Confini: perché sono così importanti?

Confini: perché sono così importanti?

Salmo 34:18, Geremia 29:11, John 3:16

Personal boundaries, as defined by Psychology today, “Are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we will accept and what we consider unacceptable behavior towards us. To know our boundaries comes from a healthy view of ourselves.” When that view is distorted due to emotional trauma as children (whether we did not get the love and care from our family which is a Type A Trauma or we were sexually, emotionally, or physically abused as children which is Type B Trauma). All these experiences as children cause us to have a distorted view of ourselves, Dio, and others and it prevents us from maturing into healthy stable adults. (Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You, A Life Model Book)

This distorted view of ourselves especially those of us who have had abortions opens up the door to all kinds of unhealthy and destructive behavior. God created women to love and nurture their children and then we did the opposite. Our hopes and dreams as young girls are dashed, and we are now open to all kinds of unhealthy destructive coping mechanisms and ungodly behavior to deal with our pain. Our very souls are tormented and we feel desperately alone, depressed and even suicidal.

So how can we stop this destructive cycle of accepting and enabling unhealthy behavior from others? Primo, we must realize we have a Savior and a friend who is the lover of our soul, and His name is Jesus. He is the only one that can heal our broken spirits, our broken bodies and our broken minds. Salmo 34:18 ESV “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves the crushed in spirit.” He is the only one that can take the disaster we have made of our lives and restore order and peace. And He alone can give us a new hope, new dreams, un nuovo scopo, and a new life. Geremia 29:11 NKJV, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

In childhood, I did not learn what healthy boundaries look like. I became a people pleaser at a very young age and as a result I allowed people to take advantage of me and treat me very poorly and I never said a word. I wondered why I never truly felt loved by others; what was it? I was allowing all kinds of unhealthy behavior because I didn’t love and respect myself, soprattutto dopo il mio aborto. I now despised myself. I didn’t understand why others didn’t treat me with love, kindness and compassion. I realized they cannot give what they do not have. But that took many decades for me to come to that understanding. I also recognized that they did the best they could with what they had and I released them into God’s Hands and started praying for and forgave them.

We all have our wounds and issues from our past, which causes us to be self-consumed and blinded, and we cannot see how we are hurting others closest to us. Only God can give us awareness and the courage to stop accepting unacceptable behavior and establish healthy boundaries. For the first time, I used my voice to explain my boundaries and insist they be respected. There was some push back but I was not going to waiver. At first, putting up boundaries is hard to do. But as God heals us, we get stronger, bolder and more courageous, and we no longer want to just exist, we want to experience the abundant life Jesus came to give us. The first step in recovery is recognizing my life is unmanageable and I need God to help me.

Dear One, I want you to know that God loves you so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for you. (John 3:16) Have you received this gift of love and forgiveness from God? If not you can do that today? If you do know the Lord, then ask Him to help you to love yourself and to have courage to put up boundaries and no longer accept unhealthy behavior. He will help you if you ask Him, He did it for me and I know He will do it for you too.

 

 

benedizioni,

Toni

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L'inganno dell'egoismo

L'inganno dell'egoismo

Genesi 3:6, Luca 1:38, 2 Corinthians 12:9, ed ebrei 12:2

L'egoismo è consumato dai pensieri riguardanti se stessi e non essere preoccupato per gli altri e quali sarebbero le conseguenze delle nostre azioni su un'altra persona. Il peccato è piacevole per una stagione, but it is very destructive to us and those who love and care for us.

Where did selfishness start? It started with Adam and Eve in the Garden, in Genesis chapter 3:6 we read, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her, and he did eat.” Eve’s desire to be like God knowing good and evil caused her to become self-absorbed and only thinking about what it could do for her and not what the sin would do to her relationship with God or her husband. She had no idea that her sin would plunge all of mankind into sin, disperazione, and death. Perhaps if she would have thought for one second prior to taking the fruit, wait God told me not to do this, He loves me and has provided everything I need. Why would I go against Him? The devil caused her to doubt God’s love. Instead she felt she was entitled, it was her right to this, and God was holding back something good from her. But the truth was He loved her so much He was protecting her, because He knew the destruction that would be done as a result of her choice. Just like with us when we had our abortions. God gave us a way to escape, but no, we had our minds made up and we were doing this! All the while His heart was breaking for us because he knew our very souls would be shattered into a million pieces and we would be devastated and, we would struggle with our choice for many years to come. God allows us to make our own choices just like He did with Eve. God wants us to choose to love Him and obey Him.

