Let us therefore come boldly onto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time
of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

I was fearful to speak up as a child, continually striving for perfection but never attaining it. I had an over developed sense of responsibility and would take on shame and guilt immediately for any wrongdoing. I also was a very anxious child; I was so worried about disappointing people or doing something wrong. Unfortunately, my parents were unaware of my drinking, drugs, and promiscuous behavior. I did a great job hiding that part of my life. But the truth was I suffered from depression as a teenager, and since my childhood, I felt I had no voice. I allowed others to manipulate and control me with their angry outbursts and their hurtful words. Because I was a child, I did not develop the skill of communicating in a healthy manner. In fact, I stuffed for so long that I could not stuff anymore. My rage and anger came out sideways. I had become a rage-aholic. I hated myself and thought I was not worthy to be loved and that I had no value to anyone; I felt invisible, alone, depressed, and hopeless. Especially after my abortion at 21, I thought I deserved to be abused because of my sins.

I came to personally know the Lord Jesus as my Savior and friend at the age of 34. I found in Him a Savior to take my sins away and a Friend who would love me just for me. I didn’t have to be perfect to be loved. It took me 15 years to truly take hold of and to believe in the inner most part of my being, that I was loved. How precious those words are to me. I am loved by God; I am not abandoned I am adopted into His family. I am not rejected. I am accepted.

Dear One, whatever you are fearful to share or even look at today, trust God and come boldly onto His throne of grace. He is lovingly calling you to come and lay down your burdens because you cannot carry them anymore; they are crushing you and are preventing you from truly being set free to enjoy this abundant life He has promised His children.

Let me ask you:

What are you struggling with today, is it a situation, or an individual?

Do you need to speak to someone and share your heart?

What is the Holy Spirit leading you to do or say?

The Lord wants us to be bold and courageous, what are you fearful of?

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

In His love and service,

—Toni

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