The Uncontrollable Rage Within Me (Parte 1)

The Uncontrollable Rage Within Me (Parte 1)

The Uncontrollable Rage Within Me (Parte 1)

por Toni Weisz/Recuperação de Abuso

Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 7:9 and Psalm 4:4

Ecclesiastes 7:9 Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. (ESV)

Salmo 4:4 Be angry, and do not sin. Mediate within your heart on your bed, and be still. (ESV)

My home of origin was chaotic and unsafe emotionally. From the time I was a small child, I did not have a voice and hid in the background to keep under the radar. My father was so stressed from his family business that he was always at the boiling point with his temper. I describe him as a rageaholic. He could not control his rage; it controlled him. Como resultado, my mom frantically tried to control his temper by forcing us kids to be quiet and compliant so as not to make him angry. She was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 23 anos. My mom was not equipped to deal with my father’s anger. When the three of us would misbehave, she would react in unhealthy ways. It was a very unpredictable place for a child.

I made decisions that were very unhealthy because I had no one else to turn to. My mom was so busy running around putting out fires, soshe didn’t see that I was struggling. My dad was so exhausted from running the family business, which was very demanding emotionally and physically. As a 12-year-old, I was isolated physically and emotionally, and that’s when the devil entered the picture. I started drinking Scotch whiskey from my parent’s liquor cabinet at 12 anos, using drugs at 13, having sex at 16, and having my abortion at 21.

When I think back on that time, I am so sad for the little girl who just wanted to be loved and cherished but didn’t experience that. Everyone was caught up in their own stuff, and they were not able to clearly see what was going on in our family. But the devil saw it; and man did he have a field day. A special note: I know my parents loved me and did the best they could with what they had.

I learned to wear a mask, hiding my feelings and stuffing them. This stuffing would eventually come out, but it was destructive and harmful. When I was a teenager in college and would get intoxicated, I would try to hurt myself by kicking in my dorm room window and punching doors and walls. I was filled with so much hatred towards myself, and I didn’t know where it was coming from or how to control it. Now looking back, I was angry that I did not receive the love I needed but instead was manipulated and emotionally abused by my family, feeling rejected and alone.

My boyfriend in college took me to the counseling center on campus. They only stirred up my anger even more, and then they would say, “Time is up. See you next week?” I was thinking to myself, “Now what am I supposed to do with all this junk you just brought up?!” I hated this process; there seemed to be no solution. This only caused me to medicate myself even more with drugs and alcohol to numb the pain that was surfacing.

When I would feel the rage building inside me, it was usually caused by a blocked goal or a perceived injustice. I would feel my cheeks getting hot and this thing rising within me. It was like this monster whom I had no control over; I would spew hot volcanic ash on anyone in my way. Then I would be overcome with these intense feelings of shame and guilt. This unhealthy behavioral pattern would last for decades. It was what I saw modeled in my home, and I knew no other way. I wish I wouldn’t have reacted like that, but I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. Drinking and drugs were my escape from all the pain I had suffered all my life. They worked for a while, but I needed someone to love me just the way I was, someone who could take my pain away. I needed a miracle.

Then one day, I met Jesus, and He took all of my pain, healed my broken heart, and loved me just the way I was. I am so grateful for the day I became His child.

Perguntas para levar a sério:

  1. Do you struggle with extreme anger/rage due to your past trauma?
  2. How have you handled this in your past?
  3. Have you been able to conquer this monster?
  4. How were you able to do that?
  5. Como podemos orar por você?

Rezo para que este tópico tenha sido útil para você. Please reach out if you need to talk or if you need prayer: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

Você é amado,
Toni

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

De volta a BLOGS

A paz de Deus

A paz de Deus

A paz de Deus

by Toni Weisz/Spiritual Disciplines

Referências bíblicas: Salmo 119:165, Gálatas 5:22-23, John 16:33, Salmo 147:4, Isaías 9:6, John 10:29, and Daniel 2:21

Ótimo paz aqueles que amam a tua lei: e nada os ofenderá. Salmo 119:165

Mas o fruto do Espírito é o amor, alegria, paz, longanimidade, gentileza, bondade, fé, mansidão, temperança: contra tal não há lei. Gálatas 5:22-23

Essas coisas eu falei com você, que em Mim você possa ter paz. No mundo você terá tribulações; mas tenha bom ânimo, Eu venci o mundo. John 16:33

Todos neste mundo desejam paz. Os políticos estão prometendo paz, mas eles não podem entregar isso.

