Servidão Familiar

Servidão Familiar

I would rather go back to what is familiar, even if it is bondage…

Êxodo 16:1-4a and John 3:16,

And they took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came unto the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of Egypt. And the whole congregation of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness: And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into the wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold I will rain bread from heaven for you….”

When the trials of the children of Israel were too hard for them to bear, they wanted to go back to what was familiar: bondage in Egypt. They wanted to be in control; they felt safe knowing what to expect.

How many of us can relate to wanting to go back to the dysfunctional relationships or sins of our past because there is comfort in knowing what to expect? Change is hard because it’s unfamiliar, and there is no safety or comfort in it. But God doesn’t want us to stay in our dysfunction. He wants us healed. He came to set us free from our bondage to sin. He wants us to trust Him completely with every area of our lives.

God provided the children of Israel with bread that literally dropped out of the sky. He called it Manna, “Bread from Heaven.” If God did that for them, don’t you think He can help you too? I think the answer is Yes!!!

What is the spiritual factor to consider when I want to be in control, instead of God being in control?

I am saying to God, “I don’t trust You. I don’t believe You are good. I don’t believe You care about me.”

então, what is the sin I am committing when I don’t trust God? The sin of unbelief.

Definition of faith in Hebrews 11:1 e 11:6: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Let me ask you, what are you still trying to control and refuse to release into God’s hands?

I learned at a very young age to take control of every area of my life; que, unfortunately, was not a good thing. A 12-year-old is not mature enough to take on such a responsibility. I controlled my voice but I did not use it. I controlled how I performed in school, sports, and in anything I set my mind to do by practicing until I could do something perfectly. When I was older, I controlled my weight by taking speed and diet pills and exercising excessively. I controlled what others perceived about me by wearing a mask to hide my true feelings and identity. It wasn’t until I felt safe to let God in that I was able to relinquish control to Him. By spending time in His Word, I began to understand the heart of God and discovered how much He loves us and wants us to be set free from our pasts, so we can live the abundant lives He came to give us. It’s by relinquishing control to God that we are set free. There is beauty in surrender.

Why are you not trusting God to help you in this area? What are you afraid of?

Relinquishing control was not a comfortable thing for me because I didn’t trust others not to hurt me. I became very self-sufficient and proficient in all I did. I had a huge wall around my heart that no one was going to penetrate, not even God. I grew up with a distorted view of God. I thought He was angry with me and would punish me if I was out of line, which is what I heard and saw as a child. Church was dark; people there spoke in another language, and the atmosphere was not warm and welcoming. So I associated these attributes with God. I felt He was dark, severo, and unloving, which could not be further from the truth. I was fearful about trusting God because I was afraid of being hurt again. I didn’t know God’s heart toward me. When I got saved in 1994 and came across this verse from John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life,” I started believing that God does love me. And once I received His love into my heart and believed that He died for me on the cross, I started trusting Him more with my heart. But it was a long process. I am so grateful today for His love. That truth changed my life forever.

I had everything under control, so I thought, until my life and health started spiraling out of control. I couldn’t afford stuff anymore and my health was failing, my marriage was on the brink of divorce, and I didn’t know what to do. I was plagued with suicidal thoughts because I just couldn’t deal with my depression and self-loathing anymore, due to the sins from my past. This was not a life; it was a prison. I was just surviving because I needed someone to take my pain away, someone I could trust to love and accept me for who I was. Did such a person exist?

Querido,

I want you to know that there is such a person who loves and accepts you for who you are. His name is Jesus, and He is the only one who will love you right where you are. He will never hurt you or force you to do something against your will. He is kind, loving, dependable, faithful, merciful, and forgiving. Jesus is your Savior and friend. Why not relinquish control of your life to God? Honestamente, what do you have to lose at this point?

Você é amado,

Toni

 

What is the spiritual factor to consider when I want to be in control instead of God being in control?

I am saying to God, “I don’t trust You (Deus). I don’t believe You (He) are good. I don’t believe You care about me.” So, what is the sin I am committing when I don’t trust God? The sin of unbelief.

