
Pensamento fedorento: Minha visão distorcida de mim mesmo
Pensamento fedorento: Minha visão distorcida de mim mesmo
por Toni Weisz/Stinking Thinking
Referências bíblicas: Isaías 43:18–19, Salmo 62:6-8, Salmo 27:10, John 8:32, and Romans 5:9
Pensamento fedorento refers to the negative or disturbing thoughts that torment us, especialmente quando estamos HALT (Hsem raiva, UMAcom raiva, euapenas ou Tirado). We will be looking at our distorted view of self. Aprenderemos a discernir a verdade das mentiras em que acreditamos durante toda a nossa vida. Nosso objetivo é equipá-lo para que você possa ter vitória em todas as áreas da sua vida.
Isaías 43:18–19
“Não te lembres das coisas anteriores, nem considere as coisas antigas. Contemplar, vou fazer uma coisa nova, agora ele brotará; você não saberá disso? Farei até uma estrada no deserto e rios no deserto”.
Salmo 62: 6–8
“Só ele é minha rocha e minha salvação; Ele é minha defesa; Eu não serei movido. Em Deus está minha salvação e minha glória; A rocha da minha força, e meu refúgio, está em Deus. Confie Nele em todos os momentos, vocês pessoas; derrame seu coração diante dele; Deus é um refúgio para nós.”
Salmo 27:10
Quando meu pai e minha mãe me abandonam, the Lord will take care of me.
John 8:32
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Romanos 5:9
Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.
I was the oldest of three and came from a strict second-generation, Italian-American family. My father and his two brothers and sister ran a family-owned construction company started by my grandfather.
My grandfather had a drinking problem. And my dad acted like an alcoholic even though he did not drink. I refer to his behavior as a “rageaholic.” He worked extremely long hours and was dealing with a lot of stress and family drama. Ele não foi capaz de se comunicar de maneira saudável sem ficar com raiva e levantar a voz. He had a very short fuse. então, quando ele estava em casa, Eu literalmente gostaria de correr e me esconder.
My mom tried her best to control our home environment as not to cause my dad any stress. We had to be very quiet and obedient when he was home. The slightest thing could set him off. When my dad was at work, my mom had her own way of dealing with the chaos in our home. She yelled a lot too. It wasn’t a very calm or peaceful environment. But I believe they did the best they could. They were preoccupied with putting out fires that my sister and brother were starting. It was easy for me to hide in the shadows.
As a young child, how was I supposed to get the love and attention I needed? Depois do “bom, quiet one” persona was not working anymore, I started sneaking Scotch whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet at 12 anos. Now I was really hiding because of all of my secrets, which now were piling up, and it became even more difficult to keep up my façade. Por 13, Eu estava ficando chapado e usando outras drogas. No 16, I was having sex; then the unthinkable, my abortion at 21. My life was a disaster, one poor decision after another led me down a very dark path. I was very alone in this pit even though I had friends; no one really knew what I was suffering with because I wore the perfect mask. I was right where the evil one wanted me. Isolated, sozinho, and hiding in my secrets.
Now in my early 30’s after many years of destructive choices, mecanismos de cópia prejudiciais e vícios, minha auto-aversão estava no auge de todos os tempos. My depression would last for weeks at a time, and it was preventing me from functioning normally, and all the pain I had been stuffing all my life was coming out sideways. Eu não tinha controle sobre isso. Eu era como um vulcão ambulante. I literally just wanted to end this torment of a life. But God gave me two children, and I wasn’t going to leave them without a mom. então, I decided I needed to do something different because what I was doing was not working. I was tired of putting my mask on every day and pretending.
Eu senti que não era digno de ser amado. Na verdade, I thought I deserved to be emotionally abused by others because of my sin. Eu não me via como uma pessoa de valor para ninguém, nem mesmo para Deus. Esse padrão destrutivo continuaria até que eu estivesse 34, quando pela graça de Deus, Eu ouvi o evangelho e dentro 4 semanas fui salvo e pedi a Jesus para perdoar meus pecados e ser meu Senhor e Salvador. O dia mais lindo e memorável da minha vida é fevereiro 6, 1994, quando nasci de novo.
Mesmo depois da minha salvação, I felt I had to work for love and approval from God and especially from others in leadership at Church. My people-pleasing was consuming my life, e Deus me mostrou que isso é idolatria, that anything that I put above Him is a sin.
Over the past 20 anos, God has slowly been showing me my character defects and areas of sin, my codependency, people-pleasing, and lack of clear boundaries and how I was enabling unhealthy behavior. I didn’t love or respect myself so how could I expect others to. I allowed people to walk all over me, to manipulate and control me, but slowly over time, I started putting up boundaries and using my voice.
God helped me to see myself through His eyes of love, care, and compassion. Back in 2015 when struggling with rejection, I wrote out these words of affirmation that I read out loud to myself every day: I am worthy, I am loved, I belong, I am accepted, I am adopted, I am confident and competent, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I am a child of God, I am victorious in Christ, just to name a few. This is my Spiritual Armor; I put this on every morning to protect myself from the fiery darts of the enemy. Our battle is won and lost in our minds. What we believe about ourselves and about God matters. God’s word is truth, and the truth will make you free.
I hope I never take for granted the miracle that took place in my life 31 anos atrás, when I received the gift of salvation through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross for me.
QUESTIONS TO TAKE TO HEART:
- How has your distorted view of yourself opened you up to all kinds of abuse and sin as a way to cope with your pain?
- How did you see yourself?
- Who does God say you are? Give examples of Biblical truth.
- What do you do to put your Spiritual Armor on daily to protect yourself from the enemy?
- Como podemos orar por você?
I pray this topic has been helpful for you if you need to talk, you can text me or email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.
Você é amado, Toni
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