Meu Mask of Perfection

Meu Mask of Perfection

Click Here for the Spanish Version!

From the time I was a small child, I did not use my voice and hid in the background to keep under the radar. Como resultado, I became what people wanted me to be. I was labeled, “The good, quiet one.” I was fearful of rejection, so I became a people pleaser. I believed the lie that if I were perfect, I would be loved. That’s when I started wearing a mask.

My need for love and acceptance caused me to hide parts of myself. I only showed the good sides so people would love me. Then, when I was 12 anos, I started sneaking whiskey from my parents’ liquor cabinet. Now, I was really hiding. I didn’t want my parents to find out. They were very strict with me being the oldest, and I didn’t want them to be angry or disappointed in me.

As I got older, my sins were more and more grievous, and my secrets became bigger and bigger. então, I isolated even more and hid everything. My mask morphed as I got older. As a child, I strived for perfection. I was a good student, good athlete, and an all-around good child. When that wasn’t working, I tapped into a lifestyle of alcohol, drugs and sex. When I was home, I was still the good one. But in high school, I was hanging out with those who smoked and did drugs.

Neste ponto, people pleasing ruled my life. All I strove for were accolades from others and a place I could fit in and feel safe. But I would not find that for a long time. Honestamente, I lost my own identity because I wanted to fit in with others. I no longer knew what I liked or what I wanted to do because I became a chameleon and changed depending upon the group I was with. I had lost my own identity striving to please others.

I felt unloved and lost. My drinking and drug use were out of control. I was a walking time bomb. I hated myself and felt so depressed. I struggled with keeping it all together. When I found out I was pregnant as a 21-year-old college student, I panicked. This pregnancy did not fit the narrative I was allowing my parents to see. I was not the good, quiet one. I was doing very ungodly, sinful destructive things, and now I was going to terminate my baby’s life.

How did I end up here? My whole life was a lie. I will have an abortion and act as if everything was fine. But everything wasn’t fine. After this traumatic event, I was more depressed than before, crying all the time and drinking more. My self-loathing and suicidal thoughts were now continually plaguing me. I just wanted to die so this torment would stop. It was too hard to keep up this façade. Slowly my mask was cracking, and I was so afraid of being exposed. All my sins and lies would come flooding out. I was scared.

In my early 30’s I had a physical and emotional break down. I could not function normally at all. I would lay on the couch for weeks at a time. All the years of stuffing and lying and all the pain I had been holding in all my life were starting to come out sideways. I was a walking volcano, spilling hot ash on anyone who got in my way. I was extremely emotional. I felt I could not look anyone in the eyes because if I did, I would not be able to stop crying.

Slowly I started recognizing I needed help. I needed someone who would love me, accept me, and heal me. I needed a Savior. Then on January 2, 1994, I heard the gospel for the first time. Within 4 weeks I gave my heart to Jesus, confessed my sins, turned from my old ways and turned toward God. I am coming up on the 26th anniversary of my salvation, and it is still the sweetest day of my life. It is the day I finally surrendered my life to God and allowed Him to heal my broken body, my broken heart and my broken mind. He transformed me into the woman He created me to be: a loving, confident woman filled with joy and peace. I have been adopted into the family of God; I am accepted, and I am finally loved. I feel safe to be me. I can take the mask off now because I am finally home.

Are you wearing a mask?

What does your mask look like?

Do you have the courage to take off the mask and be real?

I pray that as God heals you, you will be filled with His love and you will have the courage to take off your mask.

Bênçãos,

Toni

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A Ferramenta de Destacamento

A Ferramenta de Destacamento

John 10:10uma, 1st Corinthians 14:33b, Provérbios 6:19b, James 1:19

The tool of detachment gives me the ability to love someone without getting caught up in their dysfunction. Satan is the author of confusion, chaos, and discord among the brethren and our families. He has made this his primary mission: to steal, kill, and destroy our testimonies, our relationships, our peace, our joy, and to make our lives miserable. We must guard our hearts from responding to others in ways that are hurtful and mean spirited, instead speaking the truth in love. Use your voice in a way that is pleasing to God and to the hearer. Recognize that everyone has wounds from their past and the way in which people respond to certain situations has a lot to do with where they are in their healing process. It’s important to remember, “Hurting people hurt people.” They are blinded by their wounds and cannot see how they are hurting others.

