills to help me cope with the pain and trauma from my past. I had to completely surrender everything and everybody to God. I no longer held onto my children so tight. I no longer cared about what others thought of me. I didn’t obey ridiculous rules out of fear of being rejected. I now had a voice, and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy, godly way. I am no longer in bondage to my old thinking and my old behavior patterns. In Romans 12:2, the Bible says “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Daily time spent with God in His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit have helped me to move out of the chaos, dysfunction and misery into a peaceful, orderly and fulfilling life.

What unhealthy things have you used to help you cope with the trauma from your past?

What are some healthy ways you cope with things now?

Reach out and get the help and encouragement you need. We are here ready and waiting to serve you and help you to become the woman God created you to be.

benedizioni,

Toni

 

 

 

—Toni

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Scappando da Dio

Scappando da Dio

 

Giona, Capitoli 1 & 2

Quando Giona decise di andare contro il piano di Dio per lui, prese una nave per Tarsis, in direzione opposta a Ninive, sfuggire alla presenza di Dio. Dio ha continuato a perseguire Giona, ma per Giona era impossibile allontanarsi da Dio.

Dio mandò un grande vento e una potente tempesta in modo che la nave fosse quasi rotta (Giona 1:4). Anche i marinai, uomini abituati al mare e alle tempeste, eravamo spaventati, ma sapevano che questo era diverso. Giona dice ai marinai che è ebreo e che teme il Signore, il Dio del cielo, e dice loro di gettarlo fuori bordo affinché il mare si calmi (Giona 1:8-12). I marinai erano estremamente spaventati, ma Dio, nella sua misericordia, preparò un grande pesce per inghiottire Giona, e rimase nel ventre del pesce per 3 giorni e 3 notti. Dio ha dovuto isolare Giona per ottenere la sua attenzione e, infine, gridò a Dio (Giona 2). Dio lo salvò e Giona andò a Ninive, e tutti furono salvati.

Quando ripenso al mio aborto, Vedo che anch'io fuggivo da Dio. Mi sono isolato da Lui e dalla mia famiglia. Ho permesso al nemico di mentirmi e dirmelo, “I tuoi genitori non accetteranno mai te e il bambino; è un grosso errore. Prenditene cura ora prima che qualcuno lo scopra".

Dio aveva perseguitato anche me e mi aveva dato una via di fuga. La prima volta che sono andato per il mio aborto, Stavo facendo festa la sera prima. Avevo i postumi di una sbornia e avevo bisogno di cibo, così mi sono fermato in un posto per mangiare mentre andavo alla clinica. Ma quando sono arrivato in clinica, hanno detto che non potevo abortire perché mangiavo. Quando ripenso a quel giorno, Ho guidato io stesso ed ero tutto solo. Cosa stavo pensando? Questo è il punto; Non stavo pensando chiaramente, affatto. Ogni volta che ho preso decisioni basate sulla paura, non sono mai stati bravi. Ma non ho permesso che questo urto sulla strada mi impedisse di abortire. Ho creduto alla menzogna che mio figlio si sarebbe deformato a causa del mio consumo eccessivo di alcol e droghe. Questo era qualcosa che dovevo fare; Non ho visto altre opzioni.

Ho preso un altro appuntamento, e quella volta, L'ho seguito. Fino ad oggi, Vorrei non averlo fatto. Ma non posso cambiare il mio passato. Ho abortito a dicembre 10, 1980, e in quel momento tutto è cambiato. Il mio cuore era spezzato, il mio corpo era rotto, e il mio spirito era spezzato. È stata la decisione peggiore che avessi mai preso in vita mia. Il mio cuore va a voi preziose sorelle che siete state costrette da qualcun altro ad abortire contro la vostra volontà.

Ho lottato con la depressione, episodi di pianto, sentimenti di isolamento, e solitudine. Ho continuato con il bere e le droghe, e pensieri suicidi iniziarono ad entrare nella mia mente. Volevo solo che il dolore andasse via. Poi un giorno glorioso, Ho sentito il Vangelo per la prima volta a gennaio 2, 1994 e dentro 4 settimane, Avevo dato il mio cuore al Signore e Gli avevo chiesto di perdonare tutti i miei peccati e di guarire il mio cuore spezzato. Da quel momento in poi, Non dovrei mai più sentirmi solo. Ho un Salvatore che non mi lascerà né mi abbandonerà. Grazie, Gesù.

Dio ha un bellissimo piano e uno scopo anche per la tua vita. In Geremia 29:11, “PERCHÉ SO I PENSIERI CHE HO PER TE, DICE IL SIGNORE, PENSIERI DI PACE E NON DI MALE, PER DARTI UN FUTURO E UNA SPERANZA”. Dio può trasformare i momenti più bui della tua vita in qualcosa di bello per il Suo onore e gloria.

“Correre verso Dio invece di allontanarsi da Dio nel mezzo della sofferenza non è una risposta naturale. È la risposta soprannaturale di cui Dio fornisce i Suoi figli mentre fissiamo il dolore, incertezza, paura, e a volte Satana stesso in faccia”. Tratto dal devozionale, Prega GRANDI Cose, di Julia Jeffress Sadler, LPC, sull'app You Version Bible.

