By Luci Boudreaux/Spiritual Insights          

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

Revelation. 3:20 “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” 

Today’s topic, on intimacy, is a continuation of our last teleconference meeting that left us with more to share and reveal. Before we get into the details of our topic, I want to give you a glimpse of my life so you have an idea of where I’ve come from. 

When I was 11, I was molested by older brothers, raped at age 12 by an older man I didn’t know, raped again at 14, and by 15, molested and victimized a few more times. I became sexually active at 14, because I felt I had to give myself away to get the love and attention I so desperately craved. I had been stripped of my self worth. 

These traumatic events perverted my understanding of what healthy intimacy is. I believed that my body was to be used for physical and emotional gain, and I learned to manipulate the men I wanted to attract. I thought if I gave myself physically to men, they would love and respect me. It was a twisted and evil version of what God intended for me as His beloved daughter. 

I began to see things differently when Jesus saved me! As I read the Bible, I could hardly believe my incredible fortune that THE perfect, all knowing God of creation, chose to love ME! I realized that I was redeemed for a higher purpose than to abuse my body and engage in unhealthy relationships. 

I spent most of my free time seeking out relationships with healthy role models who were godly women and men who were confident in themselves because of their commitment to Jesus. For so long, I put myself down, and now Jesus was elevating me to be called His Daughter! What a Savior! 

I too wanted to be confident and secure, so I focused mainly on my relationship with God, and as I did, He drew closer to me! But my self-perception was still distorted. 

I had to go back and process the abuse and pain from my past so I could move forward in my healing journey. I had to acknowledge that some of my behaviors were sinful toward myself, others, and especially my Lord. Over the years as I grew in my faith, I pursued counseling and mentors to get victory over my broken past. It was really hard work. But it was so worth it! 

Soon after accepting Jesus into my heart, I became obsessed with finding a godly husband and raising a family. It was constantly on my mind. You could say it was an idol to me. I was lonely and felt that I deserved to have my heart’s desire. I prayed often for the Lord  to answer this prayer. But I remained single.  

Many years passed before I realized that I had placed this desire over my relationship with the Lord. I had to repent and turn back to Him. This choice put things in proper perspective. God showed me that He must take priority in my life before I could give myself to another in a way that would glorify Him and bless my union. 

After many years of spiritual growth and emotional healing, at age 42, the lord brought an amazing man into my life who I have been married to for 24 years. We love God and live our lives to serve Him and each other. We are better together than we were apart. God knew that I needed to be whole and completely devoted to Him before I could be the godly wife David needed. 

Our intimacy and devotion to God will affect our human relationships and shape the way they develop. If you function under a false view of who you are (unworthy, insecure, broken, untrusting and so on), you will come across this way. Drifting into false beliefs about yourself will distort your connection with others, whether they be friends or a present or future spouse. 

Your mental, emotional, and spiritual journey is influenced by the things you feed your mind and what you believe about yourself. In order to see yourself in the correct way, you must diligently seek the Lord in prayer and receive His Word daily, not just read it. 

God sees you as His beautiful, precious daughter. You are complete in Christ. He loves you with a perfect and eternal love. And when you embrace these truths, you will develop self-respect and confidence and expect others to treat you in this way. If someone wants to be a part of your life, you should expect them to treat you as God’s beautiful and cherished and humble daughter, and to be reciprocal in loving and sacrificing for you as you do for them, according to God’s plan. 

Questions: 

Are you comfortable with the concept of intimacy with God?

Have you felt that you are reliving the same story, the same memories, the same thought processes? 

Are you stuck in habitual sin as you continue to see yourself as a victim or unworthy?

What are you feeding your mind and spirit? 

How can we pray for you?

I came to understand that God had ordered my days and He was going to bring beauty from the ashes. I glorify Him today in the hard and the easy times because I know He “works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.”  Ref. Romans 8:28