I had a conversation with a pro-choice woman, and as we were talking, she said how much she loves children and that they are a gift. And I thought, how can she love children and still be pro-choice? Then it dawned on me that she has bought into the feminist ideology. The lie feminism tells women is, this is your body and your right to have an abortion. They do not want to be accountable to God, they want to be in control. They want to decide what is right or wrong for them and they want to be like God, just like Eve did. The world tells them whatever feels good, do it, you deserve it. They have put their selfish desires for control and have made themselves into little “g” gods, having control over their own bodies and destiny. They do not see that abortion is terminating a life. Instead they see it as self-serving and self-preservation and they are courageous for doing so. And they become angry when anyone tries to take their control away. Because deep down, they know it’s a baby, but they would rather sacrifice their child’s life for their selfish desires.

There is another woman in the Bible, who had a choice to be selfish or to obey God. Her name was Mary, the mother of Jesus. When she found herself with child from the Holy Spirit as an unwed teenager, she risked her very life because she should have been stoned, which was the law; or she would have been divorced from her betrothed Joseph. But instead she was courageous and said to the Angel in Luke 1:38, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” I pray we will look to Mary as our example, a woman of courage who loved and obeyed God, especially when it was hard, or inconvenient, or difficult; she never wavered. She showed us that God’s grace is sufficient and we can be victorious, if we keep our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.

Thinking back to your own abortion, how were you selfish?
In what ways are you now trusting God and wanting to obey Him?

 

benedizioni,

Toni

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Pensiero puzzolente: Ansia

Pensiero puzzolente: Ansia

Pensiero puzzolente: Ansia

Filippesi 4:6-7 e Matteo 6:25-26, 31 E 33

Filippesi 4:6
Non essere ansioso per niente, ma in ogni cosa con la preghiera e la supplica (chiedendo umilmente) con rendimento di grazie fate conoscere a Dio le vostre richieste; e la pace di Dio che supera ogni comprensione, custodirà i vostri cuori e le vostre menti per mezzo di Cristo Gesù.

Matteo 6:25-26, 31, E 33
“Perciò ti dico, non preoccuparti per la tua vita, cosa mangerete o cosa berrete; né del tuo corpo, cosa indosserai. La tua vita non vale più del cibo e il corpo più del vestito? Guarda gli uccelli del cielo, poiché non seminano né mietono né raccolgono nei granai; eppure il tuo Padre celeste li nutre. Non vali più di loro? “Pertanto non preoccuparti, detto, «Cosa mangeremo?' o 'Cosa berremo?' o 'Cosa indosseremo?Perché dopo tutte queste cose cercano i gentili. Perché il tuo Padre celeste sa che hai bisogno di tutte queste cose. Ma cercate prima il regno di Dio e la sua giustizia e tutte queste cose vi saranno sopraggiunte».

Stinking Thinking si riferisce ai pensieri negativi che ci tormentano soprattutto quando siamo HALT: Affamato, Arrabbiato, Solo o stanco; pensieri come una visione distorta di Dio e di sé, pensare negativo, giustificazione, paura, e ansia. Affronteremo ciascuno di questi argomenti in modo da poter discernere tra le bugie in cui abbiamo creduto nel corso degli anni e sostituirle con la verità di Dio. Il nostro obiettivo è quello di equipaggiarti in modo che tu possa avere la vittoria in queste aree.

Divento ansioso quando proietto negativamente nel futuro senza Dio in esso. Quando lo faccio, mi sento debole, senza speranza, e scoraggiato. La mia testa e gli occhi sono abbassati e ho voglia di arrendermi. Ma quando riconosco sto guardando dentro, poi ricordo a me stesso che il mio aiuto viene dal Signore e alzo lo sguardo al cielo. Dio ci ha promesso nella Sua Parola, che Egli soddisferà tutti i nostri bisogni. Non valete più di molti passeri?? Ma sfortunatamente, Non lo conoscevo né mi fidavo di lui, e come risultato, Ho preso delle pessime decisioni perché non mi fidavo di Lui per il mio futuro.