Definition of faith in Hebrews 11:1 e 11:6: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

 

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Eu vou ver você de novo

Eu vou ver você de novo

“Eu vou ver você de novo, a Letter to my Baby”

Revelação 21:4-5uma
“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; não haverá mais morte, nem tristeza, nem chorando. There shall be no pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold I make all things new.”

John 14:3
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

I Corinthians 2:9
But as it is written, “Eye has not seen nor ear heard, nor have entered in the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

My Letter to My Baby

Dear Joseph,

My precious child, I have loved you all of my adult life, and yet, I have never seen your face or held you in my arms. For that, I am very sorry. You were a gift from God, and I threw you away. I am so sorry for ending your life. God showed me what you look like. I saw a young man in his 30s on an airplane, and he had brown curly hair and blue eyes. I felt my spirit quicken. I whispered to the Lord, “Is that what my son looks like?” I felt the confirmation in my spirit.

I named you Joseph because what the enemy meant for evil, God turned around for my good and for His glory. He exchanged my ashes for something beautiful. Joseph, you inspired a ministry called My Ashes to Beauty to help other moms heal from their past abortions.

I know you are in heaven with Jesus—a place where there is no sadness, dor, or sorrow. I can’t wait for the day that I can see you face to face in heaven where we will be together forever. I have pictured that scene over and over in my mind. I see you greeting me in heaven. I know you and you know me. We hug. With tears of joy streaming down my cheeks, you kiss me and I say, “I have waited for this moment for so long. Now we will never be parted again. I love you, Joseph.” You respond, “I love you, Mom.” Then, I will look to Jesus and thank Him for this precious gift of being reunited with my child in heaven and for the gift of salvation He gave me.

I will see you soon.

Love always,
Mom

As I was praying about the topic for today, this song came on my station, Scars in Heaven, by Casting Crowns. Here are some of the lyrics (to which I made some minor modifications):

Now what I would give for one more day with you Joseph (your child or children’s names).
Cause there’s a wound here in my heart where something’s missing. And they tell me that it’s gonna heal with time. But I know you’re in a better place where you are healed and whole and I will be too.
The only scars in heaven, they won’t belong to me and you.
There’ll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new. And that thought makes me smile now, even as tears fall down. Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now.

Questions to Take to Heart:
What are your thoughts when you think about your baby (or babies)? What would you like to say to your baby (or babies)?

You can read more letters on our website: https://myashestobeauty.com/a-letter-to-my-baby/

I pray this blesses your heart.

Você é amado,

Toni

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A mulher com a questão de sangue

A mulher com a questão de sangue

UMAaborto Rrecuperação Cpresságio Ssuporte Ggrupo (ARWSG)

A mulher com a questão de sangue

Lucas 8:43-48 (NVI)
Agora uma mulher, tendo um fluxo de sangue por doze anos, que gastou todo o seu sustento com médicos e não pôde ser curada por nenhum, veio por trás e tocou a fronteira (franja) de Sua vestimenta. E imediatamente o fluxo de sangue dela parou. E Jesus disse, “Quem me tocou?“Quando todos negaram, Pedro e os que estavam com ele disseram, "Mestre, as multidões se aglomeram e te pressionam, e você diz, ‘Quem me tocou?’” Mas Jesus disse, “Alguém me tocou, pois percebi poder saindo de Mim.” Agora, quando a mulher viu que ela não estava escondida, ela veio tremendo; e caindo diante dele, ela declarou a Ele na presença de todo o povo a razão pela qual ela O tocou e como ela foi curada imediatamente. E Ele disse a ela, "Filha, tenha bom ânimo; sua fé te curou. Vá em paz."

Nós, mulheres pós-aborto, podemos nos identificar com o que esta mulher deve ter suportado por tantos anos. Nós também sabemos o que é gastar todo tipo de dinheiro em coisas que não nos curaram. Alguns de nós usamos drogas e álcool para nos medicarmos da dor que tínhamos entupido por tanto tempo. Muitos de nós procuramos médicos e terapeutas para ajudar a curar os danos que nossos abortos nos causaram em tantas áreas de nossas vidas. Nós sabemos o que é sofrer sozinho, estar isolado dos outros, e se sentir desesperado e deprimido. Estávamos desesperados por uma cura, mas nada funcionou, até chegarmos ao ponto em que estávamos cansados ​​de apenas existir e queríamos a vida abundante que Jesus prometeu que poderíamos ter. Foi quando quase perdemos toda a esperança que encontramos nosso Salvador - Jesus, nosso curador. Nós arriscamos tudo, apenas para tocar a orla de Suas vestes, porque sabíamos que se o fizéssemos, então seríamos curados. Arriscamos a exposição porque sabíamos que só Ele poderia nos curar.