It is extremely important to have healthy boundaries. I grew up with no boundaries at all. I had to educate myself about boundaries and learn how to communicate them with others. Eventually, I started speaking up for myself and sharing how I was feeling. Over time, it became second nature for me to use my voice and to protect myself from unhealthy people or situations. Starting something new is always the hardest part, but it becomes easier with time.

If you have not read the book, “Boundaries,” by Cloud and Townsend, I suggest you do. This book is a very helpful resource. In my journey with the tool of detachment, I also had to recognize that I cannot fix, resgatar, or save anyone. I had to realize that I cannot control another person, nor can I change them, but rather, God can. I had to surrender to God and relinquish all control to Him. As soon as I did, I began to feel more peaceful, calmer and less anxious about things.

When I trust God and humble myself before Him, I am released from being tormented by the evil one. A humble, teachable spirit is a very powerful weapon against the enemy, and God draws near to the humble. There are times I need to leave a room and walk away from a conversation because I feel I may say something I will regret. Once I say something that is hurtful, I can never take it back. Removing myself from a volatile situation is sometimes my only option. By doing this, I have a chance to cool down, think, and pray before I respond to this person or situation. I can now respond, instead of just reacting without thinking. God wants me to think and pray before I speak, knowing that my words can be used to lift others up or they can cause others to stumble.

Detachment gives me wisdom and discernment when dealing with a situation or an individual who is in a volatile state. I don’t have to fear or be anxious, and I don’t have to take the situation on as my own. Em vez de, I can recognize that the occurrence has nothing to do with me. I can respond in a calm and godly manner, and I can speak the truth in love. I can walk away and return when I am calmer and more composed. Seeking God during this process helps me to remain in peace and in control of my emotions; that’s all I am responsible for, and I leave the rest in God’s hands.

In His love and service,

— Toni

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Idolatria e Codependência

Idolatria e Codependência

Idolatria e Codependência
Ferramentas de recuperação/recuperação de aborto
Êxodo 20:3-5uma

Êxodo 20:3-5a “Não terás outros deuses diante de mim. “Não farás para ti imagem esculpida, semelhança alguma do que há em cima nos céus, ou que está na terra abaixo, ou que está na água sob a terra; não te curvarás a eles nem servirás (adoração) eles. para mim, o Senhor teu Deus, sou um Deus ciumento…”

Idolatria é o ato de colocar algo ou alguém antes de Deus em nossos corações ou mentes. Os ídolos são obsessões que nos consomem. Um ídolo pode ser um trabalho, dinheiro, um esporte ou hobby, um relacionamento, ou um problema físico; qualquer coisa que colocamos diante de Deus.

No passado, coloquei meu marido, minhas crianças, tênis, e outras pessoas diante de Deus. Na verdade, Fiquei tão consumido com o que os outros pensavam de mim, Eu me tornei quem eles queriam que eu fosse como resultado, Eu não sabia quem eu realmente era. Meu medo de rejeição e abandono emparelhado com minha necessidade de amor e aceitação, me fez um prazer para as pessoas. Eu não tinha limites, então aceitei comportamentos inaceitáveis ​​dos outros. Eu nunca poderia dizer não porque não queria decepcioná-los. Eu permiti que as pessoas me manipulassem, me controle, e me trata muito mal. No fundo eu senti que merecia, especialmente depois do meu aborto. Eu me odiava e achava que não tinha valor para ninguém... nem mesmo para Deus. então, Eu permiti que outros abusassem de mim.

Para me proteger, Eu estava obcecado em controlar tudo e todos. Eu não confiava em ninguém e acreditava que todos iriam me machucar... até o próprio Deus. Não ter controle era um pensamento assustador para mim, então eu estava com medo de colocá-lo em primeiro lugar. Dentro 2010, Entrei para um programa de recuperação para filhos adultos de alcoólatras (ACOA). Enquanto lá, Percebi que tinha que entregar o controle a Deus e admitir que minha vida havia se tornado incontrolável. Foi quando comecei a aprender a confiar em Deus. Aprendi a liberar indivíduos e situações em Suas mãos capazes, me libertando de carregar esses fardos e me sentindo pessoalmente responsável por muitas coisas. Aprendi que Deus quer ser o primeiro na minha vida. Lendo Sua Palavra, diário, e meditar nas Escrituras logo pela manhã tornou-se um hábito diário para mim. Eu ansiava pelo meu tempo especial com Ele e somente com Ele, todo dia

