There Will Be Bad Days…

There Will Be Bad Days…

Esta semana passada foi uma batalha. De perturbar imagens para pensamentos extremamente inquietantes, OCD foi indo para a direita para a jugular. Até aquele momento, que tinha sido um bom período de tempo desde que eu tinha que estar em alerta máximo contra pensamentos intrusivos mentalmente. Graças ao milagre da Fluvoxamine (minha medicação de escolha), estes tipos de pensamentos têm sido menos frequentes e mais fácil de encontrar o meu caminho para fora da. Não dessa vez, Apesar. Tudo veio à tona na segunda-feira noite, quando eu me encontrava na sala de emergência com dores no peito e braço afiados. Tem ainda a ser determinado se as dores eram completamente ansiedade relacionada. Contudo, Vou dizer-lhe que todos os meus exames no hospital voltou normais. (Vou continuar com esta parte da história em um próximo post sobre outros problemas de saúde que será de testes para, incluindo todas as doenças transmitidas por carrapatos. Nota: Para aqueles de vocês que não vivem na parte nordeste dos Estados Unidos, considerem-se verdadeiramente abençoados quando se trata da questão de carrapatos. Um dia eu espero ser capaz de passar pelo menos parte dos meus verões longe desta região do país com o único propósito de evitar esses pequenos ruiners de vida). Em qualquer evento, após a minha visita ao pronto-socorro, Eu tive uma sessão de improviso com o meu psiquiatra. Depois da nossa conversa e uma análise cuidadosa, decidimos que seria melhor para adicionar uma pequena dose de um anti-depressivo à minha rotina diária. Quatro dias depois, Estou me sentindo melhor mundos. Louve a Deus pela sabedoria que Ele tem dado o meu médico.

Como um seguidor de Jesus Cristo, Foi-me ensinado e acreditamos que há todo um outro mundo Eu não posso ver. Esse avião, ou reino espiritual, está cheio de poderes e espíritos sou cego para, ou realmente, protegido contra. Com o que disse, há um elemento espiritual aos meus TOC e depressão lutas. Eu quero ser claro que esta crença não subestimar ou tirar credibilidade do fato de que os transtornos de ansiedade, como transtorno obsessivo-compulsivo também são biológicos e físicos. Sou contra a idéia de que problemas de saúde mental são completamente espiritualmente orientada. Você já viu uma varredura do cérebro de alguém com OCD contra alguém com um cérebro “saudável”? Procurar que na internet e, em seguida, tentar se convencer de que TOC não é também uma questão física. O ponto que eu estou tentando fazer é que meu OCD tem uma personalidade. Ela distorce tudo e todos I amor, e até mesmo como eu me ver. Ela se sente mal, sons mal, e é baseado em mentiras. Nos momentos escuros, quando eu não posso me tirar de uma mente vala, só há uma coisa a fazer: orar. Enquanto os pensamentos terríveis não pode ser imediatamente removido enquanto orava, há segurança instantâneas e liberdade na presença de Deus. Nos braços de Jesus, há segurança sabendo que não pode ser prejudicado por meus pensamentos e nem podem os que eu amo. Nos braços de Jesus, há liberdade em compartilhar meus pensamentos não importa o quão escuro ou perturbar. Os braços de Jesus são um lugar onde sou conhecido por quem eu sou e não quem os meus pensamentos dizem que eu sou. Não há lugar como este na terra, nem medicamento que pode realmente recriar a estabilidade ea paz subjacente profunda deste lugar.