É preciso fé em Deus e coragem para sair e tocar as vestes de Jesus para ser curado. Oro para que Deus continue guiando você nesta jornada de cura e que você se torne forte no Senhor, para que possamos trazer mais mulheres para este ministério de cura. Que possamos continuar a ser Suas mãos e pés neste mundo.

Perguntas:

Quais são algumas das coisas que você tentou no passado para ajudá-la a lidar com a dor do aborto??
Álcool e drogas foram minha fuga da minha dor. Eu estava tão cansado de usar máscara e fingir que minha vida era perfeita. Depois de um tempo, Eu simplesmente não conseguia funcionar bem. Minha vida estava desmoronando, minha saúde estava falhando, e meu casamento estava à beira do divórcio. Eu estava em um estado profundo de desespero e depressão. Eu só queria parar esse tormento de uma vida, mas eu não poderia deixar meu 2 crianças sem mãe. Eu estava me sentindo sem esperança e queria morrer até o dia em que conheci Jesus. Ele foi tão gentil e amoroso comigo. Quando ouvi o evangelho pela primeira vez dentro 4 semanas, Corri até Jesus e beijei Seus pés e agradeci por tirar minha dor e por me amar. Eu nunca conheci um amor assim antes.

Quando você finalmente teve coragem de tocar as vestes de Jesus para curar?

Dentro 2010, depois de sofrer com depressão severa novamente, eu queria morrer. Eu estava chorando na minha cama e disse ao Senhor, “Eu não posso mais fazer isso; você não pode simplesmente me levar para casa?”Eu ouvi o Espírito Santo sussurrar, "Você confia em mim?" Eu disse, "Sim, senhor, Eu confio em você." “Você acredita que eu posso mudar isso para sempre?" Eu disse, "Sim, senhor, Eu acredito que você pode." Ele disse, “Então confie em mim.” Imediatamente depois disso, Eu tenho o nome de um ministério, e comecei meu trabalho de recuperação para filhos adultos de famílias emocionalmente desconectadas. Foi uma alta responsabilidade, grupo de apoio à cura interior do qual participei 5 anos, além disso, participei de reuniões semanais de recuperação. Isso me deu ferramentas e o mais importante, não me senti mais sozinho. Houve outras mulheres que lutaram como eu. Isso me iniciou na cura do meu passado e de todo o comportamento prejudicial que eu estava tolerando dos outros.. Eu aprendi limites, ficou forte, enfrentei os agressores pela primeira vez na minha vida, e usei minha voz. Aprendi a me ver como Deus me vê e finalmente recebi Seu amor em meu coração. Eu nunca fui o mesmo. Obrigada, Jesus, por salvar minha alma e me curar.

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Meus mecanismos de enfrentamento insalubres

Meus mecanismos de enfrentamento insalubres

UMAônibus Rrecuperação Ssuporte Ggrupo (ARSG)

Meus mecanismos de enfrentamento insalubres

Coping mechanisms are defined as techniques we use to help us cope with the stress, dor, and trauma we have experienced in our lives.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms:

Avoidance and Isolation

Drugs and Alcohol

Denial

Negócio

Rationalization

Control

From my childhood I learned avoidance and isolation to keep me safe from unhealthy people or situations. Running and hiding is what I learned as a small child and I still used those tactics as an adult. Until I got into recovery and learned new healthy coping mechanisms. Praise God! Instead of avoidance God gave me a voice and I learned to communicate my likes and dislikes. I never developed a voice growing up but once I put up boundaries, using my voice was necessary to communicate those boundaries to others. As time went by, I felt more comfortable sharing my heart with others without fear of rejection. God also told me to stop running and hiding and to leave the outcome to Him.