De acordo com a Mental Health America, a definição de codependência é uma condição emocional e comportamental que afeta a capacidade de um indivíduo ter uma vida saudável, relacionamento mutuamente satisfatório. Também é conhecido como “vício em relacionamento” porque as pessoas com codependência geralmente formam ou mantêm relacionamentos unilaterais, emocionalmente destrutivo e/ou abusivo (https://www.mhanational.org/co-dependency). Em recuperação, Aprendi sobre a condição de codependência e como eu estava tão envolvido com a vida de outras pessoas que não conseguia me desligar delas. A vida deles afetou demais a minha. Eu tive que dar um passo para trás e permitir que eles tomassem suas próprias decisões, aprender com seus erros, e sofrer as consequências de suas próprias ações. Eu não precisava mais pular para consertar, resgatar, ou salvar outros. Aprendi que não sou Deus, nem posso controlar outra pessoa. Cresci acreditando que tinha o poder de deixar as pessoas felizes ou tristes com minhas palavras e ações; isso foi uma mentira do diabo. Eu nunca tive tanto controle. Assim que percebi isso, Eu me entreguei a Deus e dei a Ele todas as pessoas e situações da minha vida que eu tentava controlar.. Finalmente, pela primeira vez, Eu era responsável apenas por mim.

Doze anos depois, Agora vejo como Deus dirigiu meu caminho. Ele me levou a obter a ajuda que eu precisava para que eu pudesse ser liberto para viver a vida abundante que Jesus veio me dar. Ele pegou minhas cinzas e meus pecados e os usou para o meu bem e para a glória dele. Sou muito grato por Sua fidelidade e amor ao longo dos anos. Eu não estaria onde estou hoje se não fosse por Jesus me conduzindo e guiando.

Perguntas & Considerações finais:

ÍDOLOS, n. eu. tijolo ídolo. Gr. ídolo, e adorar ou servir.

  1. A adoração de ídolos, imagens, ou qualquer coisa feita por mãos, ou o que não é Deus. A idolatria é de dois tipos; a adoração de imagens, estátuas, As fotos, etc. feito por mãos; e a adoração dos corpos celestes, o sol, Lua e estrelas, ou de demônios, anjos, homens e animais.
  2. Apego excessivo ou veneração (grande respeito ou reverência) para qualquer coisa, ou o que beira a adoração.

(Definições de Dicionário Americano Webster da Língua Inglesa, 1828.)

  1. Você tem ídolos em sua vida??
  2. Você teve problemas de codependência em seu passado? Como você os superou?
  3. Você confia em Deus e está colocando-O em primeiro lugar?? Se não, Do que você tem medo?

Oro para que este tópico tenha lhe dado consciência sobre algumas áreas em sua vida que Deus quer que você mude.. Deus o abençoe enquanto você busca Sua sabedoria e orientação.

Você é amado,

— Toni

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Auto-piedade

Auto-piedade

Auto-piedade

Philippians 2:2-4, Gálatas 5:22-23

God wants me to spend less time thinking of myself, and more time thinking of Him and others.

Self-pity is being consumed with thoughts about oneself, usually regarding some unfair situation or treatment by others. Self-pity is feeling sorry for yourself and asking yourself questions like, “Why Me? Why is God not doing something about this situation that I am in?”

I feel self-pity when I perceive an injustice, when I am feeling rejected or left out, when I compare myself to other women, or when I am hurt and disappointed by another’s actions. Self-pity is a dark, slippery, deep hole. In this pit I feel alone, abandoned by others, and tormented.

When I focus on self and not God, I have a distorted view of truth. I feel hopelessness because I am doing things in my own strength. I cannot see how my circumstances can change because I am powerless to change them. When I focus on self and not God, the enemy sees that I am vulnerable and attacks me with his fiery darts. My head and eyes are cast down, I am heavy with no energy, and I feel all alone. When I am looking down, I cannot see God and be thankful for all the things He does for me on a daily basis. This is the enemy’s plan. He wants me to isolate myself from God and others. He wants me to focus on that one thing I don’t have, and he continues to lie to me until I start believing him. Then, he has me exactly where he wants me. His purpose in this world is to steal, kill, and destroy me, my testimony, my joy, and my trust in God.

I also know I am in self-pity mode when I compare myself to other women, being critical and judgmental towards them. This happens when I am feeling insecure about myself and I am not walking in the Spirit (Gálatas 5:22-23). When I catch myself thinking like this and speaking harsh things, I immediately recognize I am in sin, confess this to God, and ask for forgiveness. Instead of judging others, I need to look for the similarities between us and seek out the good in them. Who am I to judge another person? Only Jesus is Judge. I am commanded by God to love others.