É importante notar que depois da minha viagem para o ER, Senti uma enorme quantidade de desânimo. Como eu poderia estar de volta a este lugar com a minha saúde mental? Eu colocar tanto esforço para ser “OK” ao longo dos últimos seis anos. de conselheiros, para psiquiatras, a medicamentos, aos livros, Pesquisar, para exercícios comportamentais ... eu sou realmente aqui atrás? A resposta foi sim e não. sim, Eu estava em um mau estado de saúde mental, mas não, Eu não estava de volta para onde eu estava no início desta jornada. sou mais velho, Mais sábio, e mais forte por causa de tudo o que eu ter sido através com esta desordem. Se eu conseguir através do que eu já passou por no passado, Eu certamente pode avançar agora com as habilidades que Deus me deu e me permite usar graças todos os dias para as estradas infernais Ele e eu desci juntos. como C.S. Lewis disse uma vez, “Experiência é o mais brutal dos professores, mas você aprende, meu Deus, você aprendeu." Louve a Deus por Sua sabedoria e amor incrível. Continua a lutar, amigo.

Ame,

Jackie

Frascos vazios

Frascos vazios

Then, I heard my name being called and I froze. My heart started to race. I remember a tightening in my abdomen and chest. My legs were shaking, but I got up and walked towards the nurse.

I walked into the room where I was met by two other women. David waited outside. Of course, he paid for full anesthesia so I would be knocked out.

One of the nurses gave me a gown and instructed me to put it on with the opening in the front. I did what I was told. I looked around the room and noticed that there were no pictures on the walls.

The doctor came in and asked me to lay on the examining table. She rubbed my abdomen with a gel and placed a sonogram reader on my belly. Then I heard it…thump thump, thump. Before I knew it, she turned down the machine. I didn’t hear it anymore. She left the room.

I laid on that table looking up at the ceiling with the staff setting up the equipment, which they explained would act as a simple vacuum to dismantle the contents of my uterus. I saw empty jars that I imagined my baby would be in. After all, I was familiar with the jars that were filled with bloody contents from abortions. I myself distributed those images to many as I marched on the streets of DC protesting the very action I was about to embark on.

The doctor came back in and asked if there was any other questions I had before they put the mask on me. My mind raced, but I couldn’t get the words out. “How long was it going to take? Will it hurt? Will I be able to have children later? Can I call my Mom?” However, none of these words that I was thinking came out of my mouth. “No,” I heard myself answer though it sounded as if it came from someplace else, outside of myself.

The nurse placed the mask over my nose and mouth and instructed me to start counting backwards and from 10 to 1. I took a shallow breath and started counting, “10, 9, 8,” then I remember crying out the words …”WAIT…STOP!!!” But no, they were only thoughts that never made it out of me as words before I was knocked unconscious and was unable to speak, move, or save my baby.

I awoke screaming, and I remember crying my heart out. “STOP. DON’T, I want to keep her,” I screamed.

The nurse who was startled by my screaming, sheepishly said, “I am sorry. It is over.” I let out a curdling scream, rubbing my belly, and clenching my very soul.

The nurse helped me back on the table. Apparently, I jumped off it as I came to. I laid on that table for what seemed like hours. Crying, rubbing my belly, feeling the emptiness. A feeling that I did not know until that day. I felt an ache in my heart like no other. sim, I was sore in the abdomen area and remembered that they told me I would have some cramping and bleeding after the procedure.

One of the nurses came into the room with a large pad and told me to get dressed when I was ready. I remember how they looked at me. Faces filled with shame and sadness. They must have known that I was remorseful, and to know that they were part of the reason for my distress must have been upsetting. Or maybe I am just imagining that, and all they wanted was to get the room ready for the next woman, and I was just holding them up. I don’t know.

They encouraged me to eat something, brought me juice, and helped me up. I walked out into the waiting area with all eyes upon me as if they heard me cry out from afar. I don’t know if anyone did…I cried to the angels for I know they must have heard and were weeping for me.

We went to a hotel for a few days. I lost it. I remember crying for hours and then staring at the walls and ceiling. We would watch television and then suddenly, I would go into a rage. Crying, screaming, begging God to please give me back my baby. I was a wreck. David would calm me down and hold me.

I would be okay for a bit but then wake up from a deep sleep crying again. David had to call friends for support. I threatened death, accused him of horrible acts, and blamed the world for my action. “I want my baby back,” I cried over and over again.