Just recently I was triggered by a situation and my first response was to run away and to disconnect from this person. I see now that was a wrong response. I had to pray very hard for the Lord to help me in this area. We all have things from our past trauma that causes us to go back to our old ways of dealing with things, especially when we are weak, or vulnerable, or HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired). I am grateful for God showing me that by having healthy boundaries and by using my voice is the best way to live a life that is peaceful and pleasing to Him.

I started using alcohol and drugs no 12 years old when I was not getting the healthy attention I needed at home. I decided to start taking matters into my own hands, which was a defining moment in my life because as a result of that choice I would run to other things other than God when I was hurting. I just wanted a quick fix to avoid the pain I had accumulated all my life. I used people and allowed them to use me. My life was filled with regret, fear of rejection, depressão, suicidal thoughts and self-hatred. I thank God for having mercy on this broken woman, who saved me from myself destructive lifestyle. I now run to Jesus to take my pain away.

I was in denial about the dysfunction in my home of origin and my home with my husband and children, for many years until I realized I cannot control another person and doing anything out of fear never has a good outcome. I don’t have the power to change another person only God does. então, I relinquish control to God to change others or situations when I feel powerless. I was in denial due to my fear of rejection from my parents and spouse so I obeyed ridiculous rules to be accepted and loved by others, but that never worked. When I finally received the love of Jesus in heart then I had the courage to stand on my own without fear of rejection because I knew God would never leave me or forsake me.

Negócio was a tool the enemy used on me for decades, his purpose was to keep me so busy that I would not have time to recognize my dysfunctional life. My striving for love and acceptance even from God, kept me working so hard to be worthy, I never stopped long enough to evaluate my life, my choices, my relationships, my unhealthy view of myself, Deus, e outros. I was so messed up, but I could not see that, until God showed me my ways were not working. De volta 2010 I was so depressed I asked God to take me home because I just wanted to die. And He said, “Do you believe I can turn things around for your good?” and I said, “Yes Lord I believe that.” He said, “TRUST ME.” After that I got in ACA recovery work and inner healing group for 5 anos. God was exposing the lies, with His truth, I was learning about boundaries and what that looks like and he showed me that I was enabling abuse from others by not using my voice. God had me stop from all serving at church and First Care, because I was that sick and needed God to intervene to heal me. God was so faithful and put the right people in my path and I was healed and set free from all the dysfunction in my life and I started experiencing true peace and freedom in Christ. In Jan 2013 I started this ministry. Praise Him!!! Obrigada, Jesus.

I rationalized my abuse, thinking I must not be a person of value or else others would treat me differently. After my abortion, the enemy told me I deserve to be abused because of my decision to abort my child. My husband was very controlling and I and the children were required to obey ridiculous rules. I rationalized in my head if I don’t obey these rules, he will leave me. The enemy used that lie for decades to keep me in bondage and in a very unhealthy home environment. I am thankful for the day I had courage to say no, I am not going to follow these rules and leave the outcome in God’s hands. I was no longer fearful of him leaving, I trusted God to take care of me and He has. My relationship with my husband now is better than it ever has been. I now know that I am loved and valued by God and He doesn’t want me to accept abusive treatment from anyone; I don’t deserve to be abused regardless of my poor choices in the past. He loves me and wants me to use my voice to put up healthy boundaries and to protect myself from unhealthy people and situations. I cannot change my past, all I can do is learn from it and share my experience, strength, and hope with others so perhaps they can make healthy choices.

Control was a tool I learned to use when I was very young. I honestly believed I could control how others feel, what they do, and that I could control the outcome. That all was a lie. I had no control over any of those things. Areas I tried to control were how people reacted and behaved toward me. I tried to control what others saw in me by wearing a mask and I also tried to control how much I weighed by taking speed, diet pills, and purging after I ate too much. God showed me by relinquishing control to Him that I can be set free from these obsessions and torment. He taught me to love myself just the way I am and to relinquish all control to Him, because He will never harm me.