Por que ansiamos pela paz em nossas almas? Porque todos fomos criados por Deus, que oferece esta paz a todos os Seus filhos. A paz está listada em terceiro lugar na lista dos frutos do Espírito em Gálatas 5:22-23.

Jesus told us in John 16:33, “In the world you will have tribulation, testes, e sofrimento, mas tenha certeza e confiança de que venci o mundo.”

Deus nos criou para um relacionamento com Ele, mas tentamos preencher esse vazio em nossos corações com todo tipo de coisas, mas nada satisfaz. Somente um relacionamento com Jesus pode satisfazer nosso anseio de comunhão com nosso Deus Criador e Pai..

Jesus é a resposta para todos os problemas que enfrentamos neste mundo. Ele cura nossos corações partidos e cura nossas feridas (referência. Salmo 147:3). Ele é o Grande Médico.

Em Isaías 9:6, que é uma predição de Seu nascimento, afirma que Jesus será chamado de Maravilhoso Conselheiro, Deus poderoso, Pai Eterno, Príncipe da Paz.

Como podemos descrever a paz de Deus para alguém que nunca a experimentou?? É o conhecimento de que estou perdoado, e não preciso mais esconder meus pecados e segredos. Não preciso mais usar máscara e fingir que está tudo bem. Eu posso ser real. Sou amado e aceito por Deus do jeito que sou porque Jesus pagou a dívida do meu pecado na cruz. Não estou mais separado de Deus. Posso amar e perdoar os outros por causa do que Deus fez por mim. eu estou livre. Isso é o que me dá paz. Eu não pertenço mais ao diabo; Fui comprado pelo precioso sangue de Jesus. Eu pertenço a Deus agora, e ninguém pode me arrancar da mão do Pai (referência. John 10:29).

Another kind of peace comes from trusting God, no matter what is going on in the world or in my personal life. During this very turbulent and sometimes toxic election cycle, I worked 9 days of early voting, and I will work on Election Day, which is a 14.5-hour day. I still have peace.

Do you know why I have peace? I recognize that God is in control. None of this is taking Him by surprise. Daniel 2:21 says “He changes the times and the seasons; He removes Kings and raises Kings; He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those how have understanding.”

God is the one ultimately who decides who runs this country. We still need to do our part. I vote. I put a “Não on Amendment 4” signs on my lawn, and I have worked the polls for over a decade. I thank God for giving me this time to do it, the strength and endurance to wake up at 4:30 SOU, e I pray daily.

O inimigo está continuamente tentando roubar sua paz porque ele sabe que você pertence a Deus. Ele não pode levar seu espírito para o inferno, mas ele pode atormentar você.

Passe algum tempo a sós com o Senhor em um lugar tranquilo, e permita que Seu Espírito Santo ministre a você. Ele te ama tanto, e Ele conhece suas lutas. Ele recolhe suas lágrimas em uma garrafa. Ele sabe tudo sobre você, e Ele ainda te ama mais do que você pode compreender. Peça a Ele para cobri-lo com Sua paz e protegê-lo. Tome a decisão diária de caminhar na paz Dele, independentemente do que esteja acontecendo ao seu redor..

Perguntas para levar a sério:

1.) Are you experiencing God’s peace right now?
If yes, why do you feel peace?

If no, o que está impedindo você de experimentar Sua paz?

2.) How can we encourage you and pray for you today?

Minha oração por você é que você experimente a paz e a alegria do Senhor em seu coração, mente, e alma. Entre em contato. Estamos aqui para você. Envie-me um e-mail para: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Você é amado,
Toni

 

De volta a BLOGS

Por que eu luto com a intimidade?

Por que eu luto com a intimidade?

Por que eu luto com a intimidade?

por Toni Weisz/Recuperação de Abuso

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, 7:1-9 and Revelation 21:4

Excerpt taken from an AACC book, The Bible for Hope: Caring for People God’s Way (Pages 1500–1501 by Clifford L. Penner and Joyce J. Penner):
“Women function on two tracks, the emotional and the physical. These must be connected for a woman to be interested and open to intimacy. Women open up when they feel loved and connected with their husbands.”