How can we get out of the pit of despair and negative thoughts?

  • The Word of God replaces those negative thoughts and lies with His truth. It is His truth that makes us free. (John 8:32)

     

  • By focusing on others. We read in Philippians 2:2-4: “Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let His mind be in you (The mind that was in Christ).”

In His love & service,

Toni

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Bread from Heaven-toni-weisz-abortion-recovery-and-abuse-support-group

Bread from Heaven-toni-weisz-abortion-recovery-and-abuse-support-group

I would rather go back to what is familiar even if it is bondage…

Êxodo 16: 3-4uma
And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into the wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold I will rain bread from heaven for you….”

When the children of Israel’s trials were too hard for them to bear, they wanted to go back to what was familiar: slavery in Egypt.

How many of us can relate to wanting to go back to the dysfunctional relationships or sins of our past because there is comfort in knowing what to expect?

Change is hard because it’s unfamiliar; there is no safety or comfort in it. But God doesn’t want us to stay in our dysfunction. He wants us healed. He wants us to trust Him completely with every area of our lives.

God provided the children of Israel with bread that literally dropped out of the sky, He called it, “Bread from Heaven.” If God did that for them, don’t you think He can help you too? I think the answer is Yes!!!

Let me ask you, what are you still trying to control and refuse to release into God’s Hands?

God wants you to trust Him to lead, guide, and provide for you. He has a beautiful plan for your life. Honestamente, at this point, what do you have to lose? If anything, you have much to gain.

Step out dear one, and let God take control; you will not regret this decision.

If you need prayer or encouragement, reach out and we will be happy to pray with you.

Deus te abençoê!

Toni and the Team at myashestobeauty.com

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Consciência, Aceitação, e Ação

Consciência, Aceitação, e Ação

Consciência, Aceitação, e Ação:
The 3 A’s to true Healing and Hope.

There can be no change without AWARENESS.

 

AWARENESS is understanding and reflecting on a situation, person, or feeling with openness and curiosity (umas defined by peopleleaders.com.au).

For me that day was when I started a new journal and called it, “Why are my relationships to those closest to me toxic?”

Kind of an interesting name for a journal, but I had awareness that something was terribly wrong with my relationship with several people closest to me.

I was the common denominator, what was I doing to encourage or enable this unhealthy behavior?

I believe God gives us awareness as we pray and ask Him to remove blindness and to show us our sins, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and our character defects.

The Holy Spirit, is referred to as the Spirit of Truth, who gives us wisdom and reveals truth. (John 16:13)

ACCEPTANCE is recognizing this is where I am right now in my life.

I recognized that my relationships with those closest to me were fear-driven; my fear of rejection and abandonment caused me to become a people pleaser.

My need for love and acceptance had plunged me deep into drinking and drugs in my early teen years, in order to find some kind of relief from the emptiness I felt.

I also was not able to communicate how I was feeling, which would cause me to enable all kinds of unhealthy and emotionally abusive treatment from others.

I had no voice and no boundaries and as a result of my destructive lifestyle, I hated myself more and more as the years went by.

The nail in the proverbial coffin for me was when I found myself with an unplanned pregnancy at 21. There was no way I could tell my parents; they would be so hurt and disappointed in me.

I was fearful. I panicked like so many of us do; I needed to take care of this quickly.

How many of you can relate to that statement? I want you to know you are in the right place. There is no judgment here just love, encouragement and the forgiveness that God offers everyone through faith in Jesus Christ.

Action; I realized I needed to get my life right with God.

I confessed my sins to God, I recognized and professed that Jesus is the Son of God, and He died on the cross for my sins and was buried and on the third day, rose from the dead, and is in Heaven seated at the Father’s right hand.
(Romanos 10:9-10,13, 1 st Corinthians 15:3-4, Hebrews 10:12)

Once I had this relationship with Jesus, I was given the gift of the Holy Spirit, which is given to all of who believe.

My relationship with Jesus began on 2/6/1994, and I have never been the same. He has given a new purpose, a new hope, and a new song.

I have been made alive as one that was plucked out of the depths of despair and darkness and being tormented by the evil one, who wanted me to end my life, but God had a better more beautiful plan for my life that I never imagined I could have.

He has turned my ashes, my darkest moments, and has made something beautiful out of them for my good and His glory. (Isaías 61:3)

It was my relationship with Jesus that gave me the courage to get the help I needed so that this dysfunction would stop with me and not be perpetuated to the next generation. I pray God gives you courage too.

 

In His love and service,

— Toni

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