Pensavo di poter ridurre al minimo la mia ansia cercando di controllare tutti e tutto. Ma mi sono reso conto che era impossibile da fare ed è stato molto frustrante ed emotivamente drenante. Ero solito saltare dentro per riparare e salvare le persone perché diventavo ansioso per tutti i what if. Stavo peccando contro Dio non affidandogli il mio matrimonio, i miei figli, i miei affari, e ministero. Ricordo nel mio diario, Dio me lo dice, "Togliti di mezzo mi stai impedendo di lavorare." IN TUTTO MAIUSCOLO, PURE. Dio non era contento di me. Dio mi ha mostrato che la mia mancanza di fiducia in Lui era un peccato e mettere gli altri davanti a Lui era un idolo. Mi sono pentito e mi sono allontanato dal mio peccato e mi sono rivolto a Dio e ora non sono ansioso per nulla, perché so che Dio provvederà a tutti i miei bisogni e anche a quelli della mia famiglia. Finalmente sono libero.

Permettimi di chiederti, cosa stai cercando di controllare?

Ti senti ansioso?

 

benedizioni,

Toni

Pensiero puzzolente: Motivazione: Giustificare il mio peccato

Pensiero puzzolente: Motivazione: Giustificare il mio peccato

Pensiero puzzolente: Motivazione: Giustificare il mio peccato

Genesi 3: 8-13 and Proverbs 11:14b

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Stinking Thinking si riferisce ai pensieri negativi che ci tormentano soprattutto quando siamo HALT: Affamato, Arrabbiato, Solo o stanco; pensieri come una visione distorta di Dio e di sé, pensare negativo, giustificazione, paura, e ansia. Affronteremo ciascuno di questi argomenti in modo da poter discernere tra le bugie in cui abbiamo creduto nel corso degli anni e sostituirle con la verità di Dio. Il nostro obiettivo è quello di equipaggiarti in modo che tu possa avere la vittoria in queste aree.

I define justification, more specifically justifying sin, as the belief that I am making a right or reasonable decision, when in fact the opposite is true. I have heard almost every excuse to justify a woman’s choice for an abortion; I had several myself. I allowed the enemy to isolate me and to lie to me, just like he did to Adam and Eve when they ate the forbidden fruit and sinned against God. As a result of my sin, I rushed to make my decision and not ask for help or discuss it with anyone. It’s the one thing we as woman don’t ask for help with, why is that? We talk to our friends or family about other decisions we make, but why not this one? I believe the enemy immediately swoops in and starts flooding our minds with all kinds of chaos, coupled with lies, paura, e ansia. This combination is overwhelming to our minds and we scramble to stop the noise in our heads so we can return to normal. I did not have my abortion until my second trimester, but I had my mind made up immediately I was going to have an abortion. I had to wait months to have my procedure because I didn’t follow protocol and ate before my first scheduled abortion so I had to reschedule. I had to make 2 abortion appointments! Perhaps God was giving me a way to escape, but I wasn’t seeking His counsel. Instead I felt justified in my decision to move forward with the abortion.

The reasons I used to justify my abortion were the following: I believed the lie that my baby would be severely deformed because I was doing heavy drugs, drinking excessively, and smoking 2-3 packs of cigarettes per day. I was still in college in Ohio with no job and I thought I can’t have a child now! I believed the father of the child would leave me to raise the child on my own. But the biggest reason was that I was afraid to tell my parents. I regret that I did not have the courage to admit to my parents that I made a mistake. I never gave them an opportunity to have a say in my decision because I took matters into my own hands. My fear and pride prevented me from telling the truth, I wish I would have told them, because I could have my 40-year-old son with me today. But I cannot go back and change my past, all I can do is learn from it and understand why this broken frightened woman could not tell her parents the truth. I remember when after watching the movie, “Unplanned”, I was at my laundry room sink and the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, “Every child in the womb is mine,” tears filled my eyes and I replied, “I know Lord and I robbed you of the baby in my womb and I am so sorry.”

Sin is never justified. Looking back at our first parents, Adam and Eve. We see they pointed their finger at someone else to justify their sin before God. The exchange is quite interesting and we use the same tactics today. In Genesis 3, after Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, God is calling to them, “Where are you?” God called Adam by his name wanting him to confess his sin but instead he justified his sin and accused the woman who God gave him, and Eve likewise accusing the serpent. Instead of taking responsibility for their sins, they blamed someone else. Their pride prevented them from humbling themselves before God and repenting of their sin. My pride prevented me from asking my parents and God for help in my abortion decision. Instead I listened to the devil, and I suffered for years as a result of my decision.

We are here to help you make life affirming God glorifying decisions in your lives. Proverbi 11:14b, “In the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Please reach out if you are struggling with making good decisions.

May I ask you a few questions?

What were your reasons for your abortion(S), that at the time you felt were justified?

How do you see your decision-making process now?

What were the lies you believed?

What is the truth that God has shown you?

 

benedizioni,

Toni

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Perché le donne hanno paura di condividere il loro segreto sull'aborto

Perché le donne hanno paura di condividere il loro segreto sull'aborto

Why are we fearful to share our abortion secret?
John 10:8-11

What is holding Christian women back from admitting this sin and coming forward to ask for healing? Why do women in leadership feel they cannot share they had an abortion? Will their ministries be less effective? I don’t think so. I truly believe when women in leadership come forward and admit this publicly, it gives the rest of the women sitting in the group or congregation, permission to come out and share as well.

The stats provided by Care Net tell us 4 out of 10 women identify as Christians and attend church at least once a month. These women are the first to have an abortion for fear of being found out. The enemy lies to them and tells them they have to take care of this quickly because they are a Pastor’s wife, or daughter, or they are in leadership; it has to be a secret and no one can find out. Così, they quickly go to the abortion clinic and have an abortion. Afterwards they are a mess emotionally, physically, mentalmente, and spiritually. This is wrong!!! The church and Christians should be the first ones to say we are here to help you, please do not terminate your child’s life because you made a mistake. There are other life affirming options available. That’s what the MLD course through Care Net does. It equips believers to come along side these women and men, to give them information about abortion and the life affirming alternatives, to pray with them, to share the Gospel with them, that Jesus died on the cross for them so they can have freedom, forgiveness of sins, and a new life; and to walk with them on this journey so they don’t feel all alone. This cycle of death in the church needs to stop and I pray Pastors and leaders’ eyes will be opened to this truth, and they will be willing to do something about it.

John 10:8-11 says “All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. I am the door, if anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief does not come but to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.”

The enemy hates everything that God created, especially his most beautiful creation mankind, because we are created in His image and are given a living Spirit. God created us to have a relationship with Him. But He gave us a free will also. The enemy, since the beginning of time, in the garden has lied to us and caused us to doubt God’s Word and His love for us. When we as believers go against God’s best for us or break His laws, we sin. That’s when the struggle begins and the enemy then has a foothold in our lives. That’s where the church is now. The enemy has these women and men who have aborted their babies, in bondage, isolation, and torment. He wants them to keep this a secret, because he wants to prevent them from experiencing true peace with God, forgiveness of sins, and he certainly doesn’t want us, (those who have been healed from our past abortions) to tell others that there is hope and healing in Christ. More people need to hear the truth from us, I pray our voices will be louder than the enemy’s, so people can truly be set free.

How can we encourage Christian women sitting in our churches every Sunday to share their secret of abortion? I believe they must hear someone’s abortion story; they need to see a face associated with an Abortion Recovery Ministry or Bible Study. Then they can feel safe to come forward. But for some reason the church is hesitant to share this from the pulpit, I’m not sure why. I am praying that God will raise up bold and courageous leaders who have had an abortion, to step up and share with other women to encourage them to step out also.

Permettimi di chiederti, why did it take you so long to come forward to admit you had an abortion?

Tell me your story. What did God use to get you to step out and come forward for healing?

As a result of your healing what has God called you to do?

Will you join me to stop abortion in the church and come alongside other women to encourage them to break this cycle of death, in exchange for one that leads to life, freedom, and peace?

benedizioni,

Toni