The problem we have as post-abortion women and women who have experienced abuse is we are not deeply connected. Intimacy does not come easy for us. We have built a wall around ourselves to keep us safe and protected. But those walls become our prison cell, and we are locked behind it, feeling all alone and isolated. We cannot give or receive love in this place.

We need someone to come and rescue us. We need our Savior, Jesus, to come and slowly take the bricks away that are around our heart so we can slowly walk out of this prison into more intentional and intimate relationships with people. It can be scary at first, but Jesus is leading us with His righteous right hand. We are safe with Him.

How do we finally break free and trust again? It is a very slow process that can take many, many years. I am struggling right now to be more intimate with my husband and to relax and enjoy it, instead of just rushing through it, because I have had this wall up around my heart for so long. No passado, he was not a person I trusted to not hurt me. But I have been seeing some improvement, and he did take good care of me after my surgery. então, I am feeling like it is time to reevaluate that boundary. I have shared this with my accountability partner, and we are both praying with me about this. I want to honor God in my marriage.

I am also plagued with bad memories and ungodly thoughts of past things I have seen with my eyes. They just come out of nowhere, but I know who the author of it is; the enemy hates marriage, and he would rather I not be the godly, loving wife God created me to be. I am intentionally going back to those unpleasant memories with Jesus holding my hand, and we will revisit those times and situations because I want God’s perspective, His wisdom and guidance, not mine. I want to be healed in those areas. I want to feel love and to be able to show love also. It’s been bottled up for so many years; I feel like a robot. I want that to change. If you would pray for me in this area, thank you.

This morning, I started a new journal, and I went back to my first memory with my husband and how our relationship started and how I felt. I asked the Lord to remove any blindness so I can see clearly what my part was in the formation of this relationship. I wrote four full pages this morning, and then I heard the song, Scars in Heaven, and God even showed me a rainbow this morning. He whispered to my heart, “It will be okay, Little Bird; you will be healed in this area. I am with you; you are not alone.”

Um dia, dear one, all your wounds will be healed. We can experience healing here, but when we get to Glory, there will be no more pain, sorrow, or crying. Jesus will wipe all our tears away. We will finally be whole. Obrigada, Jesus.

Scars in Heaven by Casting Crowns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCdevloDE6E

 

Perguntas para levar a sério:
1. Have you struggled with intimacy with your husband? How did you work through that?

2. If you are dating, do you feel comfortable sharing your heart with him? Yes or No? Por favor, explique.

3. Have you had a difficult time having healthy relationships with men in your past? If yes, can you give an example?

4. Como podemos orar por você?

Thank you for reading this blog. It was not an easy one for me, but I felt like I needed to share my struggles with you so you feel safe sharing yours. You are safe here, dear one.

Please reach out if you need to talk or pray this week. You can email me at: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Você é amado,
Toni

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

De volta a BLOGS

A Mulher no Poço

A Mulher no Poço

A Mulher no Poço

por Toni Weisz/Guerra Espiritual

 

Scriptures: John 4:4, 7-10, 13-18
But He needed to go through Samaria.

A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.” For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.

Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.

Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”

Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”

Jesus said, “Go call your husband, and come here.”

The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”

Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

 

We see in the Scriptures that Jesus goes out of His way to meet this broken, shame-filled, lonely woman. Why was she at the well at that time? She came in the heat of the day when no one else was there so she would not see the disdain on the other women’s faces, nor see them whispering about her. She was a sinner in their eyes. Even unbeliever’s have their standards of right and wrong. For those of us who have been labeled certain things because of our past sins, we might find it easier to isolate than to face their pointing fingers, their whispers, and harsh comments or cold shoulders.

But Jesus clearly goes out of His way to specifically speak to her, a Gentile, and a Samaritan at that. Jews hated Samaritans, and a man speaking with a woman was especially looked down upon. Jesus treated women with the same respect He showed men. That was radical for that day and time. Women were looked down upon as a piece of property with no rights.

Jesus goes after the lost sheep, which was once all of us, especially women who have abortion or abuse in our past. We feel safer isolating and not being seen in public because we find it easier. But Jesus breaks through those walls we have put up to protect ourselves because He knows He is the only one who can truly save us from the evil one who torments us day and night and that He only can heal us in all our broken places.