To be continued…

testemunhos

 

 

 

 

Glory to God

Surrendering the Secret Bible Study
Teleconference Call testemunhos

CLICK HERE

Abortion Recovery
Sunday Teleconference Call testemunhos

CLICK HERE

Post Abortion and Abuse Bible Study
testemunhos

CLICK HERE

Você não está sozinho

Meu nome é Jackie e eu estou aqui para lhe dizer que você não está sozinho. Hoje eu estava agiu poderosamente e com urgência para começar este blog. Há alguém lá fora que se destina a ler este agora. Eu não sei quem você é ou nada sobre você. A única coisa que eu sei é que Deus está olhando para fora para você e quer que você seja curado e consolado. Sinto-me honrado e grato por poder falar com você hoje. Eu sei que você está se sentindo perdido e ajuda necessidade agora, por isso não vou atrasar ficando direita para o que está no meu coração para dizer a você.

Na minha vida, I tiveram e continuam a ter lutas com a minha saúde mental. Mais especificamente, Eu sou um sofredor com TOC. Dentro 2013, Eu experimentei o mais difícil, mais cansativo e repugnante momento da minha vida. Eu me senti inseguro em minha própria pele e meu cérebro parecia que estava infectado. Meu cérebro estava na unidade hiper, me atacando com pensamentos desprezíveis que me debilitados. Como eu poderia estar pensando as coisas que eu estava pensando e não realmente ser o que esses pensamentos eram? A confusão, o pensamento circular, o vai-e-vem me levou quase ao suicídio. Senti-me como um monstro que não tinha nenhuma razão para continuar a viver por medo de ser como esses pensamentos. Eu tive que ir. Mas graças a Deus eu fiquei.

Com a ajuda e sabedoria do Senhor, Eu era capaz de encontrar a ajuda certa. Cercado por meus amigos da família e queridos, Ganhei coragem suficiente para começar a aceitar o fato de que algo estava errado com meu cérebro, e que era OK para começar a olhar para cuidar deste grande, questão importante. Talvez você não tem o apoio em torno de você que você acha que precisa, mas saiba que eu estou aqui, pensando em você, encorajando você, querendo que você lê este blog para saber sem uma única dúvida de que você não está sozinho. O que está acontecendo com você, você não poderia ter ajudado ou parado. Você não são os vossos pensamentos. Eles vão te enganar e pensar que você é, mas você nao é. Eles vão sentir como eles são você, mas eles não são. Esta é a luta de sua vida, e Deus me inspirou a compartilhar tudo o que eu sei com você sobre como domar que o TOC besta em seu cérebro. Vou ser honesto e como um franco quanto possível nesta jornada. Mas eu não vou tomar nenhum crédito pela vitória na minha história ou a sua. Que pertence unicamente a Deus. Não vou enfiar a Bíblia em sua garganta, mas vou falar com você sobre Jesus Cristo, porque Ele é meu Salvador e Ele é o único que me trouxe para e através do maior desafio da minha vida: o desafio da sobrevivência física quando cada gota de mim estava explodindo com a ansiedade e caos interior.

Eu não vou dizer-lhe que a minha vida é totalmente livre de minha luta OCD. Não é. Mas ficou melhor, muito melhor. Alguns dias eu não pode funcionar bem o suficiente para viver uma vida normal (i. ir trabalhar, acordar e fazer outras coisas), mas mais frequentemente, Eu posso e eu faço. Para o leitor sem um problema de saúde mental como OCD, que pode não parecer um negócio tão grande, mas para a pessoa no meio deste sofrimento atroz, tudo que você quer é ser normal. Compreendo.

Uma nota final: Este blog não vai curá-lo; ele não tem esse poder. Mas Deus faz, e eu acredito que se você está aqui lendo isto, você estava trouxe até aqui por uma razão. Saiba que você é bem-vindo aqui, e você não são julgados por seus pensamentos. Você estava assombrosamente maravilhoso me formaste pelo Senhor. Ele conhece a sua luta e cada pensamento. então, se você for para ele, Vou lhe contar sobre a minha história com a mão de TOC e Deus em e através de tudo. Volte pelo menos semanalmente para novas entradas. Embora você é um estranho, Estou a rezar por ti. Continua a lutar.

testemunhos

Surrendering the Secret Bible Study

Teleconference Call

testemunhos

God Connects Hearts and Threads Lives

I had a wonderful opportunity to co-lead a Surrendering the Secret Bible study via conference call with Toni and Jane.