I am so grateful that today I have been set free from all my unhealthy coping mechanisms and I have learned new skills to help me cope with the pain and trauma from my past. I had to completely surrender everything and everybody to God. I no longer cared about what others thought of me, I didn’t obey ridiculous rules out of fear of being rejected, I now had a voice and God has taught me how to use it to express my feelings in a healthy godly way. I am no longer in bondage to my old thinking and my old behavior patterns.

In Romans 12:2 the Bible says do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…. Daily time spent with God in His Word and listening to the Holy Spirit has helped me to move out of the chaos, dysfunction, and misery into a peaceful, orderly, and fulfilling life.

What have you used to help you cope with the trauma from your past?

What are some healthy ways you use to cope with things now?

Você é amado,

Toni

 

 

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Nossa percepção de Deus e por que é importante

Nossa percepção de Deus e por que é importante

Colossians 3:2
Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

Romanos 12:1-2
Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

I can’t remember where I got this quote from but it makes a lot of sense. “Science tells us that repetitive thoughts over time become physical ruts in the brain that effect reasoning, choices, and eventually our beliefs.”

What was your perception of God as a child?

Was He kind, loving, and approachable or cold, distant, and angry?
My perception of God as a child was that He was unapproachable angry and would punish me for the slightest offense, He was not a God of love but of wrath. I grew up in a church that I saw punishment for the slightest offense with rulers and scolding. The people there were very harsh and critical. And that God was all about following rules. Eu não vi o amor de Deus lá.
You can read my Blog under stinking thinking: https://myashestobeauty.com/stinking-thinking-my-distorted-view-of-god/

How did that affect you growing up?
Because of my distorted view of God, when I found myself in bad situations, I decided to take matters into my own hands instead of asking God what I should do. I didn’t think He cared about me. I was in such darkness I could not see His light at all. Because of the unhealthy relationships I had with others closest to me which were quite manipulative and controlling, I didn’t think I was worth very much to God or others. então, what does it matter what I do to my body, my baby, ou outros? But God was showing up ever now and then when I felt like He was there and He was interested in my life. But I would not come to know Him as my Lord and Savior until I was 34 anos.

Efésios 3:16-19
That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith, que você, estar enraizado e fundamentado no amor, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the width and length and depth and height – to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; para que você seja cheio de toda a plenitude de Deus.

How do you see God now?
I now have finally received the beautiful redeeming work of Christ in my life once I was able to receive His love into the inner most part of my being, that truth changed me forever. Even after I was saved, I allowed people to abuse me and use me because I had no boundaries, and because I didn’t love myself, others didn’t treat me with love and respect either. But once His love permeated my heart, I had courage to put up boundaries and I started taking care of myself and loving myself. It was the most freeing and beautiful thing I have experienced, to know the love of God for myself. To feel and know in my heart, that no matter what I have done in the past He loves me.

How does He see you?
I am grateful for the truth from God’s word that every person is created in His image and is given intrinsic value and is created with a purpose for His kingdom. I am no longer bound to Satan and sin instead I am adopted into the family of God; I am a daughter of the King of Glory. He loved me so much He died for me on the cross. His love is so deep, and wide, and high that I cannot comprehend it, but I believe in my heart I am cherished and loved by God. And I will be with Him forever in heaven for all eternity. In July of 2017 we were having my extended family in town, my sister and brother and their families. Como resultado, I started feeling anxious and started feeling rejected by all of them, because you see they do not know the Lord yet, so I am not apart of their family anymore. Rejection was a huge wound for me and I can go there very quickly if I am not grounded in the Word. To Combat my rejection wound God had me write out specific Biblical truths about, “Who I am in Christ,” it goes like this:

Who I am in Christ

Eu sou digno
Eu sou amado
Eu pertenço
Eu sou aceito
Eu sou adotado
Estou confiante e competente
Eu sou um filho de Deus
I have the Holy Spirit within me
Eu sou vitorioso em Cristo
I have a home in heaven
Nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord
I will fear no evil

I am so proud of you for having the courage to step out and trust God to heal you.

You are safe her beloved sister.

Você é amado,
Toni

Salmo 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (NVI)

Toni and the Team at myashestobeauty.com

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