God showed me a vision of a dungeon, dank, dark, and musty, and women sitting in chains with no way to escape. Those are the women our ministry rescues from the evil one. Jesus showed me that I was to go into the dungeon, and I saw myself climbing down the stairs, holding tightly to His hand as I reach out to grab these women to lead them out of the door of this dark place into His glorious healing light.

Our e-book has a picture of a dungeon with butterflies effortlessly floating out of the dungeon, which is a picture of these precious women being rescued, curado, and set free.

Leading Them into His Light. Toni Weisz. Meus Ashes to Beauty

It reminds me of the old Fanny Crosby song,

“Rescue the Perishing.” (1869)

Rescue the perishing, care for the dying,
Snatch them in pity from sin and the grave;
Weep o’er the erring one, lift up the fallen,
Tell them of Jesus, the mighty to save.

Refrain:
Rescue the perishing, care for the dying,
Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save.

 

Our ministry goes into the dungeons to rescue women who are still in bondage and chains. Thank God we are slowly going into more churches where these precious women are still hiding who are being tormented by the evil one. On August 18, 2024, I had the opportunity to go to Family Church in Downtown West Palm Beach to promote our ministry. I am grateful for our ministry partners: First Care Women’s Clinic in West Palm Beach, Care Net, Love Life, Choose Life Radio, Family Church in Jupiter, Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, and Calvary Church in Jupiter. With our partnership with them, we are able to reach even more women with the help, hope, and healing of Jesus Christ. With our partnership with them, we are able to reach even more women with the help, hope, and healing of Jesus Christ.

Thank you all for your part in this ministry. Even if this is your first conference call, just you being here is vitally important to our work. Thank you to my courageous team of volunteers all over the country. If it wasn’t for you, we could not reach these women and take care of them the way we do. I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you.

Perguntas para levar a sério:

  1. Where are you on your healing journey? Are you just starting or have you been working on it for many years?
  2. Where were you when Jesus found you? Were you like the woman at the well, hiding from others?
  3. How did you hear about our ministry?
  4. Como podemos orar por você?

Rezo para que este tópico tenha sido útil para você. If you need to talk, por favor me mande um email para: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

 

Você é amado,
Toni

 

De volta a BLOGS

Minha ferida de rejeição

Minha ferida de rejeição

Minha ferida de rejeição

Por Toni Weisz/Disciplinas Espirituais

Scriptures: John 4:13-14 e 1 Corinthians 13:4-8uma

John 4:13-14
Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of the water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8uma
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Why do I long to belong to my earthly family?

Why is that rejection wound so deep?

Why do I want most what I cannot have?

The Lord speaking through the Holy Spirit, “Because, dear Little Bird, you were created to love and be loved, especially by your family. It’s how I created you. The well is dry, Little Bird. Stop hoping; Stop dropping your bucket down expecting them to fill it. I only can fill you. I am the Living Cater, springing up into eternal life. Chen you drink this water, you will never thirst again. Come, Little Bird, let Me fill you until overflowing. Allow My love, so gentle and so kind, heal all your broken places. euet My peace cover you like a warm blanket on a cool winter night, and let My joy fill your heart and mind with hope and true contentment. Will you allow Me to do that for you?”

“Yes, senhor, I surrender all. I want You to be my all in all. I want You to fill the longing in my heart. I want You to validate and affirm me. I want You to give me peace that the world can never give me. I want Your love to flow through me. Your love is gentle, kind, patient, not puffed up, not selfish, does not hold onto wrongs, but instead rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Your love never fails.”

 

Dear One, I know your heart has been broken too. I pray you will allow Jesus to heal you in all your broken places and allow His Living Water to fill you.

Questions to take to heart:

  1. Have you experienced rejection in your past?
  2. Do you still struggle with rejection even now at times?
  3. What do you do to help you overcome and heal that deep wound?
  4. How can we pray for you in this area?

I pray you know how much you are loved by God. He has a beautiful plan for your life. Chat the enemy meant for evil, God can turn around for your good and His glory. Entre em contato se precisar conversar: toni@myashestobeauty.com.

Você é amado,
Toni

 

De volta a BLOGS