Lord, I Want to Be Healed

Lord, I Want to Be Healed

Lord, I Want to Be Healed

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Scripture References: John 10:10b, Ephesians 3:20, Isaiah 41:10, Luke 19:10 and Psalm 40:1–3

 

If we truly want to be healed from our past trauma, we must be willing to surrender all to God. We must step out and trust Him completely in this process even when it gets scary and it’s unpredictable and out of our control.

For those who have experienced abuse and abortion in our past, it is hard to let go of control because it was our protection, so we thought.

We have to come to the point where we don’t want to just survive, we want to live the abundant life Jesus came to give us (Read John 10:10b). We no longer want to just settle; we want to experience true love and acceptance, perhaps for the first time in our lives.

If you are reading this blog, you most likely have decided you want to be healed, too. You are courageous and tired of the life you were living and want more. You want to stop the cycle of dysfunction in your life and for future generations. This is a long and very hard process, but it is worth it.

If you are willing, God is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than what you can ask or think (Read Ephesians 3:20). That’s the God we serve. He is not limited by time and space. He is eternal.

I remember back in 2006, when God called me to the post–abortion ministry, starting a journal called, “Why are the relationships closest to me toxic?” God gave me awareness that there was something going on in my relationships with those closest to me. But what was it? I was the common denominator, so what was I doing to enable these toxic relationships?

I discovered over a ten-year period of relentlessly going to God as a broken surrendered woman, “Lord I want to be healed from all the pain, rejection, abuse and my abortion. I want to be set free from my people–pleasing and fear of man. I want to know your love in the innermost parts of my being. I want to feel loved, cherished, and safe, but how do I get there?”

God was so gentle with me because He knew how fragile I was after a lifetime of pain, rejection and trauma. He was leading me with His righteous right hand on a path of healing that was so difficult at times, but it was also beautiful (Read Isaiah 41:10).

I discovered the heart of God on this journey, and for that, I am most grateful. To know the Father’s heart towards us is life transforming. He is love, gentle, kind, faithful, peaceful, generous, powerful, and eternal. He is close to the abused, neglected, abandoned, and broken. He came to seek and to save the lost (Read Luke 19:10). We were all that at one point. But God in His infinite wisdom, His abounding grace and love picked us up out of the pit and placed us on the rock, Jesus Christ our Lord, our strong foundation (Read Psalm 40:2).

Hallelujah!!! Thank you, Jesus.

 

Questions to take to heart:

  1. When did God show you the dysfunction in your life?
  2. What was your next step after your awareness?
  3. How is God healing you? Who or what did He use to accomplish this?
  4. How can we pray for you?

Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

I watched this movie recently that truly blessed my heart: Kendrick Brothers’ Show me the Father.

Here is the YouTube trailer: https://youtu.be/k4g0CFfGkMk

I pray it blesses your heart also.

 

You are loved,

Toni

 

 

I Make All Things New

I Make All Things New

I Make all Things New
By Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

 

Scripture References: Revelation 21:1–5, Ephesians 2:8–9, Ephesians 3:14–21

Revelation 21:1–5
Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”

God has given me, and those who serve with me in this ministry, a special privilege to walk alongside you courageous brave women on your healing journey. We have watched you come broken and scared to share your secrets of trauma from your past abortions and abuse. You are fearful of condemnation and judgement. Letting go of your secrets is not an easy thing, especially for those who have been carrying them for many decades.

But our merciful kind and loving Father doesn’t want you doing this alone anymore. He wants you healed to become the women He created you to be.

I have watched God in my own life take a broken, depressed, suicidal, tormented woman and lift me off the ground, and show me His great love, by opening my spiritual eyes to see that I was a sinner headed for hell.

My life was transformed when I heard the Gospel for the first time that Jesus was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, was crucified, died, buried and rose again on the third day, to defeat death and Satan. He took my place on the cross, He paid my sin debt. I went running to Jesus to rescue me from the torment of a life I had been living for 34 years. I can never repay Him for the gift of salvation that He gave to me.

Ephesians 2:8–9
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Our healing process is a lifelong journey. I was amazed at how broken and dysfunctional I was when I started my healing back in 2006. All the time the enemy had me deceived that I was fine, no need to look at my past trauma because it was such a long time ago. “I was good.”

That could not be farther from the truth. You see, the evil one wants to keep us isolated sitting in darkness being tormented by him because then he has us exactly where he wants us.

But God does not want His daughters tormented anymore. He wants us to be healed and set free from the enemy and from our own distorted view of the truth. He wants us to have the courage to step out and trust Him to lead us. He wants us to use our voices and our testimonies to help others to step out also. It is a hard process, but it is so beautiful because Jesus gently leads us by His righteous right hand.