Quando sei scappato da Dio?

Sei corso ad altre cose per aiutarti a far fronte al tuo trauma passato invece di confidare in Dio con esso? Quali erano quelle cose per te?

Stai ancora correndo adesso?

Prego che tu sappia quanto sei amato da Dio e che Lui ha un bel piano per la tua vita, ma devi fidarti di Lui.

Prego che tu abbia fiducia in Lui oggi.

Sei amato,
TONNI

 

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Meno controllo & Più fiducia

Meno controllo & Più fiducia

Proverbi 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

Who or what are you trusting in: yourself, another person, an institution, or God?

I learned at a very young age to take control of every area of my life, that unfortunately was not a good thing. A 12-year-old is not mature enough to take on such a responsibility. I controlled my voice, I did not use it, I controlled how I performed in school, sports, and in anything I set my mind to do by practicing until I could do something perfectly. When I was older, I controlled my weight by taking speed and diet pills and exercising excessively. I controlled what others perceived about me by wearing a mask to hide my true feeling and identity.

Relinquishing control was not a comfortable thing for me, because I didn’t trust others not to hurt me. I became very self-sufficient and proficient in all I did. I had a huge wall around my heart that no one was going to penetrate, not even God. I grew up with a distorted view of God; He was angry and He would punish me if I was out of line, this is what I heard and saw as a child. Church was dark, they spoke in another language, it was not warm and welcoming. Così, I attributed these attributes to God. I felt He was dark and harsh and unloving; nothing could be further from the truth.

I had everything under control so I thought, until my life and health started spiraling out of control, I couldn’t stuff anymore and my health was failing, my marriage was on the brink of divorce, and I didn’t know what to do. I was plagued with suicidal thoughts because I just couldn’t deal with my depression and self-loathing anymore. This was not a life it was a prison; I was just surviving I needed someone to take my pain away, someone I could trust to love and accept me for who I was. Did such a person exist?

Dear One I want you to know that there is such a person, His name is Jesus, He is the only one who will love you right where you are, He will never hurt you or force you to do something against your will. He is kind, loving, dependable, faithful, merciful, forgiving, and He is your Savior and friend. Why not relinquish control of your life to God, honestly what do you have to lose at this point?

Matteo 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

benedizioni,

Toni

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L'inganno dell'egoismo

L'inganno dell'egoismo

Genesi 3:6, Luca 1:38, 2 Corinthians 12:9, ed ebrei 12:2

L'egoismo è consumato dai pensieri riguardanti se stessi e non essere preoccupato per gli altri e quali sarebbero le conseguenze delle nostre azioni su un'altra persona. Il peccato è piacevole per una stagione, but it is very destructive to us and those who love and care for us.

Where did selfishness start? It started with Adam and Eve in the Garden, in Genesis chapter 3:6 we read, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her, and he did eat.” Eve’s desire to be like God knowing good and evil caused her to become self-absorbed and only thinking about what it could do for her and not what the sin would do to her relationship with God or her husband. She had no idea that her sin would plunge all of mankind into sin, disperazione, and death. Perhaps if she would have thought for one second prior to taking the fruit, wait God told me not to do this, He loves me and has provided everything I need. Why would I go against Him? The devil caused her to doubt God’s love. Instead she felt she was entitled, it was her right to this, and God was holding back something good from her. But the truth was He loved her so much He was protecting her, because He knew the destruction that would be done as a result of her choice. Just like with us when we had our abortions. God gave us a way to escape, but no, we had our minds made up and we were doing this! All the while His heart was breaking for us because he knew our very souls would be shattered into a million pieces and we would be devastated and, we would struggle with our choice for many years to come. God allows us to make our own choices just like He did with Eve. God wants us to choose to love Him and obey Him.

I had a conversation with a pro-choice woman, and as we were talking, she said how much she loves children and that they are a gift. And I thought, how can she love children and still be pro-choice? Then it dawned on me that she has bought into the feminist ideology. The lie feminism tells women is, this is your body and your right to have an abortion. They do not want to be accountable to God, they want to be in control. They want to decide what is right or wrong for them and they want to be like God, just like Eve did. The world tells them whatever feels good, do it, you deserve it. They have put their selfish desires for control and have made themselves into little “g” gods, having control over their own bodies and destiny. They do not see that abortion is terminating a life. Instead they see it as self-serving and self-preservation and they are courageous for doing so. And they become angry when anyone tries to take their control away. Because deep down, they know it’s a baby, but they would rather sacrifice their child’s life for their selfish desires.

There is another woman in the Bible, who had a choice to be selfish or to obey God. Her name was Mary, the mother of Jesus. When she found herself with child from the Holy Spirit as an unwed teenager, she risked her very life because she should have been stoned, which was the law; or she would have been divorced from her betrothed Joseph. But instead she was courageous and said to the Angel in Luke 1:38, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” I pray we will look to Mary as our example, a woman of courage who loved and obeyed God, especially when it was hard, or inconvenient, or difficult; she never wavered. She showed us that God’s grace is sufficient and we can be victorious, if we keep our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.

Thinking back to your own abortion, how were you selfish?
In what ways are you now trusting God and wanting to obey Him?

 

benedizioni,

Toni

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