I have done these studies for years but not in this format. It was such an amazing experience, and we saw God quickly connect our hearts with the women in the group even though we didn’t meet face to face.

Each woman’s story helped another, and trust was built. The women were so transparent, and we saw God’s hand throughout as He threaded our lives together.

Personally, I was so encouraged by seeing God’s immense love for each of us and how He desires for us to be healed from the pain and shame of our past abortions.

He walked with each of us so tenderly through this healing journey bringing His truth and light. Somehow new life was born within as God gave each of us unique purpose where there was once deep pain, shame and guilt.

I am so thankful to be a part of this ministry where I see God’s grace, forgiveness and freedom experienced!

My hope and prayer are for many women to take a courageous step and begin this transforming healing journey.

Julie Cruz

The Conference Call was a God Send

Over this summer I was able to participate in “Surrendering the Secret” (STS) phone conference Bible study.

No passado, I had been on Toni’s Sunday’s conference calls, so this wasn’t new to me. The Sunday conference calls are topical in nature and were a great support for me and my walk with the Lord. I learned so much on these conference call sessions and was excited to join in on the STS study.

Our STS study was on Thursday evenings and lasted 1½ hours. We had some amazing girls in our group, and over the course of the weeks I grew to love them and pray for them. I was in awe of what the Lord was doing in their lives.

It’s amazing to see the healing in others and connect with women that were wounded the same way I was, from a past abortion.

The phone conference Bible study was so convenient because it allowed me to be at home and not have to travel. Many of the women were about 1 hour away.

This study reminded me of how the Lord can bring healing to hurting women that desperately need freedom from the chains of shame and brokenness. I had taken the class several times and this was the first time I did it via a conference call on the phone.

God was in our midst and He was able to walk us through those areas that needed light and truth. I’m so thankful for Toni’s heart and desire to bring this study over the phone so anyone can join and distance is not a factor.

Praise God for He is Good and Mighty to Heal.

God Bless, Sharon

God Is Preparing Us to Be a Voice

I have been a part of the My Ashes to Beauty abortion recovery for a few years now. Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in the Surrendering the Secret Bible Study. When I embarked on this journey, I felt confident that I was in a good place with my abortion recovery and was looking forward to a little more healing.

This study was via conference call, once a week at a specific time, which made it very convenient and accessible for me to participate due to my busy schedule.

As I began this study, I realized I was just beginning my healing journey. I was taken to the deepest part of my soul which for 19 years I had locked my secret away so tightly. I walked through my ever-erupting emotions in a safe place for the first time ever in my life and was able to honestly share my story, shame, guilt, medo, disgust and pure hatred of myself because of what I had done to my child. As we all shared our stories and our heartbreak, I could see the healing taking place.

When we speak of unspeakable things, we are released from the bondage and hold it has on us, and we can begin to heal.

My healing journey was beginning, I was grieving, crying, having trouble sleeping and anxious, but as I continued the study I was smiling, laughing and had peace in my heart for the first time.

I was able to come to terms with what I had actually done, found forgiveness and have peace that my child is with my Lord in heaven, and one day I will be reunited with him.

We all have different reasons and circumstances as to why we made the choice to abort our child or children, but there is healing available to each and every one of us.

I believe that as each of us is healed, God is preparing us to be a voice for our children and all the children that have been aborted.

I am excited for the opportunity to be used by God to help other women in post abortive, prevention and anywhere He leads me.

Rhonda Bouchlas

I Received Significant Healing

Back in April, I was desperately searching for some help with my abortion healing and recovery.

I had fallen into a deep depression that I couldn’t get myself out of. I had covered up my abortion for 2 years and told no one about it.

Luckily, I found Toni, who graciously welcomed me into her Sunday conference call, as well as the Surrendering the Secret Bible study during the week.

The Surrendering the Secret study was more intimate with only a few women. The study was about 2 months long, and all of us held each other accountable to be on the call every week.

The Bible study conference calls were something I looked forward to every week. I knew that every week I was able to talk with people who cared and understood what I was going through.

We went through the readings and questions, diving deep into the core of our trauma. This wasn’t an easy process; it was emotional to get through.

Every week I gained more clarity. I can honestly say that by the end of the study, I received significant healing.

This bible study was a blessing that God gave to me, and I will never forget it.

Erika

Passionate About Changing Lives with Teleconference Venues

My abortion experiences occurred when I was a teenager and young woman, around the time that Roe v. Wade was passed and Planned Parenthood grew into the abortion business it has become. I hadn’t thought about these tragic events much anymore. I had been a victim of rape at the age of thirteen and continued with a rebellious, unchallenged lifestyle without God in my life or much supervision, throughout my teen and young womanhood years. This led to my secretive, deadly choices, without counseling or telling my parents or friends.

During the spring of 2019, I began a “Surrendering the Secret” (Pat Layton, 2008) Bible study group, as part of an abortion recovery requirement for consideration to become a counselor at a local First Care Women’s Clinic crisis center.

At first, I attended weekly sessions with a group of women at a church about an hour away from my home. When I started a new job, the work hours conflicted with this group. I contacted the director of the study group, and she connected me to Toni Weisz and her weekly teleconference group.

This was the best possible scenario. I am so grateful God made this possible. It was convenient to drive home and join the call and participate in comfort and privacy. I could even have my dinner as we began our class, since our phones were on mute as we proceeded.

Toni and the co-facilitator, Sharon, were comforting, gave wonderful guidance and made the whole experience easy and fulfilling. There were two other women in my group, who were wonderful to spend time with as well. We each listened to each other, timing was perfect and we followed along in our books and the format Toni designed with Scripture and discussion.

As we reached the end of the eight week series, we gathered for a memorial service during the seventh week, prepared by Toni and Sharon at a private home. This was touching and comforting. We enjoyed a light lunch meal and fellowship. It was joyful to meet everyone in person for the first time and chattered (as females do) about experiences, ideas and future plans for our personal healing and ministry to help others.

I highly recommend the teleconference format and look forward to participating again and leading groups myself. It is not only a great option for women (and men) who don’t live near each other and have hectic lives filled with family and work. It is private option for people who are uncomfortable meeting in public places for this personal subject.

These study groups are not readily available at churches and other venues, which is something we all feel passionate about changing so that more lives can be touched by this healing ministry and the loving forgiveness of Jesus. I am grateful to Toni, Sharon, First Care Women’s Clinics, Surrendering the Secret author Pat Layton and the other women I spent time in study with.

Nanette Gordon, Boca Raton, Florida August 24, 2019

Abortion Recovery

Sunday Teleconference Call

testemunhos

I Now Have a Healthier Perspective on Who I Am in Christ

Dentro 2017, Toni asked me to join in the conference calls to encourage the women who were struggling with the life choices they had made and were sometimes continuing to make.

These include abortion, substance abuse, unhealthy relationships and many other life choices that keep us from growing in our walk with Jesus.

Each week the facilitator discusses a topic which includes godly principles along with scripture to get us thinking on how we can relate to that particular life choice or past hurt that we need to heal from and how God can bring this healing into our lives.

We then have opportunity to share as she opens the call to all participants who feel comfortable and would like to share what is on their hearts and minds.

My experience from participating on this call has been so incredible! I have not only been used of God to encourage and build other women up, but I have grown in my walk with the Lord as we pursue the discussions.

God is using this ministry to bring healing I didn’t realize I needed and a deeper understanding to my life experiences.

It is giving me a healthier perspective on who I am in Christ.

Lúcia