Jesus gave me a new life, a new song, and a new purpose. He has made all things new for me, and I know He can do this for you too if you will humble yourself before Him and trust Him. He loves you more than you can comprehend.

My prayer for you:
Ephesians 3:14–21

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

 

If you’re wondering how you too can have this new life in Jesus:

First, we must have a relationship with Jesus our Savior. He is our healer. There is no true life change without Him. (Salvation)

Second, we must have courage to step out and trust Him. This is hard to do, but we must trust Him in this process. (Trust)

Third, we must spend time daily reading God’s Word and praying. (Daily Devotions)

Fourth, we must be accountable to others. (Accountability)

Fifth, we must continue to want to be healed in all our broken places. This is a lifelong process. (Perseverance)

Sixth, we then go out and share our testimony so other women will have the courage to step out and be healed. (Sharing Our Testimony)


Questions to take to heart:

  1. Where are you in your healing process? Salvation, Trust, Daily Devotions, Accountability, Perseverance, or Sharing Your Testimony?
  2. Are you ready to go to the next level in your healing?
  3. How can we encourage you on your healing journey?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out to me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

 

“You Make all Things New”
Big Daddy Weave

https://youtu.be/4_2aX_i4qpM?si=bJrJBO7ppX2n4j2Q

 

How to Overcome Trauma

How to Overcome Trauma

How to Overcome Trauma
By Toni Weisz/Abuse Recovery

Scripture References: Psalm 147:3, Psalm 27:10, Psalm 100:5

“Trauma can be more than a dark pit of despair or a spiral of depression. It has the potential to be our deepest source of empathy, strongest point of connection, and most forceful impetus (stimulus) for growth if we bravely choose to let others into both the brokenness and the mending. My Brokenness becomes beautiful when I see trauma as an opportunity to grow.” (Excerpt taken from the devotional, Suffer Strong: A Plan for Redefining Everything, by Katherine and Jay Wolf.)

 

Psalm 147:3
He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 27:10
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

Psalm 100:5
For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations.

 

It takes courage to face the trauma from our past. This is not an easy process. In fact, it is quite painful at times, and it is not for the faint of heart. That’s why many people don’t do it. They would rather live in their dysfunction because they know what to expect—it’s familiar.

Change can be hard, scary, and unpredictable. But it can also be beautiful, especially when we are able to come out on the other side of our pain and see the miraculous work God has done.

When I first started this ministry, the Lord encouraged me to be real.

When I am open and transparent with all of you, it gives you permission to share from your broken places too.

I have experienced tremendous healing as a result of doing the conference calls the past 10 years. The work of the Holy Spirit, self-examination, and a safe community in which to share are the most important elements for true healing and the ability to break dysfunctional unhealthy behavior.

You’re only as sick as your secrets.

Sharing your secrets in a safe and loving environment helps you to begin the healing process. It brings that secret thing into the light, and the devil no longer has power over you in that area. I am praying that each of you experience true healing in all of your broken areas. You are safe on our conference calls, dearly beloved of the Lord.

I also needed to practice what I preached.

If I was telling you to stand up to the bully and use your voice, then I needed to do the same thing.

There is a recovery statement: Say what you mean but don’t say it mean.

God has shown me how to stay calm, to allow the other person to speak, and try to stay on topic. Then when it’s my turn, I share my perspective but in a way that honors God.

I apologize when I need to, but I don’t allow others to just dump on me or yell at me. I walk away or hang up because that’s not an acceptable way to communicate. I don’t allow others to be verbally abusive to me. By sharing with you, it also helped me to practice those same principles in my life.

God showed me He wanted to be first in my life.

Once I put God first in my life, then what others thought of me didn’t matter so much anymore. I was trying to please them so they would love me, but that never worked anyway. It only left me feeling empty, unloved and depleted of my energy. I realized I could never make someone happy or sad; I didn’t have that kind of power. Only God can love me completely. So, I go to God when I need something because most people are not able to give me what I need anyway. They cannot give what they don’t have.

Questions:

  1. What areas from your past trauma from abortion/abuse are you struggling with right now?
  2. Are you able to share about them right now? Please limit your shares to 10 minutes due to the number of women on the call.
  3. How can we be praying for you?

Remember: When your father and your mother forsake you, Then the LORD will take you up. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations. He binds up the brokenhearted and heals all of your wounds.

Please reach out if you need prayer or just want to talk. Email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,

Toni

 

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 1–3)

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 1–3)

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 1): Fear

by Toni Weisz/ Recovery Tools

 

Scripture References

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given me the Spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

 

Question: What is preventing me from recognizing I have a problem?

 

Fear is a tool the enemy uses to keep me in my dysfunction: the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, and fear that if I do change, I will lose a relationship.

What are your fears? Make a list of them all.

What is preventing you from truly looking at your life and asking God to help you change?

When I truly ask and seek the truth, God shows me my wounds and the lies I believe about Him, myself, and others. Once He shows me those areas, I accept them and seek His wisdom to change the things I can.

My areas of woundedness were once fear of rejection and abandonment, and believing the lie that if I was perfect, I would be loved. These fears caused me to become a people-pleaser and made me think I had to earn love from others and God.

I believed God would not forgive my sin of abortion, that my sin was too great. Now I know that was a lie from the enemy to keep me in bondage. I also believed I deserved to be emotionally abused because of my sins.

All this unhealthy thinking kept me in emotionally abusive relationships, isolation, depression, and hopelessness. But God in His mercy and grace filled my heart with His unfailing love, giving me the courage to step out of the darkness into His beautiful transforming light.

He helped me recognize the root causes of these lies and how to shred those lies to pieces using the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God.

 

How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has helped you to discover and conquer the fears and the root causes in your own life. Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 2): Busyness

by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

 

Scripture References:

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

Ephesians 2:8–9
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast.

Romans 8:15–16a
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

Romans 8:38–39
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

I was always busy with so many things that I didn’t have time to think about the toxic relationships I had with some close family members. I was so involved in my children’s school and after school activities, teaching and serving at church, and raising my family that I did not have time to look at myself and recognize that I was enabling unhealthy behavior.

It was fall of 2001, and I was pushing myself hard physically so I could compete against 24-year-olds in tennis at the age of 42. I would be exhausted, but I forced myself to work out anyway.

We attended a church where obeying the rules was the most important thing. It was all a show, and in the meantime, my spirit was so grieved I could barely feel the Spirit of God in me.

Then came September 11, and my husband was flying that day from Philly to CA. For many hours, I did not know where he was or how he was. When I watched planes crash into the Twin Towers, I just remember going into shock. John’s family was calling, and I had no information on his whereabouts.

Shortly after that in October, I fell on the tennis court and hurt myself so badly that I had a huge bulge in my right hip area. As time passed, it got worse, and I could not walk after a while because the pain shot through my entire body. From Thanksgiving through New Years, I was confined to laying on the couch because I was unable to stand or walk for long periods of time.

I couldn’t do anything for several months. For the first time, I had to allow others to do things for me. It was very humbling. I had a complete mental, physical, emotional and spiritual breakdown. My children were in high school at that time, and they would sit at my feet on the couch and do their homework. I thank God for that special memory.

It was during the time of my confinement that God whispered to my heart, “I love you regardless of whether you serve me on all these committees at Church or you lay on the couch for the rest of your life. I love you the same. My love for you never changes. My love for you is not based upon your good works or being worthy to be loved; My love is based upon My Son’s death on the cross for your sins.”

God knew I was working for acceptance from others and Him. I was raised in a works-based religion, and I felt because of the sins from my past—all the drugs, alcohol, sex outside of marriage and my abortion—that I needed to make an atonement for my sins somehow. I didn’t understand that there was nothing I could do to earn salvation; it was a gift from God (Ref. Ephesians 2:8–9).

It took 10 years for that truth to finally make its way to my heart. But once it did, it changed my whole world forever. I finally felt loved and accepted by God. I didn’t have to be good enough or check a box to be loved and accepted. I realized I needed to believe God’s Word. I can now say with confidence that I have been adopted by God, I am His child, and nothing can separate me from His love (Ref. Romans 8:15–16a, 38–39).

 

Questions to Take to Heart:

  1. What are you doing to keep yourself so busy that you are not dealing with your stuff?
  2. What are you running away from?
  3. How can/did you stop the busyness in your life?
  4. How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myahsestobeauty.com.

You are loved,
Toni

 

 

Tools the Enemy Uses to Keep Us in Bondage (Part 3): Blind Spots

by Toni Weisz/Recovery Tools

 

Scripture References:

Psalm 119:18
“Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things out of Your Law.”

John 8:31–32
“Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, ‘If you abide in My word, you will be my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’”

 

Blind spots are areas in my life in which I have been wounded and where I cannot see my character defects, sins, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

My life was filled with destructive choices, all of which contributed to my woundedness and blind spots. Only God could show me these blind spots and help me to see what areas in my life I needed to work through and change.

In the past, a blind spot for me was being overly protective of my children. When I was a young mom and not a believer yet, I was fearful that God would punish me for my past abortion and take one of my children. I remember when my children hit three years of age, I thought, “Oh good, I don’t have to worry about that.”

But I still parented out of fear because I didn’t want my children to make the same mistakes. They were not permitted to participate in many activities their public school friends participated in because of the church we were attending at the time.

God’s Word shined light in these dark areas that were hidden for so many years. This light set me free from my fears, helping me to trust Him to release my children into His capable hands and allow them to make their own choices.

Later on, I had to apologize to my children for not allowing them to do certain things but also for being way too protective of them. They knew my heart, and they forgave me.

Another area that I had a huge blind spot was in my relationships with others. I did not see how I was allowing others to take advantage of me by manipulating and controlling me. I never developed a voice because I was fearful of rejection and abandonment, which caused me to accept this unacceptable behavior.

I felt I deserved to be abused because of my past sins, which was a lie from the devil. I hated myself and did not respect myself. So, how could I expect others to love and respect me? I allowed others to control and manipulate me because I put their opinions above God’s in my life.

My people–pleasing was out of control, and I could never say no because I didn’t want to disappoint others. So, I ran around like an idiot, exhausted physically and emotionally drained and all along feeling very empty and unloved inside.

Why was I doing these things? Oh, yes, so others will see value in me and love me.

Well, that never worked. The only one who ever saw value and worth in me was God.

Over time, God was removing the blindness, and I started seeing my unhealthy thinking. As I was seeking Him more and the truth about my past, He started revealing things to me that I did not see before.

I am so thankful for the day when God filled me with His love so completely that I finally stopped looking to humans to approve of me or love me. I was content solely in my relationship with the Lord. He was the only one I needed. This perspective changed my life forever. I am so grateful for God showing me my blind spots so I could know the truth, confess my sins, repent and be set free.

Ask God to show you what your blind spots are.

Questions:

What areas has God revealed to you that were blind spots?

Can you share them with the group?

How can we pray for you?

I pray this topic has helped you to discover blind spots in your own life. Please reach out if you need prayer or a word of encouragement. Email: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

In His love and service,

—Toni

Read more of Toni's blogs HERE!

Unmet Expectations

Unmet Expectations

 

Unmet Expectations
by Luci Boudreaux/Spiritual Insights

Scripture References:

Hebrews 4:16
“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Psalm 27:13–14
“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage wait for the Lord!”

 

After I surrendered my life to Jesus at age 25, I was so excited to go with God and live for Him. After years of mental and physical abuse by others and by my own poor life choices, which included abortion, I was anxious to start fresh. And I dared to dream for a normal life with God at the center.

I attended church, studied the Scriptures and hung out with other like–minded believers. I had great expectations about how God would fulfill my dreams to be a wife and a mom. And seeing all the young families at church intensified my longing to have my own family.

Years passed as my hopes and dreams went unfulfilled, in spite of my prayers. I got tired of waiting on God, so I took control and started dating a man who said the things I wanted to hear, but he turned out to be the opposite of the godly man I wanted to be with. You can read the whole story about “The Angel of Light” on MyAshesToBeauty.com under Luci’s Blogs, Abuse Recovery.

After three years of abuse and separation from God, I ended the relationship and surrendered my singleness to the Lord. And not long after this, I met the man that I’ve been so thankful to be married to for 21 years! In this difficult experience, God taught me that waiting on His timing and trusting His wisdom brings the best results.

Fast–forward to today, and again, God has me in a place of learning to trust and believe His promises. I have been physically suffering for years with GI tract and stomach pain. You might say, I carry stress in my gut! In the last few months, it has become debilitating. I’ve been aggressively reading and applying what the experts tell me to do, but nothing has brought relief. I also searched for a healthcare professional that could help to heal me. But as I prayed for guidance and searched for months, the doors continued to close.

My hope was fading as I questioned God, “Why? Why all this suffering? Why all this waiting?” In my weakened state, I believed the lie that God would not bring healing and that He wasn’t hearing my cries for help.

In this process, God showed me that I needed an adjustment in my perspective because I had lost sight of what He was and is always doing in the life of His children. He was helping me see that I was allowing the cares of this world to affect me, that I was anxious about many things, and it was manifesting in my body breaking down. In addition, he was preparing the perfect time for me to meet the right doctor. And as an added bonus, which I know was part of His plan, I not only met her but was also able to minister to her very precious mother who happened to be visiting.

God is not in the business of meeting our desires and needs in what WE believe to be the perfect time. He wants everything to be for our ultimate good (heart, mind and spirit) and for His glory. Just like Job, we can’t understand the mind of God, nor can we see the incredible plans He has for us. We have to trust that He loves us beyond our wildest dreams.

God has had His hand on my life circumstances this whole time! But He was waiting for me to give Him control and to trust His promises for me, as Scripture guides us. And one passage to emphasize is Psalm 25:9: “He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble His way.”

 

QUESTIONS:

What are you hoping and waiting for in your life?

Do you have a testimony of how God has answered your prayer in a way that surprised and blessed you beyond your expectations?

How can we pray for you?

 

I pray this topic has been helpful for you. You can reach me at: overcomer982@icloud.com.

 

Blessings,

Luci

 

 

Back to Luci